February Almost Sucked

They fell asleep in each other's arms again that night, and woke up the same way. They only left the bed after she'd bounced on his rod and made him release more of his seed into her willing body. Every moment spent on him was like a slap in LaValliere's face to both of them.

Things were nowhere near as calm for the pair on Sunday. It started as they were getting out of bed. She was lazing, naked while Jim dressed and got ready to do some light housework before the kids returned, when the doorbell rang. He left stating he would get the door and Linda figured that, just in case it wasn't just a Jahovah's Witness, she'd dress and join him.

She'd barely slid on a sweatshirt when she heard Jim's voice bellowing telling whomever was at the door to "get the fuck outta here asshole!"

Having a "bad feeling" doesn't even begin to describe the sinking feeling Linda felt. There was exactly one person on Earth she thought Jim would speak that way to; and she didn't like the implication that he knew where the couple lived.

Her fears were confirmed when she descended the stairs to see Marc "The Asshole" LaValliere standing in their doorway. Both men were enraged.

When Marc saw her descending the stairs, his anger flared.

"YOU!" He yelled. "You humiliated me!" She watched him try to push his massive muscled frame into their house. Jim put a hand on his chest stopping LaValliere.

"I don't think so, buddy." Marc looked at Jim like he was a cockroach he was preparing to stomp. Jim was suddenly, uncharacteristically calm. "Go ahead, buddy. Take a swing at me. But before you do, have you ever heard of trespassing, assault, and battery? You are already, arguably, in violation of two of those already."

Were he not so intimidating, Linda would have been tempted to laugh at how red Marc's face got. She walked up to her husband and stood by his side. "What do you want, Mr. LaValliere?" She asked as she slid an arm around her husband's waist.

"You ruined my reputation! People saw you walk out on me. I'm already starting to get a ribbing from my teammates suggesting I can't get the job done. You really are a stupid bitch. We could have had a lovely evening together and you ruined it."

Linda felt Jim's muscles tighten as LaValliere spoke, especially during the degrading remarks and name-calling he had levied at her. She stroked her husband's arm to try and calm him; some name-calling was not worth hitting him and risking getting hurt.

She put on a purely plastic smile and inflected her voice with a note of condescension and sarcasm. "I'm so sorry Mr. LaValliere. But I fail to see how that is my problem."

"It's YOUR problem because no one walks out on ME!" he said, raising his voice again.

"Then I guess I am no one." She replied flatly.

Linda's statement did not manage to calm the irate athlete. He was still half screaming when he said, "I don't give up! I will get you in my bed, one way or another!"

"Is that a threat?" Jim interjected.

LaValliere looked at the man, saying, "No, it's a promise. Your wife is no different than any other woman. I'd bet she'll come crawling to me begging me to stuff her inside a week."

Jim and Linda just stared at the man completely deadpan. The silence that followed was entirely too long and uncomfortable until Linda spoke. "Mr. LaValliere. You won't even remember me in a week. You should just move on. I made a mistake going with you, and you've only reinforced that leaving your apartment was the best decision I made after nearly throwing away the most precious thing I possess. I am truly sorry you feel humiliated by my realization I had no desire to cheat on my husband, and I never will. But, if I can maybe offer some advice, maybe you should chase single women."

Marc smirked. His expression sent chills down Linda's spine. "No wish to cheat." She said, throwing her words back at her. It took her a moment to understand what he meant, and she thought that maybe it was too late to respond as Marc turned and walked back to his red sports car.

"Mr. LaValliere!" She called after him. He turned still smiling, smugly. She smiled back, then said, "I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man on earth." Then closed the door before he could respond, locking the deadbolt loudly.

Jim was speechless for a moment. "You are pretty witty, dear."

She smiled at him. "It's easy to do when telling the truth."

He chuckled at that and pulled her into a hug. They stayed together for a while, right in the entranceway. Jim spoke softly after a while.

"Seeing him is like staring into the abyss." He pulled back and cupped her face. "I don't think you quite understand how broken I was last night. It was, by far, the worst night of my entire life."

She looked into his chest. "I'm sorry."

