Fourth Vector Ch. 46

"I might. Try me."

"No. Not here, and especially not tonight."

"Another night then? Tomorrow?"

"Why do you want to know so bad?"

Sarah shrugged awkwardly. "You just seem like someone who needs a friend. Someone you can talk to."

His eyes locked on her. "And you want to be that person for me?"

Sarah felt her cheeks turning red. She nodded rather than trust her voice to answer.

At first, she thought she might be getting somewhere with him. Michael's hard exterior seemed to melt, and he opened his mouth to say something.

Yet no words came out.

After a moment of silence, the hardness returned.

"You wouldn't understand," he repeated, shaking his arm out of her grasp. "Just go. Leave me alone."

"Michael, you can talk to me--"

"Just go, Sarah. Like I said, not tonight."

Michael's answer seemed quite firm. Rather than continue to push him, she accepted his wishes and stopped fighting it. She gave a simple nod and approached the door but at the last moment, she turned to look at him.

"You're not a bad person, Michael," she said, looking at his eyes. "You may feel that way right now, but there are so many people that look up to you and depend on you. Including me. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here for you."

She didn't anticipate a response and surely enough, she didn't get one. Sarah shut the door behind her, emerging in the main room. She didn't expect for anyone to hear what she had to say, but much to her surprise, H was standing a short distance away.

Judging by the look on his face, he'd heard the whole thing.

"You're doing an admirable thing right now, Sarah," he said as he gestured to the door. "If anyone needs someone to talk to right now, it's surely Michael."

Sarah pursed her lips in confusion. "He doesn't seem like he wants to talk right now at all."

"He will. Give him enough time. Right now, Michael is seeing the depths of the soul. It's a journey that he has to go on alone but it won't last forever. If he emerges from it unscathed, he'll need someone to help him step back from the brink. Can he count on you to be there for him when that time comes?"

Sarah started to smile. "I'll always be there for Michael. Anytime he needs me. The only thing that saddens me is that I can't do anything for him now."

H started to nod. "This won't last forever. Don't give up on him in the interim. He may not realize it yet but he's going to need you someday."

With those words, H turned around and walked away, leaving Sarah feeling both anxious and confused. H's words seemed to indicate some kind of internal struggle but she'd only caught a brief glimpse into what it was or how it was affecting him.

Whatever Michael was going through, it was preventing her from getting any closer to him.

For that reason alone, she wished he could get to the other side quickly, as H had said.

One thing was for certain--she would be there for him when he wanted to talk.

She just hoped he wouldn't keep her waiting too long.

*****

The following morning, Private Brian Mikkelson of the Galician 16th Regiment woke up with a stiff body and a sore back. He placed his feet on the ground gingerly and only pushed up from his cot with some difficulty.

The previous two days had been exhausting, and it wasn't from an excess of training either. It had taken that long just to get the city of Zarah cleaned up from all the debris from the storm, and that meant that for most of the waking hours, Brian was moving heavy pieces of trashed building material to whatever scrap heap he could find.

At least today would prove to be somewhat different. With the city back to some semblance of normality, the regiment's training regimen would resume with its regular intensity.

Brian wasn't exactly looking forward to that either. Though new to the 16th Regiment, he remembered the long days of training from the last war, when he was on his first enlistment. At one time, he swore he'd never hold a rifle again, wanting to put this life firmly in the past.

Alas, that was before his personal life went to shit. That was before he needed a second option to keep his sanity, and it was the rise in pay that finally enticed him back into the ranks and into a new regiment.

Still, it was days like these that made him remember why he quit the army in the first place. For that reason, his footsteps were slow as he made his way to the mess hall for breakfast that morning. After getting his tray, Brian moved to his usual table and he let out a small breath of air when he saw that Arnold was already there.

He didn't know what to make of Arnold just yet. Their shaky truce after the first day of working together had held through yesterday but it was mostly a silent truce. They didn't speak, which wasn't that bad of a deal for Brian. He didn't really want to talk to any Swabians anyway.

On the other hand, he could tell that Arnold was chafing at the lack of talking, and Brian suspected that the dam would eventually burst.

