Elf Patty

And Garland did seem to like her. At the party, he danced with her. He sat and ate with her. His smile, when he smiled at her, it seemed to be a genuine smile.

At the door, Garland and Patty made plans to meet again. Their kiss good-night would have seemed funny to any observer; Garland had to bend over to kiss the petite woman.

"Do you, does your family go to church?" Garland suddenly asked.

"St. Richard's nine fifteen mass," Patty said.

"See you then," Garland said.

"You're Catholic?" Patty asked happily.

"Certainly," Garland smiled.

The following morning, Bob and Danielle looked over as Garland Skelton joined them. For the next ten minutes, Garland and Patty spoke in hushed whispers.

After the service was concluded, Garland invited the Smiths to his home for a late breakfast/early lunch. Without embarrassment, without a care to what others might think about him being with a much younger, much shorter woman, Garland took Patty's hand and walked out of the church with her.

While Garland and Patty were in his Roberts Drive home, dicing and chopping and whisking together the ingredients for a breakfast of scrambled eggs, hash brown, and homemade biscuits with sausage gravy, Kevin Skelton sat through a non-denominational service in the Oakleaf County jail's cafeteria. He didn't really want to be sitting through the service; he didn't believe any of the words the Reverend Emmanuel Wright espoused. But it was better than sitting in his cell.

"Ask. Ask and it shall be given unto you," Emmanuel stated.

"Oh. Okay. God, get me the fuck on out of here," Kevin muttered.

"That ain't what that means," the prisoner sitting next to Kevin chuckled. "It means you need ask Him for forgiveness. Those sins you got? Them sins weighing you all down? Ask the good Lord forgive you and you be forgiven. Like that."

After the service concluded, Kevin joined the line for lunch. He grumbled when two of his cell mates grabbed him and pulled him to assist in putting the tables and chairs back into position. Then, and only then was Kevin allowed to join the slowly moving line for the lunch.

Kevin smirked. He had his choice of an eight ounce carton of Garland Dairy whole milk or an eight ounce carton of Garland Dairy Chocolate milk. The carton was still ice cold to the touch and he turned to find an available seat.

"Fuck, wonder how much my asshole Dad's making off these itty bitty cartons?" Kevin wondered as he chewed his way through the barely palatable meal.

What Kevin, his demanding mother and Kevin's two pampered sisters did not know was Garland Skelton was donating the daily delivered one hundred and fifty cartons of milk to the Oakleaf County Lockup. He was not subtle as he told the officers and the commandant, as long as his son was kept safe, unharmed, Garland would bring the fresh milk to the jail, free of charge.

"Man! I just love this milk," one prisoner declared, even smacking his lips. "A shitload better than that..."

"That's enough, Turner," a guard warned, his eyes flickering toward Kevin.

"Huh? Oh! Oh yeah," Turner Jones agreed. "But you got to admit..."

"Turner," the guard warned again.

"It's just better," Turner muttered, finishing his meal.

While Kevin was mindlessly laying in his bunk, staring up at the weathered, yellowed tiles of the ceiling, Garland and Patty were seated on his plush, overstuffed loveseat. Across from them Danielle and Bob sat on the matching sofa. Bob smiled a contented smile, rubbing his belly.

"Man, Patty, I'd known you could cook like that..." Bob said.

"Oh? And what's wrong with my cooking?" Danielle asked, affectionately rubbing her husband's arm.

'Wasn't me," Patty declared, rubbing Garland's bicep. "Garland done most of it."

"Those biscuits were yours, one hundred percent," Garland argued, softly kissing her lips.

"Well, we need get going before I just fall asleep right here," Bob said.

The trio left the large home. Patty gave Garland a dazzling smile as she got into the back seat of Bob's sedan. Garland returned her smile, then softly closed the front door of his home.

"You a teenager again?" Garland teased himself as he cleaned the kitchen.

"You know what? I kind of feel like one," Garland admitted as he stretched out on his bed for a quick siesta.

While his father napped, Angelo, one of Kevin's cell mates was struggling to read a Christmas card his mother had sent to him. He roused Kevin from a light slumber.

"Hey, uh, my Mom's handwriting? It uh, it's all messed up," Angelo said. "You uh, you see if you can make any sense out of this?"

Taking the card, Kevin saw that Mrs. Garcia had written 'Love you, Mom.' Kevin suddenly deduced that Angelo wasn't having trouble with his mother's penmanship. Angelo couldn't read the simple card.

