Everything Looks Better Ch. 11

He closed the bathroom door so the sound of the shower wouldn't rouse Raine, although it wouldn't have disappointed him if she came in and asked to join. Auron never asked to have a say in the kinds of toiletries Raine purchased, so the shampoo smelled like vanilla and the soap had some sort of exotic fruit scent, but they efficiently removed all the sand in his hair, between his toes and other unmentionable places. After rinsing, he used another towel from the linen closet to dry off and found Raine's white robe on the back of the door. It wasn't the first time he had borrowed it, considering he never did have a change of clothes. The hem reached his mid-thighs and the sleeves were too short for his arms, but he knew she wouldn't mind. She never wore it anyway.

Hoping she might be awake when he finished, Auron discovered her still in hibernation mode and wondered if she had gotten much sleep the night before their wedding. There was a significant time difference between Zanarkand and Spira and it was possible she was already running on fumes when she had fallen into the canyon. Auron prayed all she needed was to catch up on sleep in order to be right as rain. Right as Raine. Auron cracked a smile at his play on words.

Auron transferred his clothes to the dryer in the utility room before slumping into the arm chair facing the bed to wait. Although he wasn't sure how, he managed to sneak in a quick nap before the buzzer went off and Auron felt a little more himself when he was showered and in dry clothes. The emotional wound Tidus had inflicted was still open, but at least it had been cleaned and dressed.

Swiping his sunglasses off the shelf over the dryer, he remembered they needed to be cleaned and ran them under the tap in the kitchen, using a clean dishtowel to shine the lenses. He tried them on, removed them one more time to blow off a few specks and nestled them securely over his ears.

There were some dishes in the sink, leftover from Raine's last meal and Auron dutifully inserted the plug and filled the sink with hot water. While looking for the dish soap in its usual spot under the sink, he noticed a new piece of machina had been installed since the renovation. It was made of the same shiny steel as the refrigerator and stove and when Auron found the handle release, discovered racks inside with other dirty dishes. Since there was no soap anyway, he drained the sink and put the dishes into the empty slots of the new appliance and reminded himself to ask Raine how to use it later. Auron felt a little useless in the kitchen now. He used to keep busy in the houseboat with the endless list of repairs, but now everything was new and he didn't know what to do with himself. It was a temporary problem. After what he put her through in Spira, Raine would ask him to leave soon enough.

His gaze settled on his katana by the door and recalled it still needed maintaining. Throwing the strap of the sheath over his shoulder, he headed for his old bedroom. He had to admit the room looked sharp with walls and new flooring, although it was still furnished sparsely, his old bed remade with new sheets and pillow cases. During the renovation, Raine had the brace for his sword taken down, to most likely appease Jory, but in those couple weeks before their Dome wedding, he had found it under the bed with his sharpening gear. She had saved all the belongings Auron had. They might have been hidden where Jory wouldn't see them, but they were there, much like her feelings.

Sliding out the sharpening box, he blew off a little dust and carried it back to the kitchen to set it up on the peninsula counter. He got to work right away, but had to stop halfway through the coarsest grit to detach his glasses from his face. Scowling at them in the light, Auron inspected for scratches and eventually pitched them to the adjacent counter.

For the next hour, he was able to lose himself in the chore, forgetting about Dream Zanarkand, Tidus, and his future with Raine. For sentimental reasons, he didn't work very hard to repurpose Raine's notch, but while he was focused on an old routine his muddled thoughts cleared and he was able to relax. When his sword was razor sharp, so was his mind and as he rubbed in the oil, he felt renewed. Putting it away was also part of the ritual, the stones all in their proper sleeves and when the kit was back together, he set it by the door and leaned his sword and scabbard against it so they were ready to go when he was.

He checked the refrigerator for supplies. Raine would be hungry when she woke up and though there wasn't much, there was cheese and crusty bread and beer to tide her over until the next run to the store. There had been other instances when he had made it to the store and back while Raine slept, but Auron didn't want to risk it. He wanted to be here when she woke. There was much to discuss and it occurred to him there was something he needed her to do. Something important. To prepare for this, Auron opened some of the kitchen drawers, looking for a specific item.