He continued, "I never knew what pure, raw betrayal felt like until I had to deal with the thought that you were going to spend hours on our night, fucking some other guy." She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she empathetically reached out to the image of her man alone and broken. "Then our 'friends' kept telling me it was no big deal. To get over it. That you 'loved me'. That I should 'think of the children'. All I could think was... 'why do I have to bear the burden of your choice, for our marriage and children, and you don't?'"

"I'm sor..."

He put a finger on her lips. "Linda. You walked out on me. I didn't know you were even capable of that."

Tears ran down her cheeks as she replied. "I didn't either. I wish I had better words to express how awful I feel."

He nodded. "I think I believe you." She saw his jaw clench. "But, I think I'm more wounded than you realize. Maybe more than I realize too." He choked a few times while speaking those words. "I never thought you could show such contempt for me. That you could be so callous and careless." She felt her eyes sting with the threat of tears as she listened to his words. "Just thinking about how close we came to disaster..." He paused, then pushed her back. "Linda. If you genuinely want to fix what happened, there is a very real chance I will hound you. No more passivity, no more dancing with other men, no more flirting, nothing. What happened was way too close for comfort and, if you want to be with me, it won't be happening again."

She looked up at him, reaching up and stroked her fingers through his cropped hair. "Yes, that's what I want. Don't let me stray, keep me on a literal leash if that's what it takes. I don't trust myself; I can't imagine how much worse it was for you."

Jim looked like he almost deflated with an emotion that she thought looked a bit like relief. "It is surprisingly helpful to hear you giving me some empathy." He said in response.

She said nothing, but buried her face back in his chest.

The pair went, together, to get Emma and Tommy from Mrs. Porters just a few hours later. The kids were lively and telling their parents about all the fun things they did. Feeding chickens, running around with the dogs, playing on the small swing set that Mr. Porter had set up ages ago. They had done oodles of crafts they were eager to show their parents, some of which they tried to show on the drive home. Linda thought Jim did a fantastic job putting on a show of excitement and laughter for their children. She knew he was much more tumultuous under the surface, mostly because she felt similarly.

Their evening was uneventful, and after they had put the kids to bed that night, they sat together on the couch watching reruns of an old sitcom. They talked about nothing a lot, both of them trying to cling to some semblance of normalcy in the face of Linda abandoning her husband.

The following week was equally uneventful. It felt almost normal, except for the much more sour marriage Linda had cultivated. There was no hostility, no yelling, no fights in general. But she'd caught Jim sobbing quietly, more than once, during the night. She'd tried to bring it up to him, but he chalked it up as residual from bad nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, Linda was also plagued with horrifying dreams. Her mind dreamt up every situation possible for how her night with Marc could have gone; and in 99% of them, she went all the way. Nearly every time her marriage had burned to the ground almost immediately. Some of the scenarios were more realistic than others. In one, she was being judged by a Greek goddess who had a penchant for trapping souls of betrayers in photo frames for all eternity. While far-fetched, it had been one of the few dreams she ever had where either of them managed to stop the lurid act from even happening.

The dreams that ended well didn't fully help offset the lust of the moment, and it was clear her subconscious mind was pining for and curious about experiencing a man other than her husband. She woke up both hot and bothered, and feeling excessive shame more than a few of the 5 days that had followed.

Thursday, Dee had called Linda and apologized for her behavior on the previous Friday. It was, at best, a half-hearted apology and Linda was unsure if Dee meant even a single word of it. Linda ended up giving her an earful about the fact that real friends are supposed to stop each other from making stupid slutty mistakes, not shove them into adultery. That launched the two women into a full blown argument.

The thrust of the argument centered around the fact that Dee felt she'd done nothing wrong helping her friend escape for a fun night; and the return she got for that was scorn from both Jim and, now, Linda. Linda, for her part, made herself clear that she'd made a grievous error and it was compounded by her friends enabling her behavior.

