Ellie

In hindsight, Sean realized he should have put more effort into finding his own roommate for his freshman year of college. He had opportunities at incoming freshman meetups and orientation events. Those opportunities had passed and now he was assigned a room to share with another random freshman who had also neglected to find a roommate.

The room he had would afford him little privacy. He and his future roommate would have a single room with two beds in it. There was an identical room on the other side of a shared bathroom, living area and kitchenette. In total, four guys would share two bedrooms, a bathroom and the living area. His biggest hope was that his roommate wouldn't be loud, obnoxious or a heavy snorer.

Sean was in the middle of unpacking his boxes when a soft voice drew his attention.

"Hi Sean."

He turned towards the door and saw Elijah Williams, someone he had classes with in high school.

"Oh hey Elijah. Are you my roommate?" Sean replied.

"I guess so. I hope that's ok," Elijah responded softly.

Sean was both relieved and disappointed. He knew Elijah, though not very well. Elijah didn't have a lot of friends and was always a bit of a recluse in high school. Even though he was nervous about getting an obnoxious roommate, he was hoping he'd end up with one that he could hang out with and get to know better. Elijah was not likely to be that kind of friend. Regardless, he knew him and that was some comfort.

Elijah was dressed as he always was. All he ever wore in high school - and now college - were large, baggy shirts that were two sizes too big. The oversized clothing looked even more ridiculous on his small frame. He was pretty short, so some of the shirts looked almost like dresses. The fact that he also had long, black hair that went to his mid-back made him a consistent target for bullying in school.

"Do you need help with your stuff," Sean asked.

"No, I got it. Thanks though," Elijah replied.

Sean got along well with anyone, but he could tell Elijah would be a tough nut to crack. He wanted to have a good relationship with his roommate, especially since he would see this person a lot over the next year of school. He decided he had to take the initiative to get to know him.

"So, I'm gonna head to the student center in a little bit to grab some food. Do you wanna join?" Sean asked.

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Ok, sure I guess," Elijah responded in a surprised tone.

The two new roommates made their way to the student center and each grabbed some food. Sean got a burger with fries while Elijah had a simple salad and some fruit. For the next hour, they spoke about a variety of topics, though Sean had to initiate most of the conversation. He was studying physical education while Elijah was there for math. They both loved video games and had similar tastes in movies.

By the time they went back to the dorm, he felt far better about who he was going to be sharing a room with. Elijah was still very quiet, but seemed to be opening up to him. He could tell that he was still hesitant to open up completely, but he was confident that spending more time together would help.

He had no idea how true that would turn out to be.

Over the next few weeks, Sean and Elijah grew more comfortable with each other. Elijah opened up a little more as well. Elijah shared several stories of the bullying and beatings he suffered over the years. While Sean never saw it first hand, he knew of several guys who constantly picked on and tormented him. Hearing his friend recount the bullying was harrowing.

He realized his high school impression of Elijah was all wrong. He was a really good guy, even if a bit too quiet. He was soft spoken but highly intelligent. While he kept to himself for the most part, the two of them were turning into fairly good friends.

Yet, Sean couldn't help but feel that Elijah was still not fully comfortable in front of him. He was neurotic about wearing large, loose fitting shirts which he even slept in. He said he just favored the shirts because they were comfortable, but he never wore anything else. He pressed him on it a few times but never got anywhere with it.

That conversational barrier would eventually come down in an unexpected way.

Six weeks into the school year, Sean made his way back from his Literature class early. As he walked into the bedroom, he accidentally caught Elijah wrapping a long, white cloth around his chest.

"Oh my god, I didn't think you'd be back for a while," Elijah blurted out in a panicky tone.

"Are you ok? Do you need some help with that?" Sean asked, sincerely concerned about his friend.

"No! I mean, no, I've got it. Just, turn around please. I don't like people seeing me without my shirt on."

Sean turned around, confused and now incredibly curious.

"So, is it a medical issue or something?"

"Sort of. I really don't want to talk about it," Elijah said quietly.

