Elegy for a Star Ch. 011-020

They both confirmed the knight's pronunciation, and Mairaela looked to Tess and asked, "And your family name?"f

Tess scrambled for an idea, but nothing came to her, so just as she began to explain, Gwen interrupted, "Orphaned. We're unsure."

That was better than whatever Tess was going to think up, so she was grateful. And who knows, maybe it wasn't a lie, either? That said, should the Dame really be lying? Her eyes flitted to Gwen in curiosity, and when she faced forward she caught Joyona observing that glance.

"Have you two been traveling together for long?" Mairaela queried, and Tess decided to let Gwen answer for the both of them.

"We traveled a far way from the Empire to get here. It is no short trip, for certain," Gwendolyn gave an easy laugh, "Took us weeks." She pointed between Mairaela and Joyona, "What about you two?"

Joyona didn't budge, just looking back at Gwendolyn and Tess and letting Mairaela do all of the talking. The interaction felt odd, with Gwen and Mairaela being the only speakers for either side, and it pressured Tess to speak up and say something.

"No, we only met here. Joyona has been here awhile, though I just got here two days ago," Mairaela returned, "We're both joining the Corps."

"So are we!" Tess replied, before it dawned on her once more that her entry was still very much up in the air.

Mairaela didn't need to know such details, though. The Fey clapped her hands together and said, "Perhaps we will have the same Void test. In fact, I'm certain of it. They usually wait for four new recruits to come to Krevana Hall before running them through the Void. That's why Joyona had to wait so long."

Joyona confirmed as much with a slight nod of her head.

"Do you know what your gift is, yet?" Mairaela continued.

Gwen replied quite easily and with a hint of pride, "Swordsmanship."

"I'm jealous," Mairaela laughed, "What luck you have."

Gwen smiled and then gestured back to Mairaela, "What about you?"

"Archery," The Fey replies, "And evasion."

Even Gwen raises her eyebrows, "You have two gifts and I'm the lucky one?"

"We can both be lucky," Mairaela said, holding up a finger as though this was a wise point.

Gwen shook her head and looked at Tess, "I can probably count on one hand how many people in the entire Corps that have two gifts."

The finer points likely went over Tess' head. Hells, all of the points went over Tess' head. Then attention turned her way for an answer, and Gwendolyn didn't save her this time. "I don't know mine," Tess spoke below her breath, "How do I find out?"

"Meditation or rituals, typically, or an interaction with the Black Sun. You'll know it when you step into the Void, too. I recommend figuring it out before then, though." Mairaela then pointed to Joyona, "She's got armor."

"That tracks," Gwen says, looking the large woman up and down.

Tess took a bite of cheese, feeling embarrassed to be so out of the loop. She decided that she should get over that feeling, as it would be happening a lot with how little she remembered about the world.

"Say," Mairaela started, planting her hands upon the tabletop, "How about we finish our breakfast and then go get Tess' gift tested? If we are all going into the Void together, it would be good to know one another's capabilities."

Joyona bobbed her head and Gwen smiled. Even Tess cracked a smile at being treated so kindly. Immediately, she liked Mairaela, and was equally excited to learn what may be special about herself. Then came the dreadful thought that she wouldn't be accepted into the Corps regardless. What if her gift was useless?

Tess pushed the thoughts away and returned to her meal while Mairaela and Gwendolyn continued their conversation.

Chapter 17 - Tess' Gift

After breakfast, the four recruit-hopefuls traveled through the busy hallways. Tess once again saw unnatural figures, such as a reptilian creature, with a humanoid upper half and a slithering snake-tail for his bottom half. It was difficult to not stare. In fact, Tess often found herself staring at people. Tess didn't mean to be impolite, but there were more and more incredible things to see every day.

Tess would have been lost without the three others after only just a few turns. The stone floor changed to hardwood and the doorways were labeled with engraved bronze plates. Rooms such as "Alchemy" or "Ritual Circles" were listed, and Gwendolyn explained, "We're in the college now. This is where you would be attending classes."

"You know, I bet your gift is stealth," Mairaela mused, "You seem like someone that would like to go unseen, you know?"

Tess wasn't sure how to take that, but couldn't deny it. She did sometimes wish that she were invisible like Miri, especially when she was feeling as out of place as she had been lately.

