Fantasy, Loss, and Summer Love

'You alright?' I asked stupidly.

'Yes. No. I don't know.'

My tee shirt was getting warm and wet from the copious tears she was shedding. 'What's wrong?' I asked.

'Everything. I don't want to talk about it. Just hold me,' she said. After standing there a few minutes, I guided her to the couch.

I knew something serious was wrong. But had no idea what. The obvious answer was her date didn't go well. But how badly? What happened that made her come running to me after midnight? Was it bad enough that the police should be called? It didn't take long to get an answer. She blubbered incomprehensibly until her sobbing tapered off. What little I understood skirted around the nature of relationships between men and women. Differences in expectations. The crudity and callousness of some men. After a half hour, she got to the crux of her distress. I just listened.

'I thought everything was going so well.' Sniffle. 'We had a nice dinner. He was charming. Had a sense of humor that made me laugh. Didn't seem too full of himself.' Sniffle. 'More interested in learning about me than talking about himself.' Sniffle. 'He was nice while we watched the movie. Afterward, we drove back to the parking lot where I left my car. He leaned in for a kiss, which I was looking forward to. But as soon as our lips met, his hand was in my crotch.' Sniffle. 'Didn't even try a breast first. I pushed his hand away, but it went right back. I broke the kiss and pushed his hand away more forcefully. I told him it was too soon for that. You know what he did?'

'I hope not,' I said.

Celia burst into tears again. 'He reached past me and opened the car door. He said - I don't waste my time on women that don't put out. Then told me to get out. He didn't even say good night. Just drove away. And I thought he was so nice until then. I probably would have forgiven his indiscretion if he'd respected my feelings. I cried all the way home.'

'Some guys just want to get laid and don't care about anything or anyone else.'

'You're not like that,' Celia said.

'I'm no innocent. But no, I'm not like that.'

'You're a good guy, Keith.' Celia was quiet for a few moments. 'Can I stay here a while? I know it's stupid. He doesn't know where I live. But I don't think I can be alone right now.'

'Stay as long as you like, Celia.'

'Just hold me, Keith.'

Celia and I didn't talk any more. We both fell asleep on the couch, my arm around her shoulder, her head on my chest. When I woke in the morning, Celia was curled up in a fetal position with her head on my lap. She appeared sound asleep, breathing slowly and evenly. And clutching the palm of my hand to her breast. My raging hard-on was trying to go vertical, pressing against her cheek. It wasn't morning wood. I could feel her warm breath through my gym shorts.

I carefully extricated my hand and slipped out from under Celia. I slid a pillow under her head. It was just after four. I left Celia there and went to get ready for work. I intended to let her sleep when I came back into the kitchen to grab my lunch and leave for work. But she was already gone.

It was already sticky and warm as I left for work. It just got hotter and more humid as the day progressed. It was a miserable day for working outside. Just few minutes in the sun was torture. Everyone was bemoaning the dreaded three H's, hazy, hot, and humid, that don't usually arrive until July. Everyone at work was grouchy and out of sorts. The day was so hot that few played golf that day. I changed the schedule around a bit to take advantage of the dearth of golfers.

But Celia, not the heat, was the focus of my thoughts all day. I had a short fuse and barked at a couple people. A bit unfairly, I admit. I eventually apologized, but not until Monday. It was a struggle to keep my mind on work, make sure everyone drank enough water and took enough breaks to avoid over-heating. It was Beth, the only girl on the crew, that commented about my mood.

'You okay, Keith? I know everyone's out of sorts in this heat but you're especially not yourself. Something's bugging you. What's wrong?' she asked when we were alone in the shop for a few minutes after lunch. The shop, completely surrounded by towering shade trees, was cool. At least in comparison to being out on the course. It was a welcome if short-lived break.

'Yeah, sorry about that. I'm worried about a friend,' I said succinctly, not really wanting to get into it with her.

'Don't worry about it. None of the guys have complained. And Mr. Nelson hasn't been around. It's a good thing he's been so busy on Black Oak.'

'Yeah, guess I caught a break there.'

