Explicit Defiance

Explicit Defiance

Inaya Chase

September, 854 C.E. - Baghdad

If someone were to grant me the chance to return to the beginning and correct my steps to a different path, I would not repent. Does that make me evil? I am not certain of anything anymore, but one thing: she is worth it all, and whatever damnation may come. She changed my life--rescued me. Even now, I am content to face what comes with the memory of her in my heart. My life is cut short; but my soul will forever freely soar in the heavens with thoughts of my love to carry it. I am not afraid.

My life truly began while I was at the Bayt al-Hikma - though not for the reasons for which I originally came there. I was an apprentice under the great astrologer, Abu Ma'shar al-Balkhi. It was my duty to assist him in translating parts of the texts of Aristotle he needed for his incredible research, and to assist him in his various needs throughout the day - pouring his tea, fetching books he made need from the library, and the like. This work was my dream since I was a child. I was an apprentice to a master scholar, and one day will take my place among the scholars of my generation! Many days, I felt like an imposter who was tricking everyone into believing I was something I was not - but I was among the top students in my schools, always. I had worked hard to be there. I deserved to be there - things I had to remind myself of daily. And my master at times had to remind me as well. He was always so kind to me, as he was to most everyone he interacted with.

Part of my duties was to accompany him to the Salat al-Jumu'ah on Fridays. As one of the Bayt al-Hikma's most respected scholars, Hakim Ma'shar would always attend prayer at the Caliph's Mosque. On the few occasions when he was traveling or was too ill to attend publicly, I would instead visit the Mosque of Rusafa on the northern side of the city, near where I was raised. One night after the prayer, I decided to walk past the Tomb of the Caliphs. It's always so peaceful there, and it's a good place to think, to study--just to be alone, away from the constant company of the academy.

As soon as I arrived at the Tomb, I pulled my notebook out of the bag I carried, as well as a copy of my notes from Hakim Ma'shar's lecture I'd made from one of his public discourses on Aristotle's texts about the planetary motions. I've always found the planets most fascinating of all subjects. I imagined myself one day being a great astrologer like the Hakim, giving lectures in the madrasas and palaces around the world, with hundreds of people surrounding me, hanging on every word.

I looked up from my books when I finally noticed my eyes struggling to read the words on the codex pages. It was getting dark, and the stars were beginning to shine through the haze of twilight. I heard a soft sound in the distance, among the tombs: the faint rustling of leaves. As I looked up, my eyes were drawn to a small, white figure stepping out from behind a palm tree. A dog, covered in white fur with the most beautiful canine eyes in Baghdad, stood before me wagging its curly tail. I've always adored white pishdars especially. My father owned several and I used to play with them as a child: especially the puppies. I took a box from my bag, opened it, and slowly pulled out a date.

"Here, boy. It's just for you." I smiled and held the date out towards him. He licked his chops and dipped his head before he came trotting towards me, and happily took the date from my fingers. I slowly petted his soft fur and spoke softly to him.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself, boy? It's getting dark. You should be out hunting or something, shouldn't you?" I thought for a second, then bend down to look under him. "Oops, my apologies, girl. Well.... since you're here, why don't you keep me company while I get in what little reading I can before it's too dark to see? I've got plenty of dates for you in return. My name is Azhar al-Rashid; what's yours?" The pup just looked at me and cocked her head as I gently pet her. I gave her another date before going back to my reading. I read for as long as I could aloud, with my new friend sitting at my feet, happily panting as she stared at me and ate a couple more dates. Finally, I lifted my head as night fell and made it impossible to continue.

"Well girl, I'd better be going back. It was nice meeting you." I looked down at her as I stood up. "Why don't I come back next week when I've finished my duties at the academy, and I'll bring better food if you come visit me again. I might even give you a lecture on Aristotle. You can be my first student." I smiled as I packed my things, then began walking back. I looked back, and the dog was following me.

"Are you going to escort me all the way back to Bayt al-Hikma?" The pup just stared at me as she caught up. I continued on my way, my new friend never leaving my side. When I walked through the gate, she sat there. Perhaps after a while, she'll leave and do whatever dogs do in the wild. After a long week at my work, I was exhausted and went straight to bed when I reached my room.

