Fool's War


( This story is dedicated to BuckyDuckman, and is a very belated birthday present. Happy Birthday Bucky, I do hope you enjoy the story. ** This story contains bi-sexual contact between men, in a two men one woman night of fun, erotic sex. If that is not your taste in erotica, please pass on this story. ** To all others, this story is meant as just hot sexy fun, I do hope you find it such, and enjoy. Please read, comment, and vote. Thank you.)


Hearing thwack after thwack, I took a look out my window to see my buddy David taking a few practice shots at my pell...with my favorite sword, of course. The large carpet-wrapped post was absorbing his weak rap-shots with ease.

"Who's here?" I heard my wife, Beth, call from the other room.

"Oh, David showed up early," I told her as I filled my cup with coffee.

"Figures." I heard soft footsteps on the hardwoods. "Hey!"

I looked around to see her standing in the door of the kitchen. She snapped open her towel, flashing me that gloriously Rubenesque body, with all its soft curves, dark pink nipples and red downy pubic fire.

"And I was going to give you a quickie before we left. Oh, well." With a purse of her lips, she blew me a kiss, wrapped back up and all but skipped back down the hall. "Plenty of time later, maybe."

Time to go murder a friend, I see.

Problem was, when I stepped outside, I saw that he was already "dead." With a shake of my head, I walked over to where David was laid out by the pell, holding his forehead. Picking up my rattan and duct tape sword from the ground next to him, I squatted down and rested my chin on the hilt.

"Did my pell attack you, Lord Rennet?" I asked him, not offering to help him up.

"Murderous, villainous, treachery! It struck when I wasn't looking." Sitting up, David rubbed at the red place above his eyebrow. "Fuck that hurt!"

"Well, that's it. No more fighting immovable objects for you...not without a helmet at least." I finally offered him my hand and pulled him up as I stood up. "You do know you're two hours early right? I said before noon."

"It is before noon."

David Cratin, aka Lord Rennet the cheesemaker, had no idea how close I had come to putting him back on the ground just then, and I can hit a lot harder than my pell. My fingers curled around the tape-wrapped hilt of my sword as fantasy images of him laid out like a cadaver flashed past me.

"Besides, I wanted to get here early to see if you could help me fix a popped rivet on my leg armor. You know, before we go?" he asked, still rubbing at his head.

With a sigh I didn't let show, I acknowledged I wouldn't be getting to taste that freshly-washed, auburn pussy pie I saw. At least not this morning.

"Sure. Get your gear." I headed around to my workshop.

"Cool, thanks. I owe you one."

He had no fucking clue just how many "ones" he owed me.

And it turned out to be three rivets, not one, which is why I was still beating on steel when the rest of the guys began to arrive. I looked up to see Jim's wife, Mandy, go running into the house to go pounce on my wife. As always Mandy had on no bra and was all a-bounce.

The memory of her coming up to us at a party once, pulling up her flowery blouse to show Beth her new nipple piercings and saying "Look, they can do tricks!" as she lifted the little rings and they slowly rolled back down by themselves, came drifting past. Looking back down, I peened over the last rivet.

"Here you go." I held out the leg armor to David.

"Thanks, buddy. You're a life saver"

"Uh, huh. Yeah, yeah half your kingdom and your first-born daughter. Now, go get your shit repacked. We roll out in..." Pulling it from my pocket, I glanced at my phone. "Forty minutes."

"Oh, that is plenty of time," he said, looking critically over my repair work. "Hey, you got anything for breakfast I could grab. I'm a little hungry."

Old friend or not, the man had no idea just how badly I want to "peen" his head into shape with this ball-peen hammer. "Check in the kitchen. Beth made some biscuits for everyone, and there is sausage, bacon and eggs. You certainly know where I keep cheese," I told him before he could ask.

"Cool, thanks. Hey, Jim!"

"Morning, Duke of Cheddar." Jim looked at me, smiled, then looked over his shoulder at the departing back of our hungry friend. "The Lord Rennet is out and about early, I see. Questing for free food?"

"Yeah," I said with full disgust in my tone. "Got here about ten."

"Interfering with your morning routine was he?" asked Jim with that snarky grin. Beth and I had shared a cabin with Mandy and him at one event last year. He knows all-too-well what I love to have for breakfast.

