Flight of Fancy Ch. 03

T called me one morning to confirm his date and time of arrival, which would be a few days later.

I waited and was mentally ready for that second meet. But anxiety and a sense of imminent loss kept me on the edge.

That day, I reached the hotel hours before T was scheduled to land. I roamed around Copley Square, somewhat reflective, constantly checking my watch. I had to meet T, it was now or never.

I later proceeded to the hotel lobby and sat on the sofa with my eyes darting from person to person as each entered through the revolving door. The time eventually passed and yet he had not arrived. Did he miss his flight? Did I get the date and time correct? Was he toying with me? Would I even see him again?

Then I saw a familiar figure. Back facing me, a man in a hat and pilot uniform stood outside on the driveway, his head turning from side to side. There he was, just as excited to meet. I stayed calm and waited for his head to turn towards me.

Then our eyes met, we smiled and he walked in. We shook hands. It was our moment of joy, fulfilled.

In the elevator, he commented about my jeans and said he liked how I looked. I thanked him, and thought to myself "He is nice and I will enjoy his company for the next few good days." He apologised for his flight delay, and was happy I had waited.

After the hotel room door shut behind us, we hugged and kissed tenderly. I sat him down on the sofa and we continued to kiss. Gently unbuckled his belt, felt the bulge developing and unzipped his black pants. I smiled and teased that I recognised this beautiful package. Then my tongue traced the cotton brief as his bulge continued to grow. As I pulled down the brief, a musky whiff filled my nose. The familiar cock oozed precum and looked as good as that first experience. I inhaled and licked the skin between his balls and thighs. I sucked him as he sprawled on the sofa, with his shirt on and pants down. He slipped off his shoes and I massaged his feet.

Doing this to T again was my fantasy during my long wait. He, a man in uniform, allowed me to undress him to enjoy the pleasure I was offering.

When he stood up half naked, he said this was the first time he had so much fun with pants on. He took off my jeans and massaged my cock, which began to harden. Hugging each other, we kissed as my bare thighs held onto his cock.

"Let's take a shower," T later said as he had been sitting and sweating under the heat in the cockpit all day.

We took off our clothes and entered the bathroom. T gripped my erect cock, went down on his knees and sucked me softly. After a few minutes, he stood up and reached for my lips. As I was taller than him, he tip-toed as I bent to kiss him and grip his body closer. I tried to lift him up but he resisted, grinning as his feet landed on the marble floor.

T recalled the first time I sucked him while he was seated legs outstretched on the vanity counter. I smiled, then sat on the toilet seat while he stood as we brushed our teeth. After washing up, he commented that I was resourceful and improvisational. This man was indeed charming and I enjoyed his attention.

We got into the shower and kissed under the warm water. I lathered shower gel on his body and massaged him from head to toe. T enjoyed being pampered. I remember thinking he was the same as before, a gentle person who needed some attention and tenderness. Standing with the water trickling down his body, one leg up on the bathtub, he held his cock before my mouth and wanked. I drank him up when he flinched, knowing he was cumming.

After drying off, I laid naked in bed. T walked out shortly, crawled onto the bed, quietly placed his head on my chest, wrapped his arms around me and dozed off. As my hand rubbed his damp hair, I felt delighted that this self-assured and confident man needed to embrace me. After T woke up, he asked why I swallowed each time he came. I replied that I wanted to ingest him and he smiled.

He said he would only be staying for one night in Boston.

Since I had assumed that he was on vacation and would be spending a few days with me, as written in his letter, my disappointment must have been evident on my face.

As he turned sideways, I looked out the window. I kept reminding myself that it would still be a good day and I would remember this experience with him in any case. "Just keep my expectations low as this second encounter was not meant to last anyway."

We continued chatting. T said he had thought about our previous conversation, when I mentioned that he could not come out of the closet because his flying career could be jeopardised. "Not true," he said. He wondered if he could come out easily, as he was married with children. Took out from his wallet a photo of his young kids. "They are very good looking, just like their father," I said and he brimmed with pride.

