Executive's Slut Ch. 01a

"As far as the question of will this work... I am sure you felt her response to you because I could certainly see it."

He nodded. Her response had been significant. He half felt he could have pushed the issue right there but then there would be guilt and remorse for her later. This would be better. "So, you'll begin the protocol on Friday?"

Sarah smiled. After working so closely with him for these years, she could read him. He was fighting the impulse to jump ahead. He understood the need to follow the process even if he was tempted to demand faster results. They had a process prepared, what was called 'the protocol' by the consultant they had hired after seeing Karen's survey results.

"Yes. Friday will be the beginning. Then, I am sure she will be agreeable to continuing with sessions on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of the next two weeks." She reviewed the process... again. Friday morning would be a similar survey but it would dig a little deeper, probe more detail. While she would be occupying her with lunch, the results would be compiled and salient responses programmed as subliminal reinforcing messages and suggestions hidden in ambient music that will be provided to Karen with special noise-canceling headphones. She'll be innocently encouraged to use the headphones at home when not otherwise distracted to help her avoid periods that might turn lonely. Subsequent visits will continue the process. She may not understand why the surveys continue but she won't object. The music will be replaced with new messages each time and each time she will be presented with a new example of the company's concern for her: a lawn service to take mowing and treatments from her concern; a gym membership and introductory personal training sessions; moving to an allowance for basics to alleviate money concerns. These awards will also mask the feeling of euphoria and eagerness to please. Because they are already elements of her being that have been buried and dormant, unrealized by her equally compliant husband, she'll likely only feel a sense of actualization and fulfillment.

Patience. All he needed was patience.

* * * *

I was tentative about returning to the Trinity building Friday morning. What was it they could do for me? I had spent a lot of time remembering that survey I had completed online. The survey they knew about. I had expressed loneliness in my answers. Answers I had given not after Gerald had left but before, well before. Not having Gerald around now might compound that feeling of loneliness but it wasn't the real source. The real source was us. Gerald and me. The types of people we were and what that made us when combined. How do you feel loneliness when you are with someone? I had expressed frustration, too. Maybe more frustration than loneliness. In a way, I decided, the frustration was an outcome of the loneliness. I felt alone because I didn't feel supported, encouraged, challenged, or desired. Could I really blame it all on Gerald? I probably shouldn't. As it turned out, he wasn't much different than me in personality but he got his direction, support, and encouragement at work. It wasn't within him to give it to me, though. It wasn't within him to step outside of himself for at least moments to give me new experiences, to ASK me what I wanted.

So, how could Trinity Enterprises possibly give me something my husband couldn't?

I had committed to Sarah, though. And to Mr. Baldwin. Yes, Mr. Baldwin. What a powerful, strong man. I wondered if I would see him, again.

I passed through the main entrance doors and... froze in place, the revolving door almost hitting me as it continued to turn. There standing by the reception desk was Sarah Thomas. She had a Visitor security badge ready for me and a big, welcoming smile on her face. In thinking about that survey, my issues were far more than being without Gerald but maybe, just maybe, their concern, their caring, might indeed make some difference.

Sarah settled me in the extra office of the Executive Suite. I noticed Mr. Baldwin's office door was closed. A man like him must have important meetings and phone calls constantly. She set me up at a laptop computer at the desk. She turned the light low and provided a pitcher of ice water and a glass. A real glass-glass. It might have been crystal for all I knew. It was 10:15.

About 10 minutes into the questions, I saw the question I had been thinking about myself.

'Do you think you have a tendency to want someone to make decisions for you?'

Yes, I answered.

Then, 'Would you be embarrassed to admit to others or yourself that you desire someone to make decisions for you?'

My finger hung over the key that would mark 'yes'. Unless I am honest in my answers, I thought to myself, all of this could be a waste of time. I pressed the key... Yes.

'Do you feel you lack the confidence to make decisions for yourself and others?'

Yes.

'Have you wished you had someone strong and supportive to help you with choices and options?'

Yes. God knows Gerald couldn't.

'Have you wished you had a strong man to direct and guide you?'

Yes. Is it getting hot in here or...?

It went on like that. Once it started with my insecurity, my lack of confidence, my need for strength and direction in my life, it continued. Slowly, it showed me the logic, the reality of my condition in life, how I have always lived and I began seeing where my strong feelings of loneliness came from and the frustration I came to know but never understood. Never understood until now.