Over the next few weeks, I visited the tombs every Friday after the Salat al-Jumu'ah to visit my new friend - and every week she would sit at my feet, munch on snacks I brought her, and listened to my lectures on the heavenly motions as if I were a great Hakim. Through the week, I would set to work looking forward to the Friday visits to the cemetery, having put together a whole new lecture for my student to learn from. She was becoming my one, true, and best friend in this world. Strange how such animals can sneak into our lives and fill us up so.

One night as I was quoting an excerpt from Physike akroasis I'd translated, she got up and started walking away. Thinking I was boring her, I called out but she ignored me and strolled behind the mausoleum. I put my notebook down and stood up to go after her; but before I could take my second step, something else stepped out from behind the structure--a woman. She was entirely beautiful, with flowing hair as black as the night sky, and eyes that shone like the stars of the heavens. Her skin was a light and tan, and she wore a streaming, sky blue Abaya with gold highlights. She was stunning to behold: a vision full of mystery and intrigue, with every step approaching from the depths of dreams. I was speechless, blushed, and turned my gaze. I fumbled over my words.

"Assalamu Alaikum" was all I could muster.

"Walaikum asalaam, Azhar al-Rashid" she responded. I didn't even notice that she somehow knew my name. I began to gather my things, apologize for disturbing her, and make my leave, but she continued: "I have a confession to make to you, and must ask your forgiveness." Confused, I froze for a moment and turned my head to her.

"I have listened to you these past weeks and have grown quite fond of you. I..." she trailed off and looked towards the ground as if pondering what she would say next. "I wanted to meet you.... as myself, in a sense at least," she said as she half raised her arms and looked down at herself before folding her arms in front.

"I.... Have we met before?" I asked sheepishly.

"Yes, in a sense. I have been visiting you here in this place, listening to your speeches and your readings, and have begun growing fat on your delicious foods, I'm afraid," she half-smiled. "I thought it was time I finally introduced myself properly." I was utterly confused, but this woman intrigued me entirely. Before I could speak anything but a baffled stammer, she explained.

"I appeared to you as the white pishdar, one of my normal forms to take when I go wandering in the city. I am jinn." I froze, frightened out of my wits before I began repeatedly mumbling the Takbir in fear for my life.

"You... You don't have to do that, Azhar!" She put up her hand gracefully and stepped forward to calm me. "I'm not going to harm you. I'm not an evil spirit. I'm just....me. I promise, I only want your friendship."

"Wh...What are you doing here, and why did you come to me?" I asked nervously.

"You came to me, Azhar, and offered your friendship. I'm just returning the courtesy." I unlocked my frozen limbs and straightened myself cautiously. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said the only thing I could think of.

"What's your name, jinn?" I felt sheepish for asking an evil being its name.

"I've been called by many names in many tongues. My real name.....It doesn't matter. But you may call me Layal." It seemed like a perfectly normal, perfectly human name--as human in sound as this being born of flames appeared in form. I invited Layal closer, and we talked for hours. She said that she has a deep love for philosophy, logic, and the written word; and that she loved listening to my lectures on Aristotle. She wanted to know more.

Over the next few weeks, we became close friends. But instead of my coming and giving lectures only, we talked. We debated. We learned and grew together, sharing our thoughts and our learning. I've never had a true friend before; but Layal became very dear to me. I was falling for her. Beyond her enchanting beauty, she was a brilliant thinker and had the heart of a poet. I remember one conversation we had, and it changed my life. We were debating about metaphysics, and I quoted a passage that Hakim Ma'shar had asked me to translate for him:

"'Everything, therefore, that will be, will be of necessity; for example, it is necessary that he who lives shall one day die; for already some condition has come into existence, for example the presence of contraries in the same body. But whether he is to die by disease or by violence is not yet determined, but depends on the happening of something else. Clearly then the process goes back to a certain starting point, but this no longer points to something further. This then will be the starting point for the fortuitous and will have nothing else as cause of its coming to be.' This is Allah: the creator of all things." Layal sat quietly for a moment, pondering.

"We jinn have our religions, and they differ at some points as with you humans. Many jinn have become Muslim since your Quran was written." she said.

"What about you? What do you believe?" I asked her.

