Flock of birds

June 18, 2017

This is my third contribution to the English section of Literotica. "Monster!" and "Dalmatian" were the first two. If you like this story, I'm sure you'll like those even better.

If you have read some of my work, you know this will be a slow story in which I try to paint a believable tale of love between two individuals that happen to be family. There will be action but this isn't a stroker, this is a tale of desperate love.

I decided to add this story because I received so much positive feedback from the previous two. It is a translation of "Zwermvogels", a story I published a few months ago in the Dutch section of Literotica.

I know translations are not popular because of the errors and unreadable sentences but I have had it edited by the same American editor who edited "Monster!" and "Dalmatian" so, please, try me out.

If you don't like it, please let me know. If you do like it, please, also let me know ;-)

Anyway, have fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good dog!" I said as I gently petted Buck while he was jumping around my legs.

We were walking towards the meadows that lay outside of the village of Utrecht, Netherlands, near the small village where I had lived for my whole life.

The knotted willow trees, in rows along the sides of the ditches, were beginning to sprout as spring was approaching. In the shadows, little patches of snow still remained from the previous night's snowfall but, as the pale early spring sun was warming fast, it would be melted away before noon.

My eyes followed the little clouds of condensed breath that were formed as I exhaled the cold morning air, I threw a stick as far as I could and watched Buck happily chasing it.

Above me, a flock of birds was returning, for the summer, from faraway places. I watched them and marveled about the simplicity of the few mathematical rules that made the flock move as one being and each individual bird conforming to that simple, but graceful, set of rules.

The farm I was walking to belonged to Herman, an old farmer living near us. He sold fresh eggs, for a good price, that tasted far better than eggs from the supermarket.

I was walking along the side of a ditch, towards the little group of willows at the end, which bordered the courtyard of Herman's farm. Buck was jumping enthusiastically beside me, pushing his stick into my hands, and urging me to continue playing with him.

Smiling, I gave in and threw his stick towards the willows. Buck chased it, barking happily, and I watched his stupid gallop as he ran through the shoots of frozen mist, patches of grass and mud splashing up from his clumsy catamount. I laughed, silently, as I watched him running through the fields...he was so adorable!

************

Herman was sitting on his porch with a small, crumpled cigarette butt between his yellowed fingers and he greeted me as I was walking towards him.

"Good morning, Floor! Having a nice stroll?" he asked me with his deep, old voice.

Buck enthusiastically jumped around Herman's feet and soon got his reward. Herman always had some treats for him and, as he threw a few, Buck started searching for the chunks, sniffing and chewing as if he hadn't been fed and was starved.

After he was sure he had found the last one, he curled up at Herman's feet, satisfied, yawning and resting his head on Herman's feet.

As I sat beside Herman, we both looked at the endless meadows. He lit his cigarette butt again, inhaled deeply and exhaled while he looked at me.

"It's going to be a beautiful day," he said with his raspy old voice.

I looked at him, nodded, picked a blade of grass and gently rolled it between my fingertips.

"It's pleasantly cool, the air is fresh and the birds are returning again. It's almost spring," I said softly.

I absorbed the perfect tranquility of the moment as I inhaled the cold spring air, filled with the scent of tobacco and the smells of the farm.

************

My brother and I had spent many summers, at Herman's farm, playing in the haystacks and helping Herman with little chores. We always received a reward for our work. 'A bob for the job', as Herman called it and, as we grew older, we always had a summer job there, cleaning stables, feeding the cows and pigs.

Looking back, he paid us too much for what we did but, at the time, we didn't realize it. We thought we were doing a great job but later realized Herman just appreciated us being around.

Eventually, when we became older, our parents explained to us why Herman was always alone...long ago, his wife and son had died in a car crash and he had never gotten over them. Suddenly, we understood the melancholy that always surrounded Herman and the way he appreciated us being there, silently watching us doing our tasks as if we were a shadow of what could have been.

That day, Buck and I walked to Herman's farm and I sat, silently, beside him. Ever since that day, I have visited him a few times a week, at least. I really liked the old man and felt so sorry for what had happened.

************

"How's Thomas doing?"

