Finally Mine 02

Life is absolute chaos, and it sure can sometimes do some pretty awful things to you when you least expect it. Let me tell ya. But hey, I am a woman of my word, and I did promise that I always finish what I start. (pffttt it only took me four-ish months. I bet no one even noticed! *wink wink*)

I don't estimate that the gaps between the next submissions will be that long, but hey, you never really know what's going to happen with life. But no matter what, even if I'm dead and buried, I always finish what I start.

Just a little note about this chapter—I'm not super well-versed in the workings of counseling and mental health. The assertions made in this chapter about them could be entirely incorrect, and are only there for the progression of the story. Again, the things I say about counseling may be wrong. Please don't go and live your life as if this is the way the counseling system works. If I made a mistake, feel free to rant about it in the comments, and I apologize ahead of time for my horrendous-ness. I hope you can forgive me 

PS If you think you can guess what's up at the end of John's section, shoot me a message, and I'll let you know if you're right in the next submission. I know all of my incredible readers are highly intelligent, so several of you are probably going to get it right, and I'd rather not spoil it for anyone else, so please don't put it in the comments. Thanks lovelies!

Now, without further ado, adieu, asdfghjkl;. Not really sure how to spell that word. Who needs it, anyway?

Enjoy Chapter Two.

5 months later

~John~

Life was hell.

Utter.

Complete.

Fucking.

Living.

Hell.

I sat at the cubicle, sullenly wrapping my fingers around the stapler and applying enough pressure to force the pages together.

Get ahold of yourself John. You knew from the beginning that something was off about the job offer. And you couldn't have been more right. God, you're such a screw up. You know, you'll never amount to anything. They were right to do this to you.

I sighed, and ran a frustrated hand through my hair. This wasn't what this job was supposed to be like at all. It was never meant to be like this, and it killed me inside knowing that this was all that I amounted to.

Paperwork.

Never mind the fact that I have a PhD in psychology. Never mind the fact that the application was to be a counselor. They simply wanted me for paperwork. Oh, sure, they'd made it sound sweet in the beginning.

"We promise, this is only temporary John. We're going through a transition period right now, and we're cutting back on counselors as it is. You understand, don't you?"

And because of their god-damned shiny shoes I believed them. I believed every single one, and it was all a lie. I let out a small grunt in frustration, shoved my paperwork to the side, and rested my head on the cool surface of my desk. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could handle. I came to work every morning thinking that maybe it would be the day when I would finally be able to do what I wanted to do with my life, and I left every day, screaming in frustration because they were "still dealing with the effects of the transition," and "weren't ready to advance me to counselor status yet."

Bunch of lying scoundrels.

I let my head rest there, trying to ease my frustrations with deep breaths, when my phone suddenly buzzed. Generally speaking, I keep it in the drawer of my desk, and I don't answer it during work hours. This to me just seemed like a good idea. However, knowing that no one was around, I pulled it out of my drawer and looked at it.

It was a text from Emma, Alex's wife.

I sighed. She'd made me her personal mission two months ago, noting how miserable and stressed I was all of the time. Emma had taken to texting me frequently, taking me to lunch, making food for me, and talking to me incessantly. I tried talking to Alex about it, but he would only laugh and smile, and say that, "No one can control Emma unless she wants to be controlled."

Flicking my phone on, I went to the message, and read "Hey J, it's Emma. Alex and I are going out of town this weekend, and we wanted to know if you wanted to come with. I'm inviting a friend of mine from work, so you wouldn't be alone. Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Oh Emma.

I sighed, and pressed the power button on my phone. I didn't want to think about going on some random vacation and being set up with a girl that I didn't even know. Every part of it sounded miserable. Still, there was a part of me that argued that it couldn't be any worse than what I was going through right now.

Who knows, maybe a break would do me some good? Let me get some fresh air, get away from all of the frustrations dealing with my work and just have some fun with some good friends.

When I put it like that, it was hard to resist.

