Everything that Glitters Ch. 02

"Horse-fuckin-shit! When you feel unworthy, you ask for forgiveness from those you wronged! She needs more than Cowboy Bob; she needs a counselor, and a good twelve-step program. Wallowing in your sorrow doesn't make you a worthy mother, or daughter!

"She was loved to the nth degree, and threw it all away -- now she wants to slip right back in to motherhood? Her daughter doesn't even know her! She's been gone from our lives for more than four years!

"Don't get me wrong -- I'll let her be with Casey, in spite of the divorce decree she readily signed that grants me sole parental rights. I'm not doing it for her, though -- I'm doing it for Casey. But let me warn you so you can warn her: she has no idea of the kind of pain I'll rain on her if she hurts my precious angel again!

"So if she wants a relationship with her daughter, I'll help make it happen; but I wonder if I'm giving her the rope to hang herself with."

Lindsey replied in a serious manner. "Zane, I think I understand better now; thanks for explaining. I look at it from her point of view because I sit with her when she's hurting the worst.

"If regret were a commodity, she'd have the market cornered, for sure. If she could turn back time, she'd slap her worthless daddy, tell him to never come near her again, and set about giving you a boy child to go with your sweetheart over there. Since that isn't possible, she wants to acknowledge her mistakes -- well, 'her sins', as she puts it -- and try to move forward."

"No! If she want to be a part of her six-year old's life, she needs to stop worrying about the past and start fresh. No more apologizing about things she's done, no more recriminations. Assuming she really HAS learned from her mistakes, and has become a God-fearing woman, that is whom she needs to present!

"I've known her since she was fifteen; she's very bright, very personable and charming, ambitious, and absolutely gorgeous -- those are reasons why she's always getting selected rodeo queen and people line up to interview her live. That said, if there is anything I've learned, it's what Dan Seals sings about: everything that glitters is not gold. So glittery, shiny, charming -- mean spit to me!

"It's what's inside that matters; she needs to show me, her daughter, her mother, and everyone on the tour, what's inside her now. If she's genuine, she can build a new foundation for her future; if not, the rot will show through sooner or later."

Zane made a conscious effort to relax, exhaled deeply, and said, "So, Lindsey, you've chosen to be the go-between: tell her to meet us at my trailer today at noon, wearing shorts and with her bathing suit in a bag.

"We're going to Curt Gowdy State Park to kayak and canoe and soak up a little mountain air and sun. There are about a dozen couples and more kids than that, so she has an opportunity to show us that the real Cassandra is back -- confident and ready to take her rightful place in her daughter's world. If she can't do that, she needs to write Casey a letter and explain, then disappear again.

"We'd like for you and your other friends to come too; it isn't just the married folks going. Some of the young rowdies are coming too, because they want to eat, swim, and paddle board. I've got room for three more in my truck if you want a ride."

"That is the best offer I've had in months, but how about we take my tricked-out pickup instead? You'll have to sit on towels so my seats stay dry, but I can carry six and have plenty of room in the bed for ice chests or whatever. Deal?"

He rolled his eyes, but grinned when he asked, "It doesn't have pink upholstery does it? Can't tarnish my image as a tough guy, ya know."

She shook her head, stood up, and said, "Damn you're a great guy! I almost wish she'd... No, I don't mean that, but if you can't forgive her, give me a call." She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek, letting her lips linger for a second. "Smell good too -- puro hombre! See you in front of your trailer at noon!"

***

Lindsey's pickup was a Ram Mega Cab diesel dually, and it was definitely 'tricked out'. The seats were real leather, it had premium sound, and there was plenty of legroom. He, Casey, and another barrel racer named Lacy rode in the back seat, leaving Lindsey, Renee, and Cassie in front. Curt Gowdy State Park was twenty-five miles south of Cheyenne toward Laramie, which was equidistant from the park.

Sarah, who was from nearby Laramie, had organized the whole afternoon. Her brother, Donnie, came with his family, and, because there was a prohibition against ground fires due to the heat and drought, he towed his barbeque-pit-on-wheels over. Sarah and Rambo bought all the makings for hot dog and sausage wraps, and others brought cold drinks, condiments, chips, cookies, paper plates, cups, or whatever they were assigned.

