Film Night

Angry, I stood up. "I think I'm done for the night..."

"I knew you'd be like this," said Alex. "I knew if I told the truth you'd go off on one. Not exactly fair, is it? I open up and be honest, and you shut me down? Huh? How is that..."

"Okay," I said. "You're being honest and... You're clean. Unless the STI test missed something."

"I wanted to be honest with you," said Alex. "I'm sick of hiding this shit. It feels like I'm cheating on you all over again. Every single fucking day. Every time I think 'I ought to fess up and tell Sarah' and I don't then it feels like I'm cheating."

I paused, took a step back and thought for a second. "Okay, I understand... but then... I don't understand why you didn't take precautions. I mean, she, or they, could have left you with something fucking terminal."

"She left me with a dose of the Crabs," said Alex. "All of us, actually."

"Serves you right," I said. "Idiot."

"Yeah, I'm an idiot," said Alex. "I get it. Now... Your turn..."

"Really? My turn? After your little bombshell?"

"Go on," said Alex. "Lighten the mood."

Truth be told, I wasn't in the mood for any more of this bullshit but I knew that if left unchecked, if I didn't simmer down and smooth over a situation that was history more than a decade ago then it would fester for days, weeks even.

I smiled and decided to show him something else, something that would maybe put his mind at ease, maybe make him smile. I opened another folder on another drive. Truth be told, I needed thinking time, a moment to calm down. I didn't want to go to bed with this scenario simmering away behind my eyes.

"Okay, these were taken during my time with the band..." I said. "They were at a party thrown by the record company at our hotel after one of of our gigs."

The folder opened and... There are ten movies within, some small, some large. I doubled-clicked on the first.

The scene is a hotel room in downtown Seoul. At least I think it is. And the room is crammed full of an uneven mix of bright, sweet young things and gnarly, leather-faced record company execs. Most of the people present are Korean or Japanese but there are a few Europeans in there too. The youngsters are in various stages of undress. Three or four are actually naked, and at least one gentleman is lying prostrate atop a glass table whilst a lady one would presume is not his wife performs an intimate sex act upon said gentleman's appendage.

"Hang on," said Alex a few seconds later. "Who's that?"

"Where?"

"There..." he said, pointing at the screen. "Isn't that?"

"It is," I replied. "In the flesh..."

"Lord above..."

The camera panned left then right again.

"And that's our drummer, Senso," I said, pointing at the prone figure lying on a huge sofa, a girl on either side, their respective heads buried in his crotch.

"Shit," said Alex.

"Just wait until the camera pans around a little further and..." I whispered.

"Bloody hell!" he shouted. "That's him from..."

"It is," I said. "Now shush... Don't say anything."

There's a guy, a household name back in the day, naked from the waist down and with his penis pointing skywards. Another young lady of considerable agility is sitting astride said gentleman and riding him ever so vigorously. They have an audience. The audience is loud and very appreciative.

"Wait for it..." I whispered and then... The lady hops off said gentleman and finishes the job with a deftly applied hand-shandy. The resulting plume of spunk flies towards the ceiling and lands, in drips and drops, on the table in front of them. A loud and hearty cheer erupts.

"His party piece, apparently," I said.

"But that guy played at the Queen's Platinum Jubilee concert," gushed Alex.

"He did," I whispered. "But wait, there's more."

The camera panned further to the left. "See there? That's Beak, our guitarist."

Beak was, essentially, balls-deep in a lady who was not his wife. Said lady was, in fact, the wife of our 'plugger', Tony. A 'Plugger' is the guy who takes a band's latest recording around the various radio stations and magazines and tries to get them to play it. Tony earned a lot of money for plugging records. Tony's wife enjoyed a lot of cock.

We cut to another movie. It's of a room full of people standing around a Pool Table except that the ladies playing Pool are not really playing Pool. They're getting fucked. Every time a lady bends over to put the red ball in the corner pocket, a guy puts his cock in her corner pocket.

"Where are you in this?" asked Alex.

"I'm in the corner," I said. "Watching..."

The camera sweeps around and settles on my somewhat startled visage. Startled because I'm naked.

"Wowza," whispered Alex. "Are you up next?"

"Nope," I said. "Just enjoying the vibe. Naked."

"But they're all getting fucked?"

I shook my head. "Personal rule," I said. "No glove. No love. Besides, I was Beast's girlfriend at the time. Nobody else would even look at me."

"She seems to be looking at you," said Alex.