He had thoughtlessly asked about Thomas but I knew how much he liked him, probably because he reminded him of his own son.

"Thomas is doing really well. In about six months he'll be a graduated engineer," I answered, smiling and proud of my older brother.

Thomas was attending the University of Delft, studying engineering. He had been living on his own for four years and, although he often visited us, I missed him tremendously!

Herman nodded. "Good! And you?"

I stared at the meadows for a while. I was in my senior year of high school and fear grasped my heart as I had no idea what to do with my future life.

"Oh, it's going well, I guess. I'm in my senior year."

I watched a flock of sparrows as Herman flicked the remains of his cigarette butt into the bushes that were surrounding his porch. Thoughtlessly, he started rolling a new one from his pouch of tobacco.

"You want something to drink?" he asked, without looking.

He licked the edge of the cigarette paper and closed his freshly rolled cigarette.

"Yes, please," I answered, looking at him as he lit his cigarette. Herman laughed his old, raspy laugh and coughed while exhaling smoke

"Good, then you can also get me a glass of milk!"

I started laughing.

"My lord, what a good host you are!"

I stood up and walked into his house. His kitchen seemed ages old. Everything was in brown and orange colors, as if the seventies never ended, and it was a mess...pots and pans everywhere! I must admit, it was clean but, my lord, what a mess!

I filled two glasses with milk and, as I sat down beside him, handed him his glass.

"Look over there," he whispered and pointed in the direction of the old duck decoy.

In Holland, one could find many duck decoys on the flat, never ending meadows with small groups of trees in the middle and curving, tapering ditches to lure ducks. They were protected reminders of past times and accommodate a variety of small wildlife.

I had to look for a while but then I saw them, a small group of foxes were playing in the early morning sun at the edge of the foliage.

"Beautiful!" I whispered and I sipped my milk.

"Beauty is in every aspect of creation. Greatness can be found in each droplet of mud, it is in the splinter that pierces your finger, in the clouds and the stars," he said silently as I watched him.

He was right! The morning was perfect, glory made from humble simplicity and, for a moment, I forgot about my fear of the future and Thomas not being around.

"You are a very good friend," I whispered.

I watched the tip of the cigarette glowing as Herman looked at me and smiled as he inhaled a deep puff of smoke,

"So are you, Floor, so are you," he said as he exhaled. We sat for a while, just admiring the beauty of the landscape and, after a while, I stood.

"I wanted to buy some eggs before I go. May I take ten?"

Herman nodded.

"I'll put the money on the kitchen table," I said as I walked towards the chicken coop.

"Floor, can you also feed them while you're there?" I heard him asking while I entered the coop.

"Sure, I will."

I opened the barrel, scooped out a few handfuls of grain and scattered them on the ground. As I watched the chickens picking the seeds, I took some eggs and, after a while, closed the coop behind me.

After I had put the money on the kitchen table, I walked towards Herman and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"See you later, Herman," I whispered

Herman looked at me, surprised. "See you later, Floor. Take care!"

I didn't know why I gave him a kiss, I had never done that before but, somehow, it felt right. Deep in thought, I walked back home with Buck jumping around my legs, as always.

************

"Hey, Floor, did you get some eggs?" my mum asked while she cooked supper.

I nodded and placed the eggs on the counter after I hung my coat over the chair.

"Yes, I had a long walk, the weather is beautiful today, Mum," I answered as I sat down at the kitchen table, watching mum prepare a large meal.

"You are making supper early, Mum. Are we expecting visitors?" I asked while leafing through an old magazine.

Mum turned to face me and smiled. "Yes! Your brother called and he is coming over for dinner. He has an announcement."

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, nice! Did he say what?"

Mum shook her head.

"No, he wanted it to be a surprise," she said as she turned to her pots and pans, again.

After a short while, I stood and walked to the living room. After I turned on the television, I laid on the couch with Buck at my feet and his head resting on my legs.

Slowly, I faded into a shallow sleep to be woken by the sound of my brother's car and Buck jumping up as he ran to the front door and started jumping up and down performing his silly dance of joy.

I watched my brother park his old car as I stood in the door opening, slowly petting bucks head. I felt a cold shiver running up my spine as I noticed someone beside him on the passenger's seat.

