February Sucks - What If She Didn't...

"I can't tell my mum that!"

"Well that should tell you that it's wrong, but just ask her in general terms about it, see what she says. I've got fair idea what Dee will say but I want you to tell me what they both advise."

"Also, I get to go on a date this week."

"What, no you can't"

"Well it seems only fair, it will just be to experience what was you said 'something different'. I'll come back to you on the same night. Did you know Rachel Baxter asked me out after she divorced and I turned her down flat, not because she wasn't the hottest woman and the richest in town, but because of what it would do to you and because we loved each other so it was never even a possibility. She knew I would say no and laughed it off, saying it just proved her right for asking. I'll ask her out to dinner through the week. I think it is important that you know how this feels from the other side."

After a pause Linda replied "That would be different, if you and Rachel get together, you would have feelings for each other, and it would be an affair. There is no risk of that with Marc, I know what he is and it's just a fling."

"Ok, I'll tell Rachel the whole story, no lies or suggestions of romance or relationships, she'll probably turn me down but being allowed to ask seems fair in the circumstances."

I felt certain these conditions would shock Linda out of seeing things from solely her perspective. Again the wife I thought I knew surprised me and nodded approval... shit.

Later Linda said she had called Marc; he had been disappointed but had agreed to a date the following Friday night. My heart sunk, I thought he might lose interest but I guess it was all part of the game to him, he'd like the chase.

Linda:

My mind is in a total muddle, I love Jim and it had never crossed my mind about being with anyone else.

Then Marc asked me dance and I was thrilled, he could have picked anyone and he chose me. He was so confident and strong; it was like holding onto solid metal. He flattered me and I drank in every compliment like nectar. I'm embarrassed to admit it but I forgot all about Jim. I was immediately entranced, he was intoxicating and I felt unable to resist. I think I would have done just about anything he suggested. If he'd asked me to leave during the dance I think I would have gone with him. That would have been absolutely crazy; it would have been so humiliating for Jim. I argued with Jim about it later, but deep down I knew most of what he said was true.

Marc came over to our group later and apologised for any any problem he may have caused. He was charming company chatting easily to everyone; they were all excited about talking to him. At one point he looked at me, smiled and gave a slight nod to the exit. I'd calmed down a bit but my heart was still thumping and my breathing tightened, it was clearly an invitation to leave. I was torn by desire, but knew Jim would be waiting at the hotel whilst all our friends and Brett the manager would know, so I shook my head in response. He showed the group a few post game photos on his phone which involved a lot of very hot half-dressed players. Offering to send us a few photos he casually asked me to put my number into his phone. I think some of our friends noticed but everyone was pretty drunk by then and he made it seem like such a natural thing to do.

I hadn't been able to get Marc out of my mind, I was obsessed imagining what could have happened if I had left with him that night. Then on Tuesday Marc texted me, he'd had such a good time dancing felt like we had made real connection and was wondering if I was free on Friday night. I was in a complete dilemma; lust and desire seemed to be overtaking logic rapidly without so much as a backward glance. I also started rationalising, it would be just a fling, a one off, only sex, it's my body, if Jim really loved me he would let me have this, it certainly wouldn't change what we had. I could be honest and tell Jim but wouldn't that just hurt him more? So I figured it was better to just see what happened.

Then Jim found out what I was up to, I guess I wasn't being as smart as I thought. If Jim hadn't of been there that first night, Marc would have whisked me away and either Jim wouldn't have found out or he would forgive me. We love each other so much I think he would forgive me for just about anything. But now he knows and everything and it's a mess. I can't make him see that this wouldn't make any difference to us, its just something I need to get out of my system and then we'll be even better together. Jim keeps trying to make me think about implications but I just want the romance and excitement of it all. I'm thinking about Marc all the time now, it would be better to just do it and get it out of my system, then return to my normal loving life with Jim. It will be just one night, a few hours even and I know Jim will get over it and I could still enjoy the memory. Jim asked me for a week to think it through, I guess he hopes I'll cool off the idea, but waiting just makes it worse. I agreed to the conditions but it just delaying the inevitable.