"I'm not taking the blame for this, Linda." Dee said with a harsh, annoyed tone. "I did what you asked. You can't expect me to be some saint, I'm just not. You had an opportunity to have sex with a legitimate celebrity and you threw it in the trash and are throwing me under the bus in the process. Linda, us mortals don't get to experience cizzled Adonises. You were so close to a story you could have told for the rest of your life."

Linda felt a faint wave of arousal at the memory of how she was thinking while being guided to Marc's car. Dee was right, it would have been mind-blowing and a great story, but it wasn't worth it.

She sighed. "Dee, I'm not blaming you. I'm just trying to get you to understand your role in what happened. It was wrong."

Dee tried to cut her off, but she pushed through. "Dee, I know Jim. I've known him for a long time, too long to not be realistic about this. I saw what leaving him did. Fortunately I didn't go all the way, because it's already bad. He would have been utterly destroyed as a man, and as a result, my marriage would not have survived. I'm convinced of that. Even you, fantasizing about being the one Marc picked, you would do it under the assumption David would understand and forgive you. Everything you've told me, Jim said things to you that night that should have clued you in. If there was any chance of forgiveness short of what I did, then it would have been a miracle, not a guarantee."

Dee didn't speak, and the line was silent for several minutes. Linda took a deep breath again, she wanted Dee to see her perspective. "Dee, would you really make the choice to do it if you knew, for a fact, it meant your marriage was over? I know Dave is your best friend. Can you imagine seeing all the love he has built for you over the course of your relationship drain out of him, only to be replaced by rage, hate, contempt, and disgust? Even if there was only a small chance that happens, would you make that bet? We all fantasize about what it's like to be intimate with a celebrity, but no one thinks about what the consequences could be. It's not as fun to consider, but when faced with the one in a million fantasy celebrity sex romp, that's what you have to think about."

Again the line went dead for quite a while. Linda was about to try and prod Dee to respond when she heard her say, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'll talk to you later, Linda." Before Linda could respond the line went dead.

She had no idea if she'd gotten through to Dee at all. She seemed entirely unreceptive to looking at that night from Linda's perspective.

She brought up the call to Jim that evening. Their friend group was one thing that neither of them had discussed in almost a week. She knew that Dee had done "her job" and kept Jim from chasing after her long enough for Linda to escape. And Dee had expanded on some of Jim's reaction in the call earlier that day. But she had no idea where they all stood with that group of friends any longer. Reflecting on the forethought that Dee and Linda had displayed made both Linda and Jim nauseated.

"It was like a premeditated murder." Jim said somberly. "Only the victim that would have died was our marriage and my entire ego as a man."

Linda looked at his downcast face, tears were already streaming down her cheeks. "I really want to give you an explanation, but all I can think of sounds like excuses." She said, her voice catching on stuttering gasps of air. "All I can say is sorry. Sorry and beg you for forgiveness."

"What are you sorry for?" Jim asked, looking up into her eyes.

"Huh?"

"Are you sorry I was in the way of your fantasy night?"

Linda felt light-headed. "No!" She cried. "No, not at all. I am sorry my will is so weak. I am sorry I am so flawed. I am sorry I acted so...evil." She took a steading breath. "I love you, Jim. And I failed, utterly, to live up to that love when I walked out on you. I blackened my heart. Trashed the best gift I've ever received. And the only redeeming quality about me is that I managed to stop before I crossed fully into infidelity. It doesn't make me feel good. I had no idea I was capable of all of this. Maybe that's what scares me the most. If I can let my hormones affect my mind enough that I'm having rational, conscious thoughts about how to sneak out on you for a night...what else am I capable of?"

Jim didn't respond, just staring at her for a few minutes. She felt small, ashamed, judged. Like she wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. Jim sighed. "I can appreciate how repentant you are. In some ways it doesn't make it hurt less. I was so enraged with you; and our friends made it so much worse trying to cover for you."

"No one took your side?"

He shook his head, "Not a single one." Linda grimaced imagining them ganging up on him. "Did you expect our friends to throw you under the bus?"

"I don't know what I thought. I just knew Dee was excited for me. That's as far as I thought." Jim's head dropped down into his hands. He wiped across his face. "Jim, you have the right to be mad at me. I just..."