My heart skipped a beat as I realised it was a girl.

I felt a tear and quickly wiped it away. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, you silly girl,' I thought silently as I swallowed a heavy lump.

************

For as long as I could remember, I've had feelings for him. He was four years older than me and he has always been the love of my life. As a little girl, I dreamt about marrying him and, whenever asked if I had a crush, I told everyone that I was going to marry Thomas...I was sure of it! I loved him with every fiber in my body.

When I grew older, I understood that it wasn't going to happen and my love became my desperate secret. I watched him every chance I could, sometimes in secrecy.

When he moved out to live in his own apartment, it broke my heart and I had hoped my love for him would fade but it didn't and neither did missing him.

************

Melanie was her name and I would've loved to say she was a bitch but she wasn't. She was very sweet, very pretty, had a radiant smile and was clever.

She and Thomas were in love and he told us, while holding her hand, they were going to marry after their graduation.

I tried to be happy for them, I really did, but the only thing I felt was a poignant pain, jealousy and anger.

Melanie was everything I wasn't... she was tall, had a full womanly figure with beautiful curves, ample breasts and long blond curls complementing her pretty face.

She was perfect in all facets.

I was a small, slender girl, with almost no breasts and had brown, sleek hair. Some had said I have a pretty face but I couldn't see it, I only saw a grey mouse, a nerd.

Even if Thomas wasn't my brother he would never have chosen me over her.

During dinner, I tried to have a normal chat with her and I think I succeeded because no one noticed how my heart had broken into tiny splinters of black glass, collecting in the pit of my stomach and weighing more than the world.

I felt sick from grief and excused myself before dessert.

Mum asked what was wrong, her face showed she was worried because she noticed something was bothering me. I didn't lie when I told her I wasn't feeling well. I felt terrible and fought not to cry as I left the table.

I threw myself onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow as I let my tears flow. Deep inside, I had always hoped Thomas shared the same feelings for me as I did for him and, although there was no reason to think that was the case, I had always cherished the hope and grasped to it like a straw for all of those years. But it was definite, he would never be mine.

Half of an hour passed and I was laying on my back as I heard a soft knock on my door. I inhaled deeply while wiping away my tears and said it was fine to come in. It was Thomas and I looked at him as he sat next to me on my bed.

"Are you ok?" he asked softly as he watched me.

I looked into his eyes.

"Yes, I just feel a bit sick," I lied.

Thomas put his arm around me and I felt goosebumps all over as I melted against him. Oh, god, how I had missed having him so close to me. The feeling of wanting him crushed my soul. Thomas gently stroked my hair as I burst into tears and buried my face into his chest.

"Hey, sweet Floor, what's the matter?" he asked softly.

I couldn't talk as I was almost choking on my tears and, even if I could talk, I couldn't have said what was wrong with me, that I wanted him, that I wanted to be his girl, his wife, the love of his life.

So I said nothing and just cherished his tender caressing, soothing my pain by inhaling his scent and listening to his heart.

After a while, I regained my breath and told him I was fine. Thomas stood and took my hand as he asked me to join him downstairs.

I shook my head and lied, again, telling him I had some homework. As I sat at my desk, Thomas gently kissed my cheek and started to leave but halted in the doorway.

"I love you, Floor," he said before he closed my door.

"I love you, too, so much!" I whispered as the door closed but he didn't hear me.

That night, I went to sleep early. Often, I had wished he was there, at home, with me but after he was, I wished he had never come or, at least, without Melanie and not with the news they were bearing.

Silently crying, I eventually fell asleep.

************

I woke up early the next morning and, after I ate some breakfast, I took Buck for a long walk to the duck decoy opposite from Herman's farm. It had a low hill in the middle and on top of it was on old, weathered bench where Thomas and I had often sat in our youth.

As I walked uphill, I collected some pebbles, sat on the bench and threw them, one by one, into the water below while I was thinking.

Buck was lying at my feet as I admired the deep red sunrise with its golden clouds. In the distance, flocks of birds were welcoming the new day as I said goodbye to the old days and to my hope.