I'd already phone Dee. She wasn't quite as positive as on the night I danced with Marc, saying planning it made it more complicated and I needed to be careful. We talked about the articles we'd both read about spicing things up and having a positive effect on our sex lives, there were even some guys who even liked to share or watch their wives but we both agreed Jim wouldn't go for that. At the end of the day it was my life and my body. It would be a once in a life time opportunity, a romantic memory in my old age and the fact it was with Marc LaValliere made it so hard to resist. When I asked Dee what she would do in my situation her reply was emphatic...

"Oh I'd hesitate for about 2 seconds and then fuck him in a heartbeat."

As a result I was feeling positive as I phoned my mum, we chatted and I caught up about family as usual, then I started the tricky part of the conversation.

"Mum, what would you think if a woman was considering a one night fling with a ruggedly good looking handsome man?"

She laughed "Well, women are allowed more freedom these days and if they are free and single why not, actually it sounds fun."

"Yeah, that's what I thought, and what if she maybe wasn't single."

My mum's tone changed immediately, she was always sharp witted and saw straight through me.

"You haven't done something stupid have you Linda?"

"What, no, of course not... it's just hypothetical."

After a long pause my mum replied."

"It would be wrong Linda for anyone, but for someone like Jim... for example it would be devastating. He has a very clear notion of right and wrong and never waivers from his values even if it makes life difficult. Someone like Jim or your Dad for that matter are proud men and would never accept it. Jim has you on pedestal, it's obvious to everyone how much he loves you, most of the family are jealous of your relationship. If you stepped off you could never get back on that pedestal, it's too high.

"But if it happened and it was just a one off, it need not affect them, she isn't any different, everything would return to normal, that strong love would survive it"

"Have you gone mad, it changes everything, even thinking about changes things! It means you're not focused and dedicated to each other, the bond of trust is broken and that isn't the sort of thing you can just put plaster on. It would eat away at a man's pride and soul, always questioning why he wasn't enough and if it might happen again. Please tell me you haven't done this."

"What...No of course not, I'd... I'd just read some articles and got a bit curious."

"Well get uncurious, and quickly before Jim realises. He's a good man and a great father, you don't throw that away easily, you do everything you can to hold onto it tight."

"Yeah, I know that. Thanks Mum."

I made my excuses and rang off. Damn, I wasn't expecting the conversation to go that way. I'm even more muddled now. After the initial impact of my mum's advice, I started thinking my circumstances were different and mum is old school. Things are more open these days and Jim knows, he said he wouldn't stop me, so he will be ok with it given enough time.

I summarised the advice to Jim, he smiled saying he always liked my mum, and then asked if it changed my intentions. I said it was giving me pause for thought, but I was certain Jim would forgive me and allow me this one thing if he truly loved me.

It was Thursday night when Jim had arranged his date with Rachel Baxter turns out she was still single and hadn't hesitated at the offer of a date. I knew she would make play for him, but I was certain Jim wouldn't take her up on it. Like my mum said Jim has a clear view of right and wrong, I hoped he would see things differently given what I was planning. My heart broke a little as he came down the stairs looking all cleaned up and handsome. He seemed to pause for a while, maybe hoping I was going to stop him and I almost did, almost, then images of Marc crept back in and I let him go, wiping away a tear as he drove away.

It was the slowest night of my life, I didn't know what to do, and I seemed to be checking the clock every minute. The kids were away at my mums for a few days and not having them to distract me made things worse, time dragged by. I started wondering where he was, would they be having a meal, what did she look like, were they flirting, I tried everything to take my mind off it. At 10pm I started thinking about going to the restaurant and stopping the whole thing. Clearly any meal would be long finished, maybe they had gone dancing or maybe back to hers. 11pm and no sign or messages, he wouldn't do that to me surely. Hmm Rachel is very attractive and successful, hard to resist really and had asked Jim out when she could basically have her pick of all the eligible men. 12 o'clock, they must have gone back to hers, the bastard how could he! Well that certainly makes my decision easier; I'll go out with Marc tomorrow and let him fuck me. Jim came it at 1am and I heard him jump into the shower... why shower? He finally came into our bedroom. I was determined not to give him the pleasure of asking what he'd been up to.

