Fight For Me Ch. 03

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. I won't bore you with details and excuses. Here's chapter 3. I hope you all like it, and thank you to everyone who sent me feedback and left comments.

-Deanna

Chapter Three: Decisions and Secrets

"Okay..."

We ended up at the park. It wasn't too far a walk from campus, and I loved going there after classes sometimes to just relax. It always seemed to calm me whenever I would come here from a stressful day in class. It never ceased to amaze me how watching the little kids playing and being so carefree eased away all my anxiousness. And that's exactly what I needed right now. I needed to be calm. I don't know what possessed me to do this, talk with Gavin, but there was no going back now.

Gavin cleared his throat, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him. The way the sunlight was hitting his blonde hair, making him almost glow, made this all seem so unreal, like I was dreaming and at any second I would wake up in my bed. But when I looked into his blue eyes, I knew this wasn't a dream. This was really happening, and Gavin was really here.

"I um, I'm not sure where I should start." He said rubbing the back of his neck. "I had this whole speech planned out for when I would see you again, and now it doesn't seem right."

I let my gaze wander back over to the kids swinging on the swing set. "Well, you can start by accepting my apology."

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Why would you need to apologize?"

I gave him a small smile. "The way I acted the other night, it was...unnecessary." He opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't let him. "It was more out of shock than anything. I mean, it was definitely a surprise to see you, and it still is now. But I shouldn't have acted the way I did; I was being a jerk and for that I'm sorry."

Gavin shook his head. "I'm the one who should be apologizing, and you have every right to be angry at me..." He sighed. "I was so stupid back then...the way I hurt you."

I looked away from him, trying to fight down the lump that was suddenly in my throat. I didn't want what Gavin said to still have an effect on me, but it still did. The pain in my chest was still there even after all this time. I'd loved Gavin with all my heart, and I was so sure he felt the same way.

I had been warned about him. I'd lost count of how many times one of my friends had told me that Gavin was a player and that he would only break my heart. I never listened to any of them. And just like every other girl, I fell for his charms, convinced myself that I would be different. But I was so wrong.

"Jamie."

"What?" I choked out, finally meeting his eyes.

"You have to know that I never meant to hurt you, it was the last thing I wanted to do but-"

"Then why did you?" I said, my voice coming out harsher than I intended.

He was running his fingers through his hair, something I knew he did when he was nervous or agitated. "I was trying to do you a favor." He mumbled.

It was my turn to look at him like he was crazy. "You think you did me a favor?" I asked incredulously. "Oh right, saying you love me one minute and then breaking up with me for no reason the next is doing me a favor. You ignoring me at school and pretending like you didn't know me was doing me such a huge favor, thank you." I stood up and turned away from him; I didn't want him to see the hurt on my face. "I thought I was different from all those other girls." I whispered.

I felt his hand on my shoulder turning me back towards him. I refused to look him in the eyes.

"You were different, Jamie." I heard him sigh and resisted the urge look up at him, to see his face. "I was the one who stayed the same."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I cheated on you."

My head snapped up and I looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

Why was my heart pounding so fast? Deep down I must have known that, right? I'd always told myself that it didn't matter, but hearing it out loud, hearing him admit it made everything hurt ten times worse. I stared into Gavin's eyes. I wanted to know with who and when did it happen, but I was too shocked to open my mouth. I guess I didn't need to since Gavin continued anyway.

"It was at Mike's Halloween party our junior year, the one you didn't go to, and there was this girl there; I think she was Mike's cousin or something. I was kind of pissed at you because you decided to go to Danny's art thing instead of going to the party with me, so I got pretty drunk..." He sighed. "It was a mistake."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked glaring at him

"The same reason why you agreed to talk to me, Jay." He said quietly. "To get what happened between us all out in the open finally."

I scoffed. "Okay, so you cheated on me. What does that have to do with you breaking up with me?"

