Emily's Journey Ch. 01

My journey of exploring my sexuality and into discovering BDSM has been my most fun journey yet. My journey, this journey has opened my eyes to so many new things, new people, and new experiences. Not only was I discovering my sexuality, I was discovering myself too. For me, BDSM was an outlet, an escape, a place where I could have fun and truly be myself.

The BDSM community is a very close knit community. We have to be. Our lifestyle is not something that is readily accepted by society. There are so many presumptions and prejudices against people like me. This is why I want to tell my story. To show people how I view the world, what BDSM is to me. I want to show that BDSM isn't just a place for freaks, and messed up people, but a place for anyone. I want people to see my personal journey and hopefully help others understand, why I like the things I like, why I'm empowered by things that are not conventional, and how I fully embrace my sluttiness! I have learned so much over my years of exploration, sex and pleasure of course, but also about myself. My strength. My endurance. My ability to trust someone completely and how to allow myself to be vulnerable in the presence of another.

I was fortunate, I had someone I cared about and trusted, who shared the same interests as me. Better yet, I had someone who wanted to explore them with me. I have heard horrible stories of people abusing the nature of a Dominant/submissive relationship, taking things too far or using it as an excuse to beat their partner. I've heard of the 'not really kinky people' just using the BDSM community as a place to 'get laid', assuming all people who like kinky things are easy or slutty. What a lot of people outside of the kinky community do not know, is that only a small portion of the BDSM community are like that. Just like in every community there are always bad people.

To start my story I want going to give you some back story. My name is Emily. I am 21 years old. I am biracial, my mother is white, my father black, so my skin is a dark, caramel colour. I have dark brown eyes, that look black most of the time, but in the sunlight you can see their true colour, which is a muddy, silky chestnut. My hair is long, almost down to my waist, curly, and a dark chocolate brown. I'm 5'5 , I have nice full breasts and a nice ass, that is perfect for grabbing and holding on to. I identify as bisexual, and through my years I have been with both men and women, I could never choose, and I identify as a submissive.

My story starts with my high school boyfriend. His name was Jason, I call him Jace. I went to junior high and high school with him. He was gorgeous, tall, dark raven coloured hair, he had a permanent five o'clock shadow, and dark mysterious eyes. He was so muscular, broad shoulders, and a beautifully sculpted chest. With him I really developed my sexuality. Together, we discovered the world of kink. Some people do not have a defining moment of when they realized they liked something. For my interest in BDSM, I do. Of course, I had definitely heard about that type of lifestyle, knew somethings about it, but never really gave it much thought until one night with Jace a few years ago.

We were in our last year of high school, both recently turning 18. Every Friday night I went to his house and slept over. I had to lie to my mom, say I was sleeping at a friends, but she always believed me. To her, I was her perfect straight-A student, who aspired to be a lawyer, was in the school band, volunteered, and didn't even think about boys. That's how she still sees me, and I like that. I like being her perfect innocent daughter she never has to worry about. One Friday night everything changed. It started off just as any day, we did our homework, had supper, watched a movie, went to his room had sex. Now me and Jase have really good sex, for two teenagers, we really knew our way around the bedroom, of course I did not know what I was missing until one night.

We were in bed, lying next to each other, breathing hard. "I'm really sorry Em." Jace said this and looked at me. I could see the anxiety in his eyes, and for the life of me could not figure out why. We just had, well, what I consider the best sex we have ever had.

"For what?" I asked with honest curiosity.

"For spanking you as hard as I did, I guess I just got a little carried away in the heat of the moment! I'm so sorry!" He threw his arm to cover his eyes, facing away from me, ashamed. I did not respond at first, thinking back to a few moments ago. I was on all fours, his giant cock felt like he was splitting me open. I was loving every single second, and then he spanked my ass. Oh! Now I remembered, yes, he did spank me pretty hard. It hurt, I think, either way I kind of liked that pain, I mean it was only for a second either way.

I reached up to his arm and pulled it away from his face and gave him a soft kiss on his warm, soft lips, "Jace...I liked it." He turned to look at me, surprised. "I honestly did. It was kinda hot, it really turned me on."

