Fool's Envy Ch. 02

I left with one last look at our house. We had worked so hard to make it special. Working extra shifts so we could afford one large enough for starting a family. Often, we spent numerous weekends painting and doing our own repairs, instead of going out. Now it just made me sick to look at it, thinking about how much of my life I wasted. I drove away, heading toward the storage place. Once I was finished unloading, I went to the apartment where I waited for the flurry of calls I was anticipating. I never could have imagined the one I actually received.

~~~~~

As I walked into the waiting area, the doctor was just arriving, so I was spared from a confrontation for a moment. He let us know that she would be fine. They would need her to stay a couple of days to watch out for complications from the concussion, but she should be ready to go home after that. He tried to sound reassuring, but I got the distinct impression it had been a little more touch and go than he was letting on.

It was still going to be a while before any of us could see her, so I figured it was time to bite the bullet. "Ben . . . Stacy, could I talk to you alone for a moment?" When their kids tried to object, Ben told them that we needed to talk. We excused ourselves and went outside to have some privacy. I figured that I should be the one to start.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking about me right now. I want you to know that what happened between Terry and me is private. If she wants to tell you, I won't object, but I'm not going to defend myself by saying anything bad about your daughter." They looked a little surprised by my choice of words, so I moved on before they could think of a way to challenge me.

"What we need to do now is figure out what comes next. Of course I want to make sure she's all right, but I don't want to make you or your family uncomfortable. I also don't want to do anything that is going to make it harder for her. If you feel like I should be here, then I'll be here. If you want me to stay away, I will." I exhaled deeply, thankful I'd gotten through it without saying something hurtful or showing them how close to falling apart I really was.

Ben slowly spoke, "This has been so much for us. We don't know how we're supposed to react. We get a call from one of your neighbors that Terry is on her way to the hospital. When we get here, the detectives tell us that they found a note that said you left her, but wouldn't say why. They asked us questions like they thought you might have had something to do with what happened. What are we supposed to think?"

I was caught off guard that they didn't know anything yet. "I thought they would have told you what the note said, that makes everything harder. All I can say is that Terry made a choice that ended our marriage. It's not something that can be fixed. I don't know anything else. I haven't seen her since last night."

"I intended to spend the rest of my life with her. This whole thing is incredibly difficult for me too. I don't expect your sympathy, but I need you to understand that I'm not the one who made the choice. I'm just the one who had to deal with the fallout."

They regarded me with some suspicion, but seemed to accept what I was saying. It wasn't enough to make them take sides against their daughter, but I never expected that it would.

"Steve, I appreciate you telling us the way you see things," her father said. "However, considering how high emotions are running right now, I think it would be best if you left. Once Terry wakes up, we'll see what she wants to do. I'll give you a call if there's any change in her condition."

I thanked them and apologized again for how everything had turned out. Before I left, I asked for permission to see her for a moment. Her dad stood outside the room while I slowly walked in. Terry was lying on the bed looking peaceful, almost like she might open her eyes at any second and ask me to stay. She was pale and looked fragile. My resolve that barely held earlier, crumbled away. I tried not to make a sound as the tears came, both because her father was close and because I felt like it made me a hypocrite.

I ran away in the middle of the day and left her a note; how could I have been such a coward? I could have stopped things at Ted's house with a word, but I chose to test her and lost. Part of me felt vindicated about my decision because of what Jackie told me. Part of me felt stupid for not standing up and saying no, allowing my wife to be taken from me.

I snuck around, plotting to win the upcoming war between us, trying to undermine what she might do. I never considered the possibility that anything like this could happen. Now she was here and I felt like a complete failure. I dried my tears and walked out of the room without being able to look her father in the face.

I went back to my new apartment for the night, but decided I should go by the house the next day to clean up. Her family didn't deserve the pain of having to deal with that. It seemed like the least I could do.

It took forever to get to sleep. I know it was past dawn before I was able to slow my mind down enough to drift off. When I did drift off, it was a restless, nightmare-filled slumber. Because of how much stress I had been under, I didn't even wake up until after noon. By the time I showered, went out for food and ran the necessary errands, it was four o'clock.

I finally arrived at the house and nervously opened the door. As I stepped inside, I could see how big my job would actually be. It was a wreck from all the traffic. There was dirt everywhere, things were broken and I was surprised to find vomit on the living room floor. I went to the kitchen to find things to clean up the mess and was greeted with a grim sight. There was blood all over the floor and on some of the walls. It looked like she must have cut her head, then staggered around trying to find the phone. I felt a wave of dizziness like I was going to pass out, but steadied myself.

It was just a week ago that I thought everything in my life was all right. Now I didn't see how it could get much worse. As I filled up a bucket and began to mop the floor, it really hit me how alone I was.

