Forever Autumn

A weekend in late August 2002...

...we were both almost nineteen and both due to start university the following month. I'd been down to the shops one morning to help my mother out and I bumped into Carole.

We talked for a few minutes, just general chat, much of it about how glad we were to have a particularly obnoxious teacher called 'Spasm' off our backs—she was nicknamed 'Spasm' because she was a little jerk. If 'Spasm' had heard us, she'd probably have been awarded massive damages for slander. When we'd laughingly exhausted that subject Carole asked: "You got any plans for Saturday and Sunday evenings?"

"Nothing," I replied, "Maybe sort out the things I'll need for uni..."

"Sarah, why get into the boring stuff before you have to? It's not natural. Now look, my Mum and Dad have a wedding anniversary coming up and they're treating themselves to a couple of nights in a posh hotel. Why don't you have a sleepover with me, help me babysit the kids?" At the time Josie and Liv were ten and eight respectively.

"Will that be all right with your Mum?" I asked. Carole's Dad was okay, a really nice bloke, but I knew her mother could be a bit funny, something of a control freak and not much liked locally as she seemed to look down on people.

"Don't worry about her, I'll talk her round somehow. She should be pleased that I'm willing to care for the girls so she can get away and she can't object to me having a friend for company."

Carole's mother agreed but gave us both a lecture on making sure the younger girls behaved and ate sensibly and went to bed at a reasonable time. In honour of the occasion they were granted a half-hour extension, "And no more, mind you!" As for me, I was shown the guest room and given strict instructions on how I was to behave in her house. You'd have thought I was nine, not going on nineteen. If it hadn't been for the fact that I might upset Carole, I would have walked out.

Mrs Vernon was a nice enough-looking but stick-thin woman, stiff to the point of appearing breakable, who seemed to live on lettuce leaves and little else. That's an exaggeration—she wasn't anorexic or anything like that, just ultra careful about what she ate. Carole told me once that Mrs Vernon's family tended towards the chunky side and she was determined not to be that way herself. Another thing, I don't think I had ever seen her smile. In all honesty, I couldn't see what Mr Vernon had ever seen in her although somehow they'd managed to produce three lovely daughters. As the old joke goes, well, they'd had sex at least three times.

The Vernons eventually drove off to their posh hotel and I offered up a sardonic little prayer that Ray Vernon wouldn't spend the weekend being browbeaten.

When we'd got Josie and Liv off to bed that first night, we settled down to watch a couple of hours of television. There wasn't much on, usual load of rubbish, but the tedium of that was eased a bit when Carole brought out a six-pack of cider. I had two, Carole finished the other four. She tended to sip for a few minutes then gulp them down and I'd noticed her doing this before. It didn't much matter what it was, water, tea, juice, her drinking followed the same pattern: sip several times then gulp the drink down as if there was no tomorrow. Something else, the cider was quite strong, about eight per cent alcohol (I'd found out the hard way once—the morning after headache, nausea, the works—that ciders were usually far stronger than most beers) and I felt a wee bit light-headed. Carole, on the other hand, seemed largely unaffected by the drink.

When the cider was finished and the TV got too boring for words, we decided to go to bed. We took turns to pee and clean our teeth then Carole said: "Why not come and sleep with me the next couple of nights, Sarah? I've got a double bed and we'll be company for each other."

I pointed to the guest room. "But your mum said—"

"Never mind that. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Why use two beds when one will do? We'll get your sheets in the washing-machine before she's home so she thinks they've been used. You'll likely get brownie points when Mum thinks you've done that yourself. She knows that I'd not bother with that sort of thing. Come on..."

"Okay." I followed Carole into her room and was surprised to see her strip naked before climbing into bed and pulling the sheet up to her waist. I was also a little surprised to see that her mound was bare. I knew that some girls at school had shaved but I hadn't realised Carole was amongst them. I did feel quite a thrill at the sight of her body. For a long time now I'd been more and more aware that I was attracted to girls, Carole in particular, and that boys just left me cold. However, my natural shyness prevented me from approaching either sex in a romantic sort of way. "You always sleep like that?" I asked.

"Mostly, especially this time of year." She looked at the long t-shirt and panties I'd slipped on and added: "Why don't you take those off? You'll be more comfortable. It's a warm night and the bed'll get a bit warmer with the two of us in it."

