"I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything."
I read a quote the other day from of all people, Sharon Stone, the actress, best known for her movies Basic Instinct and Casino, just to name two of dozens. Sharon does not strike me as a deep thinker, but we all have our moments. Her quote appears below.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship."
For some reason, perhaps, guilt in the way that it hit close to home, perhaps, agreement in the fact that so many men are insincere and do not work on relationships in the way that women do, the quote stayed with me and my brain percolated it while I slept that night. At the time, I did not know why I thought the quote interesting enough to dwell on it, but I did, and it haunted my thoughts throughout the next day.
Here we all are writing erotic stories about sex, about sexual perversions, and about sexual deviates filled with hot women and cool guys, but what happens after she or he leaves your bed and you are temporarily sexually satisfied but permanently alone. (Do you hear that? That is the sound of loneliness. Yeah, that is what it sounds like...nothing.) Do you just go out and find another fuck buddy and continue the cycle? Doesn't that lifestyle feel a bit empty? No one ever gets to know you and every time you meet someone new, you must put yourself through the stress of walking the dating tightrope with a total stranger, again.
I do not think the cool guy you screwed last night wants to stay to help you clean your house and do laundry with you today or the hot woman who rocked your world last night wants to stay to attend the ballgame or watch the local news with you later. It appears all you had in common, after all, was a moment in time and some casual sex. Do you think years from now you will remember her or his name or what she or he even looks like?
Yeah, sex is fun but, in the words of the great singer, Peggy Lee.
"Is that all there is?"
Think about that. Is that all there is? If that is all there is, then that is not much and, certainly, not enough for anyone to do anything with that other than to continue the process of going from person to person. It is sort of like eating the cherry off the sundae but never consuming the ice cream. I would never feel full if I went through life only eating cherries neither would my hunger for life be satisfied. There is so much more to life than just cherries. There is the bowl, of course.
My attitude is, has always been, and coincides with the philosophical statement that the late, great Freddie Mercury of Queen made in his title song, "I Want It All."
"I want it all."
I want it all and is wanting it all too much to want and to expect to get? I want the sex, the love, the romance, and the relationship. I want it all. Just as it is nothing when you only have one of those parts, namely, sex, it is equally as empty when one of those four pieces are missing and you are left longing for more. When you are left longing for more, you feel restless, lonely, and incomplete. I know, I've been there, just as, we all have been there. That is when you stray looking for that perfect someone who you think can give you all of it.
"You want it all? How dare you want it all? That is so greedy of you, after all, wanting it all. What makes you think that you can have it all or even deserve to have it all? What makes you so special? No one gets it all, not even you, especially not you."
Whether he knew it or not what Charles Dickens wrote about in his Christmas Carol, using Tiny Tim to forward his sentiments, applies today. Of course, he was writing about the very poor and the very rich but his famous phrase, appearing below, is appropriate here, too, when writing about faking relationships.
"Please Sir (or Madam), can I have some more?"
If there is a God in Heaven, then I beseech you, I want more. I want to experience it all. I do not want to be shortchanged in my one life to live. I want the unedited, unabridged, hardcore, X rated, love story that so many of us long for and dream about but do not get. I do not want to settle for watching it happen between two actors on the silver screen or read about it in a book; I want to experience it myself, so that when it is my time to die, I will go quietly in the night without any regrets.
"I got it all. I did it all. Now, I can die peacefully."
We all settle for less. I do not want to settle. I want the moon, the sun, and the stars. I want my heart to skip a beat when I see her and my thoughts to be consumed with her when she is not with me. I want to go for long walks holding her hand and when I am not holding her hand, I want my arm to rest on her body where her waist curves down and away to meet her hip. That is my favorite part of a woman's body, that sexy curve just above her hip. I want to talk about everything and laugh at nothing. I want her to miss me when I am not there and cherish me when I am there. I want to feel more than her lips and her tongue when I kiss her. I want to feel wonderment and amazement. I want her to blank my mind with her kisses and to give me goose bumps with her touch. I want to spoon every night and make love every morning.
"I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything," sings Jennifer Nettles of Sugarland in her song, Settlin' and I wholeheartedly agree. "I ain't settlin'."
When I was with my wife, the best time of my day was in the morning and in the evening when we sat talking over a cup of coffee. Now, there are those who may say, that it was the coffee and the caffeine and not the company that I remember but, I can assure you that it was the dialogue, the relationship, and the bond of love that grew and blossomed between two people, in my instance, a man and a woman, and a husband and a wife. The relationship was bigger than any individual part, the sex, the love, and the romance. Other factors, unfortunately, necessitated that we part.
Having had that in my life, I miss not having that kind of relationship with my girlfriend. Never will I have another relationship like I had with my wife. At least, I had that. The relationship that I have now with my girlfriend is different, yet still good, most times, when we are not arguing and when we are speaking to one another.
There are so many who go through life alone and never experience the love of another. I do not envy those who run the fast life hanging out in bars, clubs, drinking, experimenting with drugs, and, suddenly, are in a panicked rush at midnight desperately trying to find someone to take home for the night.