~~~~~

The sunlight streamed through the window shade as I shook my head to clear the cobwebs. There was a pounding in my head that wouldn't seem to go away. As things came into focus, I realized the pounding was someone knocking at the front door.

I squinted as the sun greeted me harshly when I opened the door. "Damn Steve, what the hell happened?" my friend Joe asked. "Beth and I came over when the police showed up, but they wouldn't tell us anything. They wheeled Terry out unconscious. Beth is freaked out. I didn't know what to tell her. I tried calling you all day yesterday. Where were you?"

I checked my cell phone on the table and realized I had switched it to silent mode while I was at the hospital. I had fourteen messages waiting for me, and that didn't count how many missed phone calls I had. Angry with myself for such a stupid mistake, I started to go through them to make sure Terry's parents hadn't called.

When I saw that there wasn't anything that couldn't wait, I told Joe to finish what he had to say.

"The whole block is spreading crazy stories about you. You've got to let me tell people what happened."

I didn't try to hide my disgust. "I don't give a fuck what people think. You've heard the rumors about Ted and Jackie, do you really believe that we're the first couple they tried this shit on? Nobody bothered warning the rest of us about those two. If they had, maybe I'd still have a marriage."

Joe's anger flared a little. "Well what about my wife? Are you saying fuck her too? I understand how upset you are, but it isn't as simple as just not caring about nosy neighbors. These people are your friends."

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry, Joe, of course I care about Beth and what she thinks. I don't want Terry to come home from the hospital and find out everyone thinks she's the village whore. I also don't want to explain over and over how my wife was so hot to fuck Ted that she was willing to piss away our marriage. I want to do something about those two so no one else has to find out the hard way, but I don't want to humiliate myself or her to do it."

Joe looked at me sympathetically, "I guess I can understand that. I can't imagine how I'd feel if Beth did something like that. I'm asking you directly though, as a favor to me, let me tell her. I don't like being in the middle and I don't like letting my wife believe a lie."

I reluctantly agreed and he called home, asking Beth to come over. When she came in, she looked at me as though I had a contagious disease. I wasn't able to finish the house the night before, so I'm sure the chaotic surroundings didn't help. Joe bailed me out by telling the story more or less just how I explained it to him. I added a few details he missed, but was grateful to not have to relate the entire thing again. When he finished, she turned to me and I saw her face was stained with tears.

She tentatively walked over to me and pulled me to my feet. "Steve, I'm so sorry," she cried. She wrapped her arms around me and refused to let go. "You must be hurting terribly. Why didn't you let Joe tell me? It's not fair that people think this was your fault. I just can't believe it. I never would have thought Terry would do anything like that."

At first, I just stood there feeling embarrassed. After I realized she wasn't going to let me go it occurred to me that this was the first contact I'd had with anyone since Saturday night. I started to feel my composure falling apart until I began squeezing tighter as tears came to my eyes also. I pulled it together and eventually pushed away gently.

I kissed her cheek. "Thank you, Beth, I needed that," I said weakly. "But I still don't want anyone to know what happened, at least not yet. I'm not going to be staying here so it doesn't matter to me what people in the neighborhood think."

