Fake it to Make it Pt. 05

Chapter 9

I didn't know why this kept happening between us but I wasn't going to complain. At least not while it was happening. I lowered myself onto Beck's lap, straddling him again, and his hard dick slid against my moisture as I ground on him. His hands went straight to my naked breasts, followed by his stubbled face and luscious lips. His tongue traced a hot trail from my collar bone to my breasts, lingering on the sensitive peaks of my nipples. He wasn't just touching me, he was worshipping each inch of my body with an intensity that left me breathless.

Beck's grip tightened on my hips, guiding me in a rhythm that was all pleasure and need. My pussy slide across his length making both of us grow wild with desire. His dark eyes never leaving mine as he whispered filthy promises into my ears. "Fuck i'm going to fill you with my seed"." His words were a heady mix of love and lust that only seemed to amplify our connection--body and soul. "Make you beg for my cock... God I want you so bad."

The room was filled with the intoxicating scent of us, a scent that was raw and primal. Every moan, every touch, every move we made was magnified in the small room we shared. Beck sucked on my earlobe, his teeth lightly grazing it and sending shivers down my spine. His fingers dug into my flesh as he thrust up against me, naked skin against naked skin.

"Have you ever had anal?" he asked, sliding a hand down around my hip bone and across my ass. I'd done it once before but it was painful. I didn't know how to answer him. I just wanted to come.

"Mmmm," I moaned and bit my lip as his finger touched the hot ring of muscles in back. I gasped a little when he forced one finger in, too dry to really enjoy anything. "Fuck..."

"Because I don't want a condom. I want to feel you grip me." His teeth nipped and bit down on my skin as he thrust a finger into me over and over, and my pussy ached for penetration.

I was lost in the moment, head thrown back, eyes shut, and he was expertly exploiting every single exquisite sensation. Beck's hand worked with an experienced familiarity that both heightened and prolonged the pleasure coursing through me. My breath hitched as he slid another finger in, stretching me, preparing me for something I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for.

"You're so fucking tight, Nev." His voice was low and gruff, laced with desire. A third finger joined the others and he set a slow rhythm that had my heart pounding in my chest. The discomfort from before evaporated as my body adjusted to his intrusion. I rocked against his fingers riding on the edge of pleasure and pain, gasping at the foreign yet intriguing sensation. "You're okay?" he asked, his eyes never leaving my face, reading my every expression.

I bit down on my lower lip hard, stifling a moan as his fingers worked a delicious pace inside me. "Yes," I managed to gasp out, my voice barely a whisper.

He chuckled, the sound low and husky. It vibrated through me, adding another layer of sensation to the deliberate movements of his fingers. "Good," he said, his free hand moving up to tease one nipple into a hardened peak.

A breathy moan escaped me, and I felt the twitch in Beck's body. The echo of his raw need mirrored my own, winding us tighter in the heated moment.

"Ready?" he murmured, his fingers withdrawing slowly. I nodded, my fingers clutching at his broad shoulders as anticipation and nerves bubbled inside me. He spat on his hand and brought it back to my ass, spreading his spit around my tight entrance, and then gripped my hips hard.

He shifted, pulling me closer until I could feel the head of his cock pressing against my entrance. I took a trembling breath, gritting my teeth as he started to push inside. It was a different sensation compared to the norm; foreign and slightly uncomfortable, but tolerable. I whimpered and dug my fingernails into his skin, meeting his gaze and watching the lust haze form in his eyes.

"Relax," he said lowly, his fingers gently kneading my flesh. "Fuck, you're so fucking tight. Oh holy fuck, you feel incredible..." The look on his face was one of pure ecstasy. Slowly, gradually, he pushed further inside me, his breath ragged as he fought to control the primal urge within him. His muscular chest rose and fell with each labored breath he took.

"Oh shit, oh shit!" It was so intense I thought I'd split open, but when he sank two fingers into my pussy and used the heel of his hand on my clit, I really lost it. "Oh my god, oh fuck, Beck..."

"Shhh, baby," he whispered against my ear. His hand continued its expert ministrations, his fingers plunging into my core at a steady pace while his thumb rubbed small circles on my clit. The dual sensations were overwhelming but Beck held me close, whispering words of encouragement as he thrust harder into me.

"I've got you," he murmured, his voice strained as he fought to maintain control. "You're doing so good for me, Nev." The intimacy of his words made the intensity of the moment skyrocket.

I cried out as pleasure and pain intertwined in a glorious knot low in my belly; a wave of ecstasy rippling through me. His name tore from my lips as he drove deeper, hitting a spot that had my body lighting on fire. "Yes... oh God, yes..." I gasped, the pain forgotten as my body found itself in a rhythm with his.

Beck's breath was hot against my neck, his skin slick with sweat against mine. He sucked at my pulse point while his hand rubbed frantic circles on my clit and it was only a matter of moments before I felt my climax building. "I'm...I'm going to..." I managed to gasp out.

