Fake It to Make it Pt. 07

Chapter Thirteen:

Nev

The vomiting incident following the horrible salad with blue cheese dressing must've been an isolated event. Maybe it was bad lettuce or something. All I knew was I hadn't thrown up again despite the positive pregnancy test. It made me feel queasy, but I didn't think it was morning sickness, not after I looked it up and found out that I shouldn't even be having symptoms for a few weeks yet. Which was a good thing--other than my tits being a bit tender and the fact that I was more tired than normal.

Jeremy told me to take a few days off after that. He didn't want other models getting sick, and I didn't mind having the time off. So I lay curled on my side scrolling my social media when Cici texted me. I hadn't told her about the baby. I didn't know when I would even tell her. It was something I'd barely wrapped my mind around and besides I had to tell Beck first, and with the way things were going, that was about as likely to happen as being struck by lightning.

I swiped across to her messages and read them, but I didn't respond right away. I understood her concern over me, though it was also tinged with a bit of the same controlling vibe that Beck put off sometimes. Cici wasn't exactly like her brother but they were similar. I knew it stemmed from an insecurity about the future and perhaps a bit of the upbringing they had. But I had never been at the business end of it with her. She only tried to control her own future or circumstances, never mine. So this was a change.

When a new message came in, I couldn't ignore it.

Cici 3:17 PM: Nev, are you ghosting me? You know I just want what's best for you.

The heart-hands emoji she used did little to soften the rest of the messages which ranged from "you're fucking your life up" to "why don't you see what this is doing to me." The latter made me feel like she didn't care about my happiness at all; she knew how I'd always liked Beck. The former made me think for a second about what was actually happening. Just dating Beck would never fuck my life up, nor would falling in love with him. But this... the part she didn't know about, definitely did.

I didn't consider the baby to be a fuck up, but it sure threw a wrench into my future plans. Post-baby bodies just weren't the same as virgin skin. I'd never land gigs for the best pay or top clients anymore, and I could definitely forget about that L'Oréal shoot. But it wasn't life ending either.

Nev 3:18 PM: I'm not ghosting you. I've been feeling sick. I took a few days off per Jeremy's orders.

The phone dangled from my hand and I hoped she just left me alone. She was my best friend but I was feeling at an all-time low and didn't want to be forced to entertain anyone or fake being okay. I hadn't even talked to Beck in days and he was relentless in his calls and massages. If the people closest to me were annoying me, it meant all I could do was isolate myself until this mood passed.

But Cici texted again, proving that she had gotten that tenacity gene from her parents that Beck also had.

Cici 3:18 PM: Did you read my messages? You're not serious about dating my brother, are you?

The three dots indicating she was still typing appeared and rolled across the screen and I locked the phone and closed my eyes. She couldn't see that she was doing the same thing to me that he had done to her. Beck tried to convince Cici that Drew was bad news, that he would play her and then dump her. While this situation was slightly different and she feared Beck would just be overly controlling with me, it was identical in the fact that she was trying to make me afraid to be with him. I wanted to point that out, but in doing that it would only anger her. My goal had to be to help her reimagine her brother in a better light.

The phone buzzed again but I hesitated a second before opening it and looking at it. The heavy emotion from what I was going through mentally and hormonally made me feel incapable of responding. I didn't even want to read it, but I did.

Cici 3:19 PM: You know him, Nev. It'll start small at first, telling you you can't wear a certain outfit, or that it's showing too much skin. Then before you know it, he'll be worse than Keith. You'll find yourself doing what he wants when he wants, feeling miserable.

I sighed and decided the only way to respond was to put on a strong front. Cici had always respected me when I stood up for myself.

Nev 3:20 PM: I like him. I want to date him. He hasn't been bossy with me or even tried to control me at all. I think you're not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Her response came immediately in the form of a flurry of messages.

Cici 3:20 PM: OMG

Cici 3:21 PM: You can't be serious.

Cici 3:21 PM: He really got to you, didn't he?

Cici 3:21 PM: Tell me you don't really want him... Fuck's sake, Nev.

Cici 3:21 PM: Do you really want to date another Keith? He knocked you around and turned you black and blue.