He did not show me his wife's photo. I did not ask anyway as I did not want to see a face that matched the woman's voice one month ago in Memphis. However, I imagined she would be beautiful and kind as a mother to her kids and loving towards her husband. I asked if they were still intimate and he shared that they were sleeping in separate rooms. He also said he had stopped sleeping with women as he preferred men.

Later, T needed to make a phone call home as he always did after arriving in a new city. As I laid in bed, he sat naked by the TV and proceeded to call home. He spoke to her as I was listening in, all the while holding a pen and tapping on the writing pad. Their call was routine and my mind drifted away as I watched him talk casually about family matters. I did not remember what they spoke about, except thinking that he had family obligations.

I wondered how T could be so nonchalant, speaking to his wife while I was lying naked in bed and listening to their conversation. He seemed to have his tracks covered, I thought to myself too. I suspected this encounter may eventually hurt me and change my perception of people and marriage. How could a married man remain so calm while he sows his wild oats? Did he have guilt about infidelity? Why was I so drawn to him?

He crawled towards me and we kissed again after he hung up. I asked him if we might be burned for committing this adultery. He simply replied "Just enjoy our time together and not think too much about it."

T had a way of calming down my thoughts through his presence of mind. Although we did not speak about my road trip that led to our second encounter, T seemed to have an immediate grasp of what was happening. We did not need to share any further as we only needed to be present at the moment. I really admired T for his insight and ability to separate thoughts from action.

That evening, we sat in the hotel lounge, drank beer and chatted like 2 straight men in a sports bar. When it came to ordering from the drink's list, T knew exactly what he liked and went for what he wanted. He teased me for ordering "Rolling Rock" as he only liked "Samuel Adams" and I laughed it off. I wondered then if T regarded me as his equal in his public persona as a straight man.

We also returned to the gay bar Chaps where we first met months ago. I noticed that T could let his hair down occasionally when he danced, although his job as a pilot required him to be firm, observant and always in control. Since I had been a pilot trainee too, I understood him.

The way he moved, T had the look of a distinguished gentleman who easily stood out in a crowd.

Later I brought him to another gay bar called the Napoleon Club. As T was my centre of attention, I pondered if other men found him attractive too. T had mentioned earlier that day he was curious about threesome and gay saunas, although stuff like these were not my cup of tea. I would be disappointed if he wanted another guy to be with us that evening. We were an unlikely pair, an 'interracial couple" that looked rather presentable. Looking at the manner at which certain men were checking us out, how would I respond if someone offered to join us?

We left the bar later that evening. As we were walking back to the hotel, I saw a guy in a business suit looking at me then fixed his eyes on T as he searched for clues. His gaze at T was deep.

I was content that it was just two of us back in the hotel room as we made love again. We both enjoyed deep tongue kissing, cuddling and caressing. Neither of us had orgasms and we had an early night. While he laid on his side, back against me, I held him close and wondered how tomorrow would turn out.

Next morning, we kissed and cuddled after greeting each other "Good Morning."

T said he needed to shop for his family, so we showered and dressed up right after. It was a beautiful summer morning when we stepped out of the hotel. There was a festive air in Boston and we blended into the crowd of tourists, holiday makers and sun bathers.

We took the subway, went to North End, bought what he needed and ate lunch at Faneuil Hall Marketplace. Seated in a café, facing the crowd, T said he enjoyed watching people. His eyes appeared to mostly focus on men and I felt a tinge of jealousy. It was not a pleasant experience to have those moments of insecurity and anxiety next to this handsome man in public.

Later we walked to Boston Harbour as I wanted T to visit an infrastructural project that I was researching. I introduced him to the magnificent waterfront buildings and we spoke about our careers. His stories about flying made me happy as I thought of my short stint as a pilot trainee. I also shared with him that my university focused on hard work and intelligence. Whether one is straight or gay, sexual orientation has no bearing on his or her performance in school. I mentioned that "It is about our mind and abilities, and not about our sexuality." As I had big dreams, I believed he also enjoyed hearing about my plans.

