Finding Her Way in a Storm Ch. 13-21

And Skyler had finally enrolled in college at San Diego State. And while the Aztecs football team wasn't much to speak of, its marketing program was excellent and suited everything Skyler was looking for. The campus was a little more than a half-hour ride from their new home, which meant Skyler's commute wouldn't take hours out of her day.

So, within a year, the three lovers had settled into their life with surprising ease. And while they occasionally took part in the nightlife the city had to offer, the three of them preferred to be at home. They had the occasional dinner party with friends from Kaia and Lisa's old crowd, but mainly it was just the five of them together in the expansive home.

Bree Ann was quite content helping to raise Macey, who learned to call her Mimi by the time she wasn't quite two. She doted on the little girl who was fiercely independent but didn't spoil her the way her three mothers did.

That's right. Lisa would forever be just mom to Macey, but she also had Mama Sky and Mama K. If the child thought there was anything odd about the arrangement, she never mentioned it. There weren't any questions about why she didn't have a daddy, although they all knew that day would come. Bree Ann was thankful for the more relaxed west coast atmosphere towards such parenting arrangements. She knew that if they'd chosen to settle back home, some of the children of less-educated parents would have likely been cruel to the sweet little girl.

And along with Skyler, Lisa, and Kaia, Bree Ann had gone to great lengths to make sure Macey knew all about her Grandpa Jon. Though Bree Ann's iPhone had been destroyed by the storm, the pictures she'd taken with it had been stored on the cloud along with numerous videos. So Bree Ann had been able to recover all the ones she'd taken of Jon and Macey while Lisa and Skyler had been dating. And there had been more than a few.

There were perhaps two dozen photographs of Jon and the baby either playing or napping together and several videos of the two as she laughed at Bree Ann's late husband's antics. Bree Ann had taken those pictures along with others that Skyler had saved and had them printed. She'd made the into an album for her adopted granddaughter. Bree Ann also played the videos regularly for Macey once she got old enough to focus on them, telling the child all about her Grandpa Jon.

Time had flown by at first, with Bree Ann's days filled with meeting Macey's needs and her evenings spent hearing how her three daughter's days had gone. Skyler was fully engaged in her coursework and seemed to have a free-flowing stream of consciousness when she talked about the things she was learning, clearly excited by it all.

Kaia took on one project at a time, devoting her full attention to seeing it done as expeditiously as possible. She had a small group of employees that Kaia trusted and depended on implicitly. Once she'd developed a rapport with them and they'd learned her preferences, Kaia no longer had to be on-site continuously when a project was going on.

And while Lisa spent her mornings with Macey and Bree Ann, she too was gone every day before lunch and didn't return home most nights until dinnertime. Bree Ann was consistently sending Lisa pictures of her daughter during her workdays. Macey on the swingset behind their house, Macey napping, Macey stacking her blocks or coloring, the two of them at the park together. Bree Ann always wanted the young mother reassured that her daughter was okay and happy.

When Macey was four-years-old, she began going to pre-kindergarten for half days, meaning that Lisa was free to finally go back to work full-time. So, while Bree Ann's afternoons were still filled with caring for her granddaughter's needs, her mornings were empty, and a certain sense of melancholy began to set in. It wasn't really depression, at least not like any Bree Ann had ever encountered. It was more an emptiness that the middle-aged woman couldn't quite explain. A longing for something that Bree Ann couldn't put her finger on.

But each afternoon, once she'd picked up Macey from Pre-K, Bree Ann's spirits would slowly lift. And by the time her daughters began to return home from their daily adventures, she would almost be herself again.

Things had gone on like that the entire school year, a daily rollercoaster of emotional ups and downs. But then Macey's school year had ended, and with Skyler only taking a couple of summer courses, Bree Ann's emotional distress had disappeared altogether.

But once fall had rolled back around, and Macey had entered kindergarten, Bree Ann's days had become wholly her own. It hadn't taken long after that for the emptiness to return. And now, with nothing to fill her hours until it was time to pick Macey up at school, the emptiness inside Bree Ann had almost become oppressive.

Though she did her best to hide the things she was feeling, Bree Ann was asked if she was okay by all three of her daughters at one time or another over the following months. Bree Ann did her best to reassure each one that she was fine, though it felt dishonest to do so.

