Fizzy 01

Fizzy 01

"Alright Fizzy, rule #1 is that this is not a date. It's no more than an invitation for you to get out for a couple of hours on a Friday night and accompany me on a couple of runs to a couple of stores and it's only because you and my step sister, Talia, have developed a such nice relationship. It's also because my middle name is "Modern Guy" and I'm cool with things in life, so."

[Click, click, click, truck selfies]

"Also, Fizzy, Rule #2 is that there will be no unauthorized postings on Chang or texting, individual, group or otherwise, while we are driving to the Liquor store and then to the big box store or while we are at the Liquor store or at the big box store or while we are driving home later and I mean it because my middle name is "Meany" and that's the deal for tonight, so."

[Ping, boing, ping, boing, ping, boing]

"And rule #3 was going to be that you don't wear anything I couldn't handle, but you actually look pretty nice tonight and if I'm supposed to say something nice about your blended blonde and black hair style, I mean, it looks pretty fancy and I'm not just saying that because my middle name is "Socially Correct" or anything, so."

[Ping, post, Liquor Store Run date]

"Um, Lenny, I mean, because my middle name is "Don't Shock Your Friday Evening Date", I mean, I may or may not look totally different under my warm up suit and it wouldn't kill either of us if rule #4 was that after we finish with the Liquor store and the big box store, I mean, an hour afterwards along the riverbanks would be a nice way to celebrate your successful store runs to support your step sister's upcoming Sunday Brunch party. I mean, isn't an hour down at the river worth my knowledge to make sure you buy the best label of Prosecco for the mimosa's then, hmm?"

[Ping, boing, Liquor Store Boyfriend Material]

"Fizzy, unfortunately, I already reserved rule #4 as a place holder for how I figured you might wear something shocking underneath your sweat suit, but I'm not pulling that rule card yet and that's not because I remember how you looked in the showers back in day, even though it was shocking with how popular your shower time was. But on a serious note, Fizzy, an hour afterwards down at the river just seems too much like a date, so."

[Ping, boing, Shower Fresh Underneath]

"Fine, Lenny, I wouldn't want to ruin your man rep, but don't be surprised if I keep asking about it and I'm even willing to reduce the time limit down to 60 minutes from one hour. I mean, your middle name is "Fair" isn't it, Lenny?"

Hi people, I'm Fizzy and the guy above is a friend of mine from school, Lenny, and you would think that his middle name is "Rule Master", but it's actually Michael. But here's the thing. He was tasked with picking up a few things for his step sister's upcoming Sunday Brunch party and he could have managed to pick up four bottles of Prosecco for the mimosa's all on his own, but he asked me to accompany him, so as far as I was concerned, it was a two hours Friday evening date! I mean, he did include the other trip to the big box store to pick up a shade tent that he ordered, so this was a date, right?

"Well, Fizzy, I suppose that I would never have selected that variation of sparkly wine, so thanks, but since my middle name is "Curious", I mean, I'm a little curious as to what you and the Liquor store owner, Jean Claude, were doing over there by the wine racks, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Mr. Patron just wanted to make sure that I knew how to grip and twist the thin neck of the bottle to properly pop off the cork, although he kept calling it the stem instead of the neck, even though I swear, he kept saying "his" stem instead of "the" stem, but whatever, Lenny. So, are we off to the big box store now then? And I haven't heard of a rule yet that says I can't relax a zipper or two of my warm up suit, so yes or no then, Lenny?"

[Zip, zip, zip, zip, fluff, flip, click, updated truck selfie, ping, boing, After Liquor Store]

"Hey, where did your pants go, Fizzy?"

"They hit the rear seat of your truck and your middle name should be "Done Arguing" or at least that's what your eye gazing says, so shut it, Lenny!"

"Well, I mean, Fizzy, I need to get a good look at your shorts if you're going inside of the big box store with me and all, so."

[Ping, boing, Big Box Boyfriend Inspection Time]

"Well, since there is no photographic proof of any of this given how I clearly stated rule #2 and all, Fizzy, I mean, you do have nice legs and since we only have to go as far as the Service Desk just to the left of the entry doors and all, I mean, my middle name is "Lefty" and all, so."

[Ping, boing, Big Box Boyfriend likes my Left Angle]

"Ah, snap, do we know that girl working the Service Desk counter, Fizzy?"

"Oh, that's Tina. She's the true definition of the "ugly duckling" who transformed into a beautiful swan seemingly overnight, so."

"So, I mean, I probably said and did a few things back in the day, right?" I mean, maybe I can come back early tomorrow morning, so can my middle name be "Cut & Run" tonight then, Fizzy?"

Oh, and cut my Friday evening date even shorter? I don't think so!

