Eighteen Ch. 16

Chapter 16 -- Confessions, Admissions, Reflections

Wednesday, March 2^nd

Jesse

Today I'm anxious. This has caused time to creep slowly. It's is a big day for me, for us actually. I have big news that I'm going to share with Christina tonight, and I'm both excited and a bit scared of what her reaction will be.

I'm very disappointed that Christina and I couldn't go to Tom's swim meet today. I love to watch him swim. The last time I saw him was when he kissed Christina and left to get on the bus. My stomach churns and aches every time I see them kiss.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table watching Mom get things ready for dinner. That's right...Mom. There are two secrets I've been keeping from Christina. The first one she'll learn from me tonight, during dinner. It's that I'm her sister, well...I am now, anyway.

When Christina offered to let me stay in her home, she didn't realize the domino effect it would have on my life. When her parents, uhm, our parents, said I could stay here until I graduated, she had no idea the effect it would have on our lives.

Before now, I've never lived in an affectionate home with parents who love me. I didn't know what it was like to have a sibling. Now I have both, and the difference it's made in my life is astronomical.

Living in my biological parent's home was terrifying. My mom and dad always fought, and I don't mean argue. As far back as I can remember, there were broken dishes and broken furniture in our broken home. My dad was, and maybe still is, a drunk and a mean one at that. He beat my mom, and he beat me, but he always hit me where bruises wouldn't show. He threatened to kill us if we ever told anyone. My home was an absolute hell, and I was always afraid to be there. I had no friends and nowhere to go, so I bore my life the only way I knew I could, in silence.

When I was fourteen, Mom walked into my room when Dad was about to beat me again. I had become numb to his stench, his foul mouth, and his foul actions. She grabbed a chair and hit him over his back with it. He was too drunk to fight back, and my mom threw him out. That was the last time I saw that bastard, but not the last time I thought about him.

Mom called the police, and they came and took a report, and then I saw some doctors. Unfortunately, they never found him, and I was told he fled the country. The fear haunts me that he'll return someday and kill me because his actions are no longer a secret.

At school, I wondered if any of my classmate's parents treated them like mine treated me. I remember Christina, with her perfect ponytail and what always looked like new clothes. She was the polar opposite of me, and I imagined her home life was the polar opposite too. It turns out I was right.

I began smoking pot as a way to escape my fear-filled life, and I fell in with a group of kids that also hated their home lives, almost as much as I did. I thought they were my friends, but I was wrong. When I was a sophomore, my 'friends' and I were behind the school toking some joints when the police rolled up. I happened to be the one holding the baggie when everyone else fled. They hauled me into the police station and called my mom, but no charges were filed. The police released me later that night with a warning to never be caught using drugs again. Mom was livid and threw me out, telling me I couldn't live at home anymore. I spent the first night in our backyard. Thankfully, it was warm outside.

The next day, my 'buddies' acted like they didn't know who I was and wouldn't speak to me. That was the day I realized I was truly alone in the world. After school, I had to go to my babysitting job, and when I showed up, Maria, the kids' mother, sat me down and told me I looked like hell. All at once, my emotions and the story of what happened fell out of me. After that, she said I could stay in her spare bedroom if I babysat whenever needed and helped keep the house clean. It sounded like a good deal, so I agreed.

I met Steve about six months later; he was a friend of the guy I bought my grass from. We started hanging out and partying together. In hindsight, he used me way worse than I used him. He was twenty and knew the penalties for him being caught buying drugs were more severe than for me, so I always made the buys, but with his money. Eventually, we started having sex. It wasn't because I loved him or anything; it's just that I didn't care what happened to me anymore. I liked the attention, even though, in the end, I always ended up feeling empty inside. That was until I met Tom Griffin.

I'd seen Tom in the hallways and sitting with Christina at lunch for a couple months before I actually met him. We had a study period together in the library, but he sat in the back like he didn't want to be disturbed, so I left him alone. That was until Steve met me at school one day and wanted to mess around. The only place to do that was in the back, where Tom was.