Those are the ones who hate to be alone but are alone, in fact, more than they are not alone. Those are the ones who cannot open their hearts and reveal their feelings for another. Those are the ones who keep you at arms length making you feel detached and aloof. Those are the ones who are not honest with you because they are unable to be honest with themselves. Those are the ones who cannot commit and truly believe they are happy in their solitary relationship with themselves. To me, that is a depressing state of being, a lonely existence, and something that you do when you are young and before you find that special someone.
Yet, so many never find that special someone, besides, how do you know when you see him or her if she or he is that person? How do you know? You do not know, most times. Some know, immediately. Others do not know and let the one go who they should have never allowed to disappear within the darkness of night.
Life is lonely without love. We all need someone to share our private thoughts, dreams, and hopes. We all need someone to hold onto when the road gets bumpy. We all need someone to celebrate the good times. Otherwise, it is all for naught.
Give me love any day over money. Sure, we all need money to live. Money is easy to get. A job will get you money, enough to survive and make do, at least. Yet, so few of us will find that special someone who satisfies us in everyway so that we will never look at another or think about being with another. How many of you can say that?
Sure, you love the one you are with but do you really? Perhaps, you are just comfortable playing it safe. Yet, if you are thinking about someone else, do you love the one you are with, now or are you biding your time and saving your love for someone else, someone better? Based on divorce statistics of those who have cheated in their marriages, we humans are a fickle lot and are not very faithful, honorable or monogamous. Too many of us are depressed and unhappy relying on others and/or things to fill our needs be it people, food, alcohol, or shopping.
Take a moment to think about it. There is no one else here, just you, the reader, and me, the writer. No one, not even I can hear what you are saying or know what you are feeling and thinking. So, let me ask you, again, are you faking the relationship you are in now? Are you totally immersed in your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other or are you just going through the motions?
Are you thinking about someone else? When you are out and about do you look at others wondering what it would be like to be with them? If given the chance, the opportunity, and the wherewithal, would you choose another over the one you are with, now? Be honest.
There are women in my past who I wonder where they are now and, had I persevered and pursued them past the initial attraction, if we could have had a magical and mutually satisfying relationship together. Who is to know? It is all speculation. Besides, it is too late, now. Why even dwell over what was never to be? Right? Maybe, not. I do not know.
Yet, the fact that I am thinking about this all, now, makes me wonder if I am presently faking a relationship. We all do what we have to do, sometimes, to survive. Sometimes, we take the easy way out or pick the one close by or settle for the one we know we can get. Did you settle? What if you hadn't settled? What if you held out and waited? How different would your life be now making your way through life with another? Think about it.
Maybe, you could have been with that guy or gal who you recently met at the office, had you not already been committed to a relationship. Maybe, you could have had a totally different life living in a different part of the country or world. Your children would certainly be different.
We are only here the one time. It is a sad thing to waste your life with someone you do not love. Love is magical, electric, and orgasmic. Why would you not want to feel that? Maybe, some of us are incapable of feeling and/or wanting all of that. Maybe, it is too much of an expectation to think that we can have all of it. Maybe, it is good enough for them to settle for less. After all, you may not be happy but you are not sad. Everything is status quo. You get to do your thing and he or she gets to do his or her thing. It works. Sure, it works now until one of you discovers that you could have had a V8. Yeah, it's like that.
Yes, I hear you and I understand your plight. Who wants a past-their-prime mother or father with two or three kids? You have too much baggage to be searching for someone else, don't you? You never know, maybe your Heavenly match or overly used sole mate is a past-their-prime mother or father with two or three kids.
Besides, how do you find that special someone? You've already tried bars, Internet dating, and fate to find and/or settle for the one who you have, now. Yet, for those of you who are shaking your head convinced that you are happy in your present relationship, why are you here reading this story if you are so happy with your mate? Why are you here? Think about that for a minute. The fact that you are here now is very telling, don't you think?
Yet, too many are defeated by the how, when, where? It is easier just to say, it is what it is, until it isn't, and I will cross that bridge only if forced to do so in divorce court. It is too late, too complicated, and not worth the effort now, to make that kind of change. Besides, my life is not so bad. And he is a good father or she is a good mother, I could have done worse for myself. Yet, are you happy? I mean, are you jumping up and down on the sofa like that idiot Tom Cruise over Katie Holmes. And if you won the lottery, would you still be with the one you are with now?
I realize there is much to think about now that I forced you to think by reading this piece. I know that if I had more choices, my life would certainly be different than it is now. I truly do not think that I would be sitting here writing stories. Maybe, however, this is the best time of my life and I do not, yet, know it. Maybe, years from now, I'll be missing this time in my life.
Maybe, we all need to live in the moment and be grateful for what we do have, even if we must fake the relationship to believe we are happily in love.
"I want it all and I will not settle for anything less than everything."
That is a great thought to think when you are young but, later in life, if you have someone who is pleasant that may be enough.