"I think you should sleep in the spare room."

He just nodded said ok and left. The bastard... I was furious!

Jim:

I was still amazed Linda's mum's advice hadn't penetrated. I thought to myself that she actually knew me better and Linda, the comparison to her Dad actually made me quite proud, he was a good man whom I respected a lot.

I dragged myself to the date with Rachel on Thursday night, I'd waited for Linda to stop me but she hadn't. I had explained the situation on the phone to Rachel when asking about the date and was surprised when she readily agreed. I was already seated when she walked in, wow my eyes lit up; she was stunning and had clearly made an effort. She was elegance personified in a classic long evening dress which curved in and out in all the right places helped by towering heels. Her red hair was fixed up which seem to accentuate her sparkling green eyes.

I thanked for coming and complimented her on her appearance. I found myself a bit dumbstruck but as soon as we talked it seemed natural and we both relaxed. I wanted to ask about her but she insisted on the whole story about why I was there. It all seemed to flow out of me and Rachel seemed keenly interested in it all. I apologised and said I'd be a happy to take her home in the circumstances. She was having none of it insisting I owed her a date. She continued:

"Listen Jim, I can see how cut up you are, you're looking at the door every few minutes hoping she comes in, I'll do anything I can to help. I'm surprised Linda is acting this way, I thought you were both so solid, the perfect family and I've always been jealous of that. I'm certain she will realise it's a mistake, the only question is timing."

"Timing... How do you mean?"

"Well hopefully she'll realise tonight, whilst sitting at home, I'll be delighted for you if she bursts through those doors, calls me slut and drags you home, but I have a horrible feeling she isn't going to realise until it's too late. She's taken the good things you have together for granted and is risking it all for a roll in the hay or in his case a roll in an expensive apartment. She will realise, it's just a case of when."

"I think that makes me feel fractionally better, the idea that overall you think I'm a better option than him."

"Oh you are, did I ever mention I dated him?"

"No way!"

"I really did, took me about 2months to work out how much of player he was but we parted on fairly good terms. I'd like to tell you he had a tiny cock and was rubbish in the sack, but that wouldn't be true. He's good, should be, he's had plenty of practice and his body is to die for."

"Yeah, you're not making me feel any better right now."

Rachel laughed, it was enchanting.

"If you let me finish. He is good, but selfish with it, that confidence spills into arrogance, it's a bit too much about him and not like making love with someone who you really connect with. Also he is hopeless at everything else, no looking out for and caring for you. He's basically been spoilt, compounded by all the hero worship and he's never really grown up. Linda will see it, but maybe not soon enough."

Rachel continued "So tell me: if she goes through with it, what will you do?"

"I think that is something I need to work out with my wife first."

She smiled again: "I honestly wish you the best of luck with that, if she chooses the wrong option and you can't forgive her, look me up, I really do like you."

"Please don't tell me it's because I'm a nice guy, it's starting to sound hollow and meaningless."

"But you are, don't lose that, don't let her crap change who you are. Anyway it's not just that, you're pretty handsome and fit but not like those bloated gym freaks. You're interested in people and think nothing about putting yourself out to help others. I could go on but you're uncomfortable with compliments, so I'll stop."

I laughed, "Wow, I'm actually blushing. Thanks for the ego boost, I think I needed a bit of that... actually a lot of that, my confidence is taking some flak. Because I'm a good guy Linda and everyone else seems to think I will forgive her if she... you know... do you think that I will?"

"You clearly love her a lot. I think I know but I guess you had better work that one out with your wife as well."

We had a lovely meal, I did manage to ask about her, there was loads of interesting stuff she was in involved in which I didn't have a clue about, she sat on a number of charitable boards and we shared some similar interests. Despite the looks and money she came across as a down to earth and genuine person. There was never any real suggestion of us sleeping together. I dropped her back home at 11 and she gave me a kiss on the cheek wishing me luck with it all before I watched her reach her door. It was partly to make sure she was safe... but it was a really nice view.