I stood up from my desk and exited my cubicle, heading in the direction of Tyler's office to talk with him. I got to the main area, and his secretary, Jane, waved at me. Jane and I had a sort of understanding, being the ones who handled all of the paperwork for the office, and as such we were on good terms.

"Hey Jane. I need to talk to Tyler. Mind if I head in?" I asked, leaning on her desk a bit.

"He's on the phone right now, but you can go right on in and wait for him to be done. He never minds, and it'll make everything go faster," she responded, typing away on her computer.

"Thanks," I said, patting her desk twice before heading over to Tyler's office.

Now, let's get something straight. Tyler's office is massive. It definitely wasn't your stereotypical office. It screamed wealth through everything in it. He'd made it by combining his old office and the office of a previous counselor who'd been fired during the transition. It had a beautiful view of the skyline, with specially made windows that allowed him to see out, but no one to see in. There was a full on lounge, complete with a television, in his office. Long story short, it was incredible.

I knocked gently on the door before letting myself in. Tyler's voice echoed around the large room, and I listened carefully, walking to the chair in front of his desk as I did so. I took a seat, knowing that his conversation was nearly done by the resolving tone of his voice. "...we'll get the paperwork all figured out today and she can be in the office by tomorrow. Of course. Yes. I understand. Yes, I'll be working with her personally. Yes. Okay. Thank you, Mr. Thomas. Okay. You too. Goodbye."

Tyler hung up, and quickly turned his attention to me. His eyes studied my face for a few moments, before turning hard and upset. He began his regular lecture, "John, please, I know you're frustrated. But you know we're going through a transition period, and you know—"

"Tyler, I'm not here about that. I understand that there are things that need to be worked out in regards to the workings of the company, and I'm more than willing to be here waiting until they get resolved. I'm actually here about something different entirely." I told him, sitting back in my seat slightly to show him that I was comfortable and relaxed. This seemed to relax him a bit too.

"Sorry, I'm a bit on edge. We have a rather high profile client transferring over to us today, and it's just a high stress situation for everyone involved. What can I do for you, John?" He asked, his voice calmer and at ease.

"I was actually wondering if I could take the rest of the day off today, and tomorrow as well. My friends just asked me today if I wanted to go with them on a trip this weekend, and I don't much today or tomorrow. Although, if you need me to stay to do the transferring paperwork, I'll understand. You know what, I should probably stay. You'll need that paperwork done as soon as possible. Sorry to have bothered you," I started to stand, but Tyler stopped me.

"John, whoa, sit back down. You've been doing a lot of good work lately, you haven't missed a single day yet, and I think it would actually be really good for you to take the time off. Yes, it'd be nice if you could do the paperwork, but Jane can do it just as well as you can. That's all the pressing paperwork that we have for this weekend, so Jane can cover for you while you're gone. Don't stress, and go enjoy yourself. We'll see you back on Monday."

I was quite honestly shocked. I'd come in here mostly expecting that the answer would be a firm no. Tyler had been on my case lately, and I figured he'd play much the same card as he had before in order to keep me here as his personal work horse.

"Really?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

He laughed. "Yes, really. You always seem to question the good things that happen to you, John. Just accept them. And enjoy your break."

He ushered me out of the room, and I let in do so in stunned silence. Once I was out of the room, he shut the door behind me, leaving me standing there. Jane looked up from her desk to flash me an easy smile, then went right back to typing away at her computer.

"Hey, I'm going to owe you one," I told her, leaning in close. She looked up from her computer, her eyes narrowing.

"What did you do?" She asked, her voice accusatory but teasing.

I grinned back at her. "Oh nothing. I'm just going on vacation, so you're stuck with all of my paperwork."

She raised an eyebrow at me lazily. "Is that all? Gee, I can't wait to see you try and do all of my paperwork. Yours is going to be a breeze."