There were two courses at Forrester CC. White Oak and Black Oak. White oaks and black oaks were common trees in the area. A large and stately black oak tree was found between what became the sixth and eleventh fairways when the first course was being built. It became a featured and recognized icon of a respected and challenging golf course. A silhouette of it was featured on the Forrester Country Club sign at the main gate and in the logo on our paychecks. The tree was long gone, victim of a lightning strike before I was born. Mr. Nelson, the head greenskeeper and our boss, was busy on Black Oak, periodically meeting with tournament officials and overseeing a contractor making preparations for the State Amateur Championship in the fall.

'You wanna talk about it?' Beth asked.

'I do. But not 'til tonight when I see my friend,' I told her flatly.

'I bet it's a girl,' Beth said.

'It's a friend,' I said a little more testily than necessary. 'Not a girl.' True as far as it went. Celia was a friend. But she was no girl. Then I added, 'Let's get moving so we can finish for the day and get out of this heat. I'm going to check on Chuck and Darrin. If I don't look in on them, they'll just screw off and won't finish what they should have finished yesterday. They're paying today for screwing off yesterday.' I shouldn't have said anything about Chuck and Darrin. But everyone knew they were fuck-offs. It was a frequent topic of conversation among their coworkers whenever the duo wasn't around.

'You have no idea,' Beth laughed.

'Yeah, I do. And so does Mr. Nelson. But he can't fire them. They're cousins, their parents are members here, and their uncle's the club president. Their great-grandfather was one of the club founders.'

'I didn't know that.'

'Don't say anything to anyone about who they are. You've noticed they never get assigned anything important?' I asked.

'I wondered about that. But then, they're not too bright.'

'They're both really smart. Just lazy. Darrin goes to MIT. He got perfect scores on the SAT's. Chuck hasn't got a lick of sense but he's a Dean's list engineering student at Stanford.'

'Shit, I thought they were just a couple of morons already working above their competence.'

'Nah, just a couple of entitled rich kids that figure the world owes them. Sad thing is they're probably going to be on easy street once they finish school.'

'How do you know all this?' Beth asked.

'I already spent two summers working with Darrin and one with Chuck. Listening to them brag about their lives and griping about being made to work during their summers while I carried the heaviest part of the workload we got.'

'Well, I'm glad you're the foreman and not one of them,' Beth said as I got on my cart to leave.

'Mr. Nelson may be stuck with them, but he's not stupid. And just so you know, I wasn't looking to be foreman this year. It just happened.'

'I doubt it just happened. Like you said, Mr. Nelson isn't stupid,' Beth grinned. I ended our conversation abruptly by driving away on my cart.

It was still hazy, hot, and humid when I got home. A line of dark clouds was visible to the south and west as I pulled into the driveway. Blustery winds rustled the trees as I pulled into the garage. Celia was sitting in a chair in the shade on the deck, her hair tossing in a gust of wind. I opened the slider and let her in.

'Can we talk, Keith?' she said as she pushed her windblown hair back from her face.

'Sure. Can it wait a few minutes? It was hotter than hell at work. I gotta get out of these work clothes and take a shower before I melt. I'm still overheated. A little surprised I'm not sick.'

'Sure,' she said. But she sounded disappointed I was putting her off for a few minutes.

I stripped down in my room and tossed my sweat-soaked clothes in the hamper, noting I needed to do laundry. Celia was sitting on the couch with her back to me when I left my room to go to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth then got in the shower. The initial blast of cold water shocked away my heat-induced lethargy. I didn't adjust the temperature. The water wasn't really cold, just cool. But it felt cold, and it felt good.

I had my head under the shower head basking in the cool water running down my body. The exhaust fan was running. I didn't hear the bathroom door open.

'I don't want to wait, Keith.'

'Jesus, Celia. Give a guy a little warning. You scared me half to death. Can I take my shower? We can talk after I get dressed. I'm naked here.'

'Relax, I can't see you, Keith. Besides, it's not like I haven't seen a naked man before.'

She called me a man, I noted. A little ego boost for me before some bombshell? I took a deep breath and reached for the shampoo. 'What's up?'

'I'm sorry about last night. Thank you for letting me in. I needed a friend.'

'Any time, Celia. That it?'

'No.' She paused for a moment before she continued. 'Your hand was on my breast when you woke up. Your dick was hard and pressing against my cheek. We should talk about those two things.'

