Finding Home Ch. 08byXantu©
Neither spoke as they dressed. Each reluctant to speak of their feelings of sadness at having to be apart. Cassy walked with him to the front door and as he turned, she fiercely wrapped her arms around his waist. "I am glad you came. It was nice." Her words light in contrast with the strength of her grip around his body.
"Little one, it is hard to be apart but we are both better for it. Next time will be better still. Be brave. Make me proud." He pulled her arms from his waist and kissed her on the forehead. He turned and left her on the porch. Cassy watched him go out the front gate and get in the waiting cab.
Blinking back tears she turned to go back in and saw Windy watching her from in the entry way. "Woo hoo, now thats some hot stuff. He is freaky looking. Is he as hot in bed as he looks?"
"He is beautiful. And yes, he is hot in bed."
"Oh, I don't think he is ugly. I would do him. I have to admit a small amount of jealousy. The Professor has never let me have a sleep over."
"Lucky me. You were the one with all the big ideas about getting laid. I have to admit that is was good advice. And now I am starving." Cassy grinned. "I can't imagine why."
"Darn you. You don't have to rub it in."
"Come on lets get something to eat."
Cassy spent all day in her room. It took that long to get caught up on her journal. When she went downstairs there were several pizza boxes on the table in the kitchen. Windy came in with an empty plate. "We are all downstairs watching a movie. We are eating down there. Come on down and join us."
Cassy loaded a plate up with pizza and grabbed a diet Coke and went on down. They were all watching a fantasy movie. Cassy noticed a big table standing behind the comfortable couches with some chairs around it. "Oh good, a table. I was hoping we could have one down here."
William held up a hand and gave a thumbs up. Cassy sat and ate her pizza and watched the movie. She had read the book a long time ago and was pretty impressed how good a job they did getting the feel for the world right. She felt like the screen writers had tried to cram to much of the book into the movie and it ended up being disjointed and confusing. Is was too bad, the book had been excellent.
She carried her plate up and put it in the dishwasher. The kitchen was immaculate. Taking a quick detour into the library she grabbed a jig-saw puzzle and headed back down. William came to help with turning all the pieces right side up and sorting the edge pieces. She watched the show and worked on the puzzle until curfew.
At the computer she sat down. Somehow coming to her room had been harder than she thought. She had worked hard to keep busy all day but now alone with the night stretching ahead of her she felt a deep feeling of home sickness. She wondered why she had not seen the Professor all day, she would have begged for her cell phone. All she had left was to write.
Dear Lover, Master, Nathan,
Here I sit all alone in my room. Somehow I feel more alone now than all the other nights before. I don't know if this is because of what I have learned about my past or a sudden crazy addiction for you.
Being with you last night was the most wonderful thing that happened to me in my life. The sex was amazing beyond description but that is not what made it wonderful. It was the care and love I sensed from you with each of your touches. I have never felt so close, so connected, so completely open and trusting. I miss being with you so much.
I loved being able to talk, to talk about silly funny unimportant things. Being able to let my hair down and make all the delicious sexy sounds as you played me like you play a piano was so freeing. I love being able to tell you how much I love you. The intensity of my feelings is almost frightening but at the same time so right.
How we were together last night was fun. I loved playing with you. I have needed to laugh like that all my life. I know I have a lot more grief to get through and there will be a lot more tears to cry before I can find a balance in my heart. The laughter seems to help me keep a perspective. Your being there for last night helped me get through what could have been one of the saddest nights of my life.
I feel like everything about me is changing. I like who I am becoming but I wonder how I will fit into the quiet still controlled world we shared before you sent me to the Professor.
I wonder how our life together is going to be different. I want to be able to have fun, to be silly, to laugh as much as I want to continue all the lessons of strength of control and grace you have to teach me.
And to make things even more crazy making I am horny as hell. That is addiction. One night and you have me completely hooked.
I love you. Cassy
Cassy opened the assignment of things she might like to do. She laughed as she looked over the last paragraph she had written. Nathan had added "Wishes granted little one."
