Enchantress

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They walked all day and luckily there was little wind, so Nicks footprints were not blown away but on the other hand the lack of a breeze made it incredibly hot for Octavia. She soon tore off most of her robes and ended up wearing a light skirt and a strip of cloth to bind her large breasts. Being a creature of Ankh-Morpork and never far from the always cold and damp roof of the Tower of Art, Gula was very hot, but she wasn't sure whether she was comfortable or not.

At some point the stick freed itself and caught up with them. "Ok, let's say we started off this morning on the wrong foot... Tempers flared... words were exchanged... awk!" Octavia grabbed the stick and threw it even farther.

About an hour later the walking stick caught up with her and said, "Let me say that I am sorry for any misunderstandings."

"How do we know that you won't do it again?"

"By the way I don't do it again?"

"You can stay with us, but I have work for you to do," declared Octavia with a snarl from Gula.

"Anything."

"First, find Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein," ordered Octavia.

"Who?"

"Ooo?" echoed Gula.

"NICK!" shrieked Octavia, "his name is Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein!"

"Ok, you don't have to shout, I'm not petrified you know."

"Need I say the magic word?" asked Octavia.

"That would be nice," responded the stick clearly expecting to hear her say "Please."

"Kindling."

Without a pause the stick responded, "zero point seven nine leagues rimward, ninety three degrees widdershins."

Octavia took her eoiter {a compass whose octiron needle always points toward the hub. There are knobs to adjust for Turnwise {{eastward-ish}} and Widdershins {{westward-ish}}} and pondered the direction that the stick gave her. She pointed the walking stick rimward and said "You say he went that way..."

"Uh huh."

She then pointed the stick a bit more to the right, "but his footprints go that way."

"They did," said the stick, "until he met the dingaroos."

"Dingaroos..." Octavia didn't need that pamphlet that she and Nick had been using to learn about Ecksas, she remembered reading about dingaroos. They were giant carnivorous rabbits that carried off children in their pouches and they had no problem hunting down and dining on adults. "Come on Gula!" she called as she strapped the large backpack to the walking stick. "We need to run!"

"I am not luggage!" protested the walking stick.

"In that case imagine a marshmallow stuck on your head being slowly roasted to a golden brown over an open fire."

"You need to pull that strap a little tighter, I would hate to lose that pack if we had to run."

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As the sun came up earlier in the day Nick became aware of two things. One was that it was getting warmer and even though the tiny sun had just risen above the horizon, and he noticed that the brush on that horizon burst into flame, that was never a good sign. What had happened during the night was a pachylapis - a slow motion earthquake caused by the shifting of an elephant. It was theorized that as the tiny sun orbits the discworld it will on occasion get close to one of the elephants and its proximity startles the snoozing elephant and he draws back from the sun. His movement raises his section of the disc, which causes that portion of the disc to be closer to the sun as it passes over until the elephant settles down.

Often that was the case, but now there is something out there that terrified the elephants, and it just discovered the discworld.

Light moves slowly on the discworld, imagine invisible glowing syrup that warms and lights the world. It pours out of the sun and oozes across the landscape slowly filling ravines and valleys before moving on to the next field or prairie. In mountainous locales the sun is high in the sky but the area is dark up to early evening because of all the valleys that have to be filled. Because of this, winter can be confusing for poor hinterland creatures like deer and peasants. {That's not a spelling error, there's poor farmhands that live in the woodlands here on the discworld}

But here in the wide open spaces of XXXX, when the great beast Jerakeen raised up which lifted his corner of the world, he created a downhill run for the oozing, sleepy light. Great globs of light accelerated across the Four Ecksian desert and continued to accelerate as it went. The tsunamillumination roared across the desert scattering tiny wingless birds and dozing drop bears in its passage. The light wave had a full head of steam when it hit a line of hills and squirted through a gap in the hills like a sudden case of... {not to be too graphic but anyone who has eaten at a questionable Turkish restaurant knows exactly what I mean}, its force was multiplied like water squirting through a nozzle. It shot through the gap fiercely illuminating everything in its path, eventually colliding into an exhausted, sleepwalking Nick. It blasted into him with a force that sounded like a cold porkchop thrown against a wall and lifted him on a wave of heat and light which eventually dropped him two furlongs away in the center of a group of the tallest, meanest looking rabbits he's ever seen.