"You know you can tell me, man. I'm not going to judge you or say anything to anyone else. You can confide in me. I'm not one of those assholes that hurt you in high school. I hope you know that," Sean responded sincerely.

Elijah thought long and hard about those words as he finished wrapping up and put his shirt on. He had never had a real friend before. He had grown to like Sean and trust him, but he wasn't ready just yet.

"I know. I'm... I'm just not ready to talk about it. I'll let you know when I am, though," he responded.

Sean was incredibly curious. Whatever Elijah was doing, it had to be related to his neurotic practice of wearing large, baggy shirts all the time. He wanted to press the issue, but he could also tell his friend was not going to budge. He'd have to be patient and hope that he'd eventually open up to him.

A few days passed and there was a palpable tension between Sean and Elijah. Elijah was actively avoiding him and had bailed out of meeting him for lunch since the incident. By the end of the week, Sean decided he had had enough. Around mid-afternoon on Friday, Sean waited in the dorm room for him to get back from his last class of the day. As he walked into the room, the confrontation began.

"Elijah, you have to stop avoiding me. I thought we were friends. This isn't a healthy way to deal with this. I know you were shocked by me coming back early the other day and I apologized for startling you, but this avoidance is ridiculous," Sean said strongly.

Elijah sat in silence, staring at his friend. His eyes began to well up.

Elijah pondered everything Sean had said. He was his only friend and he was pushing him away. The burden of carrying this secret was finally starting to break him. He decided it was time. It had to be. He couldn't carry this alone.

"I... I wear the tight straps around my chest because I have abnormally large breasts. That's what I've been hiding. I've been hiding for a while now, really. It's so embarrassing and the only people who know about it are my parents and now you," Elijah responded softly.

Sean sat there with curled eyebrows that conveyed confusion. After a brief moment to consider his thoughts, he responded, "I mean, how bad can it be? This happens to lots of guys, though admittedly most of them are kind of fat."

"It's not like that, Sean. It's... it's worse."

Elijah stood up and lifted his shirt off. The tight, white straps around Elijah's chest were clearly holding back something. He turned his back towards Sean and began undoing the straps. As he did, Sean noticed he could see the signs of breasts from behind.

Elijah slowly turned around, his hands holding the two large breasts in his hands.

Sean was stunned into silence. Elijah wasn't kidding. This was nothing like what other guys dealt with. This was something entirely different. The mounds Elijah held were quite large. How had he been hiding these for all this time?

Elijah turned around and quickly wrapped the white cloth around his chest and tossed on the large shirt. He turned back to face Sean, whose face was still conveying shock.

Sean couldn't believe what he saw. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought it was the body of a voluptuous woman. He quickly shifted his mind towards his friend, who was sitting in silence across from him.

"When did this happen? How long has it been like this?"

"Long enough." Elijah said softly.

"Did your parents ever take you to see a specialist or anything?" Sean asked.

"No. We were poor and didn't have the money for anything like that. They were also ashamed. No one wanted to talk about it. They eventually pretended it wasn't an issue. My mom especially was quiet about it. Lots of Asian guilt and not doing anything about it."

Sean was stunned. He didn't know what to say. As he sat there, though, a flood of thoughts rushed through his mind.

"Sean, what are you thinking?"

"This is going to sound weird, but can you take your shirt off again? Just the shirt."

Elijah's eyes narrowed at the strange request, but he played along and lifted the shirt and tossed it on his bed.

Sean looked at the body in front of him. Elijah was almost completely hairless. His hips were noticeably wide, too. As he looked at the body in front of him, he realized how feminine it all was.

"What are you thinking, Sean?"

"Elijah, I'm just going to be gut level honest, ok? You have a very feminine body. Your size, your hips, your breasts. If I didn't know you, I would think you were a girl seeing your body right now," Sean replied in a diagnostic tone.

"Gee. Thanks."

"No, I'm not trying to insult you. There may be something more going on here. I noticed you don't have much body hair. I'm assuming you don't shave your body, right?"

