tagHumor & SatireFifty Shades of Tabby

Fifty Shades of Tabby


I satisfied all of his needs. I'd rub his thick beard and massage his tense shoulders after a long day of chopping wood. I'd lay near the fire as he stroked my soft chest. At night, I'd lay my contented head on his thick fingers. He felt warm and strong. I always felt safe and loved when he was near me. The winter came suddenly that year, and he was home more often during the long dark Wisconsin nights. He'd smell smoky and musty after taking off his fleece-lined coat and long johns. I'd sniff them as he hung them close to the fire to dry off the wet remnants of the thick December snow. Often he'd have the sweet smell of maple sap on his canvas gloves. I was happiest in the morning as he slept. I'd wake up before him and rest my head on his heaving chest. His chest was furry and warm and strong, and smelled like fresh sweat and pine trees.

In mid-December, the odor on the collar of his leather coat was unnatural, floral and delicate. I knew then about, her. My nostrils flared as I sat next to him on the blue couch in front of the fire, sizing up the situation. I stepped on his lap, walked up his flannel one-piece pajamas, and pressed my forehead against his burly beard. I brushed myself across the jet black bristles with a few grey streaks. Little did he know that my affections were a pretext to give him a more astute judgment. He was terrible at grooming his facial fur, so I gave his coarse beard a few licks to help him straighten out the kinks. I knew from my advanced senses -- he had canoodled with a cheap whore. I could taste the pheromones of another woman on his face. He would not escape without knowing my displeasure.

I turned around so that my exposed butthole was near his face, and I backed up, all the way up. I curled my tail forward so he could get the full view of my wrathful stink-eye. I proceeded to sit my butt on his mouth. For extra effect, I wiggled my tail, hoping I could rub my butt-smell to cover up the smell of whatever whore had touched my burly lumberjack.

He picked me up in his strong arms and looked into my pretty green eyes. "What is wrong with you?" he asked me as he set me on the cushion beside him. As if he didn't know. His lies may work on whatever bimbo had forced a kiss on him unwillingly, but he couldn't lie to me, his true love. I could smell her cheap perfume and her disgusting body odor. The pheromones told me immediately that she was ugly and stupid. I stuck my head between the cushions on the couch like an ostrich and flicked my tail back and forth to make my displeasure abundantly clear. I was done talking with the cheater. He tried to placate me by scratching with his coarse fingernails that sweet spot on the top of my spine, but it would never work. However, it did feel good. I started purring and promptly forgot what it was I was angry about. He always knew exactly how to touch me in all the right ways.

The next day he had slept several minutes past breakfast. Not wanting him to start his day late, I gently stepped on his chest, and I combed my neck hair on his prickly chin. He still didn't budge. I determined he was dreaming about that whore. I sat down in the Sphynx-position on his chest and put my paw on his exposed throat. I felt around for that familiar beating of his Jugular vein. Knowing he needed me for extra motivation that morning, I extended one claw until it pierced his skin. As it went through the layers of epidermis to the pain sensors below he awoke with a start. I pulled my paw back before he saw me. I didn't need the validation of him knowing what a good partner I was for him, by making sure he didn't sleep through his alarm clock. He raised his head up, and I stared in his cloudy blue eyes. His thick brow looked at my large feline eyes and the delicate whiskers on my striped face. I then saw it -- lip gloss. She had left cheap strawberry-scented Chapstick on his lips. Unable to contain myself, I slapped him across the face with my paw and stormed out of the room. Next time I'd use claws. In the kitchen, I waited by my bowl. I refused to give him the privilege of waking up gently to one of my special abdominal massages.

I glared at him without blinking as he filled my bowl with dry kibble. I still thought about glaring at him longer as my face was in my bowl eating, but that morning he decided to give me Fancy Feast. As I was eating, I forgot what I was angry about.

I spent the day doing my daily duties of licking myself and keeping the cushions warm for my Hooman. Maybe it was just a one-time thing. He had gotten drunk and shared a pity-kiss with a lonely piece of trash from the bar outside of Mazomanie. I had fallen asleep as I heard the key in the door. But unlike other evenings, I heard two sets of footsteps. One set was cloppy, as if he was bringing home a two-legged goat. I knew she was there. How dare he bring another woman home with him? Did all of my cuddles mean nothing to him? Were my paw massages on his bladder not satisfying?