Cassy added, "and how!" after that.
OK enough silliness. I always wanted to write reviews for books. I think I would like to learn about photography, calligraphy, and maybe water color painting. I think I would like to travel, but I don't know where. It just seems like I have never gone anywhere. I would like to have some friends or at least one best friend I can talk to about all this stuff. I just want to go home.
Cassy changed into a night gown and stood ambivalently looking at her bed. A frustrated grimace twisted her lips, she knew she wouldn't be able to go to sleep and there was nothing to do. She checked the time, almost eleven. Damn she wished she had grabbed that novel that had caught her eye in the library. She hadn't seen the Professor all day and she half debated making a fast dash to the library, fuck the rules.
A soft knock on her door surprised her. A crazy thought that Nathan had sneaked in crossed her mind but she could not imagine him doing anything that risky. She opened the door. The Professor stood there, with the same little white pill in his hand. Cassy stood looking at it warily, "More dreams?"
"We get some of our best work done at night Cassy."
"Of course, I am on this road with you."
"Well if it will help me fall asleep."
"I haven't even tried. I just don't feel sleepy at all. I was half debating sneaking down to the library for a book."
"Not a good idea, young lady. I have motion detectors set up in this old place. I would have so busted you."
Cassy made a rebellious face. "Can I have my cell phone? Or a TV that works? Or the internet? Anything? I have to do something. I can't fucking think all the time."
"So are you going to take the pill or not." Obediently she held her hand out.
After she swallowed it she asked, "What kind of pill makes you dream anyway?"
"The pill doesn't make you dream. The pill makes you sleep. After you fall asleep I talk to you. I suggest to you things. One of the things I have been suggesting is you remember your dreams. You have always been dreaming, now you remember them better."
"What? What do you mean suggest?"
"Cassy you signed all the papers when you got here. Almost everything I do is hypnotherapy."
"What else you been saying to me in my sleep?"
"I have been encouraging you to feel safe, that no one can hurt you now. How you don't need to hide anymore. I have been talking to you about how you like sex, want to have sex. I have been telling you how much your Master loves you. That you trust me and are motivated to follow my directions. All wrapped up in a nice wrapper of what a beautiful, capable, wonderful girl you are."
Cassy gulped, "Thats a lot. I am sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"I was kind of rude. Nathan, no, my Master told me I had to treat you with all the respect and obedience I would give him. He would have been pissed by me questioning him like that."
"I am not him."
Cassy felt a wave of dizziness and she swayed on her feet. "Jesus that stuff works fast."
"Crawl in bed."
"Will you crawl in with me? Just hold me like you did the first time."
"You are going to make me crazy."
Cassy crawled into the bed and moved to the middle. Once more he lay on top of the covers and Cassy snuggled close to his chest.
"I am a human being girl. I have all the same feelings of any normal man. I am not immune to your charms."
"If you want me, all you have to do is take me." Her voice was soft and foggy with the drug.
"If we are meant to be together, it will be at time when you are not drugged. And I prefer my partners to come to me of their own free will, not as a gesture of obedience to the wishes of a Master."
Cassy would have answered but the waves of sleepiness were too strong to fight.
She was in the hall again but it was empty. The terror was gone. She walked along exploring an empty house, moving from one room to the next. All the dimensions seemed distorted, there was junk all over the floor, garbage, broken toys, broken furniture. She kept having to step very carefully to keep from kicking anything, to keep from making any noise. She was looking for something or maybe for a way out. It seemed like the house went on endlessly.
Eventually the rooms began to change, the amount of stuff on the floors began to disappear and the walls began to change to the darker wood and rich furnishings of her Masters house. Not the same floor plan but similar type architecture. There was an overwhelming stillness in all the rooms. Cassy knew she was the only one here. She didn't want to be alone. Still she wandered from one room to the next, wondering where her Master had gone, if there was a way out.
Throughout the dream a small corner of her mind was very conscious that she was dreaming, that she would remember when she woke up. She had a fleeting thought that this was a boring dream.