So, Bree Ann had managed to trudge along through the holidays and into the winter. Her only respites from what she had by then accepted was a growing depression were the times Macey and Skyler were out of school. When they were with her, and she had a purpose, Bree Ann's days didn't seem quite so gray. But once they were gone again, the dark clouds that had been haunting her would swiftly descend once again.

As what passed for a southern California winter turned into spring, Bree Ann would often spend her mornings sitting out by her flower garden. And that's where she sat on an early Friday morning when a familiar voice surprised her out of the fugue she was in.

"I think you and I need to talk, Mom."

Bree Ann had turned to face Kaia, who stood there in her usual jeans and work shirt. Her blonde hair was longer now, softening significantly the almost punk appearance she'd had when Bree Ann had first met her. But Kaia still carried that air of confidence and no-nonsense attitude about her that had undoubtedly served her well in the military.

Turning to stare back out into her garden, Bree Ann had merely sighed. She'd known it was only a matter of time until this moment came, and Bree Ann had known all along that it would likely be Kaia who cornered her on the issue. Over the years, the former Marine had developed an almost uncanny ability to read Bree Ann and tell when something wasn't quite right.

Kaia settled into the chair next to her, and Bree Ann felt her unofficially adopted daughter's hand take hers. That simple act of caring had been enough to start Bree Ann's tears with a vengeance.

The two women sat there quietly while Bree Ann cried herself out. Kaia simply held her hand, a thumb gently caressing the older woman's index finger. Bree Ann couldn't help but appreciate the simplicity of Kaia's approach. There was no attempt to soothe her or probe for what was wrong. Kaia merely allowed Bree Ann the chance to own her emotions.

When she was through, Bree Ann offered Kaia a slightly embarrassed smile. She couldn't help but feel silly at having lost her cool, though she'd known it was a long time coming. Those were the first tears Bree Ann had shed since Jonathan's funeral.

"You know, you can keep it bottled up inside yourself until it makes you miserable, Mom, or we can try and talk it out. Whatever you tell me will stay between us. I won't share it with Skyler or Lisa if that's what you want."

"Has it been that obvious?"

Kaia smiled at the woman she'd grown to cherish. Bree Ann Grace was pure gold as far as the younger woman was concerned. She was the mother that every gay child deserved to have. So it made Kaia''s heart ache to see her suffering.

"I'm sure that Skyler hasn't noticed. She's so focused on trying to graduate early and taking such a heavy class load that she's pretty oblivious to everything else. But Lisa asked me if I thought something was wrong the other night. She mentioned that you'd seemed to have lost that sparkle in your eyes in recent months.

I noticed it a good while ago, though. I kept thinking that you'd approach us when you were ready, but you never did. And then there were stretches where you'd go for a few months and be fine. But it's seemed to have gotten much worse of late. So I thought it was time to see if you were ready to talk about it."

Bree Ann could feel Kaia's eyes on her as she thought about what the younger woman had said. She'd done her best to try and stay positive around her family and felt ashamed that she'd allowed the things she was feeling to fester to the point that it had affected them.

Since Macey had gone to school, Bree Ann had spent many hours thinking about the things she was feeling. She'd examined the emotions simmering and bubbling inside her, peeling them away layer by layer and studying each one. Over that time, the widowed middle-aged mother had come to a conclusion.

"I don't think that I ever properly grieved losing Jon, Kaia. Not the way that I should have, at least."

Bree Ann turned to look at the gorgeous cocoa-skinned young woman next to her, expecting some kind of reaction to her words. But Kaia's face was passive. She said nothing in reply, merely waiting.

"I was so concerned with how Skyler was dealing with it that I made her my focus. I didn't want Skyler losing her Dad to be something that sidetracked her life. Jon wouldn't have wanted it either.

I shed my tears, and I felt the pain of his death. But I didn't think I could afford to get lost in my own grief back then. Skyler needed me, and I had to make her my focus."

Kaia squeezed her hand and gave Bree Ann a sympathetic smile. The younger woman's facial expression screamed that she understood Bree Ann's reasoning but pitied her for having to do what she'd done.

"Once we'd gotten past burying Jon and dealing with all of the mourners and well-wishers, my only thoughts were of seeing Skyler happy again.