He looked away from me, breaking our stare. "Don't you get it, Jay? All those people that warned you about me, they were right. I didn't deserve to be with someone like you. You were so good and sweet, and I knew then that all I was going to do was hurt you. And I didn't want that."

I was shaking my head, trying to process everything that I just heard. Something about all this just didn't seem right. Gavin broke up with me because he didn't want to hurt me. Was that the answer I was looking for? Could I really move on now that I knew? I did feel a little better, but it just felt like there was something that I was missing.

I watched Gavin walk back over to the bench, the one we had just vacated, and sit down. He looked worn out, and I admit I felt pretty tired too from all the emotions going rampant inside me. I slowly walked over there too and sat down next to him, and we both were silent for a while, lost in our own thoughts.

"You hurt me anyway, you know?" I said finally breaking the long silence.

"I know... and I'm sorry...I just thought I was doing the right thing." He looked at me. "For what it's worth, I had planned to tell you everything after graduation, but you'd already left."

I nodded. Danny and I had booked our tickets to leave the same night as the graduation ceremony. I didn't want to stick around for all the parties and goodbyes. I just wanted to get out of there, to start fresh. I wonder what would've happened if I had stayed longer. I shook the thought away; there was no point in dwelling on it. I needed to focus on the present now.

"So...what now?" he asked like he was reading my thoughts.

I sighed. "Good question"

///////////////

"Jamie, where the hell have you been?"

I fell back against the front the door after closing it behind me and sighed. I was tired, hungry, and definitely not in the mood to be integrated by an overprotective best friend at the moment. I guess it was stupid to hope for Danny to just go to bed and not worry about me. I glanced up to see the expression on his face. Yep, definitely worried...and pissed. I sighed again. It was already after 10:00 p.m., but I had a feeling I wouldn't be going to sleep anytime soon.

I pushed myself up from the door and walked past Danny to go into the kitchen; at least I could do something about my growling stomach. Danny followed right behind me saying something I wasn't really paying attention to. I opened the fridge and peered inside looking for something edible. I spotted some left over Chinese and grabbed it. I popped the container into the microwave and leaned against the counter to wait for it to heat up.

"Are you even listening to me?" Danny asked after finally realizing I was ignoring him.

I tuned my gaze on him and said, "Look, we'll talk, but first I need to get something in my stomach. Think you can be patient?" before going back to staring at the microwave timer.

Danny glared at me, but went and sat down at the table. I sighed in relief. If it was possible, I think I was more nervous about talking to Danny than I was about talking to Gavin. I knew Danny never liked him, so I wasn't sure how he was going to react to me telling him we just had a heart to heart a few hours ago.

I jumped when the microwave beeped. I made sure it was hot enough before taking it out, and then I went and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I joined Danny at the table. I ate while he watched and impatiently tapped his foot. I wouldn't be rushed though; I was already a ball of nerves. Neither of us talked while I ate; only the sound of my fork scraping and the tapping of Danny's foot kept it from being completely silent.

I sat back in my chair and cleared my throat. Danny looked at me expectantly. "Well, I'm sure you're wondering where I've been all day." I said smiling sheepishly

"Well yeah..." he said sarcastically. "I figured you went to the library, but you usually come home around seven; I was starting to get worried...What's up Jay?"

I might as well just come out and say it. "I sort of ran into one of my ex boyfriends today..." Literally

"Oh really, which one?" he asked in a teasing voice. "Oh God, it wasn't Nathan was it?"

"No... it was Gavin."

Danny's face scrunched up in thought, probably trying to figure out which ex I was referring to. I think it took him a full thirty seconds before his eyes widened in recognition. I almost laughed out loud at the comical look on his face.

"Wow..."

My eyebrows shot up. "Wow? That's it?"

He shot me a glare. "What do you want me to say, Jamie? Wow I'm happy you guys kissed and made up, or wow he's got a lot of fucking nerve trying to talk to you after ignoring you for two years."