Previously marveling at the existence of drawer facings and cupboard doors, Auron was now annoyed everything had been moved around, but during his hunt, he came across a cupboard filled with Jecht's old stash, half empty bottles of liquor. At first he ignored it, but when he finally found what he was looking for, went back to the cabinet on impulse and grabbed whatever bottle was first. In Raine's bedroom, he arranged both items on the dresser.

For the rest of the afternoon, Auron sat on the back deck and casually surveyed the boat traffic, dozing sporadically. When it started to get dark, his naps were becoming longer and closer together and he decided to go back inside for some real sleep. He settled in the chair by the bed and propped his feet on the footboard. Sleep wasn't necessary for him to function, but he still did it on occasion. Like deep meditation, sleep was good for his soul. However, his soul must have been troubled because the moment he fell asleep, he dreamed of terrible things.

He dreamed he had become Sin the way he and Raine had planned and he worked very hard inside Sin to stop the cycle, even meeting with Yu Yevon, but before he could convince the ancient summoner to end the rebirth, Auron found himself covered in oily black lesions that itched and was absorbed into Sin before he could change anything. He also dreamed of his first Pilgrimage, with Yuna's father, but Summoner Braska and Jecht wouldn't listen when Auron tried to talk them into battle with Yunalesca instead of choosing a final Aeon.

In another dream, Auron was Raine that morning when her mother died. He did all those things she did to get ready for school. He ate toast and drank juice, checked over his math homework, even surprised himself by how well he curled his hair and put on cosmetics. While aware this was the morning Raine found her mother dead, he was still forced to perform the mundane tasks leading up to it, wishing he would wake up before it was time to go in to say goodbye. But he relived it like Raine and when he shook her mother's shoulder she rolled over on her back and Auron began screaming because it wasn't Raine's mother in the bed it was Raine and he couldn't stop screaming because of all the Pyreflies so many Pyreflies....

Auron must have been fussing in his sleep because he woke with a jolt when his heel slipped off the footboard. Sitting erect in the chair, he collected his wits and tried to get his eye to focus on the bed. The room was dark except for a sliver of dock light coming in through the curtains. He cocked his head slightly to center his halved vision, but it didn't look like Raine was in bed at all. Rising from the chair, he leaned against the footboard and felt around until he came across the hill of her calf. Rounding the bedpost, his dream was coming back to him as he touched her shoulder to make sure she was still breathing. She was and he sighed in relief.

Self-sendings are rare, he reminded himself, but he couldn't shake the terror from the dream, which seemed to erase all the work he had put in to improve his mentality. He unsnapped his collar, removed his cuirass and slipped carefully into bed with her. He might not be as effective at stopping a sending as Raine was, but if it was going to happen he would be there so she wouldn't have to be alone when it did.

He didn't mean to fall back asleep, but when he woke in the morning, Raine wasn't there.

*

Raine rarely asked Auron what she was like as a child, but when she did bring up those times when Auron had to babysit, he could only seem to remember one night. He knew he had minded the children on several occasions, but that one night had seared so vividly in his brain that it was all he could ever recall. After Raine and Tidus went to bed, it was Auron's routine to sit on the front porch, although their usual sitter usually just sat on the couch, watching shows and eating ice cream from the canister. Auron took his duties a little more seriously. Every hour he would patrol the yard and once around ten he would report back to the kids' bedroom to check on their safety. One evening, the night Auron never forgot, the children's twin beds were vacant and the gaping horror that followed was so far outside Auron's typical reactions, his insides went cold. Thinking back, he couldn't remember what drew his attention to the closet, a giggle or a hush, but he remembered stalking over to the closet and throwing it open. Still in their pajamas, Tidus and Raine jumped out, their hands shaped like mock-claws, their expressions puerilely sinister as they bellowed in unison, "Rawr!" Their efforts to scare Auron had worked, but not in the way they intended and fear to Auron was such a foreign sensation that he did not know how to rightly process it. Like a drill sergeant with a wet boot, Auron hollered at top volume. Most of what he said he would never remember because of the way Tidus' face crumpled as he burst into immediate tears and Raine's face fell and went sheer white. He continued to berate them with punishments until they were quivering under their blankets and he spent the remainder of the night seething on the porch.