A knock on the door and Sarah cracked the door open and peeked in. I smiled up at her. She held a box in her hand. She called them noise-canceling headphones. She said they were programmed with soothing ambient music. Very restful. Calming. She wanted me to spend 10 minutes in quiet so the survey didn't become too stressful. Stressful answers, she said, would be counterproductive.

As I left, Sarah said she would be in touch. I wasn't expecting it to be the next day on Saturday. She called Saturday afternoon apologizing if she was intruding. Heaven, no, I told her honestly. She explained that her husband was playing golf and she was reviewing the file. I have a file apparently. She had often mentioned how seriously Mr. Baldwin considered helping me. I found myself smiling while talking to her. She said she was excited about the survey results and was wondering if I was using the headphones. I assured her I was and that I did, indeed, find it very soothing and relaxing. I told her I felt the relaxation deep down and that was odd but nice. She asked me to come in Monday at the same time and to not forget the headphones. I didn't even have to think about it. I assured her I would be there. I thanked her profusely.

Then, she said something that clutched my heart, emotions rising within me. "Thank you, Karen, because I enjoy being with you, too. But this is Mr. Baldwin who is driving this."

Mr. Baldwin. Of course. Such a strong and decisive man, in control and committed. I feel so fortunate to have a man like that on my side. The memory of how Gerald's inability to give me that flashed through me but was quickly overridden by the image of Mr. Baldwin sitting next to me on the sofa, his fingers lightly touching my arm, his voice calm but also firm and commanding, his attention fully on me, caring and confident. After the phone call, I put the headphones back on.

Monday was similar. The same small office, the same laptop, the same process of questions (always answering with YES), and the same breaks with the headphones with some new music. This was repeated Wednesday and Friday. The same happened the following week. Each day I was happy to go in to meet with Sarah but each day I went in I hoped to see Mr. Baldwin, again. I was disappointed to hear that he was to be out of town on business on the second week. But, each day I went in turned from being 'happy' to go into 'excited'. Each session motivated me and clarified who I was and what I needed to be happy and content, to feel fulfilled and whole. Each session provided me with new music for the headphones that seemed to ease my feeling deeper and deeper into my psyche and self-awareness. The survey questions evolved over the sessions. They delved deeper and deeper into my psyche, my latent needs, and my desire to be led and to please.

'Have you always desired a strong man who could provide for you, lead you, guide you, and make decisions for you?'

YES

'Have you lacked the confidence to accept the attention of such men?'

YES

'If you were with such a man who would take care of your needs, guide you in new things, help you experience new things, would you want to please him and do everything you can to show your appreciation?'

YES. Oh, God, yes.

The question eventually led to the decisive impression. The impression that triggered everything for me.

'A person who lacks the confidence to make decisions and wants someone strong to guide them, lead them, decide actions for them in their life is called submissive. Do you think you are a submissive who has always yearned for a strong man to guide you?'

I sat back and stared at the question. I have been so conflicted over my feelings, so embarrassed by the wish that a decision would be made, by someone, anyone, throughout my life. This was why. Why hadn't I seen this before? Because I have been in a relationship where there were two of us. The source of my loneliness. The source of my frustration. My finger hit the key so hard, I flinched. YES!

The questions continued to progress, evolve, seeming to lead me deeper in self-awareness. A new awareness that might have been shocking if it didn't seem so obvious in reflection. New days in the small office in front of the laptop intermixed with time with the headphones that turned into major periods with them at home (it was so calming, so affirming strangely) led me deeper into me.

'Since you are submissive by nature, do you find yourself attracted to the idea of a strong man to lead you?'

YES.

'Since you are submissive by nature and yearn for a strong man to lead and control you, do you desire to obey him in whatever way he wants?'

YES. Oh, God, yes, please.

'A submissive finds serving a strong man to be a very pleasurable experience. Do you desire the pleasurable experience of serving and pleasing such a man?'

YES.

On and on. Each session. Each new time with the headphones. I eagerly awaited each new session in the small office, each new time in the Executive Suite hoping for a glimpse of Mr. Baldwin who I knew to be such a strong and controlling man, and each new time with the headphones that seemed to bring its own comforting thrill.

'Since you desire to serve and please such a man, pleasing him would involve dressing accordingly. Such men would be pleased by dressing sexy, wearing tight, revealing clothes, high heels, and stockings, don't you think?'

YES. I pressed my thighs together.

'Wearing sexy, revealing clothes is exciting for you because the man is pleased and you want to please the man, don't you?'

YES.

'In fact, when such a man looks at you with arousal and compliments you, even crudely, it arouses you. The more attention you can entice the more aroused you would become, wouldn't you?'

YES. I am sure I would.