Every hallway seemed to lead to a central library that the group had to pass by before they came to their destination. It was there that she saw the winged, bejeweled, exotic woman that she'd seen in the hallways before, sorting books. She caught Tess' gaze once again and offered a wave. Tess returned it with a soft smile.

Eventually they made it to a room marked "Ritual Guidance." The door was open and Mairaela led the way inside. Within was a large, open space with a circular platform roughly ten feet in diameter. Along the walls were all sorts of reagents stuffed into bottles and meticulously labeled. Iron ribbon was separate from iron filings and that was separate from iron powder.

At a desk beside the raised platform was an old, balding gentleman. What hair he had, plus his full beard, were as white as snow. A large nose, aged wrinkles and dark eyes came together to give him a comfortable and grandfatherly appearance. According to the placard on his desk, his name was Ulrich Bernauer, Ritualist Guide.

"Good morning, Mr. Bernauer," Mairaela said, greeting the old man.

"I'm afraid I don't recall your name," Ulrich spoke, continuing his writing.

"Mairaela."

"Ah. Yes. Aulidwulf, right?" Ulrich asked and Mairaela nodded her confirmation. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," Gwen stepped in, "Not actually for us, but for this one." She gestured toward Tess and gave her a quick introduction, "This is Tess. She hasn't had her gift revealed yet and may be stepping into the Void soon. It's short notice, but could you help us?"

"That's about as short a notice as one can give, Miss," Ulrich acknowledged, placing down his inkpen and closing his ledger, "But this is my favorite ritual to conduct. I'm always curious to see a person's specialty, so let us get started."

"Miss," Ulrich said, gesturing to Tess and then to the center of the platform, "I'll need you to sit right here."

Tess did as asked, sitting cross-legged upon the platform, squirming a bit as the cold metal was chilling even through her clothing. A jar labeled "sieved mud" was pulled off of the shelf and Ulrich dribbled a thin line of it in a unique pattern upon the platform. Whenever the line would need to cross Tess, it did exactly that, leaving a line of mud across her legs or her back, but thankfully nothing touched her face.

That is, until Ulrich pressed a muddy thumb to her forehead.

Next came powdered silver, laid in a different pattern that criss-crossed over the top of Tess' head. She wondered how she was going to wash any of this off. Next came a new symbol, though when Tess tried moving her head, Mairaela spoke behind her, "Stay still, Tess." She couldn't see what material was being used, but from her peripheral vision it looked like some form of white powder. It was laid in a unique pattern before Tess was made to form her hands into a bowl, where a small bit of the powder was placed.

Ulrich then took a jug of water and poured small amounts over the white powder, which caused it to smoke, and then ignite in a small, blue flame. The same was done for the powder in Tess' hands, and while it felt warm, it wasn't causing her pain.

"See you soon, Tess," Gwendolyn said, and before Tess had a moment to panic, a black dot appeared in the center of her vision. Rippling, the dot expanded outward, swallowing the reagents along the wall, the platform she sat upon, everything and everyone in the room, until there was nothing but darkness.

There were no more reagents scattered about her. The flames were all snuffed out, except for the powder and the fire in her cupped hands. She held it out, trying to see if it could illuminate anything, but all around her, on all sides, was a black, inky pool.

"Hello?" She called out, "Gwen? Mairaela?" Tess squashed the panic rising in her throat, stuffing it down as best she could. Now wasn't the time. There was no one here to help her, so she needed to help herself.

Just in front of her, two blank, white eyes opened and a shifting, amorphous figure pulled itself through the darkness to step in front of Tess. It could only be seen by how the firelight played off of its figure, making it appear like a piece of the black background had an imprint upon it that was pushed out in her direction. The figure was androgynous, with no notable features save for the two white, hollow eyes.

The voice entered her brain like intrusive thoughts, ones she had no control over, and felt entirely foreign.

"Who are you?" came Its words.

Tess spoke back, her voice echoing, "I just want to know my gift. Can you tell me what my gift is?"

"Wait," It replied, and hands lifted to grasp Tess' face. She couldn't pull away, no matter where she moved this creature was tied to her, locked against her, and followed her wherever she went. A four-fingered hand cupped her left cheek, while a three-fingered one met her right cheek. "It's you," The thoughts It put into Tess' mind were tonally similar to undulating waves, "My little Crow, it's you. You came back to me."

"I don't know who you are," Tess snapped, trying to pull away, but while she had full movement, the dark shadow seemed to go wherever she went.