Kevin looked at the hulking young man's embarrassed face. On his second day in the Oakleaf Lockup, when reality dawned on Kevin that his daddy wasn't going to bail him out, his mommy wasn't going to step in, Angelo had been there to help Kevin. Having a six foot seven inch two hundred and eighty four pound friend was a good thing.

Wiggling out of his bunk, Kevin sat down next to Angelo on the lower bunk. Closing the card, Kevin pointed to each word as he read them out loud.

"Christmas time is a time of joy," Kevin read out loud. "It's kind of weird, but sometimes? A 'CH' doesn't make that 'chuh' sound. It makes a 'Kuh' sound.

"Uh huh," Angelo said, then silently mouthed the words on the front of the card.

"Then, we open it and it says, 'May you have a joyous Christmas and a wonderful New Year,'" Kevin read. "And she signed it, Love you, Mom. Wow, this, this is a real nice card here, Angelo."

"Yeah?" Angelo said, looking at the front of the card again.

"Yeah. I mean, all that snow, even the trees have snow all over them," Kevin said, pointing to the winter wonderland depicted on the front of the card. "You ever seen snow?"

"No. You? I mean, don't you got to go way far away to get snow?" Angelo asked, studying the card.

"Not too far. I mean, Oklahoma's just north of us and they get snow every now and then," Kevin said. "Yep, Angelo, your mom sent you a really nice card there."

From the other upper bunk, Skip gave Kevin a quick 'thumbs up' of approval. Kevin nodded and climbed into his bunk again.

Monday, as security was assisting Antony DeFranco from the premises, Kevin was quietly asking a guard about getting some materials to aid him in teaching Angelo to read. The guard studied Kevin's face for a long moment, then nodded and said he'd see what he could do. The commandant picked up the telephone and called Garland Skelton with the latest development.

The small bookstore in Thompson Mall did have a few books on instructing literacy. Garland bought three of the books, then looked for a book about professional football, the NFL. He remembered that at one time, Kevin had shown an interest in the Dallas Cowboys.

"Or, maybe it was the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders," Garland smiled, bringing the books to the counter.

Since he was already in the mall, Garland again swung by the coffee kiosk. The surly young man's mumble of 'oh, it's you again' caused Garland to continue walking.

Patty smiled a beaming smile and waved at Garland. He returned her happy smile and playfully flipped Craig/Santa the bird.

"Santa saw you," Patty said, waggling a finger at Garland.

"Oh no! Will I get lumps of coal in my stocking?" Garland gasped, horrified.

"You would be lucky to get that much," Craig announced, smirking.

After getting a kiss and a candy cane from Patty, Garland drove to the Oakleaf Lockup. He donated the books about instruction to the Lockup. The fourth book, the book about the NFL was delivered to Kevin.

The NFL history book had photographs with captions underneath. Using this book, Kevin and Angelo slowly, methodically, they studied the photographs and read the words.

"Sixty four yards; how far that is?" Angelo asked when they saw the photograph of Tom Dempsey kicking a sixty four yard field goal.

"Let's see; you're about two yards, maybe a little more," Kevin mused. "So, if we took thirty, thirty two guys just as tall as you? And put them, head to foot down the hall? That would be about sixty four yards."

"That long?" Angelo asked.

"Yeah. A football field is one hundred yards, so this Dempsey guy actually kicked a field goal more than half the length of the field. Damn! That, that's pretty fucking amazing."

While Angelo looked at the pictures in the book, Kevin read one of the books on how to teach someone the skill of reading. At first, he found the book to be tedious, boring.

"Ask and it shall be given unto you," Kevin reminded himself. "Okay. God? Help me out here."

"Hey, Kevin, how long is sixty four yards again?" Angelo asked from the bottom bunk.

"You will be more successful if you meet your student where that person is, rather than where you would like for that person to be," Kevin read, then closed his book.

"You're reading about that field goal again?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. And he played for the New Orleans Saints," Angelo agreed. "You know where New Orleans is?"

"It's right there in Louisiana," Kevin said.

"A map? Of the United States?" Garland asked when he received another phone call from the commandant. "Why on God's earth does he want a map of the United States?"

"Something about football," the commandant said.

Kevin got permission to spread the map out on a table in the cafeteria. First, he and Angelo found Dallas, home of the Dallas Cowboys. Then they found Houston, home of the Houston Texans.

"And there's New Orleans," Kevin said, jabbing the map with his finger.