After a few weeks, when I was sure that Skyler wasn't going to fall apart from losing Jonathan, I changed my focus. I knew that she'd fallen in love with Lisa. I'd known for quite a while before Skyler actually admitted it to herself. So I gave her a little nudge to come clean to the both of you. I didn't really push her, mind you. I just encouraged her to be open and honest with the two of you. But ever the hopeless romantic, Skyler admitted that she'd been holding back because she wanted it to be a special moment. And in the wake of her father's death, the time had never seemed right."

"So you arranged for the cabin," Kaia said with a smile before adding, "And trust me when I say it couldn't have been more perfect when she told us. The mountains, the cabin, all of the colorful foliage, even the emotional distance from what we'd all left behind. It was the perfect escape and just what Skyler needed. Hell, it was what all three of us needed."

Bree Ann smiled at Kaia's admission, clearly happy to hear it. But her pleasure didn't seem to last very long.

"I was thrilled by how happy you all were when you came back, Kaia. I was. But you all came back with such dramatic plans and hopes, so seeing that they came true became my new focus.

And once we got settled out here and Lisa went back to work part-time, Skyler started school, and you got your business off the ground. So Macey became my focus then."

Realization seemed to dawn in Kaia's eyes after hearing those words. Bree Ann watched as the former Marine leaned towards her and took her free hand.

"And now, with Macey in school, you don't have anything to distract you from those old feelings that you'd buried deep down inside yourself. Is that it, Mom?"

Bree Ann could only nod her head, her throat seemingly clogged with all of the feelings she'd repressed for years. But the thought of having to face them terrified the middle-aged widow. Helping those she loved with their issues was a breeze for Bree Ann, but she wasn't sure she had the strength to deal with her own.

"You know, there are people out there that are really good at helping people deal with things like unresolved grief. My friend Calista is a social worker, and she knows some quality therapists. I could give her a call if you'd like. I really think it would help you."

Bree Ann had merely nodded her head and hugged Kaia. She trusted the former Marine implicitly, and if Kaia thought talking to some stranger would help, then Bree Ann was willing to give it a try.

The pair had agreed to keep Skyler in the dark. Bree Ann saw no reason to worry her daughter while she focused on finishing her coursework, and Kaia agreed. But she asked Bree Ann for permission to fill Lisa in, saying that the brunette would want to offer her support too.

Over the next year, Bree Ann saw a therapist friend of Terri and Calista's. Dr. Sadie Mathis had turned out to be a godsend for Bree Ann. She was intelligent, empathetic, and a fantastic listener who didn't say much during their sessions together. But when she did, Dr. Mathis's words were always intuitive and forced Bree Ann to ponder and ruminate on the things she said.

Bree Ann shed a lot of tears over that time but only when she was with Dr. Mathis or alone. Whenever she was with her family, Bree Ann strived intently to remain upbeat and appear happy. Even on those days when she didn't feel that way. Kaia and Lisa were very loving and supportive, and the times when Macey was out of school always lifted Bree Ann's spirits.

Skyler graduating from college was also a big thing for them all. Bree Ann was so proud of her daughter, who seemed eager for the next phase of her life. Bree Ann was positive that she knew what that was. There was a burgeoning job market in San Diego for Skyler to take advantage of, and the widowed mother was sure that was the goal her daughter had been working for.

And that's when Bree Ann had gotten the first of two significant surprises.

Just a week after Skyler's graduation, Kaia, Lisa, and her daughter had dragged Bree Ann out to the garden patio where she'd found a glass of red wine awaiting her. Lisa, who was drinking a glass of wine too, quietly sat down next to Bree Ann with a strange smile on her beautiful face. Kaia sat to her other side with a beer in hand. She gave the older woman a wink and reached out to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Skyler didn't take a seat, though, and the fact that she wasn't drinking hadn't even measured in Bree Ann's mind.

"Mom, I have big news for you. I really do hope that you're going to be as excited about it as we are," Skyler said as she rocked back and forth heel to toe. It was a nervous tic that her daughter had always exhibited since early childhood.

"Did you get a job, sweetie?" Bree Ann asked, her daughter's mixture of excitement and anxiety suddenly becoming contagious. Bree Ann glanced at Lisa and Kaia, looking for a hint to what Skyler was talking about but merely got smiles in return.

"No, Mom. I've decided to put off going to work right away. I don't think it's fair to a prospective employer for me to take a job offer and then have to go out on maternity leave just a few months later."

