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"Hey Austin, can I come in?" Tyler asked.
Austin walked over, unlocked the door, and turned away.
"Can I give you a hug?" Tyler asked as he walked into the bathroom.
Austin couldn't look at him but nodded yes. Tyler walked over and pulled Austin into a warm, gentle embrace.
"I'm so sorry for last night. I don't remember much, and I hope I didn't hurt you."
Tyler pulled him a little closer, "You don't need to apologize, and I'm fine."
"Are you sure I didn't hurt you? It has happened before."
"I promise."
"I feel horrible for ruining our romantic evening, especially after you put so much work into it."
"Austin, you did not ruin anything. I still had a wonderful time." Tyler pulled him back and smiled, "Please remember I love you, Austin. If, or when you are getting a bad feeling just let me know, even if we are about to have sex. The last thing I want is for you to suffer."
"I promise I will tell you from now on." Austin cracked a hesitant smile, "I want to make you a special breakfast if that's okay."
"Oh, that sounds wonderful. Meanwhile, I'm going to take a shower and freshen up."
Austin went down to the kitchen and rummaged around to see what there was to cook. Tyler had the kitchen well-stocked before they arrived so there were all types of foods to choose from. Austin decided on scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast, with brown sugar oatmeal.
He had everything planned out so it would all be ready around the same time. While he was scrambling the eggs, he threw the oatmeal into the pot and let it start cooking. Just as he had finished with the eggs, he noticed that the oatmeal still looked the same. He checked to see if he had turned the burner on, and it was, so he turned it up a little. As he was stirring it, he noticed that it still wasn't cooking. What the hell is wrong with this, he thought to himself as he added a little more milk. He had made oatmeal many times before and knew it should have only taken a few minutes. After stirring and watching it for over twenty minutes, he grabbed the container and noticed it was steel-cut oats which take almost thirty minutes to cook.
"What the fuck kind of crap is this?!" He muttered under his breath. "So much for that batch of eggs, I'll have to start them over. Hmm, maybe this time I'll add a little shredded cheese."
Clearly irritated, he decided to forget the oatmeal as he did not want the rest of the food to get cold. When Austin told Tyler the story, they both had a good laugh. After breakfast, they each took a cup of hot cocoa and sat on the deck overlooking the valley. It was a magnificent sight with everything covered in a fresh blanket of snow. The morning air was cold and crisp as they sat and talked about the day's plans and decided it would be the perfect time to go skiing with the newly fallen snow. They dressed extra warm, as Tyler had told Austin it got very cold on the trails.
Once they had gotten to the ski resort, Tyler took Austin to the ski rental and they picked out their equipment. Austin had figured that they would take a beginner's class since he'd never been on skis before, but Tyler planned to teach Austin the basics himself. After about thirty minutes, Austin had the general idea of how to stop, slow down and turn, so they made their way over to one of the beginner slopes and Austin got ready for his first run. He was nervous as he started his way down, but by the time he made it to the bottom his fears had been left somewhere on the mountain. After a few good runs, Tyler asked if he was ready to try a little more challenging slope and by lunchtime, Austin was getting comfortable with the skis.
"Do you want to grab something to eat in the lodge?" Tyler asked as he came to a stop next to Austin.
"Yeah! I have worked up an appetite," Austin smiled as he took off his ski goggles.
The two of them ordered a couple of burgers and fries before they took a seat near the big stone fireplace.
"Are you having a good time?" Tyler asked as he took a bite from his burger.
"Yeah, I am. I never knew how much fun skiing is or how much of a workout it can be," Austin laughed.
"Yeah, it is quite a workout," Tyler laughed. "We'll soak in the hot tub later so we aren't sore in the morning."
They spent the rest of the day and a good part of the evening on the slopes. Tyler practically had to drag Austin to the car with a promise they would return.
When they got back to the cabin, Tyler started the hot tub so it would be ready for them. The hot water felt great on their cold aching bodies. Austin was still feeling a little guilty about last night and started to apologize again.
"Austin, you don't have to apologize," Tyler scooted closer to him.
"I know, I was trying to avoid you seeing me like that. I don't want to scare you away."
"The only thing that scared me was not knowing how to help you."