"Where's where all the snow comes from?" Angelo asked after they'd plotted all thirty two NFL teams and their locations.

The guard relayed Kevin's request and they were given permission to put the map on the wall of the cafeteria. The following afternoon, Dennis 'Scotty' Scott, a new arrival took the lower bunk under Skip. Kevin felt something stir in his belly as they lined up for the evening meal; he saw Angelo showing Scotty the map, pointing out where the Dallas Cowboys played football every Sunday.

"God, you help me get out of here? I'm going to be a teacher," Kevin silently promised as Angelo also pointed out where the Los Angeles Rams played.

"They the ones won that Super Bowl last year; Super Bowl fifty six," Angelo said. "The green Bay Packers? They play all the way up here? They won the first Super Bowl," Angelo told the new man.

While Kevin and Angelo continued to read the NFL book, Garland and Patty were playfully bickering about what to do after a dinner at Geno's Fine Italian Restaurant. They both agreed that the movies were out; there was nothing they wanted to see. When Garland suggested ice skating Patty laughed.

"Just because I'm from the North Pole doesn't mean I know how to ice skate," Patty chortled.

Miniature golf was Garland's next suggestion and Patty admitted she'd never played. Watching Patty bend over to tee up her ball did give Garland a bit of an erection. When she noticed this, Patty made a show of bending and stretching until Garland threatened to tickle her if she didn't quit.

"If you win it'll be because you distracted me," Garland stated.

"You, you really think I'm that cute?" Patty asked.

"Patty, I think you're that beautiful," Garland said. "I think you're that beautiful, that sexy, that fantastic."

"You're just saying that," Patty happily accused.

Garland just shook his head and managed a hole in two strokes. Patty again made a production out of bending and wiggling to tee up her ball at the next hole. She squealed, then laughed when Garland playfully slapped her on her backside.

"I love you," she said, reaching up for a kiss.

Then she realized what she'd said. She opened her beautiful green eyes wide and her small mouth opened in a silent 'O.' Garland smiled and bent to kiss her.

"Don't know if I love you, but I sure do care for you a great deal," Garland whispered, giving her a second kiss.

After they finished the game, Garland agreed with Patty; golf was hard. He handed the score sheet to Patty so that she could have a record of beating him, 103 to 112. Patty made Garland smile widely when she took the small pencil and drew a large heart on the blank back of the card and put 'PC + GS' inside of the heart. Then she put the card into her purse.

On December 23rd, Garland Dairy delivered the usual milk order to the Oakleaf Lockup. They also included five gallons of egg nog. Garland included recipes that the egg nog could be used in. The commandant did think they would miss Kevin Skelton when the young man was either released or was remanded to Stratton to serve out his sentence.

"Another map?" Garland asked when the commandant asked for another map of the United States.

"Yeah, we have a couple of guys that are into baseball," the man explained.

"Baseball? What? What does that have to do with..." Garland asked, smiling as he thought about swinging by Santa's Village for a quick kiss and a candy cane.

"Well, Kevin and his other student already wrote in all the football teams on the other map," the commandant explained. "So, we need a second map for Kevin's other two students."

"Students? What? What exactly is my son teaching them?" Garland asked, genuinely curious.

"Those two? Those three? He's teaching them how to read. He's got two more he's teaching simple math to," the commandant said.

"Huh!" Garland said. "I'll drop it off in about an hour."

The line to see Santa was long. Patty had no time for a kiss and Garland saw that her candy cane bucket was severely depleted. Walking rapidly, Garland bought several hundred candy canes from a large box store and hustled back to Santa's Village.

"Thanks, Sweetheart. I love you," Patty said, kissed him, then ran to get the next child for Santa.

"I, I love you too," Garland agreed and waved to Craig.

On December 24th, Emmanuel Wright conducted a late night Christmas service in the cafeteria. After Kevin and his students put all the tables and chairs into place, they joined the line of others that slowly wound along to get a large cup of egg nog and some Christmas cookies.

"Merry Christmas," Kevin quietly thought as he sipped the rich, cloyingly sweet beverage that came from his father's dairy.

Year after year, he'd drank Garland Dairy egg nog, usually with rum added to it. Year after year, Kevin had drank the egg not, not appreciating just what a treat, what a special beverage egg nog was. But, looking around the room, seeing the happiness of most of his peers as they drank the seasonal beverage, ate the cookies, Kevin again silently mouthed the words, 'Merry Christmas.'

