Exit Strategy

"We're good. Not the way I thought it was going to go, but I wasn't thinking clearly enough, I guess. I knew you were smart, but I guess I didn't realize how smart. I guess I should go tell the girls there won't be any disagreeable situation that they have to rescue me from. They'll be disappointed, but they'll get over it."

"They better. I'm somewhat civilized, but if girlfriends of yours that should know better start messing with me on your behalf, I won't put up with it. You know, the type of female that thinks infidelity is 'no big deal' and forgiveness by the spouse is a 'god-given' right. I'm allowed to be pissed, although I'm a gentleman and I won't go out of my way to show it. Just warn your girlfriends not to get in my face and try to 'explain' that I should have done something other than what I did. Having them get involved in our business won't make things any better, only worse. Keep a tight rein on them, please. I'd prefer to keep this civilized."

"OK, I promise. You've been very positive in your actions and I'll tell them to let you be. I think they'll be smart enough to do so. I'm not positive, because the silly cows didn't believe me when I said you wouldn't hit me or make a fuss. Any one of them that hassles you about it, you send me a text and I'll rip them a new one for interfering. Somebody might call the cops if two guys get into it, they certainly will if a guy gets into it with a woman, but they never will if two women get into it with each other. That's just a cat-fight and it's nothing serious. Even if I punch an interfering bitch in the stomach, I'll get away with it. It's not fair, but nobody ever said life was fair."

"Be careful. You might run into a someone who is a rabid feminist and insists on gender blindness. Society isn't as forgiving about female behavior as it was in the Fifties. Then, bad behavior by someone of the female persuasion was written off as 'one of those things', but it isn't always true now. Keep a bottle of Midol in your purse, if things go wrong and you have an official problem, you can always try to put the PMS spin on things. You never know, it might work and can't hurt to try."

"That's sneaky. A good idea, but sneaky just the same. I'll do just that. With that as my closing statement, I think it's time I said goodnight. I don't think I should leave the silly cows alone much longer. They worked out a signaling system for me if I got in trouble, even though I told them it wasn't needed. Still, they don't know you well enough to trust you, and they might make some stupid decision and come barging in to 'save' me. I better leave before they do."

"OK. Remember to see Bob on Monday morning. You can pick up the papers anytime after ten. If you change your mind between now and then, or at any other time, you can pick up the divorce papers instead. Your decision. It sounds weird, but I hope things work out for you. Either way. I do want to say one thing. If you do come back, I'll try not to hold it against you for straying. I don't know if I'll succeed, but I'll try. If you can make it work with your new guy, I'd recommend you take that option. I only give myself about a thirty percent chance of being able to put what we had back together. Sorry, but that's the best I can offer. A less than probable chance at reconciliation. I'll try if you ask, but it might be best if you didn't count too much on that option's success."

"I figured that. I didn't even think about that before, but watching you work so hard to treat me right after what I did... Well, I made my bed, and now I'm stuck sleeping in it. Knowing what I know now, I wish I hadn't done it. Goodnight."

She blew a kiss in my general direction and left. I'm glad she didn't try to kiss me goodbye. I'm afraid that might have been too much to take. I'm pretty good at controlling my anger, but a kiss goodbye would probably been too much for my emotional control. I feel regret when something doesn't work out, I just control it. My control had never been tested this far before, though.

I sat there for a while, not really thinking about anything in particular, just kind of 'zoning out' as the kids say. At least they did when I was younger, who knows what they say now? After a while, I shrugged and decided to make a call.

This is only one side of the phone call. You have to fill in the comments from the other party from your own imagination.

"Bev? David, here."

"Yeah, she just left."

"Pretty much went the way I said it would, she decided to take the separation option, but I doubt she'll stick with it till Monday."

"I warned her it might still end in divorce, but it was her choice. I did make one last minute change. I warned her that reconciliation was iffy, at best. She has the option of picking up either set of papers, and I'll wait and see what she chooses."

"Yeah, she and the dumb-shit didn't know that I know they've been fucking."

"Of course I haven't fucked her since I found out! I'm not an idiot, you know. The tests came back clean, so I don't really care.

No, I told her I wasn't going to go looking for her replacement, but I wasn't going to turn down any applicants for the vacant position... OK, I know you've got a list of people who are interested, and I'm not saying 'No', I'm just saying 'Not yet'."

"At least until she's returned the signed paper-work, that's how long!"

"She's pretty decided, and I know she's already got a lawyer."

"Of course I knew about the lawyer, Bob has lots of friends that owe him favors. I knew about her lawyer the day after she saw him."