We asked Tom if we could sit back there, and he nonchalantly waved us off and said something about studying. He kept to himself until Steve and I began making out, and my tits were getting fondled. That got his attention, so Steve went a little further, teasing both Tom and me. Finally, Steve had had enough and said he had to leave, which left me sitting at the table across from Tom, once again feeling lonely and empty inside. It was the first time we were alone together, and I looked into his bright green and mottled brown eyes. I have green eyes too, but Tom's eyes are like a magnet that I can't look away from.

I didn't expect him to speak with me, but he did. He made a comment about Steve, and before I knew it, we were talking with each other. I asked him about Christina, and when he opened his mouth and spoke, it was like quiet thunder reverberating in my soul. I just wanted to know him a little better, not open up, and bare my problems. But he has an easy way about him, and I felt more comfortable around him than anyone else I had ever met. I still do.

He made his devotion to Christina very clear, and my heart broke just a little. I accepted that I was a nobody, and next to Christina, I was even less than that. He talked with me like I was a friend, though, and put his hand out and touched me, gently, compassionately, and with great care. He wanted to be my friend, a friend that I needed desperately but didn't know it. I wasn't sure because he was an unknown. A handsome, strong, and invigorating unknown. That was the day he changed my life, but I wouldn't know how much until a couple of days later.

Steve and I were in front of Maria's house when we ran out of pot. He told me to go inside and steal some money, but I refused. We argued, and he punched me in the face. It scared me more than it hurt; I hadn't been hit like that in years, and I reeled as memories of my abusive father instantly returned. I ran. I knew Tom lived a couple of blocks over because I'd seen him go home a few times, so I ran there, praying he would be there.

It was that night I realized I had Christina all wrong. She was there with Tom, and while he saved me from Steve, Christina comforted me and saved me from myself.

She and I became close, very close. Christina told me things about herself that she hadn't shared with others, and I did the same. We became like sisters and began hanging out together.

When Christina said that Tom, Nicole, and I were going to the beach, I never imagined what I would experience. I'd never had oral sex before. Sure, I'd heard about it and how good it felt, but I'd never participated in it. Watching Nicole and Christina on the beach, something inside me became excited. I was confused. Of course, I knew about girls liking other girls, and I've never cared how other people practiced their sex lives, but when my pussy got wet watching them, I was surprised...and confused. Then Nicole asked if I wanted her to rub suntan lotion on me also. I was so stunned that the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "Uh...well...uhm...okay." Or something like that.

Something stirred inside me as Nicole applied the lotion to my ass; I wanted more. I raised my hips involuntarily, and her hand went between my legs, and she caressed my pussy. I tried to stifle a moan, but I don't think I was successful at it. When Nicole turned me over. I suddenly got shy and tried to cover myself, but relaxed when Nicole explained it was no big deal. Then she did what I never thought would happen to me--she licked my pussy. My toes tingled, and what felt like electricity shot through my body, from my cunt, straight to my tits. Even my brain was buzzing with an electricity that I couldn't explain. I'd had sex before, but I've never had an orgasm like the one Nicole gave me. It was incredible!

That was the day I got a glimpse of the inside life that Christina and Nicole shared. That day was an eye-opener for me. I never understood how Christina could say she loved Tom as much as she did, but then have a sexual relationship with Nicole.

A few days later, when Nicole explained their relationship, I was appalled. A threesome? The three of them having sex with each other at the same time? At first, I thought it was Tom taking advantage of Christina and Nicole. That was until I spoke with him, and he told me it was Christina's idea. I asked Christina about it, and she told me the same thing. I had it all wrong.

I briefly thought about accepting the invitation to join them in their sexual escapades, but the idea of sharing Tom with someone else hurt. I was so confused because Tom wasn't mine to share, but the jealousy inside my heart was too intense. I wanted Tom for myself. I wanted to have sex with Tom. But not like that.

Christina and I grew close enough by then that I knew I needed to respect her privacy. So I left her alone about her relationship with Nicole, except for telling her that if she loved Tom as much as she said she did, she would forget about having sex with Nicole and devote herself to him. He deserved that much.

