Finding Her Way in a Storm Ch. 13-21

Kaia's words seemed to make Lisa happy. Instead of taking them as her former fiance being pained by the memory, it was evident to Skyler that Lisa instead chose to believe that Kaia was defending her.

"Thank you, Kaia, because that really was an unnecessary and untrue thing to say," Lisa exclaimed, her eyes cutting towards Skyler. "I could barely tolerate being around him under normal circumstances; that night only happened because I was so drunk. I'm still not totally sure that he didn't slip something in my drink that night. Because when I finally came to, I couldn't remember anything from the night before."

"You could barely tolerate being around him, and yet you continued to go out for drinks and dancing with your work friends knowing all along that he was going to be there? And it wasn't like he was hiding the intentions he had for you." Skyler snapped back in reply, "Why would you do that?"

Lisa's eyes took on a confused look, drifting over towards Kaia, clearly, in the hope that she would offer Skyler another rebuke. But, once it was clear that one wasn't coming, her gaze drifted back towards the teen. Her look hardened momentarily before relaxing as she suddenly took on what appeared to be an attempt to look sad and hurt.

Even before Lisa opened her mouth to speak again, Skyler wasn't buying it.

"I was depressed and lonely. My fiance, the woman I'm still in love with to this very day, was overseas in a godforsaken war zone with people trying to kill her. My therapist kept insisting that I get out of the house and spend time around other people in a social setting."

Skyler had to fight the urge to roll her eyes, so over the top was Lisa's excuse. She'd evidently spent a lot of time during her bed rest and post-pregnancy perfecting the reasons for her lapse in judgment. Lisa just hadn't counted on Skyler being the one asking the questions.

"The way I understand things, you and Kaia had quite the circle of friends that were eager to support you, but you shut them out at every turn."

Lisa's eyes narrowed, almost into slits, looking as if she'd love to claw Skyler's eyes out if not for the fact she was holding her daughter.

"I'd really like to know the answer to that too, Lisa. Every time I talked to them, I encouraged them to push you out of the little cocoon you'd woven around yourself while depressed," Kaia said, suddenly finding her voice again. "They always assured me that they were making every effort, but you either rebuffed their invitations or didn't reply period."

Skyler smiled inwardly at the sudden look of anxiety that crept onto Lisa's face. She was reminded again that Lisa indeed did love Kaia because her former fiance's slightest sign of disbelief seemed to cut the young mother deeply.

But again, Lisa had an answer ready. Skyler had to hand it to her; she'd prepared well.

"I was completely tied in knots over you being gone. I was having trouble sleeping, barely eating, and starting to struggle at work. And it was all because I couldn't get my mind off of you Worrying about you, missing you, wondering if you were thinking about me. I was obsessing over it, and being with that group of friends only seemed to make things worse. Being around them without you made me feel your absence more. It was like I had a limb missing."

Skyler felt Kaia's fingers tighten against hers, the cocoa-skinned beauty's chin coming to rest against her shoulder. There was the sound of a slight sniffle, letting her know that the things Lisa was saying were starting to get to Kaia. Skyler wasn't sure whether she should be concerned about that or not.

Lisa just sat there, saying nothing as she stared attentively at where Kaia had her beautiful face buried in Skyler's hair. The teen saw the first hints of actual compassion and concern in Lisa for someone other than herself or her child.

Before Kaia could calm herself, Macey began to stir, whimpering slightly at first before starting to cry. Lisa stood and made her way over to the recliner, where a diaper bag sat next to her luggage. Skyler watched her pluck a cloth diaper from the bag before returning to the couch and sitting back down.

Skyler watched as Lisa lifted her shirt, raising her bra to free her right breast. Cupping it with her free hand, she fed the nipple into Macey's rooting mouth. The child's cries calmed instantly, turning into little grunts of satisfaction as she began to suck.

Kaia finally sat back up, having fully gathered her composure. Skyler turned to study her and make sure that she was okay.

Seeming to sense her question, Kaia brought a palm to Skyler's right cheek, patting it and whispering, "I'm okay. I just had a moment."