I stopped washing my hair and took a deep breath. 'Yeah, it's my turn to apologize. I'm sorry about that. I didn't know I had my hand on your breast. It was just there when I woke. And I wake up every morning with an erection.' I plunged my head into the stream of cold water to rinse my hair. This conversation was uncomfortable. I didn't want to have it. I prayed it would end soon.

'I know guys wake up most mornings with an erection. It's involuntary. Not something you can control.'

'I'm still sorry it happened,' I said.

'And your hand was on my breast because I held it there. I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I liked knowing you had an erection.'

That nearly took my breath away. I had no idea how to respond.

'I noticed you didn't cop a feel before you pulled your hand away.'

I'd wondered if Celia was awake that morning. 'I'm not in the habit of groping a sleeping woman, Celia.'

'I know that silly. I would have thought it an unconscious reaction. Did you like the feel of my breast?'

Once again, I didn't know how to respond. While I debated what to say, Celia didn't wait for me to come up with something.

'Keith, I know you get an erection every time we're together.'

Oh, shit, I'm in trouble, I thought. But if she knew that and it made her uncomfortable, why did she keep cooking meals with me? 'I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.'

'It's okay. It's at least partly my fault.'

'How's that?'

'I could have discouraged you. Or been more careful. Did you think every time we bumped into each other in the kitchen was accidental? Okay, sometimes it was. Especially in the beginning. But sometimes it was because I wanted to confirm what I suspected. I knew all along you were getting aroused when you were with me. It's hard to miss seeing how you look at me.'

I stopped washing myself and stared at the shower curtain.

'Finish your shower, Keith.' Celia's voice had a certain finality to it. I didn't like it.

I finished my shower quickly. After drying, I wrapped the towel around my waist and started for my room to get dressed. I glanced toward the living room but didn't see Celia. The slider to the deck was still open. My first thought was she was on the deck where I couldn't see her from the hallway to the bedrooms. My second thought was she had gone home. I worried she went home. We might still be friends, but she'd keep her distance. We certainly wouldn't be cooking dinner together again. I felt sick, physically ill, as I walked to my room.

I tossed my towel on top of the hamper and went straight to my chest of drawers to get clean under wear and gym shorts.

'Nice!' Celia said.

Startled, I spun around without thinking. She was sitting at my desk. I'd walked right past her. So preoccupied I didn't see her.

'What are you doing, Celia? You scared the crap outta me. Twice, now. Can I get dressed?'

'If you like.' But she got off the chair and walked to me. She put her arms around me and held me gently, her head against my chest. 'Why are you so nice, Keith? Why do I get a thrill when I'm with you?'

The way my body responded to feeling her against me was predictable. And entirely unpreventable. She pulled herself more tightly against me. Were my fantasies coming true? Or was I still asleep and recent events all a dream? I decided whatever it was, I was going with it. I wrapped my arms around Celia and held her as tightly as she held me. She felt real enough. But I still couldn't fathom having her in my arms. It felt like a dream. Or was it the beginning of a nightmare? Celia was fully dressed.

It was when the idea of a nightmare went through my head that Celia turned her head and kissed my chest. My nipples hardened when I felt her hot breath. My cock was lengthening against her and beginning to stiffen, pressing against her harder. Instinctively, I moved one hand up her back, to the back of her neck and caught my fingers in her hair. The feel of her silky tresses was so sensual, it aroused me further.

'Mmmmmmm,' vibrated through Celia's lips on my skin. A chill ran up my spine and goosebumps formed on my back and neck.

I heard a crash just then that sounded like it came from the direction of the living room. I reluctantly broke our embrace and went to investigate. The wind had blown a folding chair over and up against the house. I went out onto the deck, folded it closed and brought it inside. The clouds were overhead now and it looked like rain. I closed the slider and returned to my bedroom.

I stopped short when I got to the doorway. Celia had her back to me. Her shorts were at her feet. As was her shirt. She caught my eye in the mirror and smiled. When she turned toward me, I was speechless. Real life doesn't measure up to fantasies. At least it never did for me. The view of the lithe, feminine body in front of me far exceeded anything I'd envisioned in dreams or in my waking imagination.

When Celia turned to face me, I drew in a deep breath. I stopped breathing when I realized all she wore was a bra and panties. Fortunately, my autonomic systems reengaged before I passed out. But not before I felt lightheaded. I didn't truly know just how beautiful Celia was until that moment. I dared not move. Afraid if I did, I'd awaken. And be heartbroken when this wondrous vision turned out to be a dream.