He held up a finger. "You are right. Frankly, I don't know how I haven't screamed my head off. But, I was infinitely more angry with our "friends" a week ago, and I managed to not scream at them." He sighed again. "I don't feel forgiving, but I will forgive you. I'm not letting my emotions control me right now, because I still feel just as angry looking at you now."

"Sorry."

"I'll get over it. This conversation is just re-opening some extremely unpleasant memories."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are Linda. You can stop saying it. At least, for the moment. Like I said, my emotions are not in a good place, but I know the right choice is to forgive you, which is what I will do." He looked up at her. She could see his eyes were red and glistening. "Can you appreciate that I might just need some space for the rest of the evening?" She felt worry plastered all over her face. "I promise you I will forgive you. This is going to take some time. The question is, can you work with me on it?"

"Yes. Whatever you need hon."

Jim gave her the fakest, most forced smile she'd ever seen on him.

That evening they didn't talk, other than occasional passing comments to appease their children and give them a good show of unity. Their kids were no slouches, they knew something had soured between the two of them. But Linda and Jim were trying their best to alleviate their fears.

Linda had to stifle a cry when Jim brought a pillow and blankets out and sat them on the couch.

"It's for me Linda. Just give me tonight, for now."

She nodded. "Okay."

Laying in bed, alone, that night she took stock of what had happened. Jim was usually outgoing, romantic, intimate, and funny had been fundamentally changed since she walked in the house last Friday. They had slept together since that night, but not together. At least, not during the work week. He had his back to her whenever he was in the bed, right at the edge of the bed, like he wanted to escape out of their room and run. He was closed off, rarely talked to her, and was excessively pensive and introspective. In the context of that, it almost made sense that he'd waited till now to leave their bedroom.

Jim didn't return to their bed the following night, citing the same reason. But that Saturday morning, when she'd crawled herself out of bed after having tossed and turned all night. She found her husband and children watching a movie and laughing together. It was a sweet moment, and when Jim looked up at her she half expected his smile to fade. Or at least turn fake and forced.

But his smile was still genuine when he waved her over to the couch to join them while they watched the rest of their movie. When she sat next to him, she still felt demure and small. Then he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss the side of her temple.

"Good morning, hon."

She smiled at him too, and had to force back happy tears. "It's almost noon." She replied.

"Technically still morning then."

"It is. Are we..."

"We have stuff to work out, that's still going to be a journey." He said, turning serious. They watched a few minutes of the show before he leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Would you mind me joining you in bed tonight?"

"I would love nothing more. But you don't need my permission."

"True, but you have to admit. Communication helps ease your mind, doesn't it?"

She realized he was just trying to reassure her. "What changed?" she asked.

"Time." He said with a smile. "And a good night's sleep."

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for giving me grace."

He simply nodded.

The following weeks had their ups and downs. Linda had followed through on her inquiry into looking into counseling. She had her first appointments in the middle of March. She couldn't point to them being super helpful, as she'd told Jim after her phone call with Dee. Most of the attempts to explain or understand her actions came across as excuses.

They had a meeting with their parents as well, around the end of the month. It was excessively unpleasant. Seeing her own parents' disgust at her, and her inlaws' expressions of contempt and anger made her want to melt into the floor. It was utterly humiliating hearing her own words along with Jim's exposing her indiscretion. It served a purpose though; multiple purposes. She felt a small sliver of the humiliation that Jim had experienced after she'd walked out on him. And it further seared her conscience, which she hoped would grant her future accountability by proxy.

He never left their bed after those two nights. And as the days trudged on, he slowly opened up to her, eventually culminating in an explosively intimate night together that mirrored the first two nights of the weekend she'd almost strayed. They continued to have sex after that. But it was not the same as it'd been before. She was Jim's object for pleasure, and he used her as such. But she felt none of the soul warming intimacy and passion he'd been so good at making her feel before. If her wakeup call, that she might have lost her family had she followed through with LaValliere, wasn't enough to scare her straight. Every time they fucked was a harrowing reminder of just how much damage the near miss had already done to their relationship.