Donnie had been at their reserved sites for several hours and had plenty of wieners, brats, and sausage stored in his foil-lined ice chest. The other adults put everything on the serving table while the kids ran off some energy, and then they sat down to eat.

The mid-day temperature was in the upper eighties, but the nighttime lows were near fifty, so the lake water was cold but bearable in short bursts. There was a nice playscape for the younger kids, and large open areas where the older kids could toss balls, Frisbees, or footballs around. There were numerous hiking trails of varying lengths, and they had kayaks, canoes, and paddleboats for rent.

The command for the younger kids to come take their naps drew moans, whines, and "Do we have to?" But they were all asleep within five minutes, freeing the moms to don bathing suites, two-pieces, or bikinis and join the bikini-clad single women, who were being hustled by a group of young guns composed of bull and rough stock (bronc) riders.

Zane noted that Cassie had stayed to clean up with the married moms, put their daughter down for her nap, and then changed into her modest bikini. Lindsey had saved a beach towel for her beside the other racers, and she joined them with a smile and thanks.

Her bikini may have been modest, and she might be a few pounds light, in Zane's estimation, but she drew young men like bees to an empty Coke can lying there on the big towel. Zane found that he was more bemused than amused at that, so he dove in and swam out to the raft to sun. He made it a point to face the lake rather than the beach, but he could still hear the happy buzz of young people talking, showing off, and flirting.

'Not my problem', he told himself as he thought about Cassie surrounded by admirers, and closed his eyes.

It was only a few minutes before the raft dipped as someone climbed the ladder and came aboard. He cracked one eye and saw long, wet, blonde hair being wrung.

"Mind if I join you?" Cassie asked politely.

"I don't mind, but I'm sure there are a lot of young men back on shore who do. Are they coming out to join you?"

She sat down beside him, and her smile was as bright as the sunshine. "No, they are busy organizing a paddle board trip. They asked me to join them, but I laughed. The only time I've ever been on a board in water was when you took me to South Padre Island and put me on a surfboard! You KNOW how that turned out, so I told them I was too old and uncoordinated to do such foolishness!"

"Actually, Cassie, you did great once you got the hang of catching the waves. You rode them like a champ, with that great balance of yours, but the timing thing was harder for you."

"All I remember is being under a lot more waves than I was on top of, but thanks for being kind in your recollection. We really did have a great trip, didn't we. I've never been back to 'the coast'. Have you?"

"Casey and I have gone in September the past two years, but we went to Port Aransas. She loves the beach and the waves, and especially feeding bread to the seagulls. She attracted so many to our balcony I got worried they were going to carry her off, and made her come inside!"

He was laughing as he told the story, and Cassie laughed with him, imagining the sight of their daughter throwing bread and being accosted by a flock of seagulls. Then it struck her that she should have been there! She should have been building memories with her daughter and husband, not running barrels in one more nameless rodeo in one more nameless town, chasing that dream!

Zane saw the haunted look, and then watched the agony cross her face. As if he had read her mind, he said, "Yes, you've missed a lot of memories, but you can make more with her. Since she is your new 'highest priority', make sure she is in the center of your thoughts and your life. I'll make room for you, because I know she needs her mommy too.

"Hell, she's started asking questions about things a man just don't know; I'll leave all that to you!"

They got in a half hour of comfortable conversation about the ranch, his parents, and her momma before Brad whistled and Carole waved at them while a little blonde angel rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. The dove in, swam to shore, and spent the rest of the afternoon with their daughter.

Their first order of business was a canoe trip around the lake, which caused Casey to hop with glee while Cassie warned that she had never been in a canoe before. She did fine, and they saw lots of wildlife on the shore and fish in the clear water, so their daughter was happy as a freshwater clam.

Zane was pretty happy himself, what with the nice view he had in the front of the canoe. Maybe she wasn't all that skinny...

Back on shore, the kids shared the few rods and reels they had and caught some nice fish, but it was catch and release, so photos were taken but fish were otherwise not harmed.

