Friend Zoned

"Oh, we're just besties!" said Roxie as she clung to Wedge's arm.

For Wedge, everything stopped. There was a roaring in his ears and the sounds of the party faded and the laughter that he did hear was mocking him. "Yeah, besties," he said. He looked into his glass, it was a ginger ale, then he drained it. "I'm going to go freshen this up, do you want something?" he asked Roxie. When she didn't answer he pulled free from her grip and went over to the bar. "Double shotta Jameson."

The bar tender took his glass and replaced it (for a price) with a fresh glass of whiskey, and he sat down to drink his way to the Motherland. Such a fool, he convinced himself that there was something more there, that he had broken his way through the friend zone and was making headway. Why? Because they held hands on occasion? Because he feeds her? Because they watch TV? Dumbass redneck...

He watched her laughing and having a grand time, a dozen black guys surrounded her. He got up and walked up to her and she said, "Wedge! This is ____ and this is ____ he's in the ____ squadron..." For some reason he couldn't hear their names.

That's when the First Sergeant, Mike Schaeffer came up to him and pulled him aside. "Sorry about Airman Pines, I hear he worked for you."

"Roopy? The little bastard is AWOL. He'll turn up in Osan or Seoul."

"You didn't hear? They found him yesterday, he's dead, he took his own life... Lieutenant Kenosha was supposed to brief you..."

The first shirt's voice faded off into the hell that Wedge was trying to claw his way out of. His apologies were lost in the roaring that returned to Wedge's ears and he gulped down his ginger ale... no, it was whiskey, and it did exactly what he needed. Wedge sadly realized he was holding the solution to his problems in his hand. "You an' me, we're besties, let me buy you a drink" he said to his glass, and he mumbled something to the first sergeant and went to the bar. That's when things got blurry.

Wedge had no idea how long he had been sitting at the bar, but he had an empty glass. He pushed it across the bar and said, "I need a refresher."

"I'm going to have to cut you off sir," said a bartender that was fully expecting trouble.

"One for the road, just to settle the dust."

"Sorry sir."

"Why ya gonna go and do something like that?" demanded Wedge softly.

"You've had enough," said the bar tender.

Wedge tried to stand and realized that he had more than that one double shot. That was probably his third double shot. Maybe more.

"You OK big guy?" asked Josh as he patted Wedge on the shoulder.

It took Wedge a moment to focus on who it was, then he said, "I'm gonna go find Roopy, can you tell Roxie thank you for me?"

Josh said, "Why don't you tell her yourself, she's right over..." He looked around the party and didn't see her anywhere. "She's got to be here somewhere." He turned back to the bar and Wedge was gone.

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Wedge Donovan woke up and found himself laying on the floor of his room. He had no memory of anything that happened after he left the squadron Christmas party. He blearily tried to recall what happened and realized that he had a mink blanket on him, and his head was on a pillow. "Are you awake?" asked Roxie. She was sitting in one of the easy chairs watching TV.

"No," groaned Wedge. He realized what was going on in his head and stomach and crawled off to the bathroom and puked.

"Are you going to drink like that every time you get mad at me?" asked Roxie as she mopped his brow with a cool, moist washcloth.

"Not mad at you," Wedge mumbled, and he sat back against the shower. "'s ok, just give me time and I'll be your bestie again."

"Is that it, you're mad at me because I said you were my bestie?"

"'m not mad at you, I'm mad at me."

"I don't understand," she said, and she knelt next to him facing him.

"You are you and I am me," he said with a slur, and he shrugged his shoulders. "You see me one way, but I thought you saw me a 'nuther. 's my fault. I hope I didn' embarrass you. Jus a dumbass ol' redneck."

"Wedge stop it!" she said.

"I let myself think that there was more, that you thought about me like I think about you. Then I saw you with all those guys... you were so happy, and I was dying inside." He banged his head against the shower stall and said, "Just give me time and I'll pull my head outta my ass an' be your bestie all proper."

She put a hand on each side of his face and said, "Michael Aloysius Donovan, you're pretty stupid when you drink."

"Yup, I'm Irish."

"No shit." Then she softened. "There is more, I've never felt like this before, I have a bestie that makes my heart flutter when he's around."

"Roxie," started Wedge, "I think I..." He gently put his hand on her shoulder, his fingers tangled in her long, raven hair. "I want to say that I..."

She stopped him with a gentle finger on his lips. "Not here, not on the bathroom floor all hung over and pukey. Let's clean up first. Come on, let's go lay down in bed."

He started to crawl to the door when he remembered... "Awww, Roopy, why'd ya do it?" His stomach twisted in a hard knot and he dove for the toilet.

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Josh Graveley knocked on Wedge's door and was a little surprised when Roxie opened the door, not real surprised, just a little. "I come to see how the big guy is doing."

"He's pretty messed up. He normally doesn't drink. Maybe some wine but usually he drinks ginger ale, so it looks like he's drinking. Last night he went all out."

"He had something on his mind, then he found out about Roopy."