"No, I don't shave my body. I just never grew much body hair. I can't even grow a mustache or beard," Elijah responded in an annoyed tone.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm really not. But seriously, now that I think about it even your facial features are more feminine. The long hair probably doesn't help matters. I bet with a little bit of makeup you'd completely pass as a girl. A pretty one, even," Sean thought out loud.

Elijah sat in stunned silence. He didn't know how to respond. For some reason, though, the words carried the weight of the world in them.

"Elijah, I wonder if you're actually intersex. We learned about it in biology, but it's actually more common than people realize. Like, more common than red heads or something like that. I mean, from everything you've described, it would make complete sense," Sean surmised.

"I... I don't know. Maybe? I've never thought about it. It's not something I like to think about."

Elijah had truly never thought about it. The shame he felt - and that his parents reinforced - meant never thinking about things rationally. Yet, in the midst of the worst years of his life, he knew that something was different about him. He had felt different even before his body began changing. He never considered it much until this moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm glad you've confided in me. You have nothing to be ashamed of, Elijah. What's happened to you is not your fault. Your parents did not handle this well if we're being honest. I just hope you'll continue to confide in me. I'm here for you. I hope you know that," Sean responded softly.

"You have no idea how much that means to me. I've been too scared to share my secrets with anyone until now. I'm kind of stuck with you, for better or worse," Elijah responded, laughing nervously.

Sean stood up, sat next to Elijah and put his arm around his new friend. Elijah's emotions exploded inside of him. A tidal wave of relief and pent up anxiety poured out of his eyes in a steady stream that nearly drenched his oversized shirt.

The comfort Elijah felt in that moment led to an unexpected question and confession.

"Sean, were you serious about me looking like a girl?"

"Yeah. I mean, I obviously never thought about it before, but looking at you now... yes." he responded.

"This is a lot to process. I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders now. Please don't tell anyone else about this Sean."

"Don't worry. I won't tell a soul. You clearly needed someone to confide in. I hope you can see that I'm here for you."

Elijah hugged Sean tightly.

The two of them spent the rest of the evening hanging out, talking and playing games. Sean could tell Elijah seemed very different from before.

He had no idea how different things would become.

*****Experiment*****

The next few weeks seemed as normal as any for Sean. Classes, homework, hanging out. Rinse. Repeat. For Elijah, the opposite was true.

Elijah was grateful for Sean and his support, but those words from that evening echoed repeatedly in his head. Why was he suddenly so obsessed with the idea that he looks like a girl?

Feelings that had been repressed for years began to surge to the front of his mind. He remembered that the first person he was attracted to was the boy next door and the tingly feeling of excitement he'd get when he saw him. He recalled daydreaming of the different boys and girls he wanted to kiss in school. Years and years of repression were beginning to unravel in his mind as the guilt and shame slowly melted away.

His identity, sexuality and desires had been locked away for so long. Sean had finally given him the freedom to consider all of it without fear of judgment or harm. The realization that he was bisexual was only the beginning of the journey. The next few weeks would amount to a rebirth of sorts.

His dreams over those few weeks were wild and vivid. He repeatedly dreamed of himself as a woman, being lusted over by men. He envisioned himself in various dresses and lingerie and those dreams began crawling over into his waking hours. He found himself daydreaming in classes. During lectures, he'd lose track of time as he obsessed over mental images of himself as a woman. No more baggy shirts. No more hiding. His feminine figure out in the open, drawing the attention of every guy on campus. The more he dreamt of it, the more he wanted it.

The dreams quickly became a longing. He felt something - deep inside of him - driving him towards these dreams. They weren't fading away. The thoughts were only intensifying. Day after day he'd fight back against the thoughts only to eventually succumb.

Elijah would go to bed at night fondling his breasts and playing with his nipples. He delightedly found out how sensitive they were. The groping of his large mounds felt satisfying and would always lead to a painfully stiff erection. He'd wait for Sean to fall asleep each night before indulging in these newly found sensations.

The dreams and fantasies became more focused over time. Elijah envisioned his smooth, feminine body being kissed and caressed by a strong, handsome man. His hands moved up and down the flesh, pawing at the large breasts, his mouth sucking on the erect nipples.