As they entered the door, my hooman took off his thick fleece-lined leather jacket and hung it on the cast iron hook on the wall. He took his hat off, showing long hair, newly oiled and slicked back. He smelled as if he had put extra cedar oil and coconut butter in his beard that evening. He took off the woman's fur-lined long jacket. She had high-cheekbones, and a curvy figure. She was young, with long eyelashes, and wide hips. Both of their cheeks were red from the bitter cold. They both had the smell the whiff of alcohol and cigars.

She giggled too much as they talked on the couch. He seems very preoccupied with her chest. It looked as if she had large amounts of round fat underneath her nipples that made them stick almost out of her shirt. Her shirt was purposely low-cut to show off their size. I thought my chest looked much nicer than hers. I was less lumpy and had beautiful orange and grey stripes under luxurious floof. It looked like her chest was completely bald and was missing several rows of nipples.

As they talked, she looked deeply into his big blue eyes that were deep-set beneath a strong brow. Sometimes she would touch his muscular shoulders as they laughed. I could see a wide smile under his thick black beard as they exchanged their hooman sounds. As he spoke, her mouth kept creeping closer to his. I decided this display had gone on long enough, and I jumped on the couch between them. This furless woman, obviously, was not the right girl for him. I crawled up on to his bright red flannel shirt and scratched my forehead against his thick bristles. I purred in delight. She giggled and told me I was 'cute'. Cute. Cute. That condescending bitch. I was glamorous and beautiful, not cute. She reached over to pet my head, but I had not given her express permission. I hissed back at her to remind her of her serious breach in protocol. She giggled at my ferocious display. Unable to control myself at that final insult, I smacked her across the face with my paw three times. My hooman became loud as he scolded me and set me on the floor. Dejected, I stewed in his dirty clothes bin in his bedroom as they continued flirting. I enjoyed his odor as I rested in comfiest place in the apartment. I forgot what I was angry about as I drifted off to sleep.

Unable to be away from me for long, they relocated into the bedroom after several minutes of talking and a few glasses of wine. They sat on the bed, all the while staring in each other's eyes. The woman laid down on her back and my hooman leaned over and kissed her gently in the cleft between her breasts. She smiled and moaned gently in response. I rolled on my back to remind him how soft my chest was, but he seemed too preoccupied to notice. She had a long mane of straight hair that hung down over her shoulders. He sniffed her sandy hair as he kissed her up and down her chest. When he'd reach the sensitive point on her neck, her eyes would roll back with pleasure. As his lips made their way down towards her nipples, she stopped him for a second, to pull her blue blouse over her head in a single motion. With one undone clip, her bra fell on to her lap. She was such a natural at taking her bra off, I thought she must be a total whore. I put my paw over my face in disgust.

I thought it might make me feel better not to continue watching, but I wanted to glare at him, to remind him, that he had completely neglected to pay me sufficient attention. With her chest laid bare to the world, he tickled each nipple with his thick beard, and she kicked and laughed from the sensation. I still didn't understand why he licked this female. She only had two nipples. I had eight nipples.

He circled each breast with his tongue. Between his smooth tongue and bristly face, she seemed to exude happiness and pleasure. I could smell her become aroused by his caress. While he played with one breast, he'd play with the other one with his hand, so that neither side would become jealous. The more he played with them, the more she moaned. Her legs began to spread on their own, slowly wider the more she kicked from the erotic tickles of the thick lumberjack worshipping her body. I could smell that she was definitely in heat. As she became lost in the sensation of my hooman's hands caressing and kissing her, he reached his thick fingers down under her belt loop. Her legs spread further, as he felt the soft spot between her legs. She didn't protest, but began undoing her jeans, as his hand went further down.

She was bald like a Sphynx cat underneath her clothes, with the exception of a small patch of fur between her legs. As she pulled off her Levis, he worked his beard and tongue down her soft skin. He spent a minute on her abdomen, tickling her navel. As his head went further, she grabbed the thick black hair on his head and pushed his mouth closer to her lady parts. She now sounded more like a cat in heat than a hooman, with a low growl and a penetrating whine as my hooman's tongue made a circle around her clitoris.

When his tongue finally touched her spot, she pulled her knees back towards her ears. He licked her labia and ending each of his long tongue strokes on her engorged clit. There he'd flick his tongue back and forth. I had never seen him use his tongue so effectively. I was angry that he had learned good tongue-bathing techniques from me and had never even licked my body once. Now he was trying them out quite effectively on this stranger. He got down on his knees by the side of the bed to continue servicing her. As he licked, he undid his thick flannel shirt, revealing his thick hairy chest. With his shirt undone, I could see the bulge underneath his pants had grown significantly. The more he licked, his hips seemed to move on their own, as if he had to adjust his growing body part underneath.