Sarah had organized a 3.5-mile hike to the Hidden Springs, and she had six volunteers to keep the kids busy and supervised. The other adults put on their hiking clothes and shoes and headed out with Sarah leading the way. After two miles, it was clear that Sarah, Judy, and Zane were in excellent condition, and the others were not.

Zane was surprised that Cassie was lagging, and asked if she felt all right. "I'm okay, but this has made me realize that I'm in horrible physical condition. I guess several years of hard living got me there, but I haven't tried to get out since I gave all that up. I just drive to the next rodeo, stay in the trailer except during the grand entry, my barrel runs, or when I have interviews, and then do it again.

"My friends call me 'the old lady', and I guess I live like one. Or, at least I'm in the physical condition of one! I need to get back to running and working out in the gym, don't I?"

"Hard to imagine you not running and working out; you were always so conscientious about maintaining your health and looks."

"I... I just don't have much motivation. I don't have anyone... I don't have anything that I care about enough to want to sweat and work out."

"Well, now you do: your daughter. You need to stay healthy for her!" he reminded her with a grin.

"Yes, I guess I do," she replied with a sweet smile.

The Hidden Springs were sort of like The Window in the Chisos Basin, but with a waterfall and without the striking scenery when you looked out. They weren't really disappointed, but not highly impressed either.

With a resolute look, Cassie tried her darndest to keep up on the walk home. She was breathing hard and sweating up a storm, but she did much better. Zane hoped this was the first step in achieving her resolution to get and stay healthy.

They had another hot dog or wrap for supper, and then gathered their chairs in a companionable half circle. "Oh, if only we had someone to play a guitar and lead us in song," Renee lamented. "Maybe we could teach these boys to appreciate something besides bad hip hop."

"Don't look at me!" Zane demurred. "I didn't bring my guitar. Maybe one of the boys has his along."

"You didn't, but Bob and I did!" Carole exclaimed as she brought his case to him.

With a sigh of resignation, Zane said, "Okay, I guess there's no rest for the wicked! BUT, everyone is going to tighten this semi-circle and EVERYONE is going to sing! And that includes you punk bull riders trying to act tough and hide over there!"

The girls coaxed them in, and made them sit amongst them. Cassie sat up front, with Casey and a swarm of other kids around her. Seems "Casey's mom" has become a big hit with the younger crowd.

Zane stuck to the classic western songs most people knew the words to, and that were easy to catch onto even if you didn't. He had to smile when the rough stock riders and bull riders started singing the echo during the chorus on She'll be Coming 'Round the Mountain in the deepest voices they could muster. She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes (when she comes). They were having so much fun the kids joined in and demanded a replay.

It was good to see them having fun like the little kids, and it got even better when they continued participating as Zane played traditional western songs. Someone had failed to properly educate these cowboys, because they didn't even know songs like The Yellow Rose of Texas, The Red River Valley, or Oh Susanna! They had heard Ghost Riders in the Sky, and they out sung everyone on that and Cattle Call, when young Cody even yodeled a bit!

It took two tries on Back in the Saddle Again, but they got it, and when it was time to go they asked to be included for the sing-a-longs in the future. They didn't know it until later, but they had impressed some young ladies who had only seen their 'macho bull rider' sides before.

On the way back, Cassie sat on one side of Casey, and Lacy sat up front. Casey fell asleep right away, so her parents engaged in light conversation with the others in the truck. It was mostly what you'd expect from the 19-22 year old cowgirls in the front seat; gossip about other young men and women on the tour that they all knew. Cassie was dead silent during the conversations about someone's love life, drunken mistake, or bad decisions, and Zane mostly sat quietly and listened, but did engage when the subject wasn't so personal.

Cassie carried Casey to her bed, took off her clothes, and tucked her in. She kissed her cheek, smoothed her hair, said a silent prayer over her, and whispered, "I love you" before standing and looking at Zane. A wistful look crossed her face, but then she went to the door, said, "I had a great time today. See you tomorrow." She closed the door and walked toward her trailer.

Zane puzzled over the nonchalant manner of her parting for a moment before deciding his suggestions to Lindsey must have been taken seriously. There had been no apologies today, but rather a focus on reestablishing the relationship with her daughter and with the other parents. She hadn't been a flirt, but had engaged in conversation with anyone who tried. That exhibited, he thought, a self-confidence and maturity her reticence had hidden.