She then watched as Kaia's eyes diverted to the scene playing out to Skyler's left. The teen observed her girlfriend's eyes as Kaia watched the baby feed, wondering if she was busy remembering a time when it had been her sucking on Lisa's nipples. The thought sent a spike of jealousy coursing through Skyler that she fought to suppress.

Skyler heard movement and grunting, turning to find Lisa covering her right breast before uncovering and freeing the left. She then shifted the baby and allowed Macey to latch onto the other side. She was still watching the baby feed when the sound of Kaia's voice surprised her.

"I'm sorry you went through all of that, Lisa. But you weren't the only one that had it bad. I knew that you were struggling, and yet I was stuck thousands of miles away. And when you started missing our scheduled phone calls, this alarm started going off in the back of my mind. But I ignored it. I fooled myself into believing that you would never do anything to hurt me."

Skyler had turned back to watch Kaia's face as she talked. The pain and hurt showed in her voice and eyes but surprisingly, no anger. In fact, Skyler was surprised by how the caramel-skinned beauty's voice was so calm and soft.

"When I woke up in the hospital in Germany, you were the first thing I thought of, Lisa. I couldn't get them to produce a phone quick enough for me to call you, for all the good it did me."

Skyler didn't have to turn and look at Lisa to know the effect Kaia's words were having. She knew that if it had been her that those bitter words had been directed at, she'd have undoubtedly been crushed.

"I called you over and over for days. I contacted your work and even had some of the nurses emailing and texting you," Kaia said, the hurt in her voice imparting the anguish she still felt in retrospect. "I laid there in a hospital bed stuck in traction after having multiple surgeries, an ocean between the woman I loved and me. And as lonely as that felt, the days of silence made it all feel that much worse. The distance between us seemed to grow every day."

"Kaia, I..."

"No, Lisa," Kaia said, breaking in as she held up a palm to signal her former fiance to be quiet. "I'm not done yet. I begged you to talk to me and explain things. I begged you to give me a chance, and I got nothing in return except a restraining order. So, now you're going to sit here quietly and hear what I have to say."

Lisa looked suddenly heartbroken, any confidence she'd previously exhibited suddenly evaporating due to Kaia's chastisement. Skyler thought she might cry but could see her struggling to hold her emotions back.

"You willfully chose to cast me aside without any explanation, not only crushing my heart but leaving me entirely in the dark as to why. And the dark is where I ended up, Lisa. I was in a bottomless pit of despair for months, drunk and rudderless. All of the plans we'd made together suddenly meant nothing, and I no longer felt as if I had any future. I literally wanted to die!"

Skyler could feel the anguish radiating off of her girlfriend in waves, tears streaming down Kaia's cheeks. Even now, the hurt was fresh, maybe more so in Lisa's presence. The sight of it made Skyler's anger towards the dark-headed beauty spike even higher.

But then the sound of sobs on her other side drew Skyler's attention. Turning, she found the sight of Lisa disarming to her anger. The mother's chest heaved, her breath coming in hitches suddenly as tears streamed down her face, the makeup around her eyes running in dark streaks. Whatever force of will that had been holding back her emotions, it hadn't been strong enough to withstand Kaia's pointed words. And with the blockage gone, the flood had commenced, unhindered without anything to restrain it.

Fortunately, Macey had fallen back asleep, Lisa's left nipple hanging loosely between the baby's open lips. Feeling a sudden sympathy for the child and the need to lessen the room's heavy emotions, Skyler spoke up.

"Lisa, why don't you take Macey and lay her down on Kaia's bed. You can place a pillow on either side of her to keep her from rolling off, and we should be able to hear her easy enough when she wakes up."

The older woman said nothing, her eyes either unwilling or too ashamed to meet Skyler's. She simply nodded her head and stood, not bothering to secure her exposed breast.

"It's the first room on the left, almost directly off the front entrance. You can freshen up in the bathroom too if you'd like."

Skyler watched Lisa quietly make her way out of the front room and listened as she heard the door to Kaia's room open. She then turned her attention to the woman she loved.

"Are you okay, baby?" she asked, sliding her right arm around Kaia and pulling her in.

"I'm sorry...she just showed up out of the blue...I didn't think that I could turn her away," Kaia explained, her breath coming in small hitches.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here now, and we'll get through this together," Skyler replied, kissing her lover's forehead.