"I once believed in such a god. Long ago, there had been wars over such things. I was once a soldier in one of them." She paused, looking to the ground before she continued. "There are many kinds of beings in this world, Azhar. Some you know of, and some you've only heard stories of. There are some you can see, and some you can't. And some that can do things you've never dreamed of, like us jinn or angels like the one who insipred your holy book. Some are more powerful than others. And yes, there are some that are the most powerful of all creatures. But power doesn't make one a god, nor worthy of worship or devotion."

"Have you been worshipped as a god, Layal?" She looked up at me, and smiled like a mother smiles at her child when they say something sweetly ignorant.

"I have lived for a very long time, Azhar. And of the three intelligent beings on this earth, you humans are the least powerful, and most eager to seek power. Yes, I have been both worshipped as a god and feared as a monster - neither by any demand or desire of mine. I am neither, nor not worthy of any such admiration. No being, no matter how powerful, is. The problem is, there have been some who do not share that sentiment. So to answer your question, I believe in powerful beings. I'd be a fool not to. But I would not surrender what power I have over myself to another simply because they have more power. Neither would I use what power I have over another to make them surrender theirs to me. That is not divinity, Azhar: that is nothing more than tyrant."

"That...." I stopped, my head feeling as though it were going to explode. "I see your logic. Your argument is compelling. But I don't know if I can accept it. It betrays everything I hold dear."

"That is okay, Azhar. You don't have to. But if you do find it compelling, may I quote your Aristotle that 'It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.' Think on these things and decide for yourself on such things. I only speak my belief so that we may discuss and learn from each other." What a novel thought.

...

It was late at night, and I was preparing for bed. It had been a long day of study and translation for Hakim Ma'shar. I had made sure I was alone, then took off my wig, untied my hair and let it drape over my shoulders, and began brushing it as I thought about this coming Friday night and my visit to Layal. I was madly in love with her. She was everything I ever wanted and had been denied because of who I am. And she was a jinn, no less. I am such a fool. What could I possibly hope for beyond a distant admiration? Besides, I did not sense anything more from her beyond her love for our conversations, and deep friendship. To hope for anything more would be idiocy. I sighed, removed my robe, and slowly began to unbind my breasts for the night until they bobbed down, free from the suppression of the linen binding. Suddenly there was a rustling noise behind me.

"Forgive me Azhar; but I had a question that couldn't wait for Fr...". Layal was now standing behind me, an image of grace and elegance from songs of old. She paused mid-sentence and froze in place. I suddenly realized my nakedness. She abruptly unfroze herself, looked downward and began to back away. "Forgive me. I....I did not mean to intrude on your privacy. I should have announced myself before entering the room. I....I'm terribly sorry for my rudeness." She began to step towards the window.

"Layal, wait!" I jumped up, forgetting my nakedness. I was trying to catch her attention while keeping to a whisper so not to awaken any of the men in the dormitory. I reached out to touch her arm. A magical pulse coursed through my fingers and up my wrist - not a painful sensation. It was.... Allah forgive me, it was an exciting feeling. Layal must have felt it too, as she stopped and looked at me, wide-eyed. "Can we go somewhere where we can talk? I think we have much to talk about now."

She nodded, and I quickly grabbed my linen robe. She quietly walked me to the window, put her finger to her sweet lips, and shushed softly. Then she began to change, transfigure. Her beautiful form melted and shrank, with puffs of lit embers and blueish-purple smoke enveloping around her. Her legs seemed to melt into talons and her luscious skin grew feathers. Her face disappeared, and her head shrank, then elongated into a beak. She molded herself into a giant falcon-like bird and stood there silently, staring at me. In an instant, she had me plucked by my robe in her talons, and we flew out the window, northwards. She gently let my feet touch the cold ground and released my robe when we reached the cemetery, then landed in front of me. In a moment of fluidic motion and ashy smoke, there she was - the woman I had begun dreaming of at night. She had an inquisitive look on her face.

"You're.... Not a man." Was all she said. I looked sheepishly down at my breasts, and then lifted my head back towards her.

"Apparently not." I shrugged. We both stood there for a moment, speechless. What does one say in a situation like this.

"You're hiding it from the men in the Bayt al-Hikma so you can do your work." Certainly not the most marvelous of her deductions since we'd met; but correct, nonetheless.

"I am. Look, I know it is not ethical, as Aristotle would say; but..."

