For Better, or for Worse

As he was going through their important papers Rick saw a hand addressed letter to him from his mother. The envelope simply read, 'For Rick after I'm gone.' It was dated only 3 weeks before she died. Leave it to his mom to put a date on it. He stuck it in his shirt pocket and decided to read it later.

Shortly after his mother's death Rick had essentially decided to stay with Kat. The hurt and anger had gone and he felt he had a better life than most got so why rock the boat. Besides he saw how lonely his mother was and it concerned him that same thing could happen to him if he left Kat. Amanda was the only child left in the house and he was already starting to suffer from the empty nest syndrome.

Rick had tossed the letter into his desk and forgot about it for several weeks. One day rummaging through his drawer he saw it and decided to read it. What he read shocked him, but he had trouble believing it fully. That's the trouble when you start lying; the trust is gone so you question motives. Were the contents true or was his mother just trying to make herself look better post mortem?

He decided to shred the letter and not say a word. It was less than a year before Amanda would turn eighteen and head off to college. But he did think about it often and it impacted his decision making process about his future.

The day after Amanda left for school Rick sat down with Kat.

"Kat, I've seen an attorney and I am going to be divorcing you. You can go to her office to sign the papers or I can have you served. I don't want to embarrass you, but it's time for me to move on."

"But why? We were so good all these years."

"Because I don't love you Kat and our agreement was I would stay until Amanda turned 18."

"Don't you love me?"

"No Kat, and my love didn't gradually slip away. It stopped the moment you threatened me. I owe it to myself to walk away like we agreed to 10 years ago. I know our paths will cross again because of the kids and grandkids, so I will be civil, but we're done."

"Oh come on Rick, you mean all those times we held hands, the countless times you told me how you loved me, and the lovemaking wasn't real? I know the difference between having sex and making love, and you made love to me. It took a little while but after a few months your revenge sex turned to sex then to lovemaking. I know it did."

"I lied to you Kat. It was an act. And do you know why?"

Kat was crying openly now. She didn't say anything she just shook her head no.

Because, in a pretty short time period I realized something, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, you could divorce me at anytime, for any reason. Why do you think I agreed to the counseling? We live in a no fault state. You could have filed for divorce just because I forgot to take the trash out, or forgot your birthday. What if over time you fell in love with your boy toy? In any case the result would be the same. I would become a part time Dad. You had all the power in our relationship. I couldn't take a chance, so I tried to be the best dad I could, and I faked it with you."

"I don't believe you. I know you love me, I know you do. I would never have done anything like that to you!" She was screaming hysterically and sobbing uncontrollably. Maybe now she finally realized the true depth of what she had done.

"Wait please Rick, I have to tell you something. I haven't seen my boyfriend or been with anyone but you in almost ten years!"

"Yeah, like I believe that. That's pretty desperate even for you Kat. Rick truly felt that Kat would say or do anything to get what she wanted.

"I swear its true Rick. I have been a completely faithful wife to you since a few months after we had our talk."

"Why, and what happened? You never said anything to me."

"I figured you wouldn't believe me anyway, so I didn't say anything. What happened was that as soon as I told him that you now understood our relationship, he started to change. When we were ah, together he started belittling you, calling you a wimpy cuckold. He started to tell me I had to cut you off and said all sorts of perverse things when we were intimate together. Finally one day I had enough and I slapped him and left. I never went back. And I never was with anyone else but you ever again."

"How many times did you slap him?'

"Just once, why?"

"No real reason. At least he and I are even in that department. So for all these years you just kept that to yourself?"

"Yes Rick. I figured the only thing I could do was to be the best mother and wife anyone could ever be and I thought we were good."

"Well I will grant you this. You have been a terrific mom, I don't see how anyone could have done better and I know you will be an excellent grandma too. But I have to tell you the hurt is there and won't go away. I will also give you credit for trying to be a good wife. I know the intimacy we had before your affair never returned, but I did know you tried and that you cared for me. Still to me it never got better than just two friends with benefits.

"Please Rick you have to stay. Please don't leave me. I'll do anything you say not to lose you, please I'm begging you."

"Okay Kat, then answer one question for me. Several years ago I learned that it was my mother that saw you with your lover."

Kat acted like she was shocked at the revelation.

"Did you ever talk with her about it?"

After a pregnant pause she responded, "No honey I had no idea your mother saw me."

"That's odd Kat, she told me that you confronted her later that same day and threatened her that if she told me about it, then she would be responsible for breaking up our family and that you would see to it that she never got to see her grandkids again."

"I did no such thing!"

"I don't know Kat it sounded a lot like what you told me ten years ago. The problem I have with what you're telling me is that I don't believe you. I'm sorry, there's nothing you can say that will make me stay.

"It's time for me to do something for myself anyway. I've spent all this time here for the kids and now it's my time. Good bye Kat."

Kat collapsed, wept uncontrollably, but Rick was unmoved. He walked out of his house for the last time.

That same day he started getting angry and emotional calls from each of the kids asking him why he had left their mother. Before answering, he asked each a simple question. "Was I a good Dad?"

They individually assured him in similar language that he had been a fantastic father throughout their lives. He was moved to tears at their validation of his efforts. When he got his emotions under control, he told them the unvarnished truth, including their grandmother's part in it. He didn't pull any punches or sugar coat anything. He explained that he almost left anyway because his anger and shame was overwhelming.

They all understood, thanked him for staying with them. And although they maintained a relationship with their mom, it was never the same. Rick never spoke to Kat again. He even refused to be in the same room with her except for their children's weddings and his grandchildren's birthdays.

Rick loved his solitude and learned that there is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. He was never lonely because he had the important part of his family's love and respect.