"Let go, Nev." He rasped, the intensity of his thrusts increasing as he drove himself deeper. His voice was guttural, raspy from exertion and desire. "Cum for me."

His words sent me over the edge, my orgasm hitting me in a wave of pure pleasure that left me gasping, my body convulsing around him. His name was a mantra on my lips as he continued to thrust, riding out the aftershocks of my climax. I could feel the tension building in him, his movements becoming more erratic and desperate. "Fuck... Nev," he growled, his arms tightening their hold on me as if he was trying to pull me even closer.

His body jerked as a deep growl tore from his chest, echoing through the room, as he reached his own peak. His climax crashed into him, waves of pleasure rolling through our intertwined bodies as he spilled himself inside me in potent bursts.

His fingers dug deep into my hips, as he stilled within me; the heat from his release spreading through me like liquid gold. His breaths came out stuttered against my skin, his face buried in the crook of my neck. The scent of sex, sweat and Beck was heady, intoxicating. We were a tangled mess of limbs, slick bodies pressed tightly against one another.

"Fuck," He breathed out after some moments, still buried deep within me. His hands traced slow circles on my back, his breath warm on my skin, slowly bringing me back from the heights of ecstasy.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, pulling back to look into my eyes. Each word was laced with a hint of worry, his brows furrowed slightly as he studied my face for any sign of discomfort.

I nodded, my body still sensitive and buzzing from our shared high. I could feel him still inside me, slowly softening. "More...more than okay..." I replied, a small smile teasing at the corner of my lips.

He chuckled lightly at that, his hands moving to gently tuck some stray strands of hair behind my ear. "Good." His thumb traced feather light touches down my cheek before leaning down to press a soft kiss against my lips--tender and sweet this time.

I hardly thought he'd remember any of this because he was, once again, so wasted his eyes were heavy-lidded and barely open. He gripped me around the waist, holding me in place as he slid to the side and laid his head on the armrest of the sofa, then stretched his legs out. I couldn't help but be pulled into his embrace, draping myself over his chest. His heart hammered, whether from exertion or from the alcohol, I didn't know, and I tugged a blanket he had lying over the back of the couch down on top of me. His arms reached up and wrapped around my body and I quickly fell asleep on top of him.

When I woke, I was flat on my back next to him. The lights were still on in the apartment, and I could see the sunlight peeking through the curtains on the far side of the room. Beck was away, hovering over me, looking down into my eyes and brushing the hair out of my face. I stiffened, feeling very startled by him staring at me and feeling really vulnerable. My naked body was pressed against his and he wasn't drunk at all.

"You slept over?" he asked, gently caressing my cheek. His hand slid down over my jaw, then my shoulder where he traced a figure eight on my skin.

"Uh..." I stammered, not sure how to react. "Yeah, you were really wasted and we ended up fucking." I winced inwardly at the harsh word for what we'd done. I didn't think of it as just "fucking." I wanted more, and I wanted him to want more, but judging by the look on his face, he didn't want anything. Or it could have just been a hangover, but I wasn't about to just boldly ask him. If I did that and he flat-out rejected me then what would I do?

"Yeah, that makes sense." He stated to get up, taking the blanket with him, and I squealed and pinned it to my chest. "What?" He looked down at me with confusion and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was in pain.

"Uh, I'm naked," I muttered, still clinging to the blanket. Obviously he'd seen me naked, but he was drunk then. And now he was very much not drunk at all.

He rolled his eyes and dropped the blanket pushing himself to his knees and then standing by the couch. His dick was rock hard, standing on end with the worst case of morning wood I'd seen in my life. Though he was awake watching me sleep for a while, so maybe it wasn't entirely morning wood. He looked at my eyes and then where my eyes were looking and I feel my cheeks burning.

"I gotta shower. I have a few things to do today." He walked off toward his bedroom and I felt stunted. That was his reaction to us having had sex again? Did he even remember it? My heart started to sink and disappointment crept in. Then he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Need to shower?" he asked me and I felt instantly frozen.

"Nah, man. This is just an agreement, right?"

Why the actual fuck did I say that? This was not just an agreement. I was in love with him. I hated myself. I hated everything about the way my insecurities kept me from being real with him. If I just told him how I felt he might give me a shot. We weren't kids anymore. He wasn't the college cool kid and me the lame highschooler. We were both consenting adults and we both clearly wanted each other a lot.

"Suit yourself. I was gonna tap your ass again," he said, stroking his dick a few times and smirking, and when he walked away I pulled the blanket over my head and groaned inwardly.

"Goddammit, Nev," I scolded myself quietly.

He could very well have wanted me again and it could have led to a conversation about what was really happening. I turned onto my side and pulled the blanket down uncovering my face. His phone lay on the table now plugged in to a charging block that was very much not there when I drifted off to sleep. He'd woken up at some point, pulled out of me, gotten his charger then come back. And he probably wasn't even drunk.

What the hell happened? And was he thinking about having a relationship with me now? Or was he just taking advantage of the fact that a beautiful model was on his couch?