"The best thing to do is just let it run its course and maybe try and talk softly to me."
"I'll remember that," Tyler smiled as he pulled Austin closer.
"I have a vague memory of someone singing. Did that happen or was that in my head?"
"That was my mom. I called her and she sang to you softly over the phone."
Austin blushed with embarrassment at Tyler's mom also bearing witness to his meltdown, "I'll be sure and thank her when we get back."
The rest of the weekend went on without any other issues. They spent all of Saturday skiing and even did a couple of night runs. On Sunday they decided to relax at the cabin spending time alone together. Austin wanted to try again to be intimate, but Tyler suggested they give each other oral sex. Tyler did not want Austin to try and rush having anal with the attack still being fresh in his mind. Aside from Friday night, the entire weekend was perfect, and Austin hated that they had to leave Sunday evening.
It was a Wednesday at school and Austin was putting his morning books in his locker when Tyler came walking up.
"Are you ready for the history exam tomorrow?" Tyler asked as he leaned on the adjoining locker.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Austin said as he closed his locker.
"I was wondering if you and Becka would like to come over and do some last-minute studying?"
"Sure, that sounds good to me. I will run it by her and let you know."
Becka agreed to the study session, and the two of them went over to Tyler's house after school. They gathered in one of the dens and started going over what could be on the exam. Tyler had put out different types of chips, dips, and drinks for them because, after all, what is a study session without snacks? After a few hours, Becka said she needed a break.
"So, are you two ever going to officially come out as a couple?" She pointed at the two of them and giggled.
"Well, when the time is right. We don't want to overload the school with that news just yet," Tyler smiled, giving Austin a wink.
"And what about you? When are you going to find yourself a boyfriend?" Austin joked back.
"Who says I don't already?" A coy smile came across her face.
Austin's mouth fell open, "Who is it?!"
"His name is Alex Pemberton. We met last September at the Cow Town Rodeo and then I found out he goes to our school!"
"September? Why am I just finding out about him now?!" Austin playfully pushed her.
"It was nothing serious at first, and honestly, I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure." She smiled and pushed him back, "And besides, you didn't tell me about Tyler right away."
"Touché! So, come on, spill the goods."
Becka told them that Alex's family owns a small farm out in Hopewell that has been in his family for generations. He is a good old country boy that enjoys working the farm with his mom and dad and plans on taking it over someday.
"I have a great idea. Why don't we double date this Friday, that way we all can get to know each other," Tyler suggested as he opened a soda.
"Oh, yes! I want to meet him and make sure he passes the best friend test," Austin laughed.
"I'll ask him, but I don't see why he wouldn't go along for a double date." Becka smiled.
They discussed what to do for the date and decided to go low-key. After having something to eat at the local pizza shop, they would go for a few rounds at the local bowling lanes. That would be the best way for everyone to meet and get to know each other. While they were talking, Becka looked up and noticed a picture of a young man, who resembled Tyler, hanging on the wall.
"Who is that?" She questioned as she pointed to the photo.
Tyler turned around and looked, "That is my older brother, Aaron, he's overseas in the Marines."
"I had no idea you had an older brother!" Becka got up and looked closer at the photo.
"Yeah, I do," Tyler laughed. "He is five years older than me and graduated a year before I went into high school."
"Is he as big of a dick as you are?" Becka smirked at Tyler.
"Worse," Tyler laughed. "I'm just kidding, he is a good older brother and I miss him a lot, but he is coming home soon."
"Is he going on leave?" Austin questioned as he dug into the chips.
"He got hurt when his convoy was attacked, so he's getting an honorable discharge."
"When do you expect him home?" Becka asked as she sat back on the couch.
"This Thursday, then you guys can meet him Friday before we go out," Tyler smiled.
The thought of meeting Aaron was a little uneasy for Austin. Since Aaron was much older, he had never been around him. Austin was a little worried that Tyler hadn't told his brother about them and it could potentially cause issues. Tyler could see Austin's mood change and when he asked, Austin explained why. Tyler reassured him that his brother wouldn't have an issue with him and offered for Austin to meet his brother Thursday to break the ice.