"Ouch. Fair enough. I guess I probably deserved that one." I paused for a few seconds, then told her, "But I really do owe you one. When I get back, how would you like to go to lunch with me?" The last part came out in a little bit of a rush, and I could feel the blush raising in my cheeks. I wasn't really sure where it came from. Jane and I had become at least fairly good friends, and I thought she was a great woman, but it's not as though I was very attracted to her. She had far too dominant of a personality for us to be very compatible in that way.

Still, she was a delight to be around. She was clever and witty, and I knew that she would make any event fun. I didn't regret asking her, I just hoped it didn't come across as anything more than friendly intentions.

Jane considered me for a few moments before speaking. "I'd love to go to lunch with you," she finally told me, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks. I'll be back on Monday. Does that work for you?" I asked.

"Sounds great! I'll see you then. Enjoy your vacation. I'll just be here slaving away at all of the work you've left me," she teased, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Oh I'm sure you'll simply die," I joked back, flashing a smile at her before heading back to my cubicle to get my things.

The phone on my desk was buzzing when I got back, and I furrowed my brow. Emma and Alex were the only ones who texted me anymore, and Emma had already just texted me. I wondered what could be happening.

As I pulled up the text message, a chill came over me, and my blood ran cold.

Oh god. Emma.

~Breena~

"There you go sweetheart. The lacerations are all cleared up by now. You can hardly tell that they were even there in the first place," Suzie promised, her careful eyes trying to read the look on my face.

I bit my lip, chewing at them nervously as I eyed my behind. She was right, mostly. Of course I could still see the outlines there, and with my trained eye, they seemed very pronounced. But I was sure that to someone who wasn't looking very closely, they wouldn't be as obvious. It's not like anyone is going to be staring at your behind anytime soon either way, I tried to convince myself.

Sighing, I turned away from the full length mirror that my ever patient nurse had brought in for me. She tried so hard to make me happy, and I knew it disappointed her when I got like this. But, for all that I tried, I really couldn't help it.

The doctors all tried to classify it as something—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety. I honestly wasn't sure I cared about what it was. All I knew was that it was awfully hard to try and cope with.

I'd gone to billions of counselors, and each one smiled at me in a placating manner while I tried my best to explain how everything had happened. Every single time I went through it, things turned out the exact same. The point when I got to the fact that I was genuinely curious about and enjoyed several aspects of BDSM was when the confusion showed up on their face. Oh, they all tried to hide it, but no one was very good at it.

I never had a second session with a single counselor, and as such, I kept being bounced from one to another. I was told with each new counselor that this one specifically was very understanding and tolerating, and that no one would judge me based off of my life choices.

Everyone said it about this new one too, but I don't think I believed them. It was hard to try and convince myself to do so when they'd never proven correct in the past.

"Breena... I know that look on your face. God knows I've spent the past five months trying to get it off and your gorgeous smile on. Talk to me, hon. What's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of motherly concern.

"I'm sorry Suzie. It's just so hard. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I bounce from one counselor to the next, and every single one is the exact same, and I just leave feeling more and more disgusted with myself. What's wrong with me?" I asked her, unable to keep the tears from spilling down across my cheeks.

"Oh sweetheart, it's not you, I promise. This new counselor is supposed to be great, and I'm sure you'll get along famously. I've never heard a bad word from anyone about him. I promise. And if it's not okay, then I'll go kick his ass, and I'll be your counselor."

I couldn't help but giggle at that. Somehow, Suzie always knew how to make me smile. I wasn't sure I was ready to leave the hospital yet, and leave her kindness, but I knew that I was going to have to do so eventually. And since, physically at least, I was healed, there really wasn't any reason for me to stay here any longer.

"I'm going to miss you Suzie."

"I'm going to miss you too, darling. You're an incredible young lady, and it's been such a delight to get to know you. I really am going to miss seeing you every day. But, I know that you're going on to bigger and better things. That's what's going to get me through the rough days when I'm really missing you. And we'll keep in touch through email, like we already promised. You're going to love moving, and being out on your own. It's an awesome sense of independence that I really think you kind of need right now," she told me honestly.