"Very much so. You all ready to go?" I asked, heading off a no doubt educational bit of advice on eating pussy. Like the one he has been trying to offer me every time we see each other, since that shared cabin. "I've got everything packed but the cooler."

"Same here. I'll need to get some more ice when we stop for gas, but I'm ready. How many are in this caravan, again?"

"Five cars. You have your U-Haul trailer, right?" I asked as we walked towards the backdoor of the house, with me trying to look past my van to see if his trailer was hooked to the back of his truck. David's car was in the way though.

"Of course! I travel no lighter than any king of Europe would have, you know that." Jim struck a regal pose then shrugged."I'm just lacking the seventeen porters to set up that monstrosity of a tent."

"You always find willing hands."

"True, but then they all know I carry enough alcohol to float a Viking long boat." Jim held open my fence's gate, and we walked down into the driveway. I saw Bob and Phyllis pulling up in their blue truck, even as David came spilling out the kitchen door, his mouth full of crumbly biscuit.

Beth looked at me through the screen door and shook her fist at David's back, making me chuckle. She gave me a look, and I nodded my understanding. Keep David out of her kitchen!

"Come on let's get this mobile collection of lunatics...I mean ducks all in a row." I told my old friend.

Jim smiled. "But of course, my dear Lord of Knavery."

Still chuckling, Jim walked out front to help me get everyone to make up their minds if they were ready to go yet or not. Then, after we got David to move his car, we got my van turned around and my black-painted U-Haul hooked up.

About the time we were done with that Mandy and Beth handed out brown bags full of breakfast munches. I left mine on the driver's seat of my van, hoping I would remember it was there before I hopped in. I went back inside to make sure everything was turned off and that the house was locked up.

Hearing a motorcycle, I looked down the street to see the last of our group, Timothy, round the corner and gun his Harley down the normally quiet residential street. He pulled up in front of my van just as I was moving the nearly sat-on paper sack and climbed in behind the wheel. He returned my nod and with a grin and whipped his hand above his head while revving the big motorcycle harder and harder.

Then, in his best Bill Murray, Tripper Harrison, he yelled.


With a shake of my head, I followed him down the street. Gonna be one of those weekends, I see.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Five hours of driving later, with one gas stop and three rest stops for the ladies with the hamster-bladders, and we pulled up by the Troll in gate at Lake Tobesofkee in Macon, Georgia.

"Wake up, sleepy head," I told Beth as I shut off the engine. My old Chevy van almost heaved a sigh of relief.

"We there?" she asked, rubbing at her eyes with both hands in that childlike innocent-little-girl way that normally gets her devoured first thing in the morning.


Sliding out the driver seat, I gave my back a stretch and headed toward the port-a-castle. I nodded my head low to a lovely lady in full Elizabethan garb, who came out the blue box next to the one I was about to enter. Her silver circlet told me she was Lady Something-or-Other, and I knew I had seen her before at an event, but the caffeine-rich sodas I had been drinking the whole way down would not allow for friendly introductions by the "castle" door.

When I was done, I headed over to Troll to get us signed in, but found Beth there, and she already had that done. I took my site token from her and hung it around my neck. I gave it a look. Nice. Another one for my belt.

Leaving my friends to get trolled in, I hopped back into the van. Beth waved me on since she had already found someone she knew to talk to. Pulling into the campsite, I headed for our normal corner of the camp-grounds, hoping-against-all-hope as I drove there, that no one had taken the spot yet.

Great. There was a blue and tan, land-pimple tent there already. Well, I did hope they were not saving space for a group. "Let's go see, shall we?" I said to myself. As I pulled up, I saw a guy with long, dark hair unfolding a camping chair. He looked up reveling a Captain Morgan's goatee beard, complete with up swept handles on his mustache. He smiled as I stopped my van next to his camp and rolled down my window.

"Is it just you here or do you have a group coming in?" I asked politely.

He grinned and shook his head. With that smile still in place, he walked over to the side of the van. "Nope, it's just me and my boyfriend, Gary."

"Y'all mind company?" I smiled. "Like a lot of it?"

"Not at all, the more the merrier. Gary should be here in about two hours, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He's even more of a people person than I am. Alejandro, by the way." He offered me his hand.

"Evan of the Isles." I said, giving my persona. I opened my door when our hands parted, and he stepped back "There will be a crowd here as soon as they get trolled in. We camped here the last two years and have had a good time."

"I didn't know I was in your spot," he said, grimacing.