That horrible moment when Auron first walked in and found the children missing was how he felt when he woke up in the morning and found his arms wrapped around air.

A slow expression of repulsion crept to his face and he whimpered, stroking the sheets in the empty space next to him. It was impossible...her mother had suffered years of degenerative depression...how could Raine...in one night?

The muffled swoosh and gurgle of the toilet in the bathroom was physically startling and Auron's relief stunned him into a numbing daze as he organized his thoughts. Raine had not died in the night and she did not self-send. She had to pee.

When she opened the bathroom door, Auron's flare of rage was as familiar as the night she jumped out of the closet with her brother and he glowered at her, pinning her to the doorway. Maybe he was used to feelings bombarding him now or maybe it was the stabbing regret he always felt when he remembered that night, but the anger was much milder now.

"What?" she asked.

"A note would have been helpful," he growled, although he hadn't actually taken the time to look for one. Emotions made him unreasonable, he learned.

"To go to the bathroom?"

"Leave the door open next time."

"Number oneandtwo?"

Sometimes the things she said, he couldn't tell if he didn't understand them because they were from different worlds, different eras or different generations. It irked him more than usual. "What?" he snapped.

"Nevermind," she said and stretched out lazily over the foot of the bed like a feline coeurl from the Calm Lands.

Auron's eye flickered over her face. It had an overall puffy look, but at least her eyes weren't bloodshot. She was still tired, her eyes dull, her face resistant to smile and everything she said was bland and dryly monotone. "Did you see him?" he asked. "Tidus?"

"In the portal? No, but I heard him talking. He called me Brainy Rainy." She looked up. "Did you?"

Auron hesitated and then nodded.

She looked hurt for a moment but it passed. "We'll find a way, won't we? To get back into Spira?"

He considered her doubtfully.

"My father got into Spira somehow, isn't it possible we could too?"

"That was a fluke. Your father was at the right place at the right time when Sin got too close to the dream world. It could have easily been anyone else at sea that day."

She didn't look convinced.

"Tidus loves you and he wants you to be safe and happy."

Raine swallowed and looked away indignantly. "Then why are you still here?"

Remorse spiked through him miserably and he threw back the covers as he got out of bed to hide the expression from her. He approached the dresser for the items he had gathered yesterday in preparation for her rousing and set them on the night table, turning the bottle slightly so the label would face her. Kneeling on the mattress in front of Raine, Auron saw she had a wretched, apologetic expression on her face and her eyes had a fresh gleam as tears welled.

"I didn't mean it like that," she croaked.

He nodded once. "I know."

"I thought Tidus would want you in Spira to fight Sin, end the cycle, save the world and all that."

"Apparently, your brother cares for my happiness as well."

"Selfish asshole," she muttered. Her attempt at humor was dry and Auron guessed part of her meant it. "He didn't even let us try."

"He never intended for us to get as far as we did."

Her bloated eyes frowned as she evinced puzzlement. "What are you doing with my father's hard liquor?"

"After what we've been through, I figure we earned it."

Raine met his eye circumspectly. "I thought you didn't approve of that kind of escapism."

"One night won't kill us." Inebriation was a temporary fix, but everyone needed a break sometimes. "I think I was a little harsh with you in Spira when you asked before, but I was afraid it would lower your inhibitions."

"And now?"

"I'm counting on it," he said and offered a tiny grin as he swept his eye over the curve of her hip. "I miss you."

She faintly smiled and her swollen eyes looked drowsy.

"There's a bottle here if you want it. I won't judge you."

"Who would have thought Sir Auron would ever suggest a night of drinking and fornication," she said, her eyes flicking to his with a glint. It was a small expression, but it relieved him greatly.

"Maybe I should start first. My tolerance is higher than yours, but I've been told it also lowers my inhibitions."

"Oh?" she said sourly. "From one of the women whose names you don't remember?"

Ignoring her flash of jealousy, he said, "Your father, actually. Jecht had a bad influence on me, I'm afraid. I think his exact words were: 'Take that stick out of your ass and have another drink.'"

Raine snorted.

It was the best she could do right now, Auron guessed, but he would take it. "Before you came along, the only thing that could remove said stick was letting your father get me drunk."

