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His slippers made little sound on the thick carpets, nor did the door squeak on its hinges when he opened it. He smiled to see her there, so innocent and sweet, untouched by the ills of this world, in the land of peaceful dreams. He paused to look at her, not wishing suddenly to disturb her slumbers, but then he saw her smile.
"You kept me waiting," she said, as she turned down the sheet, which allowed his eyes fuller viewing.
"Sorry, my Lovely. I lost track of time reading. It's wont happen again." Philip promised, as he slipped his robe from his shoulders. Turning, he hung it on the hook behind the door.
"I wish I had that in writing," she laughed, a deep throaty sound that made him pause a moment in his undressing. "You, are forever loosing track of time, my love."
Silencing her scolding with his lips, Philip crawled into the big bed next to her and slid himself again her silken skin. He felt her breasts pressed against his chest as her passions awakened to the same fire as his own. Then he was being turned, not at all against his will, onto his back. Her hand was on him then, stroking the length of his cock. He moaned into her mouth as she deepened the kiss.
"Oh, how I will come to love you, my sweet. You will be like honeyed candy to a starving child after years of bitter fruits." She tightened her fingers around him till it was almost painful but it was a pain that Philip relished. "I am going to devour every part of you."
Pulling her in next to his face, Philip whispered into that delicate ear.
"And I you, my Lovely."
She laughed, kissed him harder then with surprising force straddled him. Philip cried out as she guided him into her with such fierce haste it hurt. He then felt her long nails driven into his shoulders as she pulled at him to send his length into her. The delicate look to her face quickly faded to a hungry, lust filled, mask of enraged desire. Philip looked up into his sweet sister's lovely lust driven eyes wishing this night would never end, wishing he could be here with her forever. Wishing he could spend all of the lost centuries giving her pleasure and receiving it .
He wished. He wished he---? What was it he had wished for again? The feeling of puzzlement grew the more he tried to remember that wish.
As his sister rode his cock, Philip tried to remember just what order of events had brought him to this point but his mind was overwhelmed by the unbridled fury with which he was being fucked. Unable to bring his mind to focus Philip caught hold of Elbreth's soft hips and tried to slow her movements. She snarled at him and batted away his hands. He cried out at the sudden pain that flooded his hands. Looking down Philip was shocked to see the lines of blood beginning to drip from the backs of his hands. She had clawed him to the bone.
"Wait--- stop," he muttered, as she doubled her efforts and pushed him down to the bed. Great clouds of dust boiled up from the sheets.
A putrid stench, born from the nearby marsh no doubt, hit Philip then. He wished that she would stop long enough for him to go close the window, to keep out that smell of rotting, decaying plants, and the sick smell of long stagnant waters.
Opening his mouth to ask her to stop he felt floppy wet lips mash in this own, then a gagging retch threatened him as the foulest taste ever filled his senses. He tried to push Elbreth off him so he could---
Elbreth? The sister of Adrian from the book? What?
Opening his eyes fully for the first time in hours Philip looked up at the creature riding his cock. He saw eyes the color of burnt flesh looking down at him from a face that---
His mind was screaming out the last of his sanity even as he began to cum.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 7 years agoNeeds lots and lots of work. Not nearly as good as the other F5 I read. Sorry.
Barry
Anonymousover 9 years agoIt simply never got off the ground. Never captured my interest. Never created anything entertaining. No stars.
jomaralmost 10 years agoYour story was well written stylewise and I enjoyed it, but I did have a couple of quibbles. He didn't seem entranced enough to not notice or dismiss the clean wine bottles or fire starting, and so it seemed a bit of a weak transition to him going upstairs to her.
Swillyalmost 10 years agoGood little horror story. That would have made a good Night Gallery story for sure!
xelliebabexalmost 10 years agoThis was a dark little tale from beginning to end. Not normally my thing but i liked how you handled it.
AMoveableBeastalmost 10 years agoFull disclosure: this was pretty deep in my wheelhouse, so maybe I'm biased.
While it does suffer from a few technical problems, as noted by others in the comments, that didn't really bother me. It had such a classic horror feel, like the pulp comics I used to read as a kid. With a healthy dose of gothic horror. I kept picturing the sister and thinking of "Old Hag" of a nightmare poised on a young man's chest, riding him in his sleep, in his dreams, this time, to death.
The descriptions were excellent and many of the scenes were handled with a deft touch--the magical attack in the swamp comes to mind. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Maybe you are taking advantage of my nostalgia, of my soft spot for dangerous women and all things terrifying and mysterious, but, like the men in this story, I can't resist. Loved it.
SecondCirclealmost 10 years agoDid I enjoy reading this? Well, yes. In that you've succeeded. The atmosphere was pretty cool. Very dark and ominous. Made me want to pick up a candle and explore the room.
The story read from the book about the family's lineage was intriguing. That much kept me reading wanting to know about what had happened. It was a bit unclear at times, and a few times I had to retrace my steps to get a better grip on the occurences. I will say some of the descriptions were beautifully and thematically done, while other times they were bulky and kind of overloaded the pacing. A bit confusing, but I liked them.
I do feel like the book and its contents took center stage, the fulcrum on which the story tilts. Which is a good thing. I kinda feel like I wanted a bit more from the handkerchief and the knife. They were included very subtly, and when you did it was pretty creepy and cool, I guess I just wanted to read more of their roles. Which is a good thing too. And after all, I only saw the requirement as writing that opening line, not making each item a major theme.
Sex? Meh, tastefully vague and fit right along with your prose. It didn't do much for me but I can live with that. Mainly because the eerie and effective horror you used. I liked the curse concept and the "thing" that ailed the family in the guise of the Lovely. Great stuff there.
In all, I liked it. Cool direction taken from that sentence, though it did get a little wayward and puzzling here and there. Good luck in the FAWC.
SC
patientleealmost 10 years agoI loved the subtle ending. I feel like I need to brush my teeth after this one.
stlgoddessfreyaalmost 10 years agoYou had an excellent premise and good Gothic horror elements. Plot-wise, this could have read like "Fall of the House of Usher" meets an old-fashioned haunted house/witch's curse campfire story. It felt like it only got partway there, though, and the editing and usage errors (envelop = verb, envelope = noun; feted = celebrated, fetid = disgustingly smelly) were distracting.
I think you missed out by not giving some focus to all three of the prompt elements and only focusing on the book. The book itself could have been much stronger if you had inserted "passages" from it throughout the story in a contrasting voice to show the inevitability of what would happen to Phillip in the end. As it is, the story is primarily Phillip's interpretation of what he reads in the book, where you could skip that element altogether and just let us read the book. While you did a decent job of showing that his perception of what's going on in the house is warping the longer he stays, the whole story would have been more effective with more emphasis on that.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoAn interesting take on the theme. Imaginative. A bit convoluted, though, and couldn't give it high marks because the technical mistakes intruded and it wandered a bit to a rather mild conclusion for a horror story.