And 'she' was. Actually, she was on her hands and knees with her head gently nestled between my thighs.

"Yeah, I remember her," I said. "She was always trying to get up my skirt. She wasn't particularly clean. Guess I must have relented for some reason. I don't remember the experience all that well. Just a lot of slobbering around like she didn't really know what she was doing, I think largely because she didn't."

Cut to another movie.

"Oh... fuck... " I whispered. "I'd forgotten this..."

"Lemme see..." said Alex. "Oh... "

Yeah, you guessed it. I'm on my back, naked, and there's a girl, another girl, between my thighs. And then my legs are resting on her shoulders and she's quite obviously giving me a serious tonguing.

"Wow..." said Alex. "Who the fuck is she?"

"One of the Office crew," I whispered. "Record Company minion. I can't even pronounce her name but... She had the hots for me."

"And?" said Alex. "What happened next?"

"Guess,"

"Guess what?"

"Do I need to draw you a diagram?"

Alex looked stunned.

I smiled. "We went back to her hotel room and fucked until the sun came up..."

"She's gorgeous," said Alex.

"She was," I replied. "And.. yeah... she was superb in bed, too. Really had me crawling the walls trying to come down from one orgasm after another."

"Who's that?" asked Alex pointing to the screen.

"Her? That's her girlfriend," I said. "She was brilliant too. I mean seriously good."

I paused that movie and flipped to another. It's the inside of a bedroom and there are two girls lying on a bed, fingering each other vigorously. 

"I took this," I said. "Partly because I could scarcely believe what was happening right in front of me..."

"And Beast didn't mind?


I shook my head. "Not at all... He was probably off somewhere getting shit-faced or high, you decide."

The camera panned down as one of the girls crawls off the bed and lands at my feet. My knickers? No idea where they went but the camera captures every detail of the interaction in glorious technicolour. Yeah, I'm getting my pussy licked out, and it's nice, and I can barely stand up straight.

"That was nice..." I whispered. "Some of the best sex I've ever had."

And then... The camera pans a little further, and then a little further still, and... There's a guy sitting in a corner of my room, watching. He has his cock out.

It's Beast. My ex. My band mate. My lover.

I'd forgotten he was in this video. I looked over at Alex. He wore the expression of someone who had just stepped on a land mine.

"Sure you want to go on?" I asked.

He nodded.

"We ended up on the balcony," I said. "Fucking in front of an audience."

Alex sat with his head in his hands. "Wow! You and Beast?"

I nodded. "Up there, on the balcony. From behind. A real knee-trembler..."

"Should we stop?" I asked.

"No," said Alex. "Definitely not. Keep going..."

"Okay," I said. "This is when I quit the band."

I opened a folder and double-clicked the half a dozen images within.

"This," I said. "Is the before and after... I've never, ever shown these to anyone. On the left, me, in my full stage costume..."

MidsummerKnight, The Hell Vixen. Purple hair, more eyeshadow than is either wise or sensible. Goth styling. Huge NuRock boots. Fishnet tights.  Corset. Shorty-shorts. Shorts so short you can practically see my pubes poking out. And a bra. Barely legal, according to Korean Law. And I used to do concerts like that.

"On the right," I said. "Me, after I'd decided to leave the band..."

"But you don't..."

"Don't look anything like..." I said. "I needed a quick exit from the band and the country. If I'd told them, given them or their management any indication that I was leaving, then they'd have offered me more money or more drugs or both, and I'd be back at Square One. Or dead in a gutter. Take your pick. Neither option was particularly inviting. At that point, I didn't trust myself to say 'no'."

"I can guess," said Alex.

"I've told you this," I said. "I was lying in my hotel room, utterly out of my mind, when I had a vision. My Guardian Angel was sitting at the side of the bed, holding my hand. She told me that everything would work out for the best but only if I left this shitty life behind."

"Guardian Angel?" asked Alex. "Really?"

"Actually, I think it was the Maid but..." I whispered. "I'm grateful to her because she provided the impetus to get out of there. A very necessary kick up the arse."

I flicked to another image. "I changed my appearance in a matter of minutes. I'd bought a wig, and with big glasses and the right clothes, I was sure I could pass for a local. And I did, more or less. I simply walked out of the hotel in front of a small crowd of onlookers and nobody guessed it was me. I just walked down the road, little flat white shoes and preppy yellow raincoat, and I was gone. I took a taxi to the airport and was back in Europe before the band had even woken up."

I jumped into another folder.