That Thursday Tyler had skipped school to be at the airport with his family to welcome Aaron. When they got home, Tyler helped his brother take some of his belongings up to Aaron's room. Tyler glanced at the clock and saw it was a little after eleven and he knew Austin would be coming over after school. He had told his brother how he and Austin had become good friends, but he never told him everything.
"Aaron, I know you just got home, but I want to talk about something."
"What's up?" Aaron asked as started to unpack.
"I have a confession to make, I wasn't totally honest about Austin."
Aaron stopped what he was doing and looked at Tyler, "Okay?"
"I know I told you how we have become good friends, but it is more than that." Tyler paused to see if his brother would say anything, "Aaron, I'm gay and Austin is my boyfriend."
Tyler studied his brother to try and gauge his reaction, but his brother just looked at him with a blank stare.
"Sit down," Aaron tilted his head towards the bed.
As they both sat on the bed, his brother asked, "Are you happy?"
"What do you mean?" Tyler questioned.
"Are you happy being with Austin?"
"Yes, more than I thought was possible."
"Then that is all that matters. Whether you love a guy or girl doesn't matter to me, nor should it be to anyone else. Live your life the way that makes you happy, because you never know when your last day will come," Aaron said as he looked down and rubbed the cast on his leg.
"I was really worried you would hate me because I remember what you would say about gay guys in school."
"That all changed the day that landmine almost killed me. I had a lot of time to think when I was recovering for a month, and my outlook on life is a lot different. Plus, I was stationed with a guy who was gay, and we had become friends, unfortunately, he didn't make it out."
The two of them sat together and talked for the next couple of hours. Aaron told Tyler about his friend, Angel, who helped change his views of gay people. Aaron went on and explained how Angel had come from a very conservative family who did not support him with his sexuality. Angel had suffered tremendous torment from his family before they finally disowned him, but eventually, he found relief in the military.
"He was tough and wouldn't take shit from anyone but would be the first one to come running if someone needed help. I thought I was tough, but in getting to know Angel, I realized how strong a person who is gay has to be. All the shit they have to deal with every day really made me think differently. Then, after being hit by that landmine, well, I realized life is too short to be judging others." Aaron smiled as he looked out the window, "He became the best friend I'd ever had Tyler, and in that way, I loved him."
Tyler placed his hand on his brother's back, "I am sorry he didn't make it."
"He was a great guy, a wonderful friend, and would have made someone an awesome husband one day." Aaron turned and looked at Tyler, "Make sure you treat Austin right." Aaron got up, went into his bag, and pulled out a picture of him and Angel. The two of them were dressed in military gear, smiling as they each had an arm around the other.
Once school had finished, Austin went over to Tyler's house. He was a bundle of nerves as he walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. To Austin's surprise, Aaron opened the door. Standing in front of him was this 6'3", looked about two-hundred and twenty pounds, lean mean fighting machine.
"H-Hi, I'm Austin. Is Tyler home?" Austin stuttered as he nervously held out his hand.
Aaron looked at Austin as he stepped out and closed the door behind him, "So, you are the one whom my little brother has fallen for?"
Austin took a step back, "Yes sir, I am."
"Well then," Aaron looked him up and down before locking his eyes on Austin, "I am happy to finally meet you." Aaron smiled as he broke his stern look and shook Austin's hand.
Austin cracked a smile as relief washed over him, "Nice to meet you too."
Aaron turned around and opened the door, "Come on in, Tyler has told me a lot about you."
"He has talked about me?" Austin was shocked to hear that Tyler had been talking about him to his brother.
"Oh yes, he has, and I can tell my brother likes you a lot. Do you mind if we talk?"
"Sure, fine with me."
Austin followed Aaron down the hall to one of the sitting rooms where the two of them talked for a while. Aaron asked Austin about where he grew up and what he liked to do for fun. Austin went on and told him almost everything about himself, though he kept the two attacks to himself. Even though he was starting to feel at ease with Aaron, he was not ready to explain those two incidents. Aaron listened closely as Austin talked about his life, where he grew up and the type of lifestyle he had. He was a very intuitive person and could tell that Austin was holding something back but figured it was not the time to dig deeper.
After an hour, Tyler knocked on the door and joined the two of them. They sat together and the boys filled Aaron in on the trip to California. Austin ended up staying for dinner and didn't go home till almost eight o'clock. While Tyler was in his room getting ready for bed a knock came at his door.