As we stood, looking out to the water, under the grand arch of Boston Rowe's Wharf, I quietly thought "I will miss him, this handsome pilot."

Eventually, it was time to pack up for his flight home.

We returned to the hotel and shared other intimate history in the room. He laid on the bed against the headboard while I sat on the sofa, both of us fully clothed. My dream began to fall apart when I heard his stories, each chapter crushing the sandcastles I had built in the air for him.

T mentioned his previous encounters with a few white and Asian guys - the ones that he could recall.

One brief encounter was in a hotel staircase "some time back" with an Asian man. Their paths crossed while they were walking the stairs, their eyes met and they liked each other. T took him into his hotel room later.

Another encounter was with a white guy, "a model material" in his own words, who had been stalking T in the streets of Manhattan. When they came to a crosswalk, T checked out the stalker and wondered how "he could let such a nice ass pass him by". So they had sex that day.

His final story hit me like I was struck by lightning. It happened on that eventful day a month ago when I had just arrived in Memphis while he was in Boston. T calmly said that after we spoke on the phone, he went for a run along the Charles River. He met a guy who laid eyes on him and they started chatting. Not wanting to miss that opportunity, he took this guy to the hotel room that day.

And T could not remember if he was Asian or White.

His casual and indifferent manner as he recounted those tales made me extremely sad and disappointed. Although I stayed cool as he was sharing, my heartache at that very moment was unlike anything I had ever experienced with other people.

So he could just wink and guys would fall on his lap? So I was not his first Asian guy after all, despite what he had mentioned on our first night? Perhaps he could not meet me that day in Memphis, despite our agreement, because he was exhausted after that random sexual encounter?

Did he have a guy in every port of call? Did he write letters to them after their dalliances? Was I really that special to him? What about his wife, how would she react if she knew what I knew?

I was guilty too, since I slept with her husband.

While packing up, he said "I am very happy you like a man who is gracefully mature." As thoughts drifted in and out, I watched him change into his pilot uniform. After zipping up his briefcase and overnight bag, he said I could remain in the room, similar to our first encounter as he was preparing to depart.

"Take it easy," T said his final words and left me in the room again.

I sat on the sofa, deep in thoughts about my final day with T. He was the man I had dreamt about and this was an experience to cherish. Yet I struggled. My eyes drifted around the empty room, then rested momentarily on the chair, the phone, the untidy bed and towels on the floor.

I had landed flat on the pavement after a flight of fancy.

I had flown too close to him. He had probably sensed it and revealed those encounters to keep me at a safe distance. He merely regarded me as just another passenger in his aircraft. In other words, I threw myself into his arms, he embraced me and then released me without any hesitation.

That late afternoon T flew off and I roamed around the park along Charles River, wondering where and how he met that Asian or white guy one month ago.

In two weeks, I had to leave Boston and had experienced the highest high and lowest low within a short time. T wrote me a third letter. I read all three over and over again and became depressed. I recounted the events leading to our two brief encounters in six months. I struggled over his demeanour and insatiable sexual appetite. What should I believe? My thoughts or his words? In my state of conflict and confusion, I replied with another letter which I later regretted. I had probably hurt him too.

After packing my final suitcase, I read his three letters for the final time and tore them to pieces.

Back in my own country 25 years ago, I sometimes listened to the Eagles songs "Take it Easy" or "Lyin' Eyes". Oscillating between happiness and hurt, my mind returned to that memorable road trip through America and my sexual liaisons with T.

Despite being gay, I had entertained ideas about turning straight but rejected them whenever I thought of him. Eating forbidden fruit had exposed my own weakness and folly. I realised we were both drawn to lust and promiscuity although our motivations were different. While his was a recurring flight plan, mine was a one-off pipe dream.

I forgive myself. I do not judge T even to this day and hope he forgives me too. Take it easy...