"These were taken at San Gimignano," I said. "One of our photoshoots. Part of the whole Sienna thing."

These photos feature yours truly and the photographer's assistant, and we're both clad in white peasant's outfits, lying on the grass at the foot of an Olive tree. And we're quite clearly getting it on.

"She's... gorgeous..." said Alex.

"She was," I said. "But she was trying to get me laid. Trying to get inside my knickers. They'd been paid to, by one of the shitty tabloid newspapers. No idea which one but..."

Another image. It's of me, lying on my back, naked, save for a silly vest, legs apart, big black pubic triangle pointed straight at the lens, the photographer's assistant finger-banging me in double-quick time.

"So fucking hot," whispered Alex.

"Not really when you realise the idea was to photograph me in the middle of an orgasm and then plaster said image all over the music press."

"Still hot though..."

"I suppose," I said. "The orgasm was nice..."

"How have you got these?" asked Alex.

"The photographer, Ian, sent me them," I said. "He said he felt bad and wanted nothing to do with it but I think it had more to do with the fact that my face wasn't particularly visible and the newspaper refused to stump up the money... Just another reason to get out of that shitty situation."

"Lord, I had no idea..." whispered Alex.

"Hey ho," I whispered. "Fun times... What about you? What you got?"

"Me?" said Alex. "Just me and the missus fucking..."

"Is there a big dick involved?"

Alex nodded.

"Show me..." I said.

He opened up his laptop and clicked on a folder. Within, three or four images of Alex with his prick buried in his ex-wife's lower regions. Explicit but not very horny. Not at all. Just a cock buried in a crudely shaved fanny. Did nothing for me.

"What about you?" said Alex.

"What about this?" I said, opening up another folder on my laptop. "These are..."

"Wowza... I like..." he whispered.

It's a scene from a dungeon. Alex knows it well. He's been there on two occasions. I instantly feel sad because there are images here of my old friend and mentor, Kaneda-San, who passed recently.

"This is me," I said. "On the night of my initiation... "

"Initiation?" asked Alex.

"Just a silly ritual," I said. "A pre-requisite of joining Ken's rather exclusive club..."

I started to yawn.

"Alex, I'm tired now, and I need to rest," I whispered. "We can do this tomorrow, right?"

"Right," said Alex but, from his tone, I suspected that he wanted to see more than I was prepared to show him at that point.

"Show me a little bit more," he whispered. "Just one or two..."

"Okay, here are some nice ones..." I said. "Just half a dozen images. No more. This is one of my favourite ever parties. A CMNF party to be specific."

"A 'what' party?" said Alex.

"CMNF," I said. "Clothed Male, Naked Female. I went as Kaneda-San's guest. The guys wear power suits and act all macho and protective, whilst the girls get to look all submissive and cute whilst being naked."

"This is so horny," said Alex. "I never knew."

"Ken, Kaneda_San, and I. He took me along as his guest on a couple of occasions," I said. "He utterly loved it. So did I. He'd walk into a crowded room with a naked me on his arm, and his friends would just sit there with their jaws wide open, and then I'd go to the bar and get the drinks in, wearing nothing but seven inch heels and a smile."

"Fuck..." said Alex. "Do they still run these parties?"

"I think they've relocated down to Yorkshire," I said. "You wanna  go?"

"Oh God! Yes," shouted Alex. "Dream come true..."

"Okay," I replied. "I'll book us a space at the next party. But that's it for now, okay?"

"Okay," he said, smiling. "It's a deal."

"One thing?" he asked. "Did you and Ken ever"

"No, we never did," I replied. "Even if we both wanted to but... You know... It never happened."

I closed my laptop down and hid it away, well aware that Alex might try to open it up again and go looking for himself.

I went off to bed but didn't sleep much. Why? That image, those images, of my darling husband and his mates fucking the same girl? Or girls? I couldn't get that scene, that sensation, out my head. I so wanted to be THAT girl. I so wanted to feel that many cocks inside me at once. Up my pussy. Up my ass. Down my throat.

And that image persisted in the back of my head until the following morning and, indeed, well beyond.

Sleep was difficult that night. In the end, I settled down in Theo's room. There's a cot in there in case he's having a nightmare, which he does from time to time. I didn't sleep though. Far from it.

The following morning... Everything was all waving and smiles and happy, as if the previous night had never happened.

Theo's swimming coach arrived at nine thirty. I would usually go with them but I was tired and stressed and had a deadline to hit. Of course, more or less as soon as the coast was clear, Alex appeared in my doorway and asked if we could continue on from the previous night.