They were far from being friends, but at least they weren't fighting.

"Morning," grumbled Brian as he sat down with his tray.

Arnold looked over at him and nodded his head. "You're here just in time. We're about to find out what we'll be doing today."

"As long as I don't have to keep moving wheelbarrows of shit from point A to point B, I don't really care what we do."

It turned out he spoke a little prematurely.

"Listen up, men," said the colonel of the 16th Regiment a moment later. He was joined by his counterpart on the Swabian side, and the room turned silent as they waited for what he had to say.

"No more clean-up today," he announced, earning a hearty round of cheers from most of the men. "We'll be getting back to traditional training today. Your officers have been hard at work devising an obstacle course to start the morning, which is going to require you and your partner to work together to get through it."

A groan went out through the crowd, something that the colonel seized on instantly.

"And since you boys are so enthusiastic about the obstacle course, we're going to add in a long jog through the Picard countryside as well," he said, his lips turning into a cruel smile. "So eat hearty this morning. You're going to need the energy."

"Fuck me, I hate obstacle courses," swore Brian as he shook his head.

"What's the big deal?" asked Arnold. "So we climb over a few walls and jog through some tires. How is that so terrible?"

Brian gave him a knowing look. "You've never been through a Galician obstacle course. It's not as simple as that. The walls are higher than anything else I've ever done. They're a bitch to get over. That's not mentioning the mud pit, which isn't even one of the worst parts."

Arnold looked at him with some curiosity. "What is the worst part then?"

"Just pray they don't have an ice bath," warned Brian.

It turned out they most certainly did have an ice bath in this obstacle course.

In fact, they had two of them just for good measure.

The officers seemed exceptionally pleased with the hellish course they'd designed which made most of the recruits groan at seeing what was in front of them.

There was a fifteen foot peg wall which was always tricky to maneuver.

The mud pit was nearly thirty feet long, and Brian had to wonder how they managed to get that churned up overnight. He suspected it wasn't that hard after the storm since the ground in Picardy was a muddy mess this time of year anyway.

In all, he wondered how many times they would have to go through it before they were done.

His silent question was answered by the colonel a short while later.

"Three laps, ladies! Three laps around the course and then you can take off on your run. Your run is going to be six miles out into the countryside and back. I can't think of a better way to see this beautiful country than that!"

His attempt at humor fell completely flat. Brian looked up to the clouds, cursing his decision to reenlist.

Surprisingly enough, Arnold didn't seem that phased about the course. Quite the opposite, he actually looked interested in testing out his body on the course.

"One more thing," yelled out the colonel as he grabbed a piece of robe and spun it around. "You and your partner are going to be roped together for the entire day. I hope you ladies will enjoy the bonding time together."

"I should have stayed in Kalmar," muttered Brian. "I could be sipping coffee without a worry in the world right now. Instead, I'm here of all places."

Arnold actually elbowed him in the side, something that shocked Brian. "Come on, it won't be that bad. Let's get moving so we can be done sooner."

Arnold's definition of "not bad" certainly didn't match Brian's. The obstacle course was pure hell for Brian while it looked like Arnold barely broke a sweat leaping over the peg wall and sloshing through the mud pit. Of course, this was even with Brian being nearly dragged along, but the big Swabian didn't seem phased by that at all.

"Slow down, fuck," breathed Brian as he tried to catch his breath after the first ice bath. "What are you trying to do, kill me?"

Arnold let out a toothy grin. "What? You've never done an obstacle course before?"

"What the hell kind of obstacle courses do they have in Swabia?"

Arnold's head tilted from side to side. "They are roughly similar. Our officers put a lot of emphasis on us being physically fit. That includes us regularly taking our bodies to the limit."

Brian spared a glance at the Swabian's powerful physique. "Yeah, no shit. You look like you were king of the playground at one time. You always been this big?"

"Not always," replied Arnold as he stretched his arms up high. "But since I've been a man, yes. As a boy, not so much."