While Kevin lay in his bunk, staring at the weathered ceiling tiles, remembering Christmases past, Garland and an excited, nervous Patty sat in Lin Cho's Chinese restaurant, enjoying a late night dinner. She still wore her elf costume but Garland had begged, pleaded and threatened until Patty agreed to leave the latex elf ears in the cup holder of his car.

The restaurant was packed. The servers were doing their very best but even with additional kitchen and wait staff, the workload was staggering. Garland reflected, Melanie would have been loud, rude, demanding with the obviously young and inexperienced girl serving them this evening.

Patty was not only gracious to the girl, she was encouraging.

"Please? Give her a good tip?" Patty asked when the girl again forgot and scampered away to fetch Patty a refill of her iced tea.

"I certainly will," Garland smiled, gripping Patty's hand.

"And that's why I love you," Patty declared.

Garland noticed, the more times Patty said 'I love you' the more confident she seemed in those words. The more times she told him she loved him, the more sure she seemed that those words were true.

"And how is everything?" a short, bald and very rotund Asian man asked, smiling benignly.

"Very good. The food here is always excellent," Garland said and the man smiled proudly. "And our server? I know she's young, but she is doing a terrific job. This place is packed, but she's really paying attention to us, making sure we're being taken care of."

"Oh? Oh! Oh, well, thank you," the man said, looking surprised with Garland's words.

"See?" Patty whispered as their server put Patty's glass of iced tea onto the table. "That, that's why I love you."

Garland did leave a generous tip for the girl. He did not bother pointing out that she'd neglected to bring them the fortune cookies with the bill. Truthfully, Lin Cho seemed to purchase slightly stale fortune cookies and Garland put no weight into the platitudes printed on the scraps of paper inside of the cookies.

Arriving at St. Richard's just after eleven pm, Patty and Garland were not surprised to find that the church was more than half filled already. They wished others a 'Merry Christmas' as they found a pew. Garland wondered at the odd looks they were receiving but brushed most of these off; some people must have a hard time accepting an older man with a cute, much younger woman.

After kneeling and silently praying, Garland turned to say something to Patty. That was when he noticed she'd put her elf ears on again.

"You little brat," Garland laughed. "God, I do love you."

Patty gave him a satisfied smile then giggled in triumph. She clutched his arm in her two arms, leaning heavily against him.

"I love you too," she declared.

"You believe this crowd?" Bob asked, joining them.

"I told him, we don't get there before eleven thirty? We'll never get a seat," Danielle said.

""What the... Danielle, would you look at your child, huh?" Bob smirked, shaking his head.

Danielle smiled and said, "I should have wore my reindeer antlers."

"And I would have left you in the car," Bob warned.

After a truly beautiful Mass, the two couples parted ways. Danielle reminded Patty and Garland that brunch was at their home and it started at ten thirty. Patty hugged her mother and Mr. Bob, wishing them a 'Merry Christmas' for the hundredth time.

Getting into the car, Patty worked her elf ears off. She then sat, staring straight ahead through the windshield. Garland watched as she started to fidget slightly.

"Nervous?" Garland quietly asked as they joined the procession of cars leaving the church's parking lot.

"I, a little bit," Patty said.

"Me uh, me too," Garland admitted.

"I mean, I only done it a couple times and I must have been really bad; they never wanted to do it again," Patty confessed.

"Sweetheart, I think you're confusing someone else's selfishness as some kind of reflection on you, your abilities," Garland said softly. "I mean, for example, take my son. He's a real 'hit and run' kind of guy."

They waited for an opportunity to turn left. Just as the car behind them honked for the third time, an opening came and they pulled out. They heard the squeal of brakes milliseconds after pulling onto the street and Garland shook his head.

"Dude! We just finished telling each other 'peace be with you' and you're going to act like that?" Garland said.

Arriving home, Patty did not wait for Garland to come around and open her door. She hustled to the garage door and waited for Garland to unlock it, let her into the house.

"I love you," Garland stated, unlocking the door.

"First thing, where's the bathroom?" Patty demanded. "God! Should have never had that third glass of iced tea."

"Right where you left it last time," Garland said, pointing to the door of the downstairs half-bath.

While Patty was in the bathroom, Garland went into his den and poured himself a few fingers of St. Elizabeth's Superior Whiskey. For a moment, just for a brief moment, he wondered at the wisdom of having a relationship with a girl more than half his age.