The two of them helped me finish cleaning the house and getting things ready for when Terry came home. At about two o'clock, my cell phone finally rang. I checked the number and saw it was Terry's parents. Ben let me know that Terry was awake and all right. She was tearfully asking for me, but her parents let her know that I wasn't going to come by, at least for now. I could tell that this was incredibly hard on him and I felt very sorry, but I agreed with him that trying to talk to her in that condition would be bad for everyone. No matter how shitty I felt about what had happened or how much I missed her, it was too late to turn back.

When we finished talking, I made sure the house was in decent condition, then left. I thanked Joe and Beth for their help and asked them again not to tell anyone what had happened. Finally, I went back to the apartment and took a nap, trying to get my head together.

The next day was a big one for me. I went in to work, knowing that nothing was going to be easy. It was a small town and gossip usually spread fast. It didn't take long for me to be proven correct. I walked through the door and saw a small group of employees talking. As they noticed me approaching, I could hear a flurry of hushed voices and they separated, trying to appear busy. People had obviously heard some of what had gone on and every time I walked into a room, the scene repeated. I thought about taking another day off, but figured it wouldn't make that much difference. After lunch, the floor supervisor cornered me in the hall. He ushered me into an unused meeting room to talk.

"Steve, rumors have been flying all over the place. Nobody wants to tell you what to do, but you are a manager here and it's creating a lot of commotion. I think we should talk about what's going on. You know, the company would be willing to help if you'd like to take some time off or see someone."

I didn't like his tone at all and wasn't in the mood to deal with it. I got up and began to leave.

"Where are you going? We're not done yet."

"Yes Tim, I believe we are. You said as a manager, my personal problems are creating a distraction, so I'm going to go fix it." Seeing his puzzled expression, I took a little satisfaction from making him squirm. "I'm going to my office to submit my letter of resignation. I'll have my desk cleaned out in a half hour." I heard his confused stammering as the door closed behind me.

I was almost finished packing when I heard a man clear his throat behind me. I turned and saw Mr. Carlyle, the owner of our company. Since the company had gone public, he was more of a figurehead, just the public face for the board of directors. He was a wonderful man, kind of a grandfather to all the employees.

"Steve, what's this I hear about you leaving us? You can't go off because of a misunderstanding. This is all my fault." I stopped to give him my full attention. "You know that Terry's family and I go way back. I talked to Ben yesterday and was very sorry to hear about everything that had happened. I thought maybe I could put a little pressure on you before you made a decision that you couldn't turn back from. I've been around a long time and have seen a lot. You two were wonderful together and I hate to see it end. I was wrong to interfere and I just made it worse by asking Tim to talk to you."

"Mr. Carlyle, I understand your feelings. This whole thing has been a terrible shock to everyone. Terry's accident made everything so much more complicated. You've always been very good to me, so I'll be honest and tell you that there isn't any hope we can get past it."

"I'm really sorry to hear that, Steve. I've always been very fond of Terry. Between company functions, her help with our charity work and the times she came here to visit you, many employees have gotten to know her and she's well liked. There will be a lot of gossip about this. I don't care about any of that. I don't want you to go. Please forgive an old man trying to help."

"Sir, I was just yanking Tim's chain. I wasn't quitting because of what he said, it just pissed me off the way he came at me. I need to resign for other reasons. However, if you really value my contribution to the company, you could help me out." Seeing his curious expression, I pressed on. "I'd like to go back to work where I started; doing repairs in the tech department."

He looked shocked, "Why in the world would you want to go back to a lower level job like that?"

"Trust me Mr. Carlyle, I have my reasons. The most important one right now is that I can't handle the stress of the job considering what's going on. I'd like to work with my hands again and just concentrate on getting things in my life back under control."

"But Steve, we couldn't pay you anything close to what you're making now."

"Yes but a wise man once told me that it's not what you make, it's how happy the work makes you," I said grinning. From his expression, I could tell he remembered saying those words. "I will be happy to make what is in line with the other employees doing the same work."