I hesitated, feeling a bit nervous. "Come on," Carole repeated, "Be adventurous for once. We're both girls and we've got the same equipment."

"What about Josie and Liv? Supposing they come in?"

Carole shook her head. "No chance. You haven't got any kid sisters or brothers, have you? Once they go to sleep, that's it. Take a hurricane to wake them and maybe not even then. I'm usually awake long before they are so that'll give you time to put something on. If you'll turn off the main light now, I've already put our bedside lamps on. I always read for a while before sleeping."

"So do I. I've got a book with me." I turned off the room light as bid, hesitated a few more seconds then whipped off my t-shirt and pants and leapt into the bed, covering myself with the single sheet.

Carole gave me a smile. "That's better. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, Sarah. You've got a lovely pair of boobs." (Well, I think she was right there. They're not too big but they're firm and tip-tilted with large brown nipples.) "What's your book?"

"To the Lighthouse—Virginia Woolf."

"Oh, intellectual stuff, eh?" Carole grinned.

"It's on the list of required reading the university sent me so I'm making a start," I said, "What're you reading?"

She showed me her book. It was called Tipping the Velvet. "It's good. You should try it, what some people call a rattling good yarn. It's about lesbians in Victorian times."

I could feel myself blushing a little. "What does that title mean anyway, tipping the velvet?" I asked, half-imagining it would be showing appreciation to an efficient servant such as a velvet-clad footman or lady's maid. Was I wrong...

"Pussy licking," Carole told me.

"Oh." I think I blushed a little more. That was a real conversation stopper. I couldn't think of anything else to say so I opened my book. We both read in silence for ten minutes or so then I noticed that Carole was squirming around a lot as if trying to get comfortable.

"Er, Sarah..." she said after a few minutes of wriggling, "This book's making me feel randy and I've got to get myself off. Do you mind? I can always go into the bathroom if you want."

Again, I wasn't sure how to answer. It was Carole's room and I'd no right to send her out of it. In the end I said: "No, it's okay. You want me to go out?"

Carole shook her head. "If you're comfortable with it, I don't mind."

Truth was I wasn't very comfortable about it, not being used to such openness. Carole was quite the free spirit, I wasn't. Still, I muttered something like: "Go ahead."

She threw the sheet back, exposing me as well as herself, spread her legs and started to finger her quim. After a few minutes her breathing slowed, becoming heavy and languorous. I tried to concentrate on Virginia Woolf but couldn't help sneaking the occasional glance Carole's way. Against my will I found the way her fingers were working fascinating and started to feel aroused myself, wriggling a bit the way Carole had shortly before.

Carole noticed. "Do you want to come too?" she asked. I did but was unsure of how to react and muttered something, I'm not sure what. "It's okay if you do," my friend added, "Do you frig yourself often, Sarah?"

"Now and again," I almost whispered.

"Only now and again? I do it almost every day, sometimes three or four times. Relax, Sarah. I think you need it and I'm happy enough for you to do it in front of me." She took her hand from between her legs for a moment to show me two fingers shining with pussy fluid. "See, it's so enjoyable. Go on, let yourself go."

I was tempted. I was feeling quite randy by now and Virginia Woolf was getting a bit tedious—I'd read that Woolf was bisexual but I reckoned Tipping the Velvet would be more entertaining than To the Lighthouse and similar books. Come on, Sarah Rackham, I told myself, cast your inhibitions to the storm, girl. Go for it!

Dropping my book to the floor, I reached between my legs. "Attagirl!" Carole cried with delight as she continued playing with herself. Her pussy was making wet slurping noises now which turned me on that little bit more.

With the two of us in the bed I found it a bit difficult to spread my legs the way Carole had hers. She spotted my problem and solved it with typical Carole aplomb. "Here, hook your leg over mine and that way we've both got plenty of room." I did as she said and yes, it was more comfortable. Another thing, where our crossed legs touched, Carole's skin felt like satin against mine and it gave me little shivers up the spine

I started off by rubbing myself with the whole flat of my hand which quickly grew wet as gooey liquid oozed from kitty. I ran a finger up the cleft until I reached my clit. I eased the lips apart with my other hand and began to caress my clit's hood. It felt so good and I suddenly realised that I was shedding the nervousness I had initially felt.

