"Forever in My Heart" Pt. 02

Eying the doctor Colton recognized his somber expression; the look of fatalistic acceptance, 'yeah this one's gone'. Colton hated him for it.

The doctor kept his eyes on the charts and X-Rays, "We'll..."

Colton burst out angrily, "Don't forget she's diabetic too," then recovering, he nervously sighed, "Look, she's been through a lot. I ought to know."

The doctor looked down at her records again, "Yes I see. Diabetes, it could've contributed."

Mrs. Stewart looked pleadingly at the doctor, "Tell us what to do."

The doctor closed Chelsea's folder. Colton watched, anger gone; he felt nauseous. It was like the doctor was closing the lid on Chelsea's coffin, repeating his mother's comment he pleaded, "Tell us what to do...please."

For a long moment the doctor kept his eyes on the folder, then he looked up, "We'll keep her here for now. Let's see what happens."

Mrs. Stewart added, "There's no insurance."

The doctor nodded, he looked bored, "They'll handle that out front," he stood up. Colton and his mother stood also.

As Colt and his mom went to see the people at wherever it was indigents went for help Colton told his mother, "I lost my job."

His mom turned away, "Does it matter?"

Colton thought, 'If Chelsea died it wouldn't matter, he'd leave. But if she pulled through; he guessed they'd be even poorer than they already were," he wondered where Chelsea's mother was. She was never around. She'd never been any good, but Chelsea loved her. Why? Now that was a good one. He wished the bitch was dead. He stopped. He had to get those kind of thoughts out of his head. He looked at the doctor one last time, "Can we go in and see her?"

The doctor hesitated, then said, "Just for a minute."

Colton knew what the doctor was thinking. He was thinking she probably wouldn't last the night so what difference would it make?

Colton held out his hand, "Thank you sir."

The doctor briefly shook his hand, "We'll do all we can," and then he was gone.

Colton looked at his mom, "You want to go first?"

She was weeping; she shook her head, "No son, if she's awake, she'll need to see you."

Colt turned, looking neither to the right nor the left he went straight down the hall. He passed the nurse's station, and then some other kind of headquarters. He got to her room. He took a deep breath and went in. Oh God no! She was already gone. Then he saw the monitor; it was faint, but there was still something there. He burst into - not tears, more like a frantic loss of breath. He turned away.

Coughing and wheezing Colton worked to regain control. She was so small in that big bed. Fourteen years, fourteen fucking years he'd been with her, holding her hands, hugging her close, feeding her, giving her the meds she needed, walking her to school, caring for her and loving her. He knew it had to end sometime, but not like this! Not now! No! All this time just her and him. He couldn't, he would let her die! He crept over to her bedside. He heard someone behind him, probably a nurse.

Colton took a chair and knelt on it, he took her left hand, still gasping, he whispered, "Chelsea? It's me."

Did he feel pressure from tiny fingers? He prayed it was so.

He figured he had only a few minutes. He started to talk, "Oh Chelsea honey, darling, you've got to get well. You can't leave me like this. Can you remember? Remember when you were so small, the nightmares." No he mustn't bring that up, he changed the venue, "remember when you were little, how I held you when you cried." No don't say that, "remember how we'd skip school, how we stayed home and play checkers? Remember how I taught you to play chess? Remember playing cards? Remember Uno? Remember watching TV, just you and me. Remember your first days of school, how I took you. I was ten and we went to the same school. Remember?"

He prayed, 'Please squeeze my hand. Please stay alive,' he couldn't cry. He mustn't cry. He started to cry.

"Remember when I got you a puppy? Remember how she whined and cried the whole first night we had her. Remember all the poop. You named her. Remember, we'd watched Heidi on TV. You didn't want to watch it because it was so old, 1993, but I talked you into it. You loved it so much I had to rent the really old one that had Shirley Dimple. Remember how I deliberately mispronounced the actress's name, and how it made you so mad? I bet we watched it five or ten times."

He remembered Chelsea had only been five or six and she'd taken things so seriously.

The nurse was beside him, "Sir."

Still with Chelsea's hand clutched tightly in his own, he got up, "OK, I'll leave now."

He felt her fingers. Had they tightened? The monitors! Was that a blink? It was; it was a blink! They moved a little more, not much but some.

The nurse saw the response too, but still said, "You really should..."

Colton turned, "No, I'm staying right here. This is what I do. This is where I belong."

The nurse smiled wanly, "I'll find you a pillow. Want some coffee?"

He smiled, "Yeah, coffee would be nice."

The nurse left. Colton sat back down. He didn't care, an hour, a day, a week, he'd be right there beside her when she awakened. He was scared. He'd always known a day like this would come... someday; but did it have to be today? He knew he couldn't leave her, not now, not like this. Not until... He sat back. He held her hand. He started to wait... and he prayed. He started to sing, "Lord. Listen to your children praying. Lord send your spirit to this place..."

And so, his lonely vigil began.

This is the end of part two.