First Death Pt. 05

I tried the way Max showed me last night, with little success. Well, more like big disaster. I stood behind the man, so that he couldn't watch me with those pleading eyes. It didn't give me the greatest angle, but I thought it would work; I leaned over his back and I jabbed his throat as I was shown-or so I thought but it was as if someone turned on a fire hydrant. It came out as a mad gush, the distance the spray got amazed me. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it tight around the man's neck, just about cutting off his airway but I managed to stop most of the geyser before his blood was all gone. The spray went everywhere and I was sticky with wet blood. It was in my mouth. There must have been at least a gallon on the floor. It covered one of the walls, got all over the counter, the clean dishes in the rack and a bit on the window. I was shaking, I couldn't believe that I was actually going to go through with this. I was committing a felony, committing my soul to eternal damnation.

When I picked up the knife again I could have sworn the guy groaned. I muttered an apology and said I'd try to make it quick this time. His dead weight was hard to slide across the counter, but I managed to drag him through his own blood so that his arm hung off the side and towards the floor. I grabbed the pot and slicing diagonally, I ran the knife over his wrist. Doing it made me cringe-I felt so feeble. I could feel the skin tearing under the sharp edge and it gave me the same feeling every guy gets when he sees another guy get kicked in the balls-phantom pain. The blood flowed out quickly; with each drop that fell from his fingertips the life drained out of his eyes and in just a few minutes, he was dead. I killed him. My shaky hands were barely able to pour the blood into a glass. I stared at it, dumbfounded. I knew how it all worked, for the most part, but it just seemed so simple. The warm glass in my hand held this man's life, the life that no longer resided in his empty shell. This was the key to existence, not just to a vampire, but to every living creature on the planet. Even though Lily's heart wasn't beating, she couldn't live without blood. Even though my heart was still beating, I couldn't live without blood.

Jinx trotted through the kitchen, his paws leaving voids in the thickening blood on the tile floor. He ran off into the living room, little red dots exposing his path across the carpet. I sighed; murder was a messy business.

Despite my previous disaster upstairs, I had more success feeding Lily this time. The blood flowed in a steady stream from the glass and down her throat with no overflow, no spillage, just a little smudge on her cheek from where my murderous hands had brushed her hair back.

When I finished I carefully laid her back onto the bed, my eyes wandering over her body. She remained still, not moving, not breathing, like a life sized doll—a life sized doll that I had to feed blood to and keep in complete darkness, less she disintegrate into a pile of ash.

My stomach churned and I knew that it would be a while before I'd have a hearty appetite again. The thought that I had just killed someone—and would continue to kill someone each night for weeks—almost made me pass out. I breathed through my mouth so that I wouldn't smell the coppery stench in the air and I kept reminding myself to keep a bit of perspective. I turned off the light in Lily's room and numbly walked back up the stairs. When I neared the kitchen, I could hear Max muttering.

"What a waste."

When he saw me, he burst out laughing. I'm sure I was a frightful sight. He joked around, asking me if I remembered I was supposed to feed Lily not bathe in her food, if I had accidentally stabbed myself instead of the corpse on the counter, and blah, blah, blah. I was sure he'd tell Lucas and the others what a failure I was.

Finally, doubled over and holding his sides, he caught his breath and said, "I'm sorry Matthew, I know you didn't sign up for any of this—it gets easier, I promise."

"Murder gets easier?" I snapped at him.

He sighed, giving me a look before he hefted the dead body over his shoulder, "Yes, murder gets easier—you sound like a fucking vegan PETA card holder; it's just food."

"Is it really necessary to kill them? She only needs a pint—can't—can't we just draw their blood and put them back?"

With a smirk, Max shook his head at me, "Look at the moral compass on you. Fine, if you don't want to kill them then I'll bring you some tools and you can take a stab at it. If they remain more or less intact, I'll feed from them to erase their memories and put them back where I got them from. All right?"

I nodded, putting the glass in the sink. Max, still chuckling to himself, strolled out leaving bloody footprints behind him.

It took me a good hour and a half to clean up the mess in the kitchen, the carpet in the living room and find Jinx to force him into a bath, but that gave me enough time to reflect on my resolve to heal Lily. Killing a man had taken a toll on my soul and I was weighed down by my sin. After I showered and changed, I went to my room and laid down, flicking through the channels on the TV. I had decided to keep my distance from her tonight; I needed space to let my mind and heart mull things over. I left the news on and before long my eyes fluttered shut, my half sleep taking hold of me. I heard the words of the newscaster before I drifted off into my dreams.

"Later this week we will be able to experience the longest lunar eclipse of our century when the moon passes into the Earth's shadow on Friday night. Known as the Blood Moon, this lunar eclipse will last for approximately four hours..."