His eyes were searching mine, trying to see if I was bluffing, just to make him feel less guilty. "But Em I know how hard—"

"I'm telling you I liked it!" More confident in my response now, "I really did! I'll admit it did hurt a bit, but in a good way. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, liking the pain, but at that moment I didn't really notice it, all I know is I liked it."

"And you're not just saying that to make me feel better?" He was a bit less anxious now. "Let me see your butt." He sat up in bed, leaning back against the mahogany headboard, and he patted his lap. I crawled out from under the blankets, still naked from earlier and laid across his lap. After a pause, I felt him drag a finger over one of my ass cheeks, tracing patterns.

"That feels nice." I smiled to myself, content.

"I left my handprint..." He seemed upset. Sad that he hurt me.

"Jace, I'm okay. I told you it actually really turned me on." I hesitated, an idea forming in my head. "Do it again." Did I just really say that?

I felt his finger immediately stop. Shocked, he said, "What?" He pulled his hand away.

"I said spank me again." He paused, unsure if I meant what I said. I felt his finger return, once again drawing patterns.

"Em I don't think it's a good idea, and I know you want to make me feel better and less guilty, but—" I immediately interrupted him.

"Jace, I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm trying to make me feel better. I told you that spanking me like that felt really good. Plus, lying on your lap like this is...kind of turning me on again. So spank me. Please?" I rolled over looked up at him, my eyes wide and pleading.

"Turn over" He had a look in his eye. Lust.

My body flushed from excitement. I knew I wanted this, I was getting excited just from the idea of him spanking me again. I turned over. He slowly started massaging my ass, rubbing the red handprint he left behind. Then all of a sudden...

Slap!

A quick sting on my ass. A bite of pain, followed by warmth. The room was silent. My breath started to quicken. "Do it again." I surprised myself that I wanted more. I do not know what came over me. A need that I wanted to be spanked. He obliged.

Slap! Pause. Slap! Pause. Slap! Pause.

In between every slap he rubbed my ass. Massaging it, letting me absorb the pain. After a few more slaps, I realized I was starting to get wet, and I could feel Jace's erection growing under me. The longer he spanked me, the wetter I got. I started to get a familiar feeling. A clenching and trembling deep inside me. Before he could deliver my next slap I leapt up and straddled him.

"Jace, you need to fuck me now." I was ripping the covers off his lap and pulling his cock out of his pants simultaneously. I do not think I had ever needed his cock inside me, as badly as I did then. As soon as I had his cock out, I placed the head at the entrance of my sex. I sat down, holding on to his shoulders, my fingers gripping hard into him, moaning as I felt every delicious inch of him sliding easily inside of me. When he was fully inside of me, I threw my head back, closing my eyes, my long hair tumbling down my back and I immediately started to shake with waves of pleasure rippling through me. My orgasm was so intense and powerful, my vision went black, I could not focus on anything other than the intense sensations I was feeling. I could hear Jace clench his teeth and moan, trying hard not to cum, while my pussy was clenching down repeatedly on his cock. He could not hold out, and he leaned forward and bit my shoulder hard as he came, spurt after spurt inside me. With all of Jace's cum filling me up, another orgasm ignited within me.

Lying with my head on Jace's shoulder, I was panting, exhausted. "That was...amazing". It was all I managed to say.

"I think that's the understatement of the century", he laughed. Soon we both started laughing, surprised at how much fun that was.

"I don't think I can even move." So Jace slid down the bed, so I could lie on top of him and we both feel into a deep sleep.

I woke up, and every muscle in my body ached, my ass sore. I looked at the clock next to me. 3:46 am. No wonder I was so exhausted, but then I thought back to what I just did a few hours before. Well then I was wide awake. It sure was fun, but I was also confused. It hurt when he spanked me, and I liked it? I knew I wanted to do it again, but should I do it again? I just could not wrap my head around the way I was feeling. I reached over to my nightstand to grab a hair elastic, and put my hair up into a messy bun, went to the bathroom and hauled on one of Jace's t-shirts and my underwear. I got myself a glass of water and went back into his bedroom. Jace was sprawled out on his back in bed, the blanket just above his waist, God he was gorgeous, I am so very lucky I thought to myself and smiled. I grabbed my laptop out of my book bag and climbed back into bed, and switched on the lamp next to me.