Tess could feel Its disappointment; Its pain.

"Am I supposed to?" Tess asked.

It released her and slunk back toward the shadows, its hollow eyes narrowing and drooping with sadness.

"Wait, please, I want to know more about you," Tess said, holding out a hand without realizing the flame would slip from her fingers. When the firelight hit the ground, it burnt out, and Tess was left in the dark once more.

"Please?" Tess pleaded once more, "You know something about me. I need to remember."

Tess awoke with a gasp. Color and life had returned to her sight and she looked around to find herself right where she'd been during the ritual. The mud and silver were gone. The white powder had burnt away except for a few small piles here or there, forming dots along the platform.

"Where did he go?" Tess gasped, looking around with a dumbfounded expression.

"Who?" Joyona, of all people, responded.

"The.. the Thing I saw. With the white eyes," Tess insisted.

Gwendolyn and Mairaela both shrugged at one another.

Ulrich, however, was focused intently on Tess' words. "You saw something?" The old man asked. Tess nodded her head vigorously, and Ulrich rubbed his chin through his beard, "I'll have to check the library. That should not have happened."

Gwen reached out toward the man and asked, "What about her gift?"

"What gift?" Ulrich said, gesturing to the platform that Tess sat upon, "She does not have one."

Chapter 18 - Sympathy

Upon the platform, the reagents had rearranged themselves into a series of dots. What would they have formed otherwise? How could they tell she was giftless? It must have had something to do with the constellation, so why was Tess' looking like a random smattering of stars? That is all that Tess had; like paint splashed upon a canvas.

Tess didn't know what to say. Her heart sank, her stomach felt like it was turning, and the color drained from her face. She felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and looked back and up to see Gwendolyn's sympathetic expression. She took the knight's hand and assistance in rising to her feet. Mairaela and Joyona had the grace to not stare at her too much. The situation was as awkward as it could already be. They'd stepped into the room with so much excitement, as a group of four, venturing into the Void together, whatever that meant.

Now Tess knew she wouldn't be a part of it.

After saying their goodbyes to Ulrich, the group stepped out and into the halls of the College. "Sorry, Tess," Gwendolyn said softly, squeezing her shoulder, "Let me bring you back. We can get you registered for classes."

Tess shook her head, "This can't be right. I saw something in that ritual. I-.. I was brought here in a ritual. What-.. What about Miri? There's no way that I'm just plain and useless, right?"

Mairaela and Joyona shared a glance, but perhaps decided that this was not the best time to inquire about these strange circumstances. Tess was thankful for that. Everything happening was already weighing on her to a breaking point.

Gwen grimaced, and though the words caught the attention of their companions, they didn't dare interrupt Tess' distraught ramblings. "Tess," Gwendolyn's voice was gentle, "It's okay. Let's just head back."

"No, I'm-.. I need a second," Tess said, running a hand through her hair, "Go on without me, I'll find my way back."

Gwendolyn motioned with her head to Mairaela and Joyona. Mairaela inclined her head and even the normally taciturn Joyona said, "See you soon, Tess." The pair departed back toward the barracks. The knight, however, took hold of Tess' tricep

"Come with me, okay?" Gwen urged her. Tess relented and went along with Gwendolyn wherever she was about to take her. They ended up finding a little nook in the library with cushioned seats where they could speak in relative privacy. Tess could only look at all of the paintings of great heroes and mythic warriors, knowing that she would never achieve those heights. She reminded herself to not be so dramatic, but she couldn't shake the feeling that this was unfair; that this was wrong.

The pair took a seat and Gwendolyn let out a little sigh. She was rubbing at her shoulder with one hand. For once, she appeared vulnerable. "I know this isn't easy," the Dame started.

Tess interrupted, "I'm still going into the Void exercise with you."

Gwendolyn looked shocked and shook her head, "Hells no, Tess. Do you know how dangerous that would be?"

"I can still use Miri," Tess insisted, "She helped us when the wolves attacked."

"You can-.." Gwendolyn started, paused, and started again, "Use her how?"

Tess squeezed her hands together, "She can still affect things in the world, even unseen." Tess went quiet when Gwendolyn didn't respond, and then decided to lay out more evidence, "She saved you when that wolf was on top of you. She's strong and powerful and comes with me wherever I go, even if she's a dem-.."