Her words stung, mostly because she knew how sensitive I was to that topic and how it had affected me in real life. I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to fix what that bastard broke inside my heart.

Nev 3:22 PM: I'm going to assume you lost your mind because my best friend would never bring that up.

Cici 3:22 PM: I'm going to assume you've lost your mind too because my best friend would back me up.

Cici 3:32 PM: If you don't stand up for yourself, that means I'm going to have to get involved and do it myself.

I was seething mad. I sat up and breathed deeply for a few seconds, fighting the urge to just call her and cuss her out. Best friend or not, she was being mean and I had boundaries. Instead of trying to react to her words and get back at her, I thoughtfully responded.

Nev 3:33 PM: Does that mean you're going to come to dinner? You can tell him off to his face.

Too upset to lie back down, I carried my phone to the kitchen where I stared at the bottles of wine on the wine rack wishing I could pour myself a glass and soak in a hot bath. Instead, I pulled a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap. Maybe goading her wasn't the best idea. I knew her. If she was really upset with me, she'd just stop talking to me too. That would defeat the entire purpose of this stunt Beck and I were pulling and when my pregnancy came to light, it would be all the more painful.

But my phone buzzed and I knew it was her response. My hand shook as I raised it to read what she had replied with. I didn't even know if I wanted a dinner now. God knows I wasn't able to mask what I was feeling the best on a normal day. I was sure I hadn't gotten the worst of the pregnancy hormones yet, and maybe they hadn't even started. It was only going to get worse.

Cici 3:35 PM: Fine. I'll be there. Send me the info.

Tears welled up in my eyes but they weren't tears of joy. They were tears of frustration for arguing with my best friend. Cici and I were better than this and this situation with Beck had reduced us to immaturity we'd outgrown years ago. I didn't respond to her again. I just shoved the phone into my pocket and drank my water while I cried. At least I had the day off so I didn't have to think about what my face would look like for a photo shoot.

When my water was gone, I set the glass on the edge of the sink and slunk back to the couch where I collapsed and stared at the wall. The bed would have been more comfortable, but it was farther away and I couldn't be fucked to go in there. A show would have been nice, but the remote was on the entertainment center and I couldn't be fucked to get up and retrieve it. And I was otherwise frustrated with life, or I'd have pulled my phone back out to continue scrolling.

Then the doorbell rang and I scowled. With red puffy eyes, I probably looked a mess. If it was a coworker bringing me soup or something I would be mortified over them seeing me. If it was Cici it would only be another argument. I couldn't even think of anyone else it could be so I ignored it. Until the ring turned to banging and then a lumbering voice.

"Nev, it's me. Open up... I know you're in there." Beck's booming tone sounded excited and happy. Two things I was not feeling at all. I groaned and closed my eyes briefly but I knew he wouldn't go away. That night at Cici's he stood there for twenty minutes pressing the buzzer even when I was at the front of the building telling him Cici wasn't even home. The night all of this started.

And he was probably drunk, as usual. It was something I didn't prefer, but he wasn't mine either, so I didn't really have a right to express my opinion about his habits and ask him to change. Though, if we ever did get serious it had to go. I didn't mind casual drinking but being wasted on a daily basis was extreme and unhealthy.

I forced myself off the couch and staggered to the door as I used the hem of my hoodie to wipe my eyes. I was horrible at faking things and even worse at lying, so I had no answer for Beck when he breezed into my apartment asking me, "What's wrong?" He looked shocked that I was crying, though if he knew I was home it meant he'd stopped by the studio and found out from Jeremy that I wasn't there today.

"Nothing," I said, forcing a very painful smile. It made sense to happy cry, right? Because Cici had finally agreed to do dinner with us. Beck didn't need to know that she was doing it in spite.

He raised one eyebrow and dropped the other, crookedly pursing his lips. "You're crying?" His half-question, half-statement almost made me burst out crying even harder, but I managed to clear my throat and chuckle.

"I just got a text from Cici that they'll do dinner with us." My announcement didn't feel proud or happy. It felt bitter, the taste of anger and sadness.

"Fuck yes," he grunted as he turned and headed for my kitchen. "I have good news too! You're going to want to sit down, and maybe have a drink too." I followed him and he went straight for my wine rack, pulling a Moscato and two tumblers out.