The night of the Winter Formal, I wanted to steal Tom from Christina. When we danced, and he held me in his arms, things felt so right. When I looked into his eyes, I wanted to reach up and kiss him and let him know how much I wanted to be with him. I knew I had no right because Christina and I were friends and soon-to-be sisters. If I had acted on those feelings, it would've ruined everything between Christina, me, and probably Tom, too.

I am in love with Tom! There are no two ways about it.

It hurt me and made me jealous to see how trivial Christina treated their relationship. I could treat him better. I wanted to treat him better, but I didn't dare show it or say anything to anyone.

I felt better and worse at the same time when Christina told Nicole that she would only be with Tom in the future. He was finally getting the devotion he deserved, but I knew then and there, for a certainty, that I'd never have a shot with him.

The day the three of us went to the movies was an absolute thrill. He put his arm around me and let me snuggle into him, or I should say, Christina didn't mind when I snuggled into him. The few times when I've been on the couch next to him, and he's either rested his arm on me or put it around me, I got butterflies.

It was hard for me that night in the spa. Very hard! To watch Tom and Christina have sex together killed me. When I first got in the water, Christina said I should take my suit off, but I was too embarrassed. But, after seeing Tom naked and hard, I couldn't help myself. I removed my top, hoping to lure him to me, but it wasn't enough. Hearing them having sex in Christina's room when I went upstairs made my stomach sick. Tears formed in my eyes, and when Christina opened her door, I had to turn away so she wouldn't see them.

I can't show or let Christina know how much I care for Tom. All she knows is that he's like a brother to me, and a good friend. And it has to stay that way.

The idea of becoming a Taylor was Mom's idea. Eileen. We sat for hours talking, and she would put her arms around me as I sobbed out my life. It was her idea that I be adopted. She suggested that the next time I meet with the District Attorney about my domestic violence case, I ask how it's done. The attorney voluntarily helped us fill out the paperwork and pushed it through the system quickly. Today, when we stood before the judge, she declared it official. I'm a Taylor!

Looking at Christina, sitting across the table from me, I wonder if she has any idea. She told Tom I was like family the other day, but now I'm more; I am family. How will she react? Will she be as excited as I am? Will she be resentful? Because of how close we've become, I'm hoping it'll be the first...excited and happy; happy she finally has the sister she's always wanted.

Life has settled down. School has settled down. I've always had good grades because school is easy, but now that I'm focused on my classes more, I actually enjoy being there. I now live in a loving and stable home where unexpected surprises are few and far between. Life is finally good...too good, and if Murphy's Law has anything to say about it, something will happen to change all that.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Mom asks Christina to go to the store to get some things for dinner. I offer to go with her, but I'm asked to stay behind to help in the kitchen. My guess is that Mom doesn't want me to let the cat out of the bag when she isn't there.

Christina

Sitting at the kitchen table, I'm happy, content, and excited. Tom's swimming in his third meet today, and I wasn't able to be there. I can't wait to hear how he did!

I'm looking forward to visiting UCLA with him next week to watch their swim meet, almost as much as he is.

Tom surprised everyone the first time he competed! Especially his old surfing buddy Lindsay. I have no idea why I'm so jealous of her. The day I met her, when we had lunch on the pier, I wanted to rip her eyes out. It was tough to stay composed. I don't know why I don't like her; I mean, I'm the one that ended up with Tom, not her. As far as I know, he's never even kissed her. Kissing Tom...ugh. I miss him!

Jesse's sitting across from me. Her eyes dart between Mom and me, and she has a smile on her face. Seeing her happy calms the turmoil in my heart. I love having her around; she's like the sister I never had, and I wish we could have forged this relationship earlier in life. We graduate this summer, and we'll go our separate ways, but I have no doubt that we'll be connected to each other for the rest of our lives.

Mom is getting everything ready, so she can make our evening meal.

When I walked into the kitchen, I asked if she wanted some help, but she said she had things covered and to just relax. She enthusiastically agreed when I asked if Tom could come to dinner. I thought that was a little strange, but maybe she has something special planned.