As I watched the flocks and marveled at the simple set of rules they obeyed, the magnificent simplicity in which they moved as one being, I thought about Thomas. Simple rules like, 'don't fall in love with your brother,' I thought bitterly.

I was a failure, too stupid to obey the simple rules. I felt as an equivalent to a bird frozen to death, too stupid to follow the simple rules, doomed to die a bitter, lonely death.

While I was contemplating my dark fate, Buck suddenly jumped up and ran away, wagging his tail. I called for him but he was gone.

'He'll be back,' I thought, silently, and I was right. After a few moments, he was back and, before I could pet him, I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey!"

It was Thomas and I looked up at him as he sat next to me.

"Hey," I said softly as I threw a little pebble into the water below.

"Floor, what's wrong?" he asked me with a soft voice.

"Nothing," I sighed, a tear stinging each of my eyes.

I gave in and melted against his warm body, cherishing his scent as he put his arm around me and pulled me against him.

"Hey, Floor? We don't have any secrets from each other, do we?" he whispered while his fingers ran through my hair.

I looked at him but kept silent, I swallowed, a tear rolled down my cheek and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.

Suddenly, I put my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against his, intensely kissing him, my tongue softly stroking his lips and then I broke loose and ran.

I heard him calling my name as I ran down the hill but I kept running until I was in the small forest some distance from the duck decoy. There, I collapsed with my back against a tree, crying passionately.

Buck quickly found me and, as always, he knew exactly how I felt. He tried to comfort me and lay his head on my thighs as I gently petted him and I cried bitter tears.

************

Around noon, I walked to Herman's farm. He was on his porch smoking his home made cigarette and, as I sat next to him, he looked at me.

"Hey, Floor! Need some eggs already?" he asked with a soft voice.

I looked at him and threw him a pale smile.

"No, I just need some peace of mind and time to think," I whispered.

Herman smiled and shook his head as he shrugged his shoulders in silence. We sat for a while, just enjoying each other's presence and, after a while, he stood up and walked into his kitchen.

He came back with two mugs of tea and handed one to me. "Here, and no more about me being a bad host!" he said, smiling.

I looked at him and smiled back as I took the mug. "Thanks, Herman," I whispered and together, we drank our tea in silence.

After a while, he looked at me.

"Do you want to talk, Floor?" he asked with his soft, deep voice.

I thought, for a while, as I looked into his eyes.

"No, you wouldn't understand. I don't understand, myself," I almost whispered and I stared into the distance.

"Ok, I get it. Growing up is hard and nobody knows the future but, believe me, when you look back, you'll see it was worth it," he said as he laid his hand on my shoulder.

I looked into his eyes and thought about his past, the pain he lived with every day and I felt like such a drama queen. Herman had seen hell yet, there he was, sharing his wisdom with me. I wished I had a small part of his wisdom and strength.

"I hope so," I whispered.

After I finished my tea, I stood up and kissed him, again. "Thank you Herman, you're a sweet friend."

Herman nodded. "I'll see you later, Floor."

"Yes, you will. Take care," I whispered as I left his property with Buck at my side.

Together, we walked to the village. I was hungry but I didn't want to go home and face Thomas, to explain what I had done or why I had kissed him.

I knew of a snack bar at the town square that was friendly and didn't mind Buck being with me. I sat at a small table, ate my fries, with Buck lying at my feet, and looked at the time. Only three more hours to waste before Thomas would leave for Delft, then I could go home without having to face him or explain myself.

It was getting dark when I finally arrived home and mum was doing the dishes as I walked into the kitchen.

"Where have you been, young lady?" she asked angrily.

"Just out for a walk with Buck," I said while I fed him and took off my shoes.

"Not nice to your brother. He hasn't seen you for longer than ten minutes."

I shrugged my shoulders, walked to the living room and sat with dad as we watched some TV together.

************

Weeks passed and it was a beautiful spring. I visited Herman, every day, during the early morning. We didn't say much, I just enjoyed his company and sitting with him on his porch was relaxing and eased my mind. After those visits, I rode to school on my bike.

Before the kiss, Thomas called me a few times a week but I hadn't heard anything from him since the kiss.