She played with her own nipples now, as he continued to stimulate her from below. He undid his fly, and I saw his penis was now large and curved upward, throbbing with blood. His dick was several sizes bigger than the young Tom who had knocked me up in the barn several years ago. It didn't have the barbs like those on a cat, so I thought the woman might be disappointed at how vanilla that hooman sex was. It didn't stop her from begging, however. "Please fuck me," she said as she pushed his head up and down across her open legs.

He stood up with his jeans still around his ankles. His tan leather boots were still on as he grabbed her smooth ankles and pulled her toward the side of the bed. She took her hands and rubbed her clit and she opened herself up for him. Now he was hard with a thick string of pre-cum dripping from the tip of his penis. He leaned over her and stared into her longing brown eyes. He teased her lower body with the tip of his dick, pushing its length against the side of her legs, rubbing against her clitoris. She became a babbling mess, as he finally placed the head against her engorged lips. "Push it in me," she howled. "I want to feel your big dick inside me."

She must have been moist from his strong touch, because his thick cock slid inside her with no resistance. She screamed out as its wide girth spread her body apart. He let her get comfortable to the feel of his dick within her as he looked longingly back into her tear-shaped eyes. He pushed as deep as he could, until his balls pressed against her enraptured body. There he made small circles with his pelvis to stimulate her deep inside her. Unable to wait for him to stimulate her more, she began to shake her hips, using his dick like a dildo. She pulled her legs wide and up so that she could use him to hit just where she wanted. He took the message to thrust harder and faster. He slammed her hard with the full strength of his muscled glutes. He would pull out far enough so that there was only the tip left in and then thrust the length in hard, so that she could feel each inch slide inside her. He put one hand gently on her soft face and stroked her gently as he fucked her with all of his strength. The harder he pushed the more she screamed for more.

I could see in his face, the pleasure had almost reached a climax. Before it happened, she pulled her pelvis back so that his large, hard cock slid out and up. It glistened as she flipped over on to her hands and knees and looked at him straight in the eyes. "Get on your back," she told him, leaving no room for debate. He looked deeply satisfied as he laid his thick frame on the bed, his rock-hard dick waiting for more penetration. Facing away from him, she stepped on the mattress with legs on either side of him. She bent her knees and guided the dick with her hand back in her vagina. Now he moaned as she used his body like a sex-doll. She bent her back so that her nipples pointed forward, and I could see the large cock slide in and out. Her large breasts bounced as she used him. Her hair now fell in front of her face muffling her guttural moans. She used his strong frame to stimulate her inside. She rubbed her clit and her nipple as she continued to ride his dick to a plateau of pleasure.

His eyes seemed to plead, "slow down, I'm about to cum". As he tried to slow her down, his words were garbled from the intensity of her body milking his cock. He tried to contain himself as she continued to greedily use his dick. "Do it!" she yelled. "give me your seed, bitch," she screamed as she stimulated the length of his long cock. I could see his balls tighten up and his dick begin to quiver. He began shooting deep inside her body. As soon as she felt the twitch of his cock, she felt satisfied with her power to pleasure him, and her body responded by releasing its own rush of fluid around him. Together they came, each one convulsing, sometimes together, sometimes while the other one stared at the ceiling in pure ecstasy. She screamed as she tensed tightly around his manhood. As she continued to cum she lay gently back on to his chest. With his dick still inside her, he put his muscular arms around her body and his hands on both breasts. Together they laid there still pleasuring themselves in the mix of fluids that united their bodies into one.

Bored at watching the post-coital cuddling, I left the room, stomping loudly with my paws. I thought she was too slender to carry a litter of eight like me. I stewed with my head between my paws as I heard a second round begin in the bedroom. Was he really that good? He did know how to treat me right, so I guess he knew how to touch her in the right places as well. I decided to leave her a present before I took a nap on the warm couch. During the screams of a second orgasm, I stuck my paw down my throat, and upchucked a hairball mixed with dry kibble in her gaudy faux-designer shoe.

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by Anonymous

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by KarensClit199001/06/18

I couldn’t stop laughing, your story was soooo good!

You've totally 🎯 the feline/feminine characteristics.
It was just too funny.
I loved it.
You had me in stitches so many times when the cat was describing her disgust with the sexual antics of hermore...

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