Tom...I. Love. Tom. Those words resonate in my soul, heart, and mind. My insides glow when I think about him. I've only known him since the beginning of December when he first moved here, and we've been dating for only a couple of months, but it seems like forever. He is my soulmate and my love.

Over the summer, I had a falling out with Brad and vowed I wouldn't have a boyfriend my senior year. That was before I met Tom. I remember how mad I was when I first saw him in chemistry, sitting in the desk behind mine. I remember how thrilled I was a few days later that he was sitting at that very same desk. Sure, he made things frustrating at first because he wouldn't ask me out and was socially clumsy, but all that's changed. And to think that I almost gave up on him!

I've only had sex with one other guy besides Tom, so my experience isn't vast, but he satisfies every desire I have. Well...almost. The first night we had sex, I thought my mind would explode. The places he took me physically, emotionally, and sexually were far beyond my dreams. The way he made me feel that night...thinking about it makes my heart flutter, and I press my thighs together as my pussy moistens.

He always makes sure that I have an orgasm before he comes. The thing is, I usually have more than one orgasm when we have sex. I hear the girls at school always complain about guys and how they're selfish. Hell, I've had experience with that too...Brad, that asshole. He didn't care about how sex felt for me...he was just looking for a place to stick his fucking cock...and get his rocks off. And I chose him to take my virginity...Hrmph.

The first time I shaved Tom, I was sure I wasn't going to like it. I started with his back, and although he didn't have a lot of hair there, the coach said to shave it, so I did. I looked at his furry ass and legs and thought it would look funny if I left hair just on his butt, so I shaved his ass too. He was funny the way he mildly objected. After shaving his cheeks, the hair sticking out of his ass crack looked weird, so I shaved that too.

I miss his fuzzy buns. I miss squeezing his ass and running my fingers through his soft curly hairs. Fuck, I miss that.

I really, REALLY, didn't want to shave his chest and underarms, but I had to.

I miss laying my face against his hairy chest and running my fingers through it. And, when I kissed his nipples, I would catch some of his hairs in my mouth and suck on them. God! I miss his hairy chest. The way his hair tickled my nipples....

My pussy is now more than moist as I squeeze my thighs together tighter.

After shaving the trail of hair on his abdomen that led down to his cock, I thought it looked weird, just having pubic hair...I had no idea how good it would feel to rub my clit against his smooth skin. I don't miss his pubic hair.

I love feeling his smooth cock when I suck on it. I love pressing my nose against his bare skin when I take him down my throat. Sucking his soft balls into my mouth and licking them...I love how his smooth cock rubs against my shaved labia. Now, when we have sex, he's harder than when neither of us shaved our pubic hairs.

I need Tom's cock right now...I hope he gets here soon, so I can steal him away to a quiet place and fuck him! I need to fuck Tom!

Tom is the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. He's my soulmate! I'm lucky because I'm only a senior in high school, and I've found my life-long love. Some women don't find theirs until they're old, like in their thirties. So, yes, I'm lucky. Our relationship has been on a fast track, and we've experienced a lot with each other. We may not have been acquainted very long, but it seems like I've known him forever.

Our relationship road hasn't been without a couple bumps, though. First, Tom fell in love with me before I fell in love with him. It's true that I lusted after him, and I wanted to have sex with him first, but when it came to love? He beat me to that. Sure, I told him that I loved him, but what I meant was I loved being with him. I LOVED having sex with him. I loved kissing him. There were moments when I felt connected to him, like we were one, but I soon became distracted by other desires...other desires...Nicole.

I'd never thought about Nicole sexually before I saw the threesome that Tom's dad had. That stirred feelings in me that I didn't know existed. When my arm brushed against Karen's hard nipples in the hallway, there was a jolt of electricity that shot straight to my pussy. I'd just had sex with Tom and came twice, but in that instance, my pussy got wet again.

Then I had Tom shave me...like Karen was shaved...and then, I was in the locker room showers next to Nicole, and she asked me about my smooth pussy. I wanted to take her hand and rub it against my cunt, so she could see how wet she made me. I wanted to grab her tits and suck on her nipples. I was confused and afraid of how I felt about her, but telling Tom about my experience, calmed me.