Checking my phone, there was still nothing from Linda, so as planned I went over to my brother's house and had a couple of beers until leaving just before 1. The intention was to make Linda think I had done more, even a little bit of doubt might make her realise the impact of her decisions. The next day would be my last as a condemned man, I was still praying for a last minute reprieve.

Linda wasn't speaking to me the next morning, but over breakfast I told her the truth about the night before and that I was hoping the unease and pain she felt might help her realise what she would be doing to both of us. Her response was that as she had been through it, so it seemed perfectly reasonable that I should suffer it as well. The slight difference about me not having sex seemed to pass her by. It was almost as if she was searching for any excuse to be with Marc and I may have just given it to her. I kept trying to talk to her through the day, but she shut me own saying she had met all the conditions.

She started getting ready at 5pm, by 6.45 she came down the stairs looking absolutely ravishing. A red satin halter neck dress, tall sling back heels and what I was guessing were stockings. I actually gasped looking at her with tears in my eyes.

She looked at me: "You said you wouldn't stop me."

"I won't, it has to be your decision either way."

I need you to understand this is just one night. If Marc LaValliere got down on his knees in front of me and asked me to divorce you and marry him, I would tell him no. That would be true even if we didn't have Emma and Tommy. If I was single and both you and Marc asked me to marry you, I would choose you in a heartbeat.

"So choose me now".

She cupped my cheek: "I'll come back tonight, I promise, I'm choosing you for the rest of my life."

"This changes everything, you're choosing him over me, even though I showed you the pain it will cause me, us, our family. I can't go through life thinking about him touching you or kissing you, wondering if you're comparing me to him, wondering if you miss him."

"You don't have too, my heart is at home where it belongs, with you and our children, and that's where it will always stay. One night won't change that.

I noticed Linda her check her watch, it was 7pm and she looked twitchy.

"Are you worried you're keeping him waiting or can't you wait to get away?"

"He's picking me up at 7, I'd rather go out and avoid any awkwardness."

And just then right a cue a red Ferrari pulled up outside the house and Marc fucking LaValliere got out looking as arrogant as ever.

Linda went toward the door; I quickly switched the video on my phone on, placing it in my shirt pocket, thinking I might get a video of them leaving.

As Linda got close to the door, the bastard just walked in, into my house without even knocking.

This just getting better: "Get the fuck out of my house."

That smirk again "I don't think so, I'm here for my date."

Linda: "Marc there is no need for this, I'm ready, we can just leave."

"This is my house, you're not invited, get out."

"What you going to do, throw me out, I doubt that somehow?"

"I'm entitled to protect myself and my home."

"There's fuck all you can do about it little man."

Linda: "Jim Just let me go, you'll only get hurt. I'll be back soon, later tonight."

Marc: "Actually I've made plans for us and here's what going to happen, I'm going to take your pretty wife out and show her a really good time. She'll be staying at mine tonight and I've arranged a little helicopter trip out tomorrow for lunch, so IF you behave, I might bring her back tomorrow night, but she be pretty tired by that point. Do you understand little man?"

I looked at Linda, it was what I predicted, surely she could see what an arsehole this guy was. She looked shocked but would it make her rethink, this wasn't the romantic fling she had in mind, the humiliation she swore to avoid was now achingly obvious.

Linda: "Marc, lets just have tonight, I'll need to come back home."

Marc stepped toward me and I flinched. Damn it!

He started laughing; "In competition nice guys like you fall by the wayside, just accept how things are it's the natural way of things. I'm the one who will decide when we come back. He just had to rub it in; he took a step forward pulling Linda in by the waist and went to kiss her. She looked uncomfortable but not like she was going to stop him. For the first time it crossed my mind that she might not be safe with him.

And...

And I kicked him!

It sounds so weak and pathetic saying it, a kick is hardly going to concern the awesome athlete that is Marc fucking LaValliere.

More accurately I half kicked half stomped in a downward motion connecting the sole of my work boot onto the outside of his right knee. His ankle stayed in situ but his knee bent inward at an unnatural angle. There was an audible crack and he went down in a heap squealing like a pig, and then began... crying.