"Come in," He called as he pulled the covers back.
"Hey bro, getting ready for bed?" Aaron asked as he walked in closing the door behind him.
"Yeah, have school in the morning then the double date tomorrow night."
"Okay, just wanted to say I enjoyed meeting Austin this afternoon. He seems like a really nice guy." Aaron smiled but it slowly faded away, "Is everything okay with him? I couldn't help but notice that he seemed a little reserved."
"That's just how Austin is," Tyler half smiled.
Aaron studied his brother for a moment, "Okay, have a good night."
That night Tyler did not sleep peacefully. He was plagued with nightmares about that first attack. This time though, the nightmare turned darker and he saw Austin getting stabbed to death. Tyler awoke suddenly, drenched in sweat, heart pounding, and his body shaking. Is this what a panic attack feels like, he thought to himself. He sat on the edge of the bed, heart still thudding, trying to let his mind calm down, before heading to the kitchen to get something to drink. Walking over to the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of water and drank almost half of it. Closing the cap, he turned around and jumped, dropping the bottle when he saw Aaron sitting at the breakfast nook.
"Fuck dude, you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing up this late?" Tyler questioned as he picked up his water.
"Sorry about that. My mind is still in a different time zone. Why are you so jumpy?"
"I just had a shitty dream is all."
"Wanna talk?" Aaron asked as he pushed out a chair.
Tyler thought for a moment before taking a seat.
"What was the dream about?"
Tyler was hesitant at first but decided to tell his brother about how Austin had been attacked had no memory of the details of that night. Aaron listened intently to every detail and when Tyler was finished, he sat in silence.
"Are you going to say anything?" Tyler swallowed audibly as he raised an eyebrow.
"That is pretty intense and honestly, I can see why that would cause Austin to be reserved. What I do not understand is, why are you having nightmares about it." Aaron's eyes pierced into his brothers reaching down into his soul.
"Because it is horrible what happened to him," Tyler looked away.
"You're right, it is. I know you Tyler and frankly, I can tell there's something you're holding back. You know, whatever you tell me will never go any further than the two of us," Aaron reached out and placed his hand on Tyler's shoulder.
Tyler looked at his brother before lowering his head, "I was there that night. I was one of the guys who attacked him, but it wasn't supposed to go as far as it did. We were only supposed to scare him!" His face reddened with shame as tears began to form.
Aaron leaned back and crossed his arms, "That's why you are having the nightmares, you feel guilty for bashing him. I take it he does not know you were part of that?"
"No, if he does, he's never said anything to me about it."
"Is that why you are dating him, to try and make amends for what you did?" Aaron asked in a stern voice.
"What? Oh my god no! Trust me, I am gay and I do love him." Tyler lowered his head as tears ran down his cheeks, "I love him, Aaron, with all of my being."
"At some point, you are going to have to tell him and deal with whatever consequences come. Tyler, if you don't and his memory comes back, he will never forgive you."
"He'll probably never forgive me no matter what."
"And that is a chance you'll have to take. He might hate you; he might even break up with you, but if you tell him, maybe sometime in the future, he will forgive you."
"I don't even know how to tell him."
"That is something you will have to figure out on your own, but sooner than later is better."
"Are you mad at me?"
"A little, I am more disappointed than anything else. I still love you no matter what and I will not act any different towards you or Austin."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me, I'm not the one who needs to hear it. You better get to bed; you have a busy day tomorrow."
"Okay, good night," Tyler got up and started to walk out of the room.
"Tyler, I love you and will take this secret to the grave."
Tyler felt a little better knowing that his brother would keep this secret. The undeniable guilt was still there but he did feel some relief now that he had finally told someone.
********
The next day everyone was going about their daily business anticipating the double date planned for that night. They had agreed to meet at Pizza Plaza, at Carlls Corner in Upper Deerfield, around six that night. Tyler and Austin arrived first and got a table while they waited for Becka and Alex.
"Hey guys, this is Alex. Alex this is my best friend Austin and his boyfriend Tyler," Becka's eyes sparkled as she beamed, introducing everyone. This was the first time she'd introduced a boyfriend to her best friend.