Whenever I get anxious or confused about something, I always settle myself by researching. I know, it is weird, but it comforts me to learn about whatever is giving me anxiety. plus, hopefully realize that I might not be the only one out in the world who feels the way I currently do. Which at the moment was confused. I opened up my laptop and sat there for a minute. What do I put into the search bar "I like to be spanked hard why?", "I just got spanked and really liked it", "I get pleasure from being spanked". I ended up going with "sexual spanking" and almost seven million hits came up!! So I clicked on the first link, it was a Wikipedia page called "Erotic spanking". It defined it as "the act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties. Activities range from a spontaneous smack on bare buttocks during a sexual activity, to occasional sexual roleplay, such as ageplay, to domestic discipline and may involve the use of a hand or the use of a variety of spanking implements, such as a spanking paddle or cane.

Erotic spankings are commonly combined with other forms of sexual foreplay. The most common type of erotic spanking is administered on the bare buttocks, but can also be combined with bondage, in order to heighten sexual arousal and feelings of helplessness." There was also a picture of a man spanking a women with the caption "A male spanking a female subject in a BDSM dungeon". Wow. I had to google a few terms like ageplay, domestic discipline, and BDSM. Once I googled BDSM that is when I really started to research, there were 349 million hits. I learned about bondage and discipline, Dominants and submissives, sadism and masochism, which is what BDSM stands for. The more I read the more I wanted to learn. I did not realize how much time was passing, with every link I clicked on I had more questions.

Before I knew it sun started streaming in through the blinds, gradually making the room brighter. Jace stirred next to me, rubbing his eyes, "What time is it?"

"A little after seven."

Realizing I was sitting up, intensely concentrated on the screen in front of me Jace asked, "How long have you been awake?"

"Um...I guess about three hours?"

Jace sat up, the blanket pooling in his lap, he picked up my laptop and read the title of the screen before him aloud, "Am I Submissive?" Then he looked at me, with a hint of humour in his eyes and his lips turned up at the corner. I blushed bright scarlet, embarrassed he saw what I was researching. "Is this something you're interested in?" He smirked.

All of a sudden I was nervous with him, I do not remember being this uncomfortable since our first date! Stumbling over my words I said "Well I don't know...I was just confused...you know spanking...and amazing sex...I was curious..I googled a lot...I ended up here?"

Now he thinks you are a freak for sure! I thought to myself. I brought my knees up to my chest and hid my face from his unrelenting gaze.

"Hey don't hide from me, is this something really want to try? You know I've heard of some kinky things that I've always wanted to try, so be honest with me, tell me what's running through your mind." I carefully peaked up at him and met his gaze. It was more serious now, more forgiving.

I took a deep breath. "Honestly I don't know what I want. What we did last night, was so incredibly, mind-blowingly hot! I've never been turned on like that before! It confused me because, well, pain isn't supposed to feel good—"

"So you researched it." He knew me all too well. I giggled at that.

"Well what else was I going to do!" Exasperated, I sunk down into bed. "Anyways I read a lot and some things I read about turned me on, and I went down the rabbit hole so to speak. Am I interested in this though? Some stuff maybe, but it's kind of overwhelming and there is so many things involved—"

"Em, slow down. We did one thing that could be considered kinky, yes. First, I would like to say I found it, how did you put it, incredibly, mind-blowingly, hot too. If there are things you want to try let's talk about it and we can try them. We don't have to dive in and just accept every aspect of BDSM. I feel like we probably have a lot to learn anyways."

Right then, I realized I had the most loving, caring, and unbelievably understanding boyfriend in the whole world. "You know I love you so much right?" I said as I crawled into his lap. He put his arms around me and I had never felt safer.

He kissed my forehead. "I love you too."