I shook my head. "This isn't Pennsics. There isn't a land grab here; it's first come, first served. I'm just glad you don't mind being crowded." I looked at where his tent was placed. "However, would you mind terribly if we pulled your stakes and slid your tent over about ten feet? One of my people has this huge pavilion we set up, and the weather is calling for rain tomorrow night. What we try to do is put the doorways of all of tents so you exit your tent under the pavilion. That way you stay dry. Gives a good common eating area as well."

"That sounds wonderful. Sure. I haven't unpacked much yet, so yeah, we can move it easily."

We were moving to do that when Timothy came rolling in, all Harley thunder, braided ponytail and leather. I saw Alejandro's eyes take in my friend, and a smile of appreciation graced the lips under that dark mustache. Timothy walked his bike to park it beside the two trees he had used to hold his tent for the last two years.

"What? The Tent-Mahal is not up yet?" called Timothy "You getting old, Evan? There have been many an event where you have it up and are already half-unpacked before I can get set up, and that's saying something." He stopped, grinned, and held a hand out to Alejandro. "Timothy, the Dane."

"Alejandro." His eyes went to Timothy's equally dark hair. "The Dane? I must say, I think I look more Danish than you do. Now him, he looks like a Dane."

Timothy smiled, looked at me, and that smile turned into a grin. "Oh, he's going to fit in wonderfully."

I chewed my lip at the old house joke that I look more like a Viking than an Irishman. With a sigh, I walked around to my trailer and pulled out the tent canvas. By the time the others started piling in, I was unhooking the tent poles from the roof rack of the van. Jim helped me get the poles set up and the canvas covering across and tied into place. Then the whole house, plus Alejandro, helped get Jim's monster thirty-by-thirty pavilion tent raised. By the time Beth came wandering in I had us half-unpacked. She smiled, gave me a kiss, a whispered promise of a blowjob later, and she disappeared inside to get into her garb.

I looked over at Timothy's set-up again with envy. A hammock strung between two trees, with a canvas A-frame rain guard. He had already disappeared into one of the other tents long enough to change into the Black Guard kilt he wears for the whole event. He emerged bare chested with a black-leather baldric across his heavily tribal-style blue-inked shoulder and pecs. He got Jim to help him tie his arm guards, and he was off. Ready for the event while I still had another hour of setting up, at least.

Ah, the bachelor years. The events were so much easier to travel to back then. Now, I feel like I'm moving eight to ten times a year. However, when I stepped into my tent and saw Beth bent over wearing just a blue thong, and a frown, as she tried to find something in her clothes truck, I couldn't complain. Crossing my arms over my chest, I just stood there admiring that wonderful view.

After a second, she felt my eyes on her and looked back at me. "What are you looking at, perv?" Her lip quirked. "Like I don't already know that answer."

"Ass," I freely admitted. "Just thinking about that breakfast I missed out on this morning."

Smiling, Beth gave her ass a shake making it shimmy. "Later. I saw Admiranda's car in the parking lot. I'm going to go find her. If I can ever find the laces for my bodice!"

"They're in your moccasin boots," I reminded her, pointing towards the blue-grey Rubbermaid with our shoes. "Remember you broke one at Christmas Revel?"

"That's right."

As I pulled out my garb I kept an eye on her, enjoying the move and play of her body. She looked over, catching me watching, grinned, and went back to dressing, only to repeat the look a few minute later. She loves that I can't help but stare at her. It's what, more or less, first brought us together. Me being unable to keep my eyes off her at a bardic circle at an event in Mississippi.

"Lace me up," she said holding the black strings out to me. "Remember how to do it?" she asked as she lay down on our bed and pulled the two sides of her bodice together.

"Of course." I got on my knees beside her and fished the laces through the bottom eyelets. "Just cause I'm better at taking you out of it doesn't mean I can't put you into it."

As I pulled the laces tight, my fingers brushed her body through the thin blouse, starting just below her navel and up across her stomach, into that valley between her breasts. She pushed them closer together as I laced, and my fingers felt the warm heat of her skin. Her eyes were wide and her nostrils flared with every breath before I had gotten the top lace done. When I pulled hard to cinch her bodice tighter still, I got an almost orgasmic catch of breath from her.