Celia reached behind her and unhooked her bra. She held it against her breasts for a moment. I think to test me. To see where my eyes went. But they were locked on hers'. Those Adriatic blue pools had me hypnotized. I don't think I would have looked away if my parents came through the front door and called out to me. When Celia dropped her bra, my eyes didn't stray. She reached down and pushed her panties off her hips. I know they slid down her legs because they were in my peripheral vision. But I didn't take my eyes from hers'.

'Keith? It's okay to look at my body. I want you to. It's why I undressed.'

'Celia, I . . . I don't know what to say. I'm not sure what I should do.' I mumbled.

'Do you like what you see?' she asked softly.

'Very much,' I said softly. 'I've dreamed about something like this since I first saw you. But never. . .'

Celia crossed to me and embraced me again. 'Shush. I've always seen the way you looked at me. I know you tried to hide it. You've been a perfect gentleman despite what I saw in your eyes.'

'Celia, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable,' I whispered as I held her tightly.

'Keith, you don't have to squeeze so hard. I'm real. You're not dreaming. I'm not going anywhere tonight.'

I relaxed. And stopped talking. I just stood there and held her. I don't know if it was for hours or seconds. But I know I didn't want to stop feeling her against me.

Celia was the first to move. She reached up and stroked my face while kissing my chest. Once again, I tangled my fingers in her hair and lightly rested my chin on top of her head. Her soft hair tickled. I was again rewarded with 'Mmmmmm,' her lips vibrating against my chest. The chill returned to my spine. Goosebumps enveloped my entire body this time. Celia's head suddenly felt heavy in my hands. I felt her slide down my body. Hard nipples traced down my abdomen and legs.

From her haunches, Celia looked up at me, a beatific smile on her face. Her eyes aglow with what I was hoped was love. 'You might think this is for you, Keith. But it's actually for me. Because the rest of the night will be mine.'

My ability to breathe went away again when she gently caressed the length of my erection. I stood helpless as she tickled my sac and kissed the length of my shaft. The gentle touch of her fingers and the heat of her breath aroused me more than I ever fantasized. When her tongue circled around my head, I knew the gods were gifting me for some unfathomable reason.

The end of my cock was already wet with precum when Celia took me between her lips. The 'Mmmmm,' vibrations she made when she had the head engulfed nearly sent my body out of control, but the sensation passed. I didn't want the sensation to end but knew if it continued much longer, end it would. Spectacularly. Celia lavished attention on me until my legs began to shake. I groaned when she popped her lips off the end of my cock.

Celia gently pushed me toward my bed. 'You should sit, Keith,' she said with a sly smile.

I collapsed into a sitting position. Celia pushed my knees apart and took me in hand. After another smile, all I saw for the next few minutes was the top and back of her head, her shoulders, the taper of her upper torso to a narrow waist, and cute little ass. At least, I saw them for a moment or two. The sensations Celia roused soon had me closing my eyes to lose myself in blissful sensuality. I held her head gently as I fought to contain the pressure building in my groin.

The way it ended was amazing. There was no warning the end was approaching. Instead, it was an instantaneous explosion of sensations that set off fireworks in my brain and sent my body reeling. Celia kept sucking through every convulsion. Driving me ever more out of control. Only relenting when I could take no more. Never in my wildest dreams, certainly not when fantasizing about Celia while I tended to late-night yearnings, did I experience anything like it. It wreaked havoc on my nervous system. Left me breathless. Shaking. But feeling better than ever before. And never happier.

I fell backward onto my bed. Celia got up to lie next to me, a happy smile on her face. She leaned over and kissed the middle of my forehead and then bent toward my cock. I watched, amazed, as she engulfed most of my softening length. She coated my shaft with ejaculate as she drew her lips up my shaft. She dribbled the last bit onto the tip. She put her head on my shoulder and began slowly moving her hand up and down my shaft. The combination of her hand and the slippery fluid tickled. The tickling sensation caused me to laugh involuntarily. Little jerks rippled through me as I tried to stifle the laughs.

When I caught my breath, to my embarrassment the first word out of my mouth was 'Wow!'

Celia giggled like a schoolgirl. 'It's good to know I've still got it.'