I winced but wasn't surprised that he was pissed. In fact, I expected him to be. Like I said, Danny never really liked Gavin when we first started dating, but he pretty much hated his guts after what happened.

"We didn't 'kiss and makeup'. We just...talked." I said shrugging.

"He shouldn't even be coming near you." He got up and paced the kitchen. "What the fuck is he even doing here?"

"He cheated on me." I said quietly.

He stopped pacing and looked at me. "What?"

I just spit out. "That's why he broke up with me and didn't talk to me anymore...I guess he felt too guilty."

Danny had an unreadable look on his face. He came back and sat down next to me.

"What else did he say?" he asked

I repeated what Gavin told me, about everything that happened at Mike's Halloween party.

"I'm going to kill that fucker."

My head shot up, and looked at Danny in surprise.

"I'm serious, Jamie." He said catching the look on my face. "The next time I see him, he going to wish he never opened his fucking mouth."

I looked at him like he just lost his mind. "I'm not going to let you do something stupid like that. Besides he's not worth it, and I'm over him."

It was a lie and we both knew it. Even after knowing that Gavin cheated on me and why he ignored me for all that time I still would never be completely over him. I realized that as soon as I walked away from him in the park. I was doomed to love someone that didn't love me back.

So what now?

///////////

It was two weeks later and true to form, Danny guilt-tripped me into going to a club with him and some friends. I rolled my eyes at the insanity of it all, but I have to admit, I saw this one coming. He was tired of me moping around. So Danny decided we needed to go out and have some fun. Honestly I think he did it to annoy me.

The club, 'Pulse', was a definite crowd bringer. It was packed with gyrating bodies and drunken college students. The music was loud, and I could feel the bass through my entire body. Strobe lights flashed haphazardly, highlighting everyone in a surreal glow. I really didn't mind clubs that much, but only because I liked to dance. I loved the way I could lose myself in the beat of a song. I think that's exactly what I needed.

"I'm going to go get us some drinks." Simon, a friend of Danny's yelled over the music as we sat down at an empty table.

"Just a bottle of water for me, thanks" I yelled to him. He nodded and weaved his way through the crowd toward the bar.

"Is this place great or what?" Danny yelled as he took in everything.

"Yeah, it's really packed out there." Shannon, a friend from my Literature class, commented as she observed the swaying bodies on the large dance floor.

The strong techno beat was calling to me, and I was anxious to get out there. Danny gave me a knowing smile as I excused myself from the table and made my way into the sea of moving bodies.

Soon I was in the middle of the crowd letting the music take over. I felt the bass in my chest as I let my hips sway to the hypnotic melody. I wasn't sure how long I just danced by myself, but I eventually realized Shannon was dancing next to me. Someone grabbed my waist, and I moved with my unknown partner, not really caring who it was. Danny and Simon finally came down and joined us too.

It felt like we danced for hours, and I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun. Everything that had been bothering me was pushed to the back of my mind. I actually laughed out loud when two girls dragged a reluctant Danny away to do body shots. Shannon had wandered off with a blond haired honk, so it was just me and Simon left. We decided to take a break and go get some drinks.

"Aren't you glad you decided to come out with us?" Simon asked me when we made it to the bar.

"More like Danny decided." I said wryly.

He laughed at that as he tried to get the bartender's attention.

I started to laugh too, but my laughter died in my throat when I happened to glance over by the upper area where the tables were. I spotted Danny talking to the one person I had hoped not to see anytime soon. It was Gavin. I was sure my heart stopped in that moment, and I was frozen on the spot only able to just stare over at them. Oh god, this is not happening. I hadn't seen him since that day at the park, and wasn't sure what I should do. Should I go over there? I wasn't sure how serious Danny was about killing Gavin, but they both looked kind of pissed off.

"Hey, what do you want to drink?" Simon asked startling me.

I finally tore my gaze away from the two of them. "Oh, um, a coke I guess."