Cassy woke early, before her alarm clock went off. She had at least thirty minutes before she even go downstairs to run on the treadmill. After pulling on her sweats she turned on her computer.
Because it was Sunday there would be no appointments today.
The Professor had left a few comments on her journal. Mostly praising her for taking the time to write about all the experiences she had had in the last two days. He praised her detail and excitement about her newfound enjoyment of her body. I said you deserved it. Keep up the good work. Cassy wondered how the hell she was supposed to do that all by herself.
He had mentioned that he had forwarded her letter to her Master and when he got a reply he would forward it to her.
He wrote that her television was activated and she could access the internet but he cautioned her that if at anytime he felt that she was neglecting her therapy he would turn them off. He said he would talk to her about her phone when he stopped by tonight to give her her medication.
"Medication my ass, he just wants to fill my head up again." Cassy knew she did not mind it. Everything he had told her he was saying were things she wanted to have. She also knew that she looked forward to her times with him in the evening. She wondered if there was any way to keep from falling asleep so fast.
Inside her preferred activities assignment he had made a few comments.
If you have more dimension to your life. More things that occupy your mind and creativity, you would not fear the times of silence and submission in your Master's house.
I would encourage you to talk with your Master about what you could do to broaden your world without neglecting him. You should have both hobbies and a profession. A happy fulfilled servant is an asset to her master.
As to wanting a friend, I would ask why not Windy. She needs a friend even more than you. It would not be easy. She would test your patience endlessly but once you earn her trust you would find her fiercely loyal and vastly entertaining. I believe you have exactly the qualities of patience and stubborness she needs in a friend. Sweet Cassy you will be home soon. Do not despair.
He reminded her that Momma would be back today and that formal dinner would be served at the regular time.
Cassy took a few minutes to write about the dream she had had last night. She wrote how the first empty house seemed like the house she had hazy memories of from her years of torture at the hands of her mother and then how she found her way to her Masters house but she still felt lost there too.
Cassy turned off her computer and went down and got in a long run on the treadmill. After running she worked for an hour with the free weights, her mind floating back to the times she and her master worked out with weights in their basement room. His beautiful ivory skin stretched across his sculpted muscles. He would use those weights to test her, test her strength and endurance. Test her willingness to strive to reach new heights of triumph, with silence and grace.
The image of her standing nude in the dimly lit basement, holding the weights still, perfectly still, balanced in the palms of her hands, her arms straight before her, her muscles screaming in pain, screaming for release. He would stand so close she could feel the warmth of his breath, watching, watching. His hand softly resting on her shoulder waiting for the first tremors of failure. He would murmur soft words of encouragement and pride. A long shudder of homesickness shook her. She went up and showered and changed into her uniform.
The kitchen was empty. Cassy made a pot of coffee hoping it wasn't too awful. She had asked Momma how to make it and did her best to follow the directions. She wanted the Professor to find his coffee ready when he came to the kitchen. Cassy got herself a bowl of cereal with fruit and toast. She looked at the food she sighed and poured herself a tall glass of milk. She wondered how much weight she had gained. The only place she had seen a scale was in the back clinic.
Cassy spent most of the morning making labels for the shelves in the library. She grabbed a few paperbacks and carried them up to her room.
On impulse she logged on the internet and wondered what she wanted to do. She logged onto the website of the store where she had worked when she had met her Master, his store. One of a dozen stores he had inherited from his father. He tended to let the managers do most of the hands on running, preferring to monitor the daily workings from his office at home. The website was really well done, with events calendars and notices of new releases. There was an on line reading club where the members all read the same book and a forum for their comments. She was impressed. She kind of missed the world of working with books, the book signings, the new releases, the company of people who loved books like she did. She idly wondered if anyone at the stores did reviews or if they relied on the publisher's hype. She wondered if there was someway to set up a customer review system for all the books the store carried. She wondered who ran the website.
Cassy wandered downstairs, reminding herself she had to eat lunch, wondering if she could find peanut butter. She had not had a peanut butter sandwich in forever. She promised herself a diet Coke if she would drink a glass of milk first. She shuddered in disgust. The sound of laughter and voices filled the kitchen as she walked in.