Skyler's words hung between them in the early summer air, and try as she might, Bree Ann was struggling to make sense of them. How could Skyler be pregnant? And how could Kaia and Lisa seem so happy about it?

"What...how can you..." Bree Ann sputtered, struggling with phrasing her question. "How, Skyler?"

Skyler sat down across from her mother and took her free hand, a twinkle in her eyes. Bree Ann wasn't sure she'd ever seen her daughter look more beautiful or happy.

"Relax, Mom. Take a deep breath. I'm ten weeks pregnant with twins, Mom," Skyler said excitedly. "As to how we used in-vitro fertilization. I underwent three rounds of it over the last four months, and the last one finally took."

Finally finding her voice again, Bree Ann said, "And how did I not know this was going on?"

That got a laugh from the three younger women surrounding Bree Ann. It was Lisa who finally gave her an answer.

"Sky wanted to surprise you, so Kaia and I kind of pitched in at keeping you distracted whenever Skyler was undergoing her treatments. We'd swap off taking you on some adventure or another with Macey in tow. Skyler only actually had one class her final semester, so she had to do her part too by staying away from the house during the day. We knew that if you spent too much time with her that you might start to catch on that something was up."

"Yeah," Kaia said with a big grin, "your daughter is almost as bad as Macey is at keeping a secret."

Skyler stuck her tongue out playfully at Kaia, who giggled at the sight before moving around to envelop her pregnant young girlfriend from behind. She kissed the auburn-haired beauty's cheek and said, "Tell her the rest, Sky."

Her smile growing even broader, Bree Ann's twenty-three-year-old daughter said, "Mom, Lisa, and I are getting married."

Bree Ann turned to look at Lisa, who absolutely glowed back at her and leaned in to kiss Bree Ann's cheek. The widow wrapped her future daughter-in-law in her arms and gave her a big hug, but then a question entered Bree Ann's mind.

Releasing her hold on Lisa, she turned to look across the way and where her daughter sat. Kaia still embraced her from behind, the love between the two of them clearly evident.

"But what about Kaia?" Bree Ann asked with a hint of concern.

"Well, I could have just as well married her," Lisa said, "or Kaia could have married Skyler. But the three of us decided that this was the best way to make sure our kids were cared for. With Skyler and I being married, she and the babies can be on my work insurance. She's going to adopt Macey, and I will adopt her twins."

"And we've already seen a lawyer about having papers drawn up to name Kaia as their legal guardian should something happen to the both of us," Skyler said, leaning back to offer Kaia's lips a soft kiss.

Bree Ann's head was swimming with all of the new information she was getting. Her baby girl was pregnant with twins and about to become someone's wife. Bree Ann couldn't help but beam at the news. She felt a little wave of sadness as well, though. What Bree Ann wouldn't give to see Jonathan's face at hearing such news. She knew he would have been ecstatic.

"Why are you crying, Mom?" Skyler asked, suddenly standing and coming to her mother's side. Kaia followed her, and Bree Ann quickly found herself surrounded by her family.

"They're happy tears, sweetie," Bree Ann said while wiping at her eyes. "I was just thinking how happy your daddy must be right now looking down at you. I know he has to be so proud of the woman you became. He'd be proud of all of you."

The four shared hugs and kisses all around, each of them shedding more than a few tears as they reflected on what Bree Ann had said about her late husband.

Later that night, while Skyler had retreated upstairs to take a shower and turn in early, Kaia and Lisa had cornered Bree Ann.

"Look, Mom, we both know you're happy and excited, but you can't let this sidetrack your therapy with Dr. Mathis," Lisa said, her voice soft and gentle.

"Lisa is right. It's even more important now that you find a way to make peace with all that's happened. You're no good to Skyler or any of us if you aren't mentally healthy. You can't throw the progress you've made a way simply because you now have something else to focus on."

Bree Ann's heart hurt at the caring look of concern and love present in Lisa and Kaia's eyes. And she had to admit that the temptation was there to do just as she'd always done, take care of others at the expense of her own needs. But the pair were right. Bree Ann might flourish in the short term while meeting the needs of her expanding family. But it would only be a temporary fix, and eventually, the despair would find a way to creep back in if she didn't find a way to finish dealing with it now.