"Lenny, let me take the lead. I may have a solution. But don't stand directly behind me just in case Tina has a gun in her bra."

I mean, she could have concealed a small weapon all up in there and I wasn't about to take a bullet for a guy who balked at taking me down to the river for an hour, which I will remind you that I reduced down to 60 minutes, so.

"I mean, Tina, Lenny pre-ordered a shade tent for pick up and no matter how many middle names he had back in school, I mean, but he at least recognizes the errors of his youth, so."

"I mean, Lenny wasn't the worse I had to deal with back in school, but Fizzy, do you recognize that he operated a "pay per view" ticket dispenser every time you took a shower in the locker room, hmm?"

"Well, Tina, it's not like my middle name was "rinse & repeat" back then or anything, so."

"(Crackle, squeak, squawk.) Customer pick up order, oh boy, 069 to the Service Desk (crackle, squeak). Someone from the back will cart your fancy shade tent up front in just a moment, Lenny."

"(She didn't shoot me, Fizzy!)"

"(She's still sizing up the width of your chest for a clean shot, Lenny. But I have a plan.)"

"(Is your plan to steal my middle name suggestion of "Cut & Run" because she's fooling around with the front of her work vest or what, Fizzy? I mean, we're on a date and all tonight, so you should take a bullet for me.)"

[Thump, squeak, thump, squeak, thump, squeak, thump, squeak, thump, thump, thump]

"One fancy ass shade tent for customer pickup! Where shall I roll and thump the cart to then, hmm?"

"(Snap, do we know that four eyes too, Fizzy? Or do guys just look at you that way? Also, my other, other, middle name is "punchy" if you want me to go that way, Fizzy, so?)"

Again folks, I was pretty sure that Lenny's other, other, middle name was Peter, but he did let the words "on a date" slip from his mouth, so, LOL, this was becoming the best Friday night of my life!

"(Stand down, Lenny. And saying four eyes is offensive these days. But that's Hank from school and his middle name was "confused" back then, so, just stand down, Lenny.)"

Nah, I had no idea what Hank's middle name was then or now, but I do know that he was a regular customer at the "pay per view" ticket dispenser just outside of the locker room showers and Hank was one of the quieter lurkers, so Hank may or may not have gotten his money's worth!

"Hello, Hank, what's it been? Just over a year maybe?"

"Oh, snap, Fizzy? Fizzy, who everyone wanted to get busy with? That Fizzy?"

[Removes nerd glasses]

"I mean, I'm not a nerd anymore! Well, I mean, I'll push this wheel thumping cart all the way to your house then, Fizzy! Also, Tina, shut it and stay out of this! This is not for the breakroom chit chat!"

"Alright, let's take a time out. Hank, compose yourself and take a minute to go get me a new tape measure. And while he is walking it off, Lenny, putting in a good word for Tina to get an invite to your step sister's Sunday Sun Tanning and Gossip Brunch might help smooth things over for your past errors. If nothing else, you could say that she could help with the mixing of the mimosas, so?"

"Well, Tina, I'm sorry that my middle name was "Stupid" back in the day, so if you would like, I'll speak with Talia, so?"

LOL, I could see the wheels grinding their wheels down inside of Tina's head, right? The previous ugly duckling who transformed into a beautifully flowing swan poolside, right? Mimosa serving or not, I mean, poolside is poolside, right?

"Well, first things first, did my brother get busy with you, Fizzy?"

"Tina! I helped him with his homework once or twice, but he always left my place without some weird middle name! I mean, I may or may not have kissed him on the cheek a few times, but that's all, so."

"Fine, I believe you, Fizzy. So, Lenny (the loser), I wouldn't be mad over an invite to Talia's soiree. It might be just the type of gig that I could wear my micro bikini to, so."

[Ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, pong, pong, pong, pong, ping, ping, ping]

"Oh, hell yea! I mean, Talia is cool with it. 11am, no boyfriends and well, Fizzy will be mimosa mixer now, so."

Ah, hell no, LOL, there were no arguments from my side! I mean, just as long as I don't have to paint their toes. Or wear a bikini.

"I mean, Fizzy, this is a good tape measure for your size hands, so, I mean, will you be measuring out the space required for the fancy shade tent then? In shorts a lot like you're wearing now? Or shorter?"

"Oh, Hank, I mean, I just a new tape measure for my afterwards date down by the river, but listen, Hank, I mean...."

"Oh, oh, hold up now! I remember you now, dweeb! Well, you were a good "pay per view" customer dweeb, not that I installed the ticket dispenser for profit, but as I remember things, you owe me for three tickets, so you're going to take another walk around your big box store and get me a masonry drill and the proper size masonry screws so that I mount this fancy shade tent securely in the corner of my step sister's concrete pool pad and I will know if you get me the correct screws because my middle name is "Drill Bit" and they are for free since you owe me! Dweeb!"