The dingaroos began to lean down and sniff the new morsel that was dropped in their midst and Nick froze in terror. He began looking for a possible exit when a familiar voice said, "Come on guys, leave the kid alone, he's new here."

The dingaroos looked around for the source of the voice as did Nick, but they didn't find anything. Then Nick heard in his ear a whispered voice, "hey buddy, when I say break, you hoof it out of here as fast as you can, ok?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"BREAK!"

The call came as loud as a gunshot in his ear, but Nick took off running as fast as he could. He chose to dash straight into the group of dingaroos, he was already facing that direction and maybe forcing them to turn around would cost them some time, and he was right. As Nick sprinted he noticed a small wire hair terrier running between the dingaroos legs singing, "Nyah, Nyah, can't catch me!"

"I must be going crazy!" he said as he sprinted out into the desert as fast as he could run.

"Shut up and run!" came the mystery voice as a small wire haired terrier shot past him. Hearing the thumping of the dingaroos behind him Nick obeyed the voice and began running as fast as he could. Sadly, except for a couple of short breaks, he's been moving non-stop for over twenty four hours without food or water and his body let him know that he was completely spent by locking up and he crashed to the ground and he rolled to a stop.

He heard that voice saying, "Come on, get up!"

"I can't," Nick gasped, "I can't move... I can't even lift my head... Gaspode, old friend... You go on."

Nick looked up and as his vision started to fade he heard the snarling of the dingaroo, he saw the mouth full of teeth, a set of ivory knives snapped at him, a set of forepaws pressed his shoulders into the sand. Nick noticed a tall figure standing over him wearing black shrouds, its eyes were two tiny blue suns that burned through to his soul and it leaned over as Nick whispered to it. "Tell Octavia that I love her... please?" he said through dry cracked lips.

The figure in black looked at Nick in surprise, it was shocked that Nick could see him, Nick was not a wizard, but then he may be something else. "I'M NOT DUE TO SEE HER FOR A VERY LONG TIME," said the anthropomorphous personification of Death. As Nick drifted into unconsciousness all he could think of was that he was happy Octavia wasn't there to see this. A small dog was barking and snapping at the dingaroo that pinned Nick to the dirt but Nick knew nothing about it, which was lucky because that's when the sheep hit the sand.

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Nick covered more distance than Octavia expected. They walked all day and every time they checked his location with the walking stick, the stick gave them a new direction, and said "He's moving, sorry."

It was evening before they heard a dog barking in the distance, a few left-over pools of sludgy discworld light shown here and there, reflecting on a creature that Octavia had never seen before. It was a dingaroo. Dingaroos stand six feet tall and they're enthusiastically carnivorous, if you ignore the fangs they are kind of cute until they show you how hungry they are. It was snow white, one end had a big fluffy round tail the size of a beachball, the other end had a cute pink nose, long floppy ears and teeth, lots and lots of long, pointy teeth. It was one of the most dangerous of its kind CBD - Cute But Deadly. Its massive rear legs were powerful enough to collapse any door with a single kick, and whatever obstacle it couldn't kick down, those huge white teeth could slash their way through it. {The dingaroo is the equivalent of a round world dingo or outback wolf crossed with a kangaroo and a bunny. Like the drop bear it has no natural predators, and currently no unnatural predators are signing up for training.}

The dingaroo appeared to be nipping at something laying on the ground, but the little dog was doing a good job fending it off. "Bark! Yap! Bark! Bark! Yap!" The little dog wasn't barking or yapping, it was shouting the word "Bark" punctuated with the occasional word "Yap." Unfortunately, this dog has a Morporkian accent, so the word "Bark" came out "Bahk."

Gula could see what was happening better than Octavia could in this gloom {gargoyles have advanced visual abilities because hanging off the edge of roofs they have nothing more to do that watch} and she growled "IIIIIIIK!" {Nick!} and she leapt off of the backpack that was tied to the walking stick.