I nodded at the truth behind her words. I knew that it would be good for me to be able to strike out on my own and learn for myself how the world works. But it also really scared me. I'd been depended on someone else for almost my entire life, and the only time when I hadn't been, I'd made a huge mistake and it had nearly cost me my life- literally. The idea that I was going to screw up again was absolutely terrifying, and I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with it.

Maybe if I finally got a good counselor, they'd be able to help me through everything. All I really needed was someone who understood. Why didn't they have a counselor who specified in BDSM related abuse?

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, forcing the thoughts from my mind. Today was my last day at the hospital. An anonymous fundraiser had been created when word of my condition had spread, and all of the money had gone directly into a checking account that had been set up for me by the life counselor they'd supplied me with. What this meant for me was that I basically had all of the money that I could possibly need to live the rest of my life in complete luxury. Really, I could do anything that I wanted. A more adventurous person would see the money and dream of travelling the world. I, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to settle down in an apartment and live the rest of my life as simply as I could.

That was what I planned on doing so far. Or really, what they'd planned out for me. My life planner had gotten the lease for a small apartment near my counselor, and had arranged to have furniture delivered before I got there. All I would have to do was show up, and get on with my life.

I sighed at the prospect. Although it was everything that I really could have wanted, it was beyond frustrating knowing that someone else had to do it for me. I wished that I had the capacity to do it for myself instead of making someone else do everything for me. My life planner told me over and over again that making these choices would come with time, but I wasn't too sure if that was actually the case. It was kind of hard to believe when no one was allowing me to decide anything for myself right now.

Suzie rubbed my arm affectionately, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Well, I hate to say this, but I need to get going, hon. I've got other patients to see to right now." She sighed, standing there a bit awkwardly.

"Okay..." I stood up, and impulsively threw my arms around her. Suzie froze for a second, but then hugged me back tightly. "I'm going to miss you Suzie. Thank you for everything that you've done for me."

She nodded against my shoulder, and pulled away gently. "I'm not sure how appropriate it is for me to hug a patient, but I just can't help myself. Don't tell the others but," she leaned forward conspiratorially, "you're my favorite patient."

I grinned at her, and gave her one final hug. "Wish me luck. I guess it's time for me to go face the big, scary world out there." I bit my lip, my nerves breaking through my calm façade.

"I know you can do it, sweetheart."

She gave me one final smile before disappearing through the door. It was entirely disheartening to watch her go, but I comforted myself with the knowledge that she had my email, and that I had hers. My first task when I got to my new home would be to email her and update her on how I was doing. I knew she'd appreciate it.

I sat back down on the bed, impatiently counting down the rest of the time until I would be pulled away to leave, and travel to my new home. As I waited, my anxiety continued to mount. I wasn't sure about how things would go in this new place, but either way, I knew that my life was going to be changed irrevocably.

Several hours later, I stared at the small apartment that I could now call my own, knowing that my previous thoughts of my life being changed forever couldn't be more true. I'd never been in a place as wonderful as this. The air was crisp and clear, I had an insanely beautiful view from the window, and a lovely plaza was just a few minutes away. I knew that I'd be spending an awful lot of time there in the coming warm months, hours spent relaxing and working on a tan I'd never before had.

I opened the windows, allowing the warm breeze to flow through them and across my skin. Turning back to my apartment, I started wandering around the space. My life planner had clinically explained all of the contributions that had been made on my behalf to help me get settled into this new space and this new life.

Clothes, food, cookware, furniture, music, movies, electronics, even a motorized scooter to get me to and from my counseling sessions. It was all a bit overwhelming to try and comprehend that all of this had been done on my behalf. A large part of me didn't feel as though I deserved any of it. I was the one who had made a massive mistake and nearly gotten myself killed.

I sighed, frustrated. Every counselor, even those that were disgusted with me, had told me that I shouldn't think things like that. The problem with that was that taking that advice was incredibly difficult. I knew that I was to blame for everything that had happened, and anyone who said otherwise was just lying tome to try and make me feel better.