Kaia's head came up. With a desperate look in her eyes, she said, "Promise me that you won't leave me alone with her, Sky. I love you with all of my heart and don't ever want to do anything that might hurt you."

The implications of her words struck Skyler like a knife in the heart. Kaia hadn't uttered them frivolously. There was a pleading look in her eyes that spoke of how serious she was. And the realization of what that implied sent a bitter wave of fear through Skyler that left her nauseous and sent a cold chill racing down her spine.

"I won't, Kaia. I promise," Skyler replied, hugging the caramel-skinned beauty all that much harder. She did it now as much to reassure herself as she did to calm a still, very emotional Kaia.

By the time Lisa had returned, her tears were no longer flowing. The black streaks around her eyes had been wiped away, her makeup touched up. Kaia had also managed to regain her composure. Instead of returning to the last spot that she'd occupied on the couch, Lisa walked over to Kaia's leather recliner. There, she removed the diaper bag and sat it on the floor next to the rest of her luggage, sitting down so that she was situated directly across from her former fiance.

Lisa leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees and hands clasped out in front. She stared across intently at Kaia, whose head rested against Skyler's shoulder.

"I want to explain to you what happened, Kaia. I want to give you the real and unvarnished truth, warts and all. I want you to know where my mind was and how things seemed to align randomly against me at just the wrong moment in time. At least I thought they were random at the time."

Lisa paused there, her eyes casting my way for the first time since she'd returned to the room.

"These things are intensely private, though. So do you think it would be possible for us to be alone while we discuss them?"

"I'm not leaving," Skyler replied, her left hand sliding across her body to cup Kaia's cheek, trying to send the message across to Lisa that she couldn't have her.

There was a brief flash of menace in Lisa's eyes directed across at Skyler. In response, Skyler turned in towards Kaia, pulling the blonde-haired beauty into her tightly until their bodies seemed to meld into one another.

"Kaia, please," Lisa begged, her voice pleading and full of desperation.

"Skyler stays, Lisa. There is nothing you could tell me that I wouldn't tell her anyway. I share my life with her now, and she has every right to be here. What's more, I don't think I can do this without her."

Skyler's heart swelled as she momentarily let go of Kaia's words from just a few moments before. She saw Lisa's fingers tighten considerably, her nails digging into the flesh of her own hands. She was clearly not used to having Kaia deny her what she wanted, and the reality of it seemed a shock to her system.

Lisa straightened, sitting back in the chair, and after taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, she finally seemed to relax. The trio sat there in silence, Skyler feeling Kaia cling to her in need as the teen stared across at Lisa, waiting on her to begin.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," Lisa finally started, her eyes staring down at where her hands rested on her lap. "I actually thought I was getting a bit better, starting to adjust to not having you there with me. The therapy seemed to be helping, at least I thought it was at first."

Her voice trailed off there, pain and guilt battling to dominate her countenance. Skyler felt a sudden spurt of compassion for the woman across from her. Despite what the auburn-haired beauty knew to be her objective, Skyler tried to remember the losses her bad choices had forced Lisa to endure.

"I was spending a fair bit of time with my parents, and they were supportive, to begin with. But then they both started dropping subtle hints that maybe I should take the time while you were gone to date a few men, to see if my feelings for you were real. They argued that if what I felt for you was real, me seeing someone else wouldn't matter. They pointed out that as long as I was cautious, that you would never know."

Lisa paused, her eyes coming up to stare across at Kaia. There was a fire in them that spoke to how much she wanted her next words to be believed.

"I told them absolutely not and that they needed to get used to the idea of you being a part of my life. They tried to play it down as if their suggestion was only meant to help distract me from my depression and provide me with things to do while you were gone. But I knew that they were lying."

Lisa shifted in her seat, her eyes drifting back down at her hands.

"I was still angry at them when I visited my therapist the next time. So, I mentioned to her what they had done, and she blew me away by saying that she thought it might actually be good for me."

Lisa paused there, standing and walking across the room to stand and stare out the front window. Kaia watched as the attractive brunette crossed her arms against her chest, standing with her back to them. Skyler and Kaia looked at one another, the younger woman clearly seeing a look of concern on Kaia's face.