"Uh... Beck..." I protested. Drinking while pregnant was a no-no and I didn't know how to politely tell him no I wasn't drinking without giving something away. He looked up at me as he searched the drawers for a wine opener.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not feeling well. I don't think I should drink..." My tiny voice seemed to make him pause. He stared into the drawer he had open and then shut it, setting the bottle of wine back onto the counter.

"You're right..." His shoulders tensed then relaxed as he breathed in deeply. "New me," he said, almost so quietly I didn't hear it; I did, but I pretended I didn't. New him? I was confused. Then he turned to face me and jammed his hands into his front pockets of his jeans. "I'm trying to quit drinking myself."

The news washed over me like sunlight warming my soul. Beck was honestly trying, and it moved me. "That's really great, bud..." I couldn't help myself. I reached for his hand and when he reached back, I squeezed it. "I'm proud of you."

"That's not all." He beamed a broad smile at me and it was contagious, stretching to make my lips curl upward too.

"What else?"

"I bought the house Cici and I grew up in. I'm going to fix it up and invite her for dinner." His chest puffed up ever so slightly and I caught the wave of his excitement. I'd never been there, but at times Cici talked about it as if she remembered. I didn't think she had many memories, but she missed the feeling of "home" associated with it. Beck buying it was a sweet move, though I wasn't sure what motivated him to do it.

"Fix it up?" I asked, relinquishing my grip on his hand. I wanted to pull him closer, feel his arms wrap around me and comfort me, but to him this was just fake. Sure, our friendship had shifted and changed since faking a relationship with each other, probably deepened a bit more than either of us had expected. But we were still just fake dating. He hadn't made a single mention of wanting anything for real other than really fucking amazing sex, so I had to keep my heart in check.

"Yeah, it's a bit run down. Needs a roof, some updates inside. I want to make it shine..." He stepped closer to me and I felt my body gravitate toward his too. "Say you'll help me fix it up..."

I nodded and grinned at him and felt the frustration of my earlier conversation with Cici melting away. This was exciting news for him, though it didn't change anything for me or between us, but I wanted to support any strides he made toward bettering himself. Buying a home was a huge deal, and moving out of that apartment into that home would be a significant milestone for him.

"We should celebrate!" In saying that, I thought maybe his celebration would be having dinner or buying ice cream. But I was taken by surprise when he leaned in and cupped my cheek, planting his lips on mine generously.

I yelped in surprise but I didn't back away from him. Maybe he was overcome by emotion or excitement, but sober Beck had never just kissed me. Only drunken Beck did that. And sober, very wide-awake Beck was so irresistible I didn't even try to remind him that we were just fake dating.

"Is this okay?" he asked, and I froze.

It was very much okay, and very very much not okay too. My heart was so fucked up already. If I had sex with him when we both knew we weren't an item, and my heart got more attached to him, how would I feel when he came back and said, "thanks for the sex but I gotta run?" Still, my heart--and body--wanted what they wanted. I bit my lip and nodded but I knew I should've said no. I should have just told him this was fake and if we were going to have sex, we should talk about what it was doing to my heart.

But he rested his hands on my hips, then slid them around to my ass and around to the back of my thighs. Then he hoisted me upward and wrapped his legs around me as I clung to his neck. I was a ragdoll in his arms and he was free to do as he pleased.

"God, I've been so worked up for days, Nev. This is exactly what we needed to happen. They're going to have dinner and we're going to knock her socks off with that house." He spoke as he carried me toward my bedroom, as if he knew the way because he'd memorized it over hundreds of trips.

"Yeah..." I mumbled and when he got to the bedroom doorway he paused.

"You okay?" he asked, looking into my eyes. "If this isn't okay, I can stop."

My heart knew better, but my body wanted him now. The comfort of his warmth and embrace, the release of orgasm only he could give me now.

"I'm absolutely fine. And you're right, we should celebrate..." My heart being destroyed, I thought as he continued toward my bed.

His lips were on mine before I could finish my sentence, swallowing the words and silencing the unease that was gnawing at my conscience. He'd tasted of sin and victory, a wild combination that made me dizzy with need. I clung to him tighter as he gently laid me down onto the bed, his hard body pressing into mine.