"Stop it." Gwendolyn hissed, "Don't say another word." She looked around them but must have found no one in sight, "Do you know what would happen to you if that got out? You need to keep your mouth shut about her. You could be killed, or much worse."

Tess' eyes widened and she did a scan of the surroundings too. No one. "How do you know?" She asked.

"Because.." Gwendolyn's voice fell off for a moment, then stopped. She wouldn't make eye contact with Tess.

Tess reached out to Gwen, but decided to not touch her in the end. Instead, she whispered, "I won't press."

"I've dealt with something like it before," Gwendolyn nodded her head in thanks, "I'll tell you someday."

"Of course," Tess said in reply, "Can I ask something else?" Gwendolyn nodded and Tess continued, "If this is such a bad thing, why haven't you told the Corps? Why are you defending me? Why didn't you kill me that night you found out?"

Gwendolyn frowned and stared down at her boots. Tess waited. This wasn't something she was willing to pass off down the line. She wanted an answer. Without one, could she even trust Gwendolyn anymore?

"Because you're innocent," Gwendolyn spoke softly, "I am certain." She pushed a hand through her silver hair, letting out a soft sigh, "This isn't your fault, it's some-... it's an unfortunate circumstance that has put you in a precarious situation."

Tess opened her mouth to speak, but she noticed Gwendolyn shaking slightly. The knight reached up to wipe her eyes before looking at Tess. A few tears started running down her cheeks. She spoke loudly, unable to compose enough to whisper, "And I caused it. I did this to you."

Eyes wide, Tess looked confused and asked, "What do you mean?" Perhaps it was some form of empathy, but Tess felt tears welling up inside of her.

"I did this to you. I ruined that bitch's ritual. I did it out of spite even though I knew it could be dangerous," Gwendolyn confessed, keeping Tess' gaze, "I did it to stop whatever she was doing. I had good intentions. I never thought it would affect someone like this. But it did. It's changed you in a way that may be irreparable, and I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Tess replied instinctively, like clockwork.

"It is far from okay, Tess," Gwendolyn snapped, "The Corps isn't interested in dealing with someone in your condition, and if--and this is a big if--they let you go unharmed, the people that would be interested are going to do unthinkable things to you. They'll open you up to scrape out what they can of your-... Of her." She was referring to her body-mate, Miri, Tess knew.

Tess was silent. She was beginning to see Gwen's point.

"I put you in this position," Gwendolyn's voice shook, her eyes were damp, "I put you in a helpless position that, if known, would isolate you from the world. You won't get anyone else's help. So you'll have mine."

"But the Void," Tess began.

Gwendolyn wasted no time, "You cannot go, even if her help would make you useful. The Void exercise is monitored. If they saw you, you would reemerge to a knife sliding across your neck."

The thought gave Tess a shiver, deflating her last hope to join what felt like a group. A place where she could belong, in a world where she had lost that in some previous life. For a brief moment, she wondered if she had living parents and if they were looking for her. She pushed the thought away as quickly as it appeared, knowing that she couldn't handle dwelling on that right now.

"So what can I do?" Tess replied, a dimness in her words.

Gwen took Tess' hand and insisted, "You sign up for the college. We keep our mouths shut about this. You attend classes. One day, when you're an associate of the college, you may be assigned to us on an expedition."

This didn't feel like the thrilling heroism that Tess had in mind, but according to Gwen there was no other choice. Tess found it hard to argue her points.

"Why is a gift even so important? Why can't I learn to sword fight?"

"Because when you go into the Black Sun, nothing is the same, and just being able to use a sword means nothing," Gwendolyn explained.

Tess was confused, "What do you mean? How could it not be useful?"

"I suppose it's more useful than nothing, but it wouldn't go a long way, Tess," Gwendolyn stated, her eyes clearing, "Bodies don't go into the Black Sun. Souls do."

Unsure of what to say, Tess remained quiet. How would you respond to something like that?

"Most souls are incredibly powerful," Gwendolyn continued, "They aren't bound by material laws. Hells, they aren't bound by much of anything. But that's because of gifts. A gift makes them able to do the impossible. A gift makes them exemplary."

"So you're..." Tess started, speaking uncertainly.

"My soul will have inconceivable abilities with a sword," Gwendolyn explained.

"Will have?" Tess asked.

"Well, I haven't done it before, Tess," Gwendolyn whispered.

"Then how do you know how to do it?"