"I didn't get much sleep last night," I said. "Too much to think about."

"Same here," said Alex. "But what say you take a break around eleven and we continue?"

"If you want but..." I said. "I've already decided that I'm not going to hold back. You're going to get both barrels."

"Why?"

I paused. "Because what you showed me last night. I found it deeply unsettling. I can't understand why you would take such risks. Not wearing a rubber. Going inside some chick bareback. With so many other guys? What were you thinking?"

"Precisely," said Alex. "I wasn't thinking. All I can say is, at the time, I didn't care. My life was shit. My marriage was a joke. I was trying to love a daughter who wasn't mine to love. She was born out of a lie, out of a deceit. Kinda difficult to forgive and forget behaviour like that."

"What about now though?" I asked.

"Now," said Alex. "My life most definitely isn't shit. I want to stick around a lot longer."

"I'm kinda pleased to hear that," I said. "Eleven it is then... since you obviously want to see more."

He was there on the dot. Talk about precision timing. Truthfully, he caught me off guard a little but...

"Okay," I said. "Here goes...".

I grabbed my MacBook and pulled up a secret account on my private server. "You sure you want to see these?"

He nodded, enthusiastically. "Yeah, why not?"

"Really?" I replied. "Cos, like I said, if you see these then there's no going back..."

"Because they're kinda... you know?"

I smiled. "Yeah, kinda raw..."

"Kinda intimate?"

"Very..."

Alex started laughing. "Okay, show me," he said. "I'm cool. I can handle it."

He pulled up a chair and sat. "What are they?" he asked. "Movies?"

"Yeah, one or two movies," I said. "Mostly stills, though."

I opened the first of my pre-prepared folders. They contained a collection of movies.

"So who made these films?" asked Alex.

"A friend, Thalia. She was into making movies," I replied. "She was doing a degree in cinema and she managed to rope in a few of her closest friends for... Let's call them experimental films."

"Thalia? Do I know her?"

"Nope," I said, shaking my head.

"Do I want to know her?"

"Thalia? Yeah, she's gorgeous," I said. "You'd totally lose control if you met her. She's exactly your type."

"Really?"

"She's actually more your type than I am, so..."

"Is that why I've never met her,"

"Sort of..." I said.

"What happened to her?"

"She got a job out in Los Angeles," I replied. "She shoots commercials."

I double clicked the first icon. This is "Runaway". It's a big film, around 4 Gigabytes so Quicktime took ages to open up. I gave up and loaded it with VLC instead.

"Runaway" is a short film about moving on and, strangely, rather prophetic. It begins with two girls in bed.

"Who's that?" asked Alex.

"My ex, Kim,"

"Another ex? You have quite a pile of ex's, no?"

"Yup, yet another ex," I replied. "And thanks for reminding me. So kind of you..."

The movie begins.

The girls are entwined. The first (me) wakes, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, then she turns to stare at the sleeping form beside her. I hop out of bed (naked) and walk to the bedroom door before heading off to the bathroom. Therein, I shower. I figuratively wash away the sins of the night before. The camera pays a bit too much attention to my bits, frankly but that's down to the Director. I pad around the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel on my head before dressing. I then stand in the doorway to the bedroom and take one last look at the girl on the bed. After that, the camera watches as I eat a solitary breakfast and prepare to leave. I have my phone, briefcase and rain coat, and the door is open when my soon-to-be-ex partner appears in the kitchen doorway. It's Kim (nude, save for a single sock) and she stares as I turn to leave. One last lingering look and I'm off. Kim follows through the open door as I head to my waiting car. I start the engine and I'm gone. Kim stands in the garden (naked) and watches my tail lights fade into the distance. It starts to rain. Fade to black.

"Wow..." he said. "I like it. Deep. Thoughtful. Nicely shot, too. Very cinematic. Not a word of dialogue. Not a single sound apart from the essentials. And plenty of pussy..."

"Plenty of pussy," I whispered. "That's for sure. She was big on pubes was Thalia."

"Was it ever shown anywhere?"

"Yeah," I said. "We had several private screenings at Thalia's house but it was only shown in public on two occasions, both fairly exclusive festivals."

"And nobody recognised you?" asked Alex.

I shook my head. "Not a soul... A shame really, given what I went through with the band..."

Here's another movie.

"I'll go easy on you" I said. "Here's me and Kim again."