Momma and the Professor were talking to the most amazing looking man. He was huge and almost midnight black. His voice boomed loud and deep as he laughed, a relaxed happy sound. Long dreadlocks fell down his back. He was wearing a black leather jacket, chaps and heavy black motor cycle boots.
The Professor looked up and smiled. "Cassy come in, we have a special visitor. Jesus, I would like to introduce you to my newest protégé, Cassy Chambers. Cassy, this is Jesus Jones."
"Nice to meet you." Cassy found herself slipping back into her shy quiet voice. This big man was kind of scary looking. If the Professor had not been there, she would have probably run back to her room.
"Mmm..." The huge mans voice deep voice rumbled through the kitchen. "Cam you keep getting such delectable little tidbits in here. How is a man supposed to behave himself?"
The Professor's voice was amused. "And yet I still demand it. Hands off the clients, Jesus."
Jesus seemed to ignore the Professor's words and began to sidle up to Cassy, his eyes measuring and predatory. "Oh you sweet little thing, you must run away with me. Leave these horrible rules behind. I must make you mine."
Cassy squeaked in alarm and bolted to hide behind the Professor. He put his arm around her. "Don't let this big faker scare you Cassy. He is a teddy bear." He frowned at Jesus. "Lighten up, she has no idea you are full of bullshit. Anyway this one belongs to Nathan."
Jesus flinched and for the briefest second Cassy could have sworn he looked grief stricken. Just as quickly it was gone and he snorted. "Landauer? Nathan Landauer? That cold hearted hermit? How did he capture such a tasty treat?"
The Professor laughed. "Everyone's luck has to change sometime Jesus. It was time for Nathan to have a little good fortune. I think this might mean that our good friend might just rejoin the human race."
Again the big man snorted. "You speak like he ever had a membership."
A flush of anger turned Cassy's face red. "Stop talking like that. You just shut up." Her voice was low and threatening.
The Professor's arm tightened around her. "Calm down Cassy. We are all friends. Jesus, Nathan and I have known each other for years. You are listening to the rude talk of old friends." Again he turned to the big black man. "Like I said, lighten up." This time his voice held a warning edge.
"My apologies little one. I should have been more respectful. I never would have guessed you had such a temper." Cassy nodded, her eyes still hot and angry.
The Professor shook his head ruefully. "I have some things I need to get done before dinner. I leave you with Momma to keep an eye on you."
Momma stepped up and scolded, "Jesus, you be nice."
The big man stood and looked embarrassed. "I was just joking Momma."
"No more of that. You know better. How long you going to be here this time?"
"I am overhauling my bike, so at least a week. Maybe longer if you promise to cook for me."
"I just got back from my daughter's, you are going to have to find something in the refrigerator for your lunch but I have something nice planned for dinner. Have you eaten lunch yet Cassy?"
"No Momma, that is why I came down."
"Get yourself something to eat then. You don't need another of my lectures."
Cassy nodded and giggled. "Momma is there peanut butter? I am starving for peanut butter and jelly."
The rotund cook laughed and pointed at a cupboard. "Look in there sweet baby."
Cassy was happily making a second sandwich and pouring herself a glass of milk when Jesus sat down. "Don't hog the peanut butter little one. You make it look too good."
Cassy eyed him warily. "Would you like me to make you a sandwich?"
"Make me two pretty Cassy girl."
As she made the sandwiches she asked, "You know my Master?"
"Don't tell me he makes you call him that. He was always was one for rules. Yea, we all met when we were in college. Nathan and I were in the music department, and Cam was working on his one of his projects. We all had similar interests in the lifestyle. Though Nathan was the only one of us that was completely converted. He has made a fucking religion out of it."
The huge man leaned back and spoke between big bites of sandwich. "We have always kept in touch after that, though we don't have a chance to get together much with me on the road, Cam busy with this place, and Nathan deciding to turn his back on the world."
"What do you do that makes you travel so much?"