Brian was still shaking his head as they took off on their next obstacle. It took nearly an hour for the two of them to get through the whole thing, by which time they were both covered in wet, cold mud. Brian was glad it was warm enough to dry off the wetness quickly but once it was gone, they were still covered head-to-toe in a muddy layer of filth.

Even after three laps through the course, Arnold looked no worse for wear, much to Brian's annoyance.

"Do you ever get tired? How many times would you have to go through that obstacle course to break a sweat?"

Arnold offered up a quick grin but then sobered a moment later. "My initial stamina is great but I can't handle running. Running for long distances is what kills me."

Brian groaned. "Just what I wanted to hear right before we start on a twelve-mile run. Come on, we better get started then."

Sure enough, Arnold wasn't kidding about his lack of long-term stamina. Nearly three miles into the run, the Swabian was breathing hard and causing the rope between them to be taut with tension as he fell further behind.

"Come on, man, you've got to keep moving," urged Brian. "If we stop now, we'll never get back before dinner."

"Easy for you to say," struggled Arnold. "You're the one setting this fast pace right now. Can we slow down just a little?"

Just to be dick, Brian turned around and started to run backwards. "You're telling me with all those muscles you can't muster anymore stamina?"

Arnold glared at him. "I don't need that much stamina to kick your ass."

"Not if you can't catch me," said Brian with a laugh.

Sure enough, the line between them slackened as Arnold started to run faster. This was all the cue that Brian had been waiting on to unleash the rest of his reserves. Arnold kept the pace for about another mile before the rope was tense once more.

"I need a breather," gasped Arnold as he stopped running altogether. "Seriously, let's stop for a minute."

"If we stop now and one of the officers happens along, we're going to be pulling latrine duty for the next month," complained Brian. "It's better to keep moving."

"Fine, then unhook yourself andyou keep moving," snapped Arnold. "I'll continue on when I can."

"Yeah, that'll really help our cause. Then we'll get disciplined even further. You know what will happen if we unhook."

Arnold didn't reply, likely because he knew the same as Brian did. The tether between them was meant to symbolize their partnership, and there was no reason short of death why that tether should come undone.

Finally accepting that Arnold could go no further for now, Brian stopped trying to run. He threw his hands up and picked the nearest log to sit on, dragging Arnold with him.

"Fine, I guess it's latrine duty for us. Can't wait to unload the shit of the entire regiment for the next month just because you decide you can't run any further."

"Hey, fuck you," snarled Arnold. "You're the one whose ass I had to drag along through the entire obstacle course. You didn't hear me bitching about it then."

"What else is new? When something pisses me off, I don't bottle it up inside, I let it out. Not my fault you can't express what pisses you off."

Arnold cocked back his fist like he was ready to strike. At this point, Brian hardly cared.

"Yeah, go on and hit me. See what happens," said Brian, bracing himself for the blow. "Not like our fortunes could get any lower at this point. Some targets we're going to make when we actually get to the war. We're going to be sitting ducks for these Javan assholes."

To his surprise, Arnold actually lowered his fist. The anger had gradually dissipated from his face only to be replaced by something else. Was it sympathy? Or was it a shared sense that they were already fucked?

"I'm not going to hit you," said Arnold quietly as he sat down on the log beside him. "Maybe you're right. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake."

Arnold grabbed a stick and used it to move around some dirt by his feet. Neither man bothered to speak for a minute or two until finally Brian spoke up again.

"Listen if you need to slow down the pace, just speak up," he said, softening his tone. "You have to communicate with me when you're falling behind. You can't just soldier through it and not expect me to notice."

"I can say the same thing for you in the obstacle course," replied Arnold. "It seems that you're just as stubborn as I am about asking for help. Or slowing down."

"Well, that's the epiphany of the day, I suppose," said Brian. "Never would have thought I'd have something in common with a Swabian. It turns out, I'm just as bullheaded as you."

"Could be worse, right? Of all traits to have, at least being stubborn is better than most other negative traits."

"Like being a pussy?" asked Brian with a small chuckle.

To his surprise, Arnold actually laughed. "Yeah, at least we're not pussies."

"And at least we're not slow. No one else has really passed us out here."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. Are we still on the right path? We haven't seen anyone in ages."