She sighed wearily. "I suppose you think this counts as your grand gesture? Choosing me over the Pilgrimage?"

Auron's smile didn't reach his eyes and he held her gaze evenly until she realized it.

At first, splotches of peachy heat appeared on her pale cheeks and she tried to smile to disguise her embarrassment, but it appeared strained. "Youdidchoose the pilgrimage."

"Hmm," he said, clenching his face to suppress a dreary expression. "But Tidus wants me here."

She held onto that arid smile and Auron figured it was all she could do to keep herself together. "So even if I asked you to leave, you couldn't."

"I hope you don't, but if you did, I would make it so you'd never have to see me again."

She gave that serious thought and raised a dubious eyebrow. "I don't know. Zanarkand isn't as big as I once thought it was. How do we avoid the accidental run-in at the market?"

Auron stifled a smile. "Trust me, it would never be accidental."

"It never was, I suppose," she said and looked away reflectively. He knew she was thinking of those times he seemed to pop out of nowhere: her mother's funeral, the Blitzball arena in C-south, and on Gagazet.

Leaning over her slowly, Auron made his intension known early so she could reject him if she wanted, but she tilted her face obligingly. He kissed her sweetly, open-mouthed, and although they didn't touch tongues, she tasted salty, like the ocean. It was their first kiss in Zanarkand and Auron was pleased it felt as real as it did in Spira.

"You're warm again," she murmured. "Does that mean you're more alive here than in Spira?"

"Tidus told me anything's possible in the dream world." He dropped his eye. "My grand gesture was to save him, you understand? As my wife's brother. I'm sorry I failed."

A bleak intensity appeared in her eyes, an expression he couldn't interpret, until she crashed into his arms. He let out a small hiccup on the impact of her brutal hug and deduced it meant he could stay.

"As my counterpart, will you do something for me?" he asked into her hair.

She moved her face back and looked at him warily. "Tell me what it is first."

Auron reached over to the bedside table for the second thing he had gotten and showed her what was in his hand. She gave it a quizzical look at first until she knew what he meant for her to do.

Her eyes met his sharply. "No!"

Inwardly sighing, Auron slanted his head, faintly pleading.

"No, I won't do it! Do it yourself if you have to, but leave me out of it."

"It is traditional for the warrior's wife to cut it off for him when he's lost a battle," Auron explained.

"I don't see a ring on my finger," she said defiantly.

"I thought you might say that." Auron dug into the pocket of his breeches, fishing around until he felt the tinkle of two rings and showed them to her in his open palm. He had grabbed them from the shelf in the utility room the same time as his sunglasses.

She pinched hers, incredulously scrutinizing it. "How did you—"

"Tidus salvaged them."

She scowled.Asshole,she seemed to say.

Auron slid his ring on the proper finger. He hadn't worn it since they left the Dome's chapel. Expecting a Sinspawn attack, Auron had been worried it might get lost or damaged if he left it on.

Wiggling his digits at her, Auron dared her to follow his example. She did, grudgingly because she dreaded what she would have to do. She nodded upwardly at the glass jug of spirits. "I think I'll need a drink first."

With a suspicious glare, Auron discerned she was prolonging the inevitable, but snatched the bottle and twisted the cap. He handed it over to her. She sniffed the opening and recoiled, but tipped it back and sipped, swallowing with difficulty. As far as he knew, it was her first taste of something besides beer and her face turned ruddy with warmth.

"Uh," she grunted. "And I thought holy water was bad."

With a smirk, he grabbed the bottle and took a swig. Then two. Then three. It was the cheap stuff, he realized, which was probably why there was so much left over.

"Ready?" she asked. She was already a little bleary-eyed, but he wasn't sure if it was from the sting of alcohol or because of what he was making her do. She stole the scissors out of his hand. "Turn around."

Auron rotated and sat in front of her, propping the bottle on his leg. He felt the light tug on the nape of his neck as she adjusted his tail and after a firm wrench, he heard the squeak of the metal hinge as the scissors opened. Another yank, a hasty snip and release.

An emerging tear required Auron to take another pull from the bottle so he could rub his eye without Raine detecting.