"Are you sure?" he asked once more, his voice a raspy whisper against the shell of my ear. I loved how he always gave me a chance to pull back, to say no. He was a gentleman disguised in a wolf's clothing. But the pull toward him was stronger than anyone's suspicions, stronger than my own fears. My body was responding to his in a way that left no room for doubt.

"Yes," I whispered back, my voice barely audible. The single word seemed to awaken something within him. His lips devoured mine with a fierce intensity, his hands roaming over my body like he was trying to commit every inch of me to memory. His hands tore at my clothing and mine at his until we were bare, skin on skin, working up a sweat.

Then he rolled until I was on top of him, breasts crushed between us, and his firm hands holding me at the hips. His eyes bore into mine with a contagious passion, his breath hitching every time our bodies moved against each other. He let me dominate for a while, his strong arms providing support as I explored the contours of his chiseled body.

"Nev..." His voice was deep, thick with desire and need. He grabbed my hand and guided it down lower, to unexplored territory that pulsed with an almost urgent demand. "Touch me, Nev." His hands nudged my shoulders, urging me lower. This was new, but I wasn't put off by it.

I complied, my fingers venturing beneath him where he was hard and ready. The gasp that escaped his lips encouraged me, so I stroked him harder as I repositioned my body over his, straddling his chest and backing up to his face. His hands gripped my thighs and pulled me downward onto his eager tongue.

He lavished me with his attention, his tongue swirling and teasing in a way that caused my breath to hitch in my throat. His hands wandered along my thighs, tracing patterns before delving deeper. I slowly took his shaft into my mouth, moaning out my pleasure as I sucked him and stroked. It only made him eat me harder, devouring my juices.

"God, Nev..." He murmured, the vibration of his voice sending shivers racing down my spine. He was relentless, a perfect storm of pressure and pleasure that had me riding the edge of ecstasy. The room was filled with our heated pants and soft cries. I continued to stroke and tease him as well, matching each movement with one of mine. His fingers dug into my flesh as my rhythm increased, the tension between us building to a crescive wave that threatened to break and sweep us both away.

"God, Nev..." He repeated my name like a mantra, each syllable punctuated by his gasps of pleasure as I worked him in my mouth. I felt his grip on my thighs tighten and before long, I could feel his body shuddering beneath me.

"Wait..." I heard him whimper. "Wait, Nev." But it was too late for waiting. A cascade of pleasure washed over me, rippling through every nerve ending as he convulsed, his cock pulsing in my mouth. As he let go, he pushed his fingers into my pussy and rubbed my g-spot, and all I could do was swallow his load as he fingerfucked me to completion. Wave after wave of powerful spasms and pleasure shook my body and I almost bit down on his dick.

A growl of pleasure slipped past his lips as my body trembled and convulsed above him. The room shook with the intensity of our climax, the air heavy with the scent of sex and shared intimacy. I drank him in greedily, the taste of him searing into my memory as waves of pleasure washed over me.

"Wow," he panted, his voice choked with satisfaction. His fingers continued their rhythmic dance within me even as my orgasm began to ebb. But my stomach clenched around them and I exhaled sharply at the renewed pulse of pleasure.

His grip loosened on my thighs and I slowly slid off his body, rolling onto my back beside him. His chest heaved with exertion, his skin slick with sweat. I traced lazy circles on his firm chest with my fingers, enjoying the feel of his still rapid heartbeat against my touch. His arm curled around me, pulling me into his side as our labored breaths synced up and began to slow.

"Did we...?" He started, voice raspy from our activities. His fingers tentatively brushed through my tangled hair, pushing it off my face and tucking a few stray strands behind my ear.

"We did," I said softly, turning my head to press a gentle kiss against his bare shoulder. I didn't feel awkward at all this time. I felt like Beck enjoyed what we did, like he wanted me, even though should I ask him about what was going on, he'd still say it was only a fake relationship--an agreement.

So rather than tainting the moment, I savored it, rolling to my side to strike up a conversation about his newly purchased property and what sort of work it needed. It was the most natural thing in the world and I didn't want to even think about whether or not it was genuine emotion I saw in his eyes. I just wanted to be with him in this moment and forget the world.