"No, no. You don't need to explain yourself to me. I understand the necessity for this all too well. I just... It caught me unawares. I had no idea. The beard looks so real." I touched my bare lips.

"My father: barber. It's real beard hair. Just not mine." I softly giggled and shrugged. "Does this mean...."

"You're beautiful" she gasped, wide-eyed. "I'm sorry... I don't mean to be rude. I'm just, in shock. You are lovely, though, Azh...." She paused, stunned by the realization that Azhar was likely not my real name.

"Farah" I interjected.

"Farah....Oh, thank the gods" she panted.

"I thought you didn't believe in..." She cut me off with a deep kiss of her supple lips. Stunned by her motion, I began to back away, but found myself losing all control of my poise and leaned into the warmth of her kiss, hungrily pressing my lips to her affections as if I were ravenous for them. My whole upper body was pulsing with the magic her lips drove through our connection. I could not contain my body any more than I could my affections for her. This is deliciously wrong. As our kiss broke, all I could do was stare at her enrapturing eyes - so deep and so full, I did not have the strength of my sanity to dare let my heart sink into them and be forever lost.

"What does this mean?" I asked nervously. Layal only took a step back and gazed at me tenderly. I didn't say any more; only wrapped my fingers around the top seams of my robe and tugged until they slid past and shoulders and floated to the ground at my feet. Layal gasped, her eyes burning with wicked desire. Then beginning from the top, her abaya seemed to dissolve slowly around the skin of her lavish body. And there we stood, gazing at one another: two spirits in unbridled complexions, spellbound in the wake of abandoned fetters over passion and hunger.

Layal slowly took my cheek in her hand and leaned in for another kiss. Our lips slowly parted with the pressure of the kiss, and her tongue met mine in the bond. Her hand gently traced up my arm as I took hold of her bare hips, and she stroked the skin of my collarbone, our lips never parting. She began to kiss down my neck and towards my breasts as she slowly kneeled in front of me. She began to press my body backwards, forcing me to back up until the skin of my ass met the cold stone of an altar-like table behind me. She raised her arm and pressed against my sternum, urging me to lie back on the table. Her eyes flashed with sultry desire as her other hand grasped my breast before trailing down my belly and further. I stroked her silken hair as I climbed back onto the table and propped myself up with my hands holding me up behind me. With her tongue, she teased my nipple, and waves of energy pulsed through my body like racing gazelles leaping throughout me in all directions from my breast until they met in my core. I could feel myself swelling and becoming wet from anticipation. What will she do to me?

She varied in her touch from her tongue to her lips and back again as she caressed my skin, down to my center. The closer she got, the further my legs spread: an invitation to my sweet Layal. She responded with a delicious Mmm as she kissed her way to my soaked labia. She grazed the silk of my lips slowly with her whole tongue, her hands holding both thighs in place so that the movements of my ecstasy wouldn't hinder her enjoyment of my body. Her tongue pressed against the opening of my pussy, and she licked my wetness all the way to my clit with a moan of pleasure. My whole body was shocking from the magical waves her touch was sending throughout my core.

"My sweet Farah. You have not been touched by a man." She said, with a pleased moan.

"If it were possible without my secret being known, I....I have yet to meet a man that I desire."

"Oooh, that's my good girl" She responded with a wicked grin before she returned her lips of wine to my wetness. "Perhaps you will find that no man can make you feel this way." With that, she gave me another long, drawn-out lick before she turned her attention solely on the bud of my clit. I felt as though my spirit left my body as the flicked the tip of my clit with her tongue. Her silky lips, soaked with my nectar, enclosed around my clit and she began to suck and tease with the tip of her tongue methodically. Her magic sensation was flooding my senses. My legs began to quiver, and my back arched. I suppressed a great cry coming from within me as I gripped her hair and pressed her head to my pussy, needing more of her even as I was gushing all over her in my climax. As I soaked her chin in my coming, she pressed her finger through my entrance and pressed against the wall of my insides, sending me even further into the abyss of my frenzy. I was left panting with every one of my limbs coursing until I had no strength left. She lifted herself from her knees, my wetness dripping down her neck to her collarbone. She looked over my quivering body until her eyes met mine, a sultry look in her eye. Her hand came to her mouth, and she licked the wetness from her finger with a sigh of satisfaction.