Gargoyles have two methods of locomotion; one is an odd stop-motion method that only gargoyles that had been saturated in the intense magical field of a magical university have attained. Very few people have actually seen gargoyles move like that, and of those people who have seen it only a very few have the patience to see it again. Only the Four Ecksan drop bear is slower. The other form of locomotion is falling, which all gargoyles can do, but gargoyles from the Unseen University can fall in any direction.

An accelerating dust cloud marked her passage as she raced across the desert floor. Gula fell horizontally moving faster and faster until she collided with the dingaroo. Hit with a 25 pound stone statue traveling at 92 MPH, the vicious six foot tall rabbit went down like a paper sack full of chunky style raspberry jelly dropped from a ten story tower.

The tall figure in black shrouds cast his cobalt blue eyes on Nick and if it had lips they would have been drawn up in admiration. Death folded up his scythe and referred to a Four Ecks slang pamphlet then said, "YOU ARE ZERO FOR TWO TODAY... GOOD ON YA MATE." Happy that he could use the local vernacular he mounted his white stallion named Binkie and said, "I WILL BE BACK SHORTLY BLOKE." Death is never wrong, he is simply death, and sometimes people get close to him and talk about the experience later. Death slowly turned his head and saw what appeared to be a female wizard walking toward him. He jabbed his heels into Binkie causing the great white mare to rear up in a vain attempt to impress Octavia, then he was off.

Octavia and her walking stick finally arrived to find Gula sitting next to a small dog, both sitting next to a horribly injured Pommeraie de la Montesquieu Stein. The little statue was beside herself with frustration, her attempts to help her friend with her stone claws only caused more injuries. The little dog sat next to her uncertain what to do now. This is usually when he gets kicked. "Whimper, whimper, whine, whine."

The dog didn't whimper or whine, it said the words whimper and whine.

Ignoring the dog for now, Octavia took a shirt out of the backpack and tore the sleeves off and used them for bandages. She then took the strip of cloth that was binding her breasts and tore it into strips. When she took off the binder and freed her large breasts somebody whistled. Octavia glanced up and saw Gula staring at the dog in shock. With a stifled smile she went back to work binding Nick's injuries and wondered what Nick's assessment of her breasts would be.

"What's that noise?" came the mystery voice again.

Octavia looked up and saw the small terrier licking the dingaroo blood off of Gula and she was making a noise that sounded like pouring gravel into a cement lined bucket. "She's purring. I think she likes you."

"Eww." But that didn't stop the dog from licking the now grinning gargoyle.

"What happened here?" asked Octavia. When no one said anything, she turned to the dog and said, "What happened?"

"Me? I-I'm just a dog, I can't talk."

"Then do the best with what you have, Gaspode."

"How... how did you know?" but the woman gave Gaspode the Wonder Dog a smile of such beauty that he fell in love with her {as much as a dog can}.

"We'll talk about it when we can be alone," she said gently nodding her head toward a walking stick standing next to the weeping gargoyle. Being a magical being, Gaspode recognized the magical properties of the stick and with an actual dog-style whimper he lay down and watched the woman work on the man he once knew as a boy. As she gently washed the mud, blood, and sheep shit from the injured man, Gaspode saw the love in her eyes and saw... other things. He's not interested in human physiognomy or their physiology, but two things are now for sure, if he ever comes back as a human, he's definitely going to be a "breast man."

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"G'day mate!"

Nick slowly opened his eyes, but everything was blurry and one of his eyes wouldn't open. He muttered "G'day Bruce." His entire body ached, like an entire flock of sheep had been tap dancing on his body, from head to foot, which was a very accurate assessment.

"How are ya feelin' mate?"

In Ankh-Morpork there's two answers to that question, "Chewed up and spit out" which generally means "Not so bad" and "Chewed up and shit out" which generally means "Not so good." But this time Nick chose something he never, ever said before. "I feel bad," which in Ankh-Morpork is generally heard on a deathbed.

"Well mate, ya autta. Y' been run ragged, baked by th' sun, chase down by a packa dingaroos, stomped near to death in a sheep stampede, then chewed up by a nuther dingaroo." Nick was helped to a sitting position and was told, "here, drink this, it'll help ya sleep. Sleep is what's gunna heal ya up more'n anything."