Zane, Brad, and Cassie were all up in the show on Saturday, which was the last show of the second go round. That meant they knew what times they had to beat to win the go, and what their averages had to be to make the finals.

Suds rated the steer perfectly in the deep box with the long barrier, and Zane threw a wide loop that curled nicely around the horns. Suds turned left; Brad was right on the steer's heels and as soon as Zane had straightened him out, he threw his loop up under the steer and around his legs. The time was slow compared to a normal rodeo with a normal box, but it was good enough to put them in second in the go round and guarantee a trip to the finals.

Zane fared almost as well in tiedown with an 11.1 that put him in first place in the average, and third in the second go. Cassie smoked everyone by a half-second, and went to the short go with the fastest average.

It was a great night for all three, and they were so pleased they gathered up their families and stayed to listen to Dierks Bentley. Casey was too pooped to pop after the concert, so Daddy carried her back to the trailer. Mom cleaned her up, tucked her in, said night prayers with her, and kissed her good night, and then she got a kiss from Dad. She was a happy little girl who dreamed sweet dreams.

Zane and Cassie said goodnight and she went back to her trailer, and Zane had a nice dream that began with a striking blonde in rhinestones and sequins racing into an arena to wild applause.

The short go on Sunday followed Cowboy Church, which happened to be conducted by none other than Cowboy Bob. He was spellbinding, for sure, and the two testimonials were tearjerkers. They were sitting on either side of Casey, whose attention never wavered. Cassie wept quietly during the sermon, entitled "It's never too late", and again during each testimonial. Casey petted her leg and comforted her mom.

After the service Bob made his way through the crowd to them, congratulated Cassie on two years sober, and told Zane he had heard an awful lot about him, from Cassie and other cowboys and cowgirls. He suggested they get together and visit when Zane had a little time -- maybe after the show? Zane agreed to meet him behind the pens near the announcer's box.

They had another phenomenal day, with three firsts in the short go and three average winners! The wins at "The Daddy of Them All" boosted Cassie into first in the standings for the year, and increased the lead for the ropers. They were pretty 'swole up' after the show, but not as much as Carole and the kids.

Zane met Cowboy Bob behind the chutes thirty minutes after the show, and Bob gave him a lot of information he didn't have about Cassie, her asshole father, and the management group he held as responsible as her father.

When he finished his commentary, he looked Zane in the eyes and asked where their relationship was going; Zane told him they were co-parents, nothing more.

Bob asked if that was ever going to change, and Zane shrugged.

"Give it some thought, Zane. You were married to a flighty little princess who lacked bedrock values and a relationship with her Lord and Savior. The woman you see now is grounded in her faith, grounded in solid Christian values, and she wants a relationship with her daughter and the man she has loved since she was sixteen years old.

"Honestly, I wouldn't have advised you to let her near you or your daughter two years ago, but now... now I think she would be the catch of a lifetime. Someone you can trust and rely on, without a doubt!"

***

Cassie had obligations at rodeos in Idaho and Montana, so she turned west after a tearful goodbye with her daughter and a quick hug from her ex.

Zane and Brad turned their Mack trucks south, taking a roundabout way to Texas. They parked their rigs and boarded their horses with a friend near Fort Collins, Colorado, rented a Suburban, and spent the next three days exploring Rocky Mountain National Park. They stayed in Estes Park the first night and were entertained by the Elk grazing all over town. After a good breakfast, they crossed the continental divide on Trail Ridge Road.

They stopped at almost every overlook, astounded by the beauty, and they parked at the summit to take the 1.1-mile hike. Breathing at 12,800+ feet elevation was a chore, but they stopped frequently to marvel at the tiny plants that made up the alpine tundra, and at the astounding views.

After the hike, the kids were hungry, so they drove on down to the cabin they had reserved in Grand Lake. It was close to the lake, but situated along a fast running creek that was as cold as the barely-melted snow the water came from. The men dropped a six-pack of beer and one of Dr. Pepper in the water with a line tied to each, and the kids were surprised by how cold it was after a few minutes.