I ran my hands down the sides of the red brocade cloth and then onto her hips under the thin black skirt. Down those warm thighs. Past her knees. My finger crossed from cloth to boot leather then back as I pushed that dark skirt up. My hands met skin at her knees and then warmer flesh as I caressed my hands over her thighs.

Sliding off the bed, I leaned in and kissed the inside of her thigh.



"Uh, huh..." I mumbled, too distracted to talk.


"We have all weekend to do that..." Her words were all breath.


"Uh, huh..." I answered, paying her words no mind.

Moving my face up, I brushed her lacy blue thong with my nose, placing a hard kiss against the hot, moist cloth. Beth's hand was in my hair then, for a half second pushing me down, and then she reversed and pulled my hair, making me press harder into her soft, thick, nether lips. I caught the corner of the cloth with my nose and brushed it to the side as my tongue snaked out to taste her.


"Uh, huh...?" I hummed against her warm flesh, as I breathed in the musky scent of her, pussy. Heady, primitive, and pheromone-rich, the scents of her flooded my mind making me want more. I pushed my tongue into her harder, seeking what I wanted.

"Oh, god...Evan!" she moaned. "You so need to stop, and let me get up, " she said even as she was pulling my face closer. Making me lick deeper into her, not that I needed any persuasion to do that. Like a bear after honey, I nosed her lips open and dug my tongue deeper and deeper into her, seeking that bitter-sweet taste of a woman's passion.

Beth leaned back, spread her legs and let me simply enjoy the full, open buffet of wet sex placed before me. And enjoy I did. I sampled with a gourmand's care and a starving man's appetite all that I could gather into my mouth. The outer lips, thick and puffy with just a hint of wiry bramble starting to form on them, licking her labia was like licking pieces of damp silk. I sucked them between my teeth. Her clit, hard as a pebble, slick as sin. She whimpered when I licked at it. Moaned when I give it a light, teasing suckle.

Then I was into her deeper, to where she was her hottest, and the flavors I sought were their strongest. There I dined on rare and tender meat indeed, juicy was the passion that flowed, boiled and seeped from her. Darting my tongue out, I caught and licked up a trail of her moisture from her ass cheek, before it could reach and stain her skirt. When my tongue crossed her asshole, she grabbed my head, digging in her fingers, the nails scraping into my scalp. I heard the deep groaning whimper that is the sound of her cumming-and-not-wanting-to-be-heard orgasm.

When her hands fell slack, I sat back on my heels and surveyed the wet mess I had made of her sweet cunt. Like the swimming hole near the house where I grew up, every time I see this I just wished to dive in. I went to stand to remove my pants, but she suddenly sat up and put a trembling hand on my chest.

"Not a chance, sailor. I told you I have something to go do. You...don't want to take no-time-now for an answer...that's fine." She got to her unsteady feet and, straightened her skirt. Looking at my face, Beth brushed my slick mouth with her fingers, gathering in moisture. She brought those fingers to her lips and tasted herself. "Suffer till tonight..." She leaned into right before my face, " poor little man slut."

Beth kissed me hard, licking her own juices from my lips and tongue. Then she was gone and I was left leaning breathless on the side of the bed.

"Hey, Evan...Oh! Sorry, I didn't know you were praying." I watched David hurry out my tent. I rolled my eye up to look at the wooden ridge-poles overhead.

"Dear Pastafarian father, look after my friend David, lest I drown his dumb ass in that cold-ass -lake before the weekend is over. Ramen."

Getting to my shaky legs, I shifted the hard bulge in my pants to a more comfortable position and grabbed my shirt. I reluctantly pulled my tunic on over my bare chest. Time to go babysit a house-hold.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

By the time I had everybody unloaded and got them all to follow me to the camp parking area to park their cars, and then ferried them back to our camp in my van, and then went back and parked my van, and then started the long walk back to was dark.

As I passed other camps being set up, I stopped to chat with people I knew. Some well, others only a little, but either way, most came up and gave me a big, back-thumping, hug, a "How are you Evan?" and an offer to share a drink with them, even as they were trying to set up their camps by Coleman lantern light. I helped with a few tents, some even as big as my own monster of canvas and wood.

I wandered through where merchant row was already set up. A few merchants already had their tent flaps opened, and there was some light shopping going on by the early arrivals. I half-expected to find Beth there, but she surprised me by not being at one of her favorite merchants tents. She is friends with most of them. Hell, she is friends with most of the camp site. I even think some of the horses here know her by her real and her mundane name.

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