I looked back over only to find them no longer standing there. I quickly scanned the crowd trying to find where they could have gone. I finally spotted them heading toward the exit. Alarm bells started going off in my head. Something wasn't right. I knew it probably wasn't a good idea to follow them, but I was too worried about what Danny was going to do to think about that.

"I'll be right back." I yelled to Simon. He raised an eyebrow and nodded, saying he'd wait for me.

I fought my way through the packed crowd in the direction Gavin and Danny went. It seemed like people were purposely getting in my way, and it felt like forever before I reached the exit door. I half panicked when I didn't see them right away, but then I saw them standing by the curve. Danny was clenching and unclenching his fists, and Gavin looked like he was talking through clenched teeth. I walked cautiously toward them, barely noticing the chill of the night air.

Gavin noticed me first, and my breath caught when our eyes met. The anger seemed to drain from his face was replaced with what could only be described as pure determination. I wasn't sure what that look was for, but I had a feeling I was about to find out. We stood there staring at each other for what must have been five seconds, but it felt like five hours. What really surprised me was that I realized I didn't want to look away.

The moment was broken when Danny, who had his back to me, turned to face me. He looked surprised for a split second and then angry. He came over to me and grabbed my arm.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" He demanded.

I tried to pull my arm from him, but he only gripped it tighter. "I was just-"

"We're leaving" he practically snarled, and just like that he started dragging me away.

I was too shocked to react at first, but then I started to struggle in his grip. I can only remember seeing Danny this furious once: when we were in high school, and he caught his girlfriend cheating on him with one of his good friends. It just wasn't in his nature to get angry, and it wasn't like him to be so abrupt with me. Unfortunately my temper stayed in check for about three seconds of getting yanked around before I started cursing him out. The few people that were milling around outside were starting to take notice to us.

"You're hurting me!" I yelled in an attempt to get him to let go. I wasn't having much luck though. We were almost to the parking lot where Danny had parked his car. I knew I should've just given up and went with him, but at that point I wasn't thinking straight; the fact that my best friend was treating me like a child infuriated me. In a last effort to get away from him, I grabbed the hand gripping my arm with my other hand and dug my nails into the skin. Danny swore and let go of me just as I felt myself yanked back into a strong chest. I knew it was Gavin, but that didn't stop the gasp that escaped my mouth.

"Get your hands off her." Danny growled out.

"I think she deserves to know what's going on." Gavin's voice was dangerously calm.

My anger dropped a little at hearing that. What exactly did I need to know?

"Fuck off Gavin." Danny held out his hand out for me. "Jamie, come on let's go, now."

I looked at him incredulously "I'm not going anywhere with you." I was still pissed off, and more than anything I wanted to find out what was going on between these two. Danny never kept secrets from me. But I regretted even opening my mouth when I saw the look on Danny's face. He looked like I had just kicked his puppy. I tried to say something, but he cut me off.

"You know what? Do whatever you want...I don't care. You want him to fuck you over again, go for it." Before I could respond, he turned and started walking across the street.

I wanted to go after him, but what could I say that hasn't been said already. He knows. That was the thought that kept running through my head as I watched him walk away. Danny knows I'm still in love with Gavin, and there wasn't much I could about it. It was something I had to deal with and get over on my own time.

I saw the car coming before Danny did; it ran the red light. I watched in frozen horror as it ran right into him. I heard the sickening crunch at the impact, and then Danny's body hitting the ground hard. It all happened in slow motion and so fast all at once. I was dimly aware of people shouting for someone to call an ambulance. I think I heard Gavin say something to me, but I couldn't hear what he said over the sound of my pounding heart. All I could do was stand there and stare. Stare at Danny's prone body on the concrete. Oh God I couldn't get enough air into my lungs and suddenly everything went black.

*

A/N: I know a lot of people don't like cliffhangers, but that's where I wanted to stop until the next chapter. Chapter 4 is in the works.