I got up, dressed, and left his apartment as quickly as I could. I was confused and disappointed in myself. And I was angry too. I felt stuck in a fake relationship with him, when I really loved him, but instead of faking loving him I was faking the opposite wishing I could be myself.

How much worse could it get?

Chapter 10

After a very frustrating conversation with my client who demanded answers to questions I was uncertain of, I tried calling Drew. He, of course, did not answer the phone and I was left grasping at straws. My gut told me the right thing to do, but my self-confidence was at an all-time low following the falling out I'd had with my sister. In fact, it seemed that every part of my life was suffering, except this strange dynamic I had with Nev.

I wasn't complaining about that, but I didn't expect it to last either. She was literally a supermodel who could have any man she wanted. There was no way she was going to fall for a loser like me. So I kept my heart sheathed in a thick layer of anger and bitterness, walls I used to protect myself so it didn't destroy me when people left, because they always left.

"I'm going for a walk," I grunted at my secretary as I walked past her desk. It was a dreary day. The skies threatened to open up and downpour on me but I couldn't be fucked to even care a smidge. I even left my umbrella in the corner of my office. Maybe a part of me hoped I got rained on so I could go home and drink.

Three blocks away from work my phone rang. I ignored it at first, thinking it was my client or maybe my secretary with yet another work problem. But the tiny ember still burning in my heart that hoped it was my sister roared to a flame when I thought about it. So I pulled my phone out and looked at the caller ID, pleasantly surprised to see it wasn't any of those options.

"Gran..." I used the volume button on the side of the phone to turn it up so I could hear her over the traffic and felt my shoulders grow every so slightly lighter. My grandmother hadn't called in a few weeks and I'd been so preoccupied I hadn't reached out to her either. It was always good to hear her voice. She and Poppop had raised me and Cici after my parents' accident. They were our only family, and sometimes it felt like they were all I had.

"Beck, baby, I just talked to your sister. How are you doing?" She sounded concerned, and rightly so. If Cici told her we'd been arguing, that's why she was calling. Gran wasn't a micromanager like me, but she did care very much about both of us. I'd heard her telling Poppop--who insisted on being called the childish name despite both of us being adults now--that she feared how we'd fare if they both passed on.

"I'm okay, Gran. Things are good. Business is booming and--"

"Now you stop your lying, Beckham Andrew Alder." It wasn't often that she brought out my full name, but when she did I knew to respect it. She wasn't my mother. I was a full grown-ass adult, but when your grandmother scolds you, you know you needed it. I froze up, not sure what to say because it was clear she'd called with an agenda. So I just let her talk.

"Cecelia told me you two are fighting. I want to know what this nonsense is about." Her tone was sharp but caring. My shoulders again sagged under the weight of the feud between me and my sister.

I knew Cici blamed me entirely, but it took two people to argue. She could have been more understanding, forgiven me sooner. And I knew I could have been more apologetic and remorseful, but at this point it came down to whether Cici ever spoke to me again. I couldn't be remorseful if she didn't even listen to me.

"Have you been pulling your pranks on her again?" she asked and I got the feeling Cici hadn't actually told her what we were fighting about. I had the chance to spin it my way, make me seem like the innocent one, but I couldn't lie to my Gran. Not anymore.

"Not exactly, but she has a right to be angry with me. I just screwed up, Gran." Pushing the call button to trigger the walk sign, I hovered by the crosswalk and waited for cars to pass. It was humiliating being lectured by my eight-something-year-old grandmother, but I deserved it.

"Well, let me tell you something about women, Beck. They don't like to be manhandled. They like to be cared for. Cici is no different. She wants to know you have her back; she doesn't want to be controlled."

So Cici told her some things, but not everything. I figured as much. She probably needed someone to vent to since Nev was out of the picture now. I really didn't see her wanting to vent to her best friend when she was dating me. Which left more questions than answers now. What if Cici just stopped being Nev's friend now? Had I damaged things that much?

"I know, Gran." I sulked across the street, scowling at a homeless person who begged for quarters. My entire world paradigm felt shrouded in dark shadows. Once up on a time I'd wanted to be wealthy so I could help people, because I knew what it felt like to be helpless and in pain. Now I looked at the less fortunate in life with disdain and judgement. I hated myself for that. Pain had ruined me, turned me into a drunk and a monster.

Nev, however, had softened some of those edges. She was good for me, someone I could see myself with long term. I just didn't think she'd say the same about me.

"Alright, well, you need to call her and apologize for whatever it was you did. And you need to come visit me. Both of you..."

"Yes, ma'am," I told her, and I meant it. "I'll make sure Cici and I come to have dinner one night really soon. You take care of yourself, and Poppop."

Gran said her goodbyes and hung up, and I found myself alone with my thoughts again. This thing between me and Cici had to end. Nev's plan seemed to be working slowly, and I wondered if there was some way to kick it into high gear. Because if not, my Gran was going to be very displeased with me, and so was my client.