"Well, both sets of papers have the proposed settlement figures and with the pre-nup, he'd have to be an idiot to suggest that she contest anything."

"No, I don't think she'll come back. She would hate to have to admit that she made a mistake and she can get pretty stubborn about it."

"Yes, it is a little like cutting your nose off to spite your face, but that's the way she is."

"Yeah, it's kind of like that old joke, 'If you're stupid enough to want her, I'm smart enough to let you have her'."

"OK, I'll see you Monday at the office, and don't let anyone on your list try to jump the starting-gun. I'm definite that I want to have her signature on either divorce papers or a separation agreement before I talk to anyone else."

"Yes, 'anyone else' includes your niece! Relatives do not get preferential treatment."

"OK, as soon as I get the signed paperwork she can be the first one to ask me out on a date but that's it, nothing more."

"No, the way I had Bob word the separation agreement, if neither one of us calls it off or if either one of us wants a divorce, the separation papers automatically turn into divorce papers. I'd be surprised if her dipshit doesn't talk her into pulling the trigger before the week's out, but if she doesn't, I will. The way it's arranged, after it becomes a divorce action, everything is settled. She's already signed away everything but her car and ten thousand dollars. It's worth that much to me to get this mess over with quickly and it's just chump-change."

"Yes, I've seen her picture in her bikini. You know that, you've shown it to me often enough."

"No. Getting together 'just for coffee' is still dating. Alicia has to wait for the paper-work..."

"Damn it woman, I've been married for six years, Alicia and the others can wait a couple of days."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that it will be only a couple of days."

"I've been right about everything so far, haven't I? What makes you think I would stop being right, now? You know, you're not really my mother even though you act like it."

"OK, I promise I'll look at Alicia's picture in the bikini again."

"OK. I realize that if I get together with Alicia I'll be your nephew-in-law, but you don't get special privileges until then."

"You know you're already special enough, you've been acting as my surrogate mother since I opened my office. That's why I told you that there was probably a divorce in my future."

"No, I don't mind that you warned the other girls in the office and a few selected friends that I might become available. I would have kept it a secret, if I minded."

"Yes, I know that you would have figured it out, you always do. But, I also know that you would have kept it to yourself before I confirmed it."

"I knew that because I'm not stupid, that's how."

"Yes, we can continue to have lunch together, but Alicia is not invited to those lunches."

"OK, 'Office Mom', I'll see you Monday. Bye."

OK. I guess you figured out that there were more reasons than 'emotional control' for why I wasn't upset about Cindy leaving. Maybe way down deep I'm shallow. (OK, not an original concept, it's a paraphrase of words from a song done by Christine Lavin, and I don't remember much else about it. It's pretty apt, though.) I was still pissed at being dumped, but I had options. Bev told me yesterday that her list of 'prospects' for any future dating was over thirty in number and growing steadily, even though she had winnowed out another twenty or so who were already married. I don't much like cheaters, and I don't plan on dating one. (Cindy is a special case, five and a half years of fidelity earns you a second chance. If she asks for one, that is. Knowing her, I doubt she will. She wouldn't want to admit she'd been wrong, you see.)

Hey, I just said I wasn't going to go looking. I didn't go looking, I just mentioned to someone that I might be single sometime soon and she took it upon herself to do the looking for me. Not the same thing. Close to the same thing, but not exactly the same. A lot of guys go through a a period of depression where the wonder if they're still attractive to women. I didn't really get much of a chance to do that. Five minutes after I told her I might be single at some point in my near future, Bev had her first entry on her list. She never really liked Cindy, anyway. Besides, Alicia told Bev that she'd gotten a crush on me when she was twelve, and still had it to this day. (Eight years ago, before I even met Cindy, if you must ask. I'm not a cradle robber. There is an age difference, she's twenty and I'm thirty-two. Not enough to deter Alicia, and not enough to bother either Bev or Alicia's parents. Me? I'm flattered. Also, as I may have mentioned, I'm not stupid. She's fucking gorgeous and smart as a whip with a nice personality. I'm not that shallow! Well, I'm almost that shallow, I did say she's fucking gorgeous, didn't I? That might have been enough all by itself.)

We'll have to see what happens. The prospects for my future don't exactly devastate me. If it doesn't turn out to be Alicia who consoles me, I've seen Bev's list. They're not all 'tens', but there isn't a single one on the list that isn't at least an eight-and-a-half. I can live with that. I don't have much of an option, do I? I'll probably live, unless Alicia meant that part about fucking me to death literally. Bev thought that it was just her being funny. We'll just have to see what happens in the future.