Nick was reluctant to sip what was ever in the cup held to his lips but a strangely familiar voice said, "It's ok, I sniffed it." Thus reassured, Nick drank the potion which tasted sweet and fruity but something in the background of its flavor told him that he was going back to sleep for a very long time.

"Here, now, drink this up, it's got vitamins and minerals and will help with dehydration." And an opened can was held to his lips, and he drank deeply. He didn't realize how thirsty he was until he started drinking. The draught was bitter, but he wanted as much as he could drink, and his host obliged him as much as he wanted.

After drinking three entire cans of the elixir marked XXXX, his host laid Nick back on the bed and he thanked his host with a loud, long, raucous belch. "Yer welcome mate!" came his hosts response, then Nick tried to discern the source of the familiar voice to his side, but he was soon asleep.

"How is he doing?" Octavia nervously asked Bruce Bockschecker, doctor of Adscititious Cyanthropy and Assistant Vice Dean of Thaumistic Sustainability at Bugarup University.

"He's not cactus, but he sure is crook. The lad was stonkered before the dingaroo and sheep touched him, so it will be a while before he can chuck a sickie."

Octavia fumbled through her translation pamphlet and with the help of Bruce she soon found out that he said that Nick was in serious condition, but he expected Nick to eventually recover. She took her walking stick and whispered to it, she said, "don't make me regret not throwing you on a fire." Then she tucked the walking stick under the covers with Nick which raised a few growls from Gaspode.

"It's ok, she said she'll behave."

"I still don't trust her," grumbled Gaspode. His complaints were echoed by a growl from Gula who hung on an exposed rafter above Nick where she could keep an eye on the comings and goings of those checking on Nick, and strike from above if needed.

As they left the sunny, airy room where Nick was convalescing under the trusty eyes of Gaspode and Gula, Bruce asked Octavia, "Did that dog just say something?"

"Seriously, have you ever heard of a talking dog?"

"Nah, I guess you're right... care for a beer?"

"Don't you Ecksans have anything else to drink?"

"Like what?"

"Water."

Bruce chuckled. "We have water, but it tastes like sheep piss, because the sheep piss in it, the only thing that lives in it is frogs and crocks, and you have to boil it to drink it first... but if you're going to boil it anyway, you might as well make beer."

Seeing the logic in that, Octavia joined Bruce in a tinnie out in the shade of his porch and spent some time enjoying the popular Ecksan hobby of sweating. "This is an interesting ranch you have here."

"Station. Here in Ecksas we call it a station," said Bruce between sips of beer.

"What do you raise here?"

"Sheep."

"At the library Bruce called this a hunting station, what do you hunt here?"

"Sheep."

His answer almost made Octavia spit a mouthful of beer. "Sheep? You hunt sheep?"

"Why not? It never made sense to me to hunt something that's hard to find."

Gaspode joined them and he curled up under Octavia's chair in time to hear her when she asked, "What actually happened to Nick?"

When Bruce didn't say anything, Gaspode said, "Nick stumbled into a pack of dingaroos. We tried to outrun them, but he was exhausted and collapsed. I tried to keep the dingaroos away, but a stampede of sheep came through and scared the dingaroos away, but they injured Nick. When you arrived one of the dingaroos had come back to eat Nick."

Finally, Bruce said, "Nick stumbled into a pack of dingaroos. He tried to outrun them, but he was exhausted and collapsed. A dog tried to keep the dingaroos away, but a stampede of sheep came through and scared the dingaroos away, but they injured Nick. When you arrived one of the dingaroos had come back to eat Nick."

Gaspode whimpered in frustration, every time he says something it seems like some human repeats what he says and takes credit for saying it. But this time, Octavia's slim, elegant hand came down and scratched him behind the ears and she whispered, "I know, you're such a brave dog!" and she gave him a saucer full of beer to drink. What more could a small dog want?

Meanwhile in Nick's bed, the walking stick whispered to Nick in his sleep, and they were both changing. The walking stick was a gift from a librarian to Octavia and soon became a staff, but an enchantress does not need a staff. However, like a wizard's staff the walking stick absorbed the magical knowledge and energy that Octavia shared with it, and now the staff was sharing that knowledge and energy with Nick. As the stick began sharing, it realized that Nick only knew one language, and he didn't know how to read.