Meanwhile, Carole's breathing changed, becoming quicker and more ragged as she rubbed her pussy faster and faster. Abruptly she went rigid, her thighs quivering with effort, and she came with a loud grunt. "Uuhhh!" She collapsed back with a sigh. "God, that's better!" To my surprise she put her glistening fingers in her mouth and sucked them clean. A moment's rest then she turned and watched me masturbating. Earlier I might have been mortified to continue but not now, I was too far gone. I could feel my body tightening up and I was emitting a chorus of moans then I came with an explosive gasp.

I lay there, hand between legs, until my breathing settled, then wondered what to do with my sticky fingers. If I'd masturbated at home I'd have had tissues handy but I couldn't see any here. I started to rub them on my chest and Carole said: "Do what I do, lick them clean." My reluctance must have been obvious because she added: "Haven't you ever tasted yourself?"

I shook my head.

"Give it a try," she urged, "If you're worried about the taste, don't be. As long as you're clean, it's really lovely."

Guessing that she'd keep on at me, I did as bid. To my surprise, my juices were quite pleasant, indescribable but pleasant. Tangy and musky, sweet with a slightly tart aftertaste.

When I'd cleaned my fingers, Carole took my hand in hers, linked our fingers and said: "There, not so bad is it?" Our legs were still crossed and I was enjoying the feeling so I left them together, waiting to see what Carole did. When she spoke, she was a little hesitant, almost shy, unusual for Carole. "Sarah, can I touch your pussy please?"

Not what I was expecting and I almost refused then thought What the hell, you've done other new things tonight, Sarah, might as well give this a go. "Okay," I said.

She was gentle, just cupping my pussy at first with her whole hand then she felt around my outer lips before lightly running a finger up the cleft to my clit. As she touched me I felt a slight jolt of longing but I did nothing about it. "You're still lovely and wet," Carole told me as she licked my juice from her finger, "Tasty too. Would you like to feel my pussy now?"

I'd gone so far already, it would be pointless being a prude over this. "All right," I replied. I ran my hand down her lower belly, over her smoothly-shaved mound and then onto the plump lips which felt divine to my fingers. "Oh, that feels so lovely," I couldn't help saying aloud and Carole looked pleased at my comment. Deciding to go for broke, I smeared a finger with slippery juice from her slit and put it into my mouth. It tasted as good as mine, slightly different but as good.

Carole uncoupled our legs, leaned in to give me a tiny kiss on the cheek, then said: "I think we've earned a good night's sleep now." She switched off the bedside lamps, gave me a gentle shove so that my back was towards her then spooned up against me, pussy pressed against my bottom and one arm around my midriff, her hand just below my boobs. I was in heaven.

It was raining on and off the following day so in the afternoon we took the girls to see Finding Nemo before treating them to a pizza ("But don't tell Mum!" Carole instructed firmly). As soon as the cinema lights went down and the film started, Carole reached out for my hand and held it between hers until the end. I really loved that.

That night was much the same as the previous but with a couple of differences. I didn't need any persuasion to strip naked for bed. Then we linked our legs as before and edged our bodies much closer. Carole turned her head and gave me another tiny kiss on the cheek. A moment later and she put a finger on my chin to turn my head and kissed my lips briefly, no more than a touch but I felt a jolt between my legs. "Sarah, what say we help each other out—we do it to each other tonight?" Carole asked, "You bring me off, I'll bring you off."

I'd been half hoping for something like that but wouldn't have dared to suggest it myself. I reached across wordlessly and put my hand over her pussy which was already feeling hot and damp. "I guess you agree?" Carole grinned.

We each started to masturbate the other. I found myself near breathless as I revelled in the feel of the slick warm cleft I was fingering. I don't know if Carole had done this before but I was thrilled, my natural shyness abated for the moment. I so loved the feeling of her fingers exploring my wet folds. And all the time we played with each other's pussies we exchanged tiny kisses on the lips. We climaxed within seconds of each other and Wow!—my orgasms when I'd brought myself off had almost always been satisfying but this one at Carole's hand was in a different league all together. I felt as if I was floating up there along with the clouds. As I came back down to earth I realised that my palm was wet and I happily licked Carole's slippery come from my fingers and hand.