Again, Lenny's other, other, other, middle name is Dwayne, so.

"Way to stand down, Lenny! Hank, get the correct hardware because you know our windy weather around here sometimes, so."

"Oh, I'll get the correct drill bit and screws alright or my middle name isn't "not apologizing" because the ticket dispenser was cheap and malfunctioned all the time! Oh, and by the way, Mr. Brick Building, I mean, maybe I should stop by your step sister's place and show you how to drill it, especially if Fizzy is going to be there mixing mimosas in a bikini or something, so take that then, Lenny!"

"Now, Fizzy?"

"Now, Lenny."

[Nose smack]

I mean, it obviously wasn't Hank's first nose bleed, unless big box store floor clerks just so happen to carry a face rag in their apron pockets all the time. But it was first time I ever helped one of my sneaky viewing fans come back to his senses and recover from a nose bleed.

"Ahh, it's not the first time, Fizzy, but we should exchange numbers just in case it happens again. I mean, it seems like your middle name should "Gentle Touch" or something. But I'm still not apologizing for the other thing, so?"

"And I don't regret "rinsing and repeating" and then "rinsing and repeating" again, Hank. I mean, you were one of the few [wipe, wipe] who didn't actually approach me from behind, but a nice discount on the fancy shade tent for Lenny would be appreciated, so?"

I mean, my middle name might be "huh, guys really do fall for that" or something, right? A little wipe here and a little wipe there and presto, 40% off! Oh, and, LOL, the free screw thingmabobs that Lenny got for free too!

[Ping, ping back, ping, ping back]

"And dweeb, this had better be a good tape measure for Fizzy! I don't know why, but tape measures seem to be trending right now, so get with it and make sure it's a good one so the numbers show up clear as day, got it, dweeb?"

"Shut it, phone booth! (But I'll get a key chain tape measure because your middle name is probably more like "It's there, I swear" or something.) Anyways, I get off at noon tomorrow if you would like my help, so?"

"Hah! Dweeb, my middle name is "goes solo" so, wait, my middle name is "does it alone" so, wait, my middle name is "I don't need anyone else" so, wait, my middle name is..."

"OMG, enough, boys! Hank, if he changes his mind, I'll text you before you get off of work, so is it loading time then?"

"Oh, my middle name is "loaded" and I'm going to push the cart out to the Toll Booth's truck all by myself!"

"Oh, well, my middle name is "I push my own cart" and you can follow behind me, wait, well, let's just get this over with then."

I mean, I'm guessing that's how things went because I stayed back to collect Lenny's receipt.

"Alright, his total started at $257 and when I applied all of the bickering boy's discounts and then threw in my own employee discount, well, that will be $7 to his credit card and a big thank you for helping me with a place to spread my wings then, Fizzy, so what are you going to do with the tape measure then, Fizzy?"

"Oh, I mean, tonight is actually my first truck date with anyone and a tape measure seemed so much better than buying a pair of pliers, I mean, guys, right? Anyways, what color nail polish did you want your toes painted this Sunday then, Tina?"

"Hmm, well, Fizzy, I mean, my micro bikini is electrocuted pink and all, so."

Huh. Try searching for that color then, right? Also, try breaking up to boy's who were still bickering at the rear of Lenny's truck, yet the large flat box was still on the cart.

"I don't need your help tomorrow, Hank. My middle name is "Some Assembly Required" and nobody can assemble my equipment like I can, so, um, wait...."

"Well, your middle name should be "Clueless" Lenny! Do you even know what the tape measure is for then, Lenny?"

"Well, no, not really, but it sounder better than a pair of pliers because I don't want my middle name to be "Squeaky Voice" just in case things get out of hand when we stop by the riverbanks, so."

"Ah-hah! So, you admit it then! You're on a date with my old girly boy flame then!"

Ah, no, I just took a seat in the truck and waited. But I paused the two hours timer because those two babbling idiots weren't cutting into my date time with their middle name battles!

I mean, I didn't just sit there and pout or anything because I did use the time to use the tape measure myself. Oh, not down there. I mean, they are somewhat flexible, so I was able to use it by bending it and show by the numbers, LOL, how far it was from the tips of my lips to the point of gagging! Which was basically down to the top of my collar bones.

Which is a number I hoped I didn't measure on Lenny, if he decided to change his mind and take us down to the river for our last hour, LOL, or 60 minutes of our Friday evening date.

LOL, but it was a photographic number that I may or may not have posted and texted around, which as it turns out, huh, is pretty standard according to all of the replies.

End Fizzy 01