Brian chuckled again. "Fuck if I know. I was about to ask you the same thing."

For the first time since they met, both men shared a hearty laugh together. It was actually cathartic to laugh like that, as the last few days had been filled with so much tension that it felt great to release it in this way.

"I should have stayed back in Kalmar," said Brian finally. "I wouldn't have to worry about mud pits or runs through the Picard countryside."

"Then why didn't you? What made you enlist?"

"Reenlist, you mean. I reenlisted because... well..."

Brian stopped, not knowing if he wanted to keep going or not. When he looked over at Arnold though, he saw he had the Swabian's full attention.

"Hell, what could it hurt?" said Brian after a moment. "I reenlisted because I had nothing else to live for."

Arnold gave him a confused look. "What do you mean by that?"

"I had a daughter once," said Brian as he looked off in the other direction. "And a wife."

"Once?" asked Arnold, not missing a beat. "What do you mean by that?"

Brian swallowed the lump in his throat. "She died. My daughter, that is. She wasn't that old either. Only two years old. Doctors had some kind of medical term for it but I had no idea what it actually was. Something with her blood. Anyway, we made her as comfortable as we could before... before the end. After she was gone, I went to the last war. I should have known that my wife wasn't going to be the same. The war was tough on both of us and the separation was, well, it killed our marriage. When I got back, she was already gone. Last I heard, she ran off with some guy in Farso, in the south of Galicia."

"Sorry to hear that," replied Arnold quietly. "That can't be easy."

"No, it wasn't. When I got back to Kalmar, I started to drink my sorrows away. Spent too many days hungover and sleeping and too many nights trying to drink away my pain. Finally, my folks told me I had to get out of their house. They were embarrassed by me, which I can understand now when I look back. Anyway, I needed something to do, something that would get me away from the booze. None of the jobs I had were panning out so when I found out that the King raised the wages for the army, I said why not? At least I knew how to be a soldier and it would get me out of Galicia."

"Probably a good thing altogether. Not being reminded of the past," said Arnold. "I can appreciate that more than most."

"Why's that? You have a wife that ran away too?"

"Not exactly," replied Arnold. "More like a family that wanted to be rid of me, in a similar vein to yours."

"Why, what did you do? Eat a small child when you were hungry one day?"

Arnold smirked and looked down at the ground, where he'd accommodated a small pile of dirt between his feet. "More or less, it was because of my old man. He always had high expectations of me. Hell, it runs in my family. Every generation of my family has served in the Swabian Army in some capacity, mostly in the infantry. My father was actually an NCO when he served and quite proud of that fact when he was discharged. He took those expectations and put them on me, and it was never questioned that I would have a career in the military."

"Did you want one in the army?" asked Brian. "Or were you trying to do your own thing?"

"Hell, I don't know," grumbled Arnold. "Sometimes, I think I still don't know. I've been in the Swabian Army for ten years now and like you, I don't know much else besides soldiering. I think my father wants me to follow in his footsteps being an NCO but that doesn't interest me in the least. Truthfully, I just want to do my time and get out, and maybe do something else but to him, it's unthinkable I would get out before I'm too old to serve. His expectations have been pretty straining on our relationship, and even the relationship with the rest of my family. There are a few that say I think I'm too good to serve, which is bullshit of course. I don't mind serving, but it's just not my life's calling. I don't get why they can't get that."

"It sounds like you're just in here to prove yourself to your dad," said Brian. "Kind of like I'm trying to prove to myself that my life isn't exactly in shambles."

"All the better that's going," muttered Arnold. "On my part at least. My father doesn't even ask about how I'm doing anymore. He just wants to talk about the army, where we're going, what the accommodations are like, how we're drilling, etc. It's like he's my commanding officer and I'm just his soldier instead of being father and son."

"You're right, that does sound shitty," said Brian. "I imagine half the reason you fight is just to get away from that kind of treatment."

"More or less. It's actually not as bad right now since there's another war going on but you should have seen him after the last Battle of Dagobern. The man was practically suicidal after the loss. It was like his entire identity had been stripped away because of the army's loss."