Skyler had no doubt about the level of feelings that Kaia had for her. But it was also evident to the auburn-haired beauty that her lover still held strong emotions for her former fiance, maybe even rising to the level of love.

And that scared her.

"I was stunned by her comment," Lisa said, her voice holding a bitter tone. "I left there feeling even more frustrated than when I arrived but knowing that I couldn't go back to her again."

"Didn't you tell me once that it was your mother that directed you to her after your first miscarriage?" Kaia asked.

Skyler watched as Lisa nodded her head in reply. She then said, "She was a friend of my mother's. The two of them had worked together on the campaign staff of a conservative senate candidate. Two years later, they did the same thing for another Republican candidate."

Skyler and Kaia shared a look that said they both suspected strongly what had happened. The teen beauty was once again thankful for the way her parents had accepted her sexuality. She pitied Lisa. As much as the older woman threatened her happiness, she couldn't help feeling empathy for Lisa. While Skyler couldn't say for sure, it seemed evident to her that the new mother's parents may have used guerilla tactics to undermine her relationship with Kaia.

But did that really mitigate what she'd done? Not in Skyler's mind.

"After that, I kind of fell apart. I wanted to believe that I could depend on my family but wasn't totally sure that I could trust them. My mother, in particular, seemed intent to plant little seeds of doubt in my mind. She was never blatant about it; her comments were always sly. They were phrased continuously as if meant to be helpful suggestions. She never came out and admitted that my being a lesbian was an embarrassment for her and my dad. But it couldn't have been more apparent."

Skyler watched as Lisa turned back towards them. Her eyes were wet with tears, but the teen could tell the older woman was trying to hold it together.

"I quit going to my parents. I couldn't avoid my mother's phone calls but I did manage to always find excuses to keep them short. Still, that left me with only your phone calls to look forward to, and those never seemed to last long enough. I'd hang up with you and then cry myself to sleep every night."

Skyler stood and pulled a couple of tissues from a box sitting on the end table, walking over and handing them to Lisa. For the first time since the two had met, neither showed any open animosity. Skyler said nothing but tried to impart with her expression the sympathy she felt for the pretty brunette. For the first time, Lisa smiled sweetly at Skyler, a definite look of gratefulness at the auburn-haired beauty's act of compassion.

"Come sit back down, please?"

Lisa didn't respond but gave a subtle nod as she wiped her eyes. Skyler couldn't help but notice again how pretty she was. Lisa was the type of beauty that lovers of women everywhere craved. Just being this close to her made Skyler feel like she was standing in the older woman's shadow.

"You know, I wasn't kidding earlier; you really are gorgeous," Lisa said. Skyler was reasonably sure she'd picked up on her insecurity and begrudgingly felt grateful for the woman's gesture.

"Thank you, but I feel like a little girl next to you."

That brought a delightful giggle from Lisa as she waved the comment off, her sadness momentarily forgotten. She reached out and cautiously touched Skyler's right arm in reassurance.

"You may legally be an adult, but you're still a teen. You haven't even had the chance to fully grow into your body yet, and it's already spectacular."

Lisa's comment made Skyler blush unexpectedly. Her immediate urge was to play down Lisa's statement, but rather than doing so, she took the brunette's hand and led her back to where Kaia sat quietly watching them from the couch. The look of gratitude on the caramel-skinned beauty's face served to remind Skyler that one of the stated reasons Kaia had fallen in love with her was her propensity to be compassionate. It made her feel ashamed for the divisive behavior she'd exhibited earlier.

When they were all seated again, Skyler watched as Lisa took a deep breath, slowly letting it out as she stared back at them.

"God, I was better off facing away from you at the window. This is the hard part to talk about. Everything before now in my story I didn't have any guilt about," Lisa said as she stared across at Kaia. The look the two shared almost left Skyler feeling like a third wheel.

"My depression got really bad. When I went to work, I wasn't on my game. And there were quite a few days where I didn't even bother to get out of bed. I was drinking more than usual, a fair bit more. I know they say alcohol isn't good for depression, but it sure does numb everything else."

Skyler noticed that Lisa was no longer looking at Kaia. Instead, the beautiful brunette had focused on a spot several feet over their heads; her eyes had gone glassy and distant, her face looking pained.