Over a period of several weeks, these desires continued to flourish and grow. They soon became a realization: he was no longer Elijah, the shy and terrified boy from high school. He was a feminine creature with strong, sexual desires.

He needed a new identity to match his new realization and he needed Sean to help him.

Around midday on a Saturday, as the two of them were wrapping up some homework, Elijah was visibly anxious on his bed, fiddling with his fingers as he stared across the room at his roommate.

"You ok," Sean asked.

"Yeah. Actually, no. I mean, I'm good but I need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me a while back. About looking like a girl and I can't get it out of my head. I don't know, Sean. Something about it resonated with me. I've been thinking and dreaming a lot about it, actually. Probably obsessing. I've thought a lot about the desires I used to have. About my sexuality. About my identity. Is that weird?"

Sean considered his words carefully before responding, "I don't think so. I think you've been so isolated and convinced to feel shame about yourself that now that you have some relief from that, your whole world is opening up."

"Yeah, that makes sense. Opening up to you has sparked something in me, Sean. I've been thinking about it a lot these past few weeks. I... I don't feel like I'm Elijah any more. I don't know how to explain it, but just knowing I have you to lean on has made me feel comfortable to explore things about myself. Maybe for the first time ever."

"Oh wow. That sounds pretty profound. Do you... uh... do you know who you are? What you want to be called?"

"Yes. I've thought about it a lot, actually. I'd like it if you started calling me Ellie. There's a feminine side of me that I want to fully explore and embrace. I hope that doesn't freak you out."

He pondered it for a brief moment and responded, "Not at all. If this is what you need to do, my offer to support you - no matter what - still stands. I'm your friend and none of this is going to change that."

Ellie smiled back at him and replied, "You have no idea how much that means to me. I wouldn't be comfortable figuring all of this out if it weren't for you."

"It's no problem, really."

"So, on that note... I do need some help. I'm going to make some wardrobe and appearance changes, but I really have no idea where to start. Would you mind helping me go shopping?"

"Oh, for sure. What are we looking for?"

"I think I want to put together a small wardrobe of women's clothing. I want to see what it feels like to actually present myself as Ellie. To see if it... fits?"

"Gotcha. Ok, so... where do we start?"

Ellie thought for a second and her eyes got big as she replied, "Well, I guess we'll have to figure out my bra size for starters. That seems like a necessity."

"Ok, yeah, that makes perfect sense. Let's hit the interwebs and see what we can find," he responded, grabbing his laptop and opening it up.

After a quick search on google, they found a site with instructions on how to figure it out. They needed a measuring tape, so Sean called a classmate and asked her if she had one. When she confirmed she did, he ran to grab it and bolted back to the dorm.

He handed the tape to Ellie. She began taking her shirt off and looked at Sean and said, "Would you mind turning around?"

Sean nodded and spun his chair around to face away.

He could hear Ellie fumbling around with the wraps around her chest and the tape measure.

"Ok. Thirty four inches on the band. Put that into the calculator on the website," she told Sean.

Sean heard her fumbling around more. After a minute or so, Ellie suddenly sighed loudly.

"Sean, I think I need your help for this one. Ugh, I can't measure across my breasts easily. It's too awkward."

"Ok. Tell me what to do," he replied.

"I guess you're going to have to look. Just don't be weird or anything. So, you can turn around now I guess."

Sean turned to face his friend. Ellie was covering her breasts and holding the tape in one hand. Sean took the tape.

"So, you need to wrap the tape around and measure around the fullest part of my breasts."

Ellie removed her hands and Sean tried desperately not to react. The large mounds bounced around fluidly as the hands moved out of the way. They were tear drop shaped and looked incredibly full and wide across her chest.

The large and puffy areolas were half-dollar sized and a light pink hue. Her erect nipples also poked out noticeably like pencil erasers but slightly longer. These were absolutely feminine breasts and Sean was unexpectedly turned on by them. He looked away as much as possible as he wrapped the tape around his friend.

"Uh, so... it looks like 40, maybe 41 inches," Sean said.

Ellie quickly turned away and began wrapping up as Sean entered the final number into the calculator.