He shook his head, clearly not comprehending what could make me step backward like that, but he did owe me. I had done my job well since getting promoted and helped my department improve dramatically. Maybe later, when things changed, I would reconsider. For now, he shook my hand and promised to take care of it.

I left just after lunch, getting instructions to start with the first shift, the next day. After another night alone, I was happy to come back to work. It didn't matter what the gossip would be like; I just wanted to do something other than think about my problems.

~~~~~

When I arrived, I nervously went to my new department. The other employees treated me a little strangely all morning, but I wasn't sure if it was due to the rumors or if they were suspicious about why I was there. The head tech had been a good friend for years, so I was left alone to troubleshoot problems in the circuit boards we manufactured. I enjoyed the work and it required all my concentration, so I thought of little else for hours.

An unexpected tap on my shoulder startled me, finally breaking the intense concentration I had been maintaining all morning. "Are you going to join the rest of the lowly employees for lunch?" a soft, sexy voice asked.

Surprised, I turned and saw Karen Matthews, an attractive woman who had been with the company for a couple of years. She designed software to work with the hardware we manufactured. Unlike other programmers, she spent most of her time with the rest of the techs trying to troubleshoot bugs in the system. As I thought about what she said, I blushed, realizing I had completely ignored everyone while trying to bury myself in work.

"I'm sorry." Looking around the room, I realized that everyone else had left. "I didn't mean to give you the impression I was being a snob. I'm just a little preoccupied today."

She gave me a half-smile that let me know there was no insult taken. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't starve yourself. Besides, if you keep working like that, you're going to make the rest of us look bad."

Karen walked with me to the cafeteria where we sat by ourselves. I ignored the stares from the other employees and enjoyed the chance to talk to a very pleasant young woman that I had never had the chance to get to know, even though I was the one who originally hired her. Inexplicably, she always seemed to be busy whenever I was around.

We talked exclusively about her until the lunch was over, which was a welcome relief for me. She never asked about me, or what was going on in my world.

When we finished, I went back to work in my little corner, but began to notice when she would walk past and even took a few minutes to help her with a problem she was having. By the end of the day, I actually felt a little better. When it was time to go home, I took the opportunity to call Joe and ask if I could come over for dinner. He asked Beth, who insisted that I come right over.

When I pulled into their driveway, I saw them both step out to greet me. As I began walking toward them, Beth cried out in alarm. I turned to my left to see Ted coming toward me quickly. I stepped back and got ready in case he was going to come in swinging.

"You son of a bitch, what did you say to my wife?" he yelled as he walked toward me. He showed no sign of wariness. The cocky bastard didn't even consider me a threat.

"That's none of your business, Ted. I believe you were busy fucking my wife at the time. Trust me, if she won't tell you, then you probably shouldn't know." I didn't really want to fight him in the middle of Joe's yard, but a part of me really hoped he'd start something.

He didn't disappoint me. "Look, fucker, you better start talking or I'm going to kick your sorry ass." He stepped toward me and grabbed my right wrist with his right hand, squeezing hard, trying to intimidate me.

I tried to shut out the pain so I could carefully word my response. "Ted, I'm going to ignore the fact that you had sex with my wife and tried to punish me by pawning off your skanky whore in exchange." I savored the fury in his eyes. "Right now you are committing assault and if you don't stop, I'm going to be forced to defend myself."

He laughed, looking at me with disdain. "You know, your wife said I was the best fuck she's ever had."

That did it. I was waiting for him to cross a line so I wouldn't have to feel like I was just doing this because Terry had sex with him. No matter how much I despised him, that was her choice. He didn't force her. Now I had a good reason to take action.

I quickly brought my left hand down hard on top of his right hand, trapping it against my wrist. I moved the fingers of my right hand up and around his forearm, reversing the hold. Then I stepped between his legs and pulled, forcing him to bend his wrist at a sharp angle. Finally I brought my right arm up, catching him in the most painful hold I had learned in five years of Hapkido training. He dropped to his knees like he'd been shot.