"God, Sarah, that was one of the best ever," Carole told me as she clutched at my hand.

"So was mine," I admitted, "In fact, the best ever."

We masturbated twice more that night and if anything, my second and third climaxes were even stronger than the first. I had never been so wet in my young life and I could feel nectar dribbling from my quim all the way down to my backside. Each time we licked one another's fingers and hands clean and I was starting to find the taste of pussy addictive.

The delicate kisses on the cheek and the lips before settling down were repeated and that was it. Carole spooned me as she had done the previous night, this time cupping one of my boobs and playing idly with my nipple until we both fell asleep. The Vernons returned home the following day and I went home to sleep in my own bed. A few weeks later we went off to our respective colleges, me to Bath University in south-west England and Carole to St Andrew's University in Scotland. There's quite a distance between them, we gradually lost touch and I didn't see her for a number of years, not until that evening in The Twilight Time Rooms. One thing resulted from those two nights; I had been struggling with doubts about my sexuality since I was thirteen or so but now was sure of it—I was definitely gay. It just felt so right...

December 2014

"Sarah, do you remember that weekend sleepover at my place?"

I squeezed her hand. "Of course I do. It's one of my treasured memories and the one that finally confirmed for me that I'm gay."

"Same here," Carole replied, "I'd been unsure about myself for quite a while and when I... we... frigged each other... well, it killed any doubts I had."

"Carole, why didn't you ever come back during the long vacations? I... guess I missed you."

She pulled a face then lifted my hand to her lips for a fairy kiss. "Sorry about that but for the first time in my life I felt free and I was determined to keep it that way. I found a good part-time job in a chemistry lab with decent pay, was offered full-time during the vacations, and used that as an excuse to stay away from home. The family came up to Scotland several times to see me but that was it."

We lingered for a while over espressos before deciding it was time to leave. Momma and Poppa Massarella came to the door to see us on our way with big hugs and kisses on both cheeks. "Don't you stay away so long next time, Carole," Poppa said while Momma turned to me and said: "And don't you forget us either, young lady, you'll always find a welcome here."

Outside I grabbed my friend and gave her a quick kiss. "Thanks, Carole, that was a lovely evening and I love Momma and Poppa."

Carole grinned as I kissed her and replied: "Great, aren't they?"

"Yes, and the next time I pay." I'd tried to split the bill but Carole wouldn't have it saying: "My invitation so I pay."

She pulled her car up outside my flat. "Would you like to come in?" I invited.

"I'd like to," she said, "but I won't."

I felt a little shock. Was she giving me the brush-off already? That thought should tell you how self-conscious and lacking in confidence I can be.

My surprise and doubts must have shown in my face for Carole took both my hands in hers. "I said I'd like to, Sarah, I'm very tempted, but... let me explain. First of all, I was in love with you from when we were very young teenagers and didn't know how to handle it. Me, Carole Vernon who used to take life by the scruff of the neck and shake it about..."

She'd been in love with me! "And I was in love with you about the same time," I replied in a tiny voice, "but I didn't know what to do either..."

"Anyway," Carole continued, "between university and now, my sex life—I won't say love life because it wasn't—has been just a series of one-night stands, mostly unsatisfactory. I've never had an affair that's lasted longer than a weekend." She put her arms around me and pulled me closer. "Ever since I bumped into you in The Twilight last night I've felt that old attraction coming back, with interest. I want to be sure about us, Sarah, I don't want you to be just another one-night stand. So for the moment, I'd like us to be loving friends, not lovers, and see how things go between us before taking it any further."

"You mean like old-fashioned courting," I ventured.

"Exactly like that."

"Okay," I agreed, "let's go for it..."

So that's what we did and it felt perfect. As did the developing love we felt for one another.

* * * * *

Early January 2015

Josie and Liv had grown up into very lovely young women. It was Liv's twenty-first birthday in a few days time and Carole and I had taken the girls out for a celebratory drink. We went to a cosy wine-bar just off the city centre and settled at a small table in one corner, sharing the space with a huge potted plant. I couldn't identify it but it looked as if it would be more at home in a jungle with a parrot or two hopping around in the foliage.