Roxie sighed as she handed Josh a cup of coffee. "What did Roopy do now?"

Josh looked at Roxie with an odd look on his face. "You... you didn't hear? Roopy is dead, he killed himself."

"Ah shit," moaned Roxie. Roopy was like a kid brother to Wedge. The kid did some dumb stuff, but he was right out of tech school, he should have had a stateside assignment first. Kunsan isn't equipped to properly train an airman with an apprentice skill level. She glanced over at Wedge, they should be downtown enjoying the wintery day and doing some last-minute Christmas shopping. "I'll make sure he pulls through it. He'll be on time Monday.

"That's another reason why I'm here. We beat the 35th in the exercise, we got the highest marks the Juvats ever had, as a reward Monday is a down day for us and Friday will be limited duty."

Josh stayed and had coffee with Roxie hoping Wedge would wake up, but Wedge is probably lucky to be alive. After being cut off by the bar tender at the officers club, Wedge made his way over to the Army Air Defense Artillery hooch (A hooch is a bar built in a dorm room to raise funds for the unit running the hooch.) Roxie and a co-worker of hers, Don Campbell found him there, he and his wife helped Roxie get him back to his room. "I'm surprised he's not dead. When the shirt told him about Roopy, Mike Schaeffer said that it was like all the life went out of him," said Josh.

"Oh god, the poor guy," said Roxie, she looked over at Wedge and her eyes filled with tears.

"Thank you for being so good to Wedge, I can see why he loves you so much."

"Did he tell you that?"

"Roxie," said Josh letting his native accent take full reign, "Ah may be ah dumb ol' Georgia boy, but ah ain't blind."

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It was hours before Wedge showed signs of life. He looked around and said "Roxie?"

"How are you feeling?" she said as she appeared at his side.

Wedge propped himself up on his elbows, "Not bad, considering."

"You've eaten nothing but aspirin and Tylenol for the past twenty-four hours, something should feel better," said Roxie.

"I'm so sorry for acting the fool," said Wedge, his green eyes meeting hers, "if bestie is what you want then I will stop trying to break out of the friend zone and be the best bestie you ever had."

"Stop," she said as she leaned forward and touched her forehead to his. "You feel like you want to be more to me than a bestie. I feel the same way... but I have a history, and right now you are doing a great job getting me past that. Now come on, go take a shower while I get dinner ready."

"Why am I naked?"

"The last time you puked your aim wasn't very good..."

"I'm sorry," said Wedge as he headed into the shower. Roxie had his griddle fired up and grilled two luscious pork chops and put a couple of potatoes in the microwave to cook. She put a salad on the small round table and lit the candle as Wedge emerged from the shower and pulled on a pair of green sweatpants and a red t-shirt under Roxie's watchful eye. As he pulled the pants up he said, "You've seen mine... when can I see yours?"

"If I had a dick, I'd show it to you. Come sit down." She had put some Christmas music on his stereo and made a Christmas centerpiece on his table with some garland and faux pine. A red candle provided the only light as he sat down to a salad, chop, and baked potato.

"You made all this for me?" Wedge hasn't had a home cooked meal in ages.

"Shh... quiet. Eat. You haven't eaten since the rubber chicken at the O Club yesterday." Roxie watched with pride as Wedge dug into the simple meal she made for him.

"This is incredible. Thank you so much," said Wedge between mouthfuls.

"You look like you're feeling better... I'm sorry about Roopy... I just found out."

"It's not your fault, it was that fucking lieutenant."

"Dear, please," begged Roxie, "I know you're angry, don't let that hate burn you up."

"He's so fucking stupid," muttered Wedge, "sorry, I didn't mean to mess up your wonderful dinner mentioning him." He took a bite of his chop and chewed thoughtfully then brightened, "you called me dear. Is that allowed inside the friend zone?"

"Please don't take it so hard, give me a few more weeks. I... I was..."

"Stop." Wedge put a finger to her lips. Her lips were so pretty, pink edged with chocolate, they were lips he wanted to press his own lips to so much. "I hate being stuck in the friend zone; I really do. It's hell being next to a woman I want to touch, but the terror of you walking away keeps me mute and impotent. It's horrible, but not as horrible as being apart from you."

She looked into his eyes for a long time then softly said, "Come here, I was going to save this for Christmas," she took him by the hand and led him near his bed. She put her hands on his hips and pulled him close, he could feel her large breasts pressing against his chest. "Here it is."

"Where?" asked Wedge, but instead of an answer she looked up. Wedge looked up too and didn't recognize it at first, but she had hung a sprig of mistle toe right above where they were standing. "Merry Christmas, darling." They pulled each other close, and their lips met for more than a quick buss. Wedge couldn't help himself, she felt so good in his arms, he wound his fingers in her long silky hair, and he held her tight and his tongue reached out for hers. It was like they were meant for this very moment. As their tongues met for the very first time Roxie whimpered in passion as Wedge's kiss was everything she dreamed about and more.

Her kiss was something out of his dreams, it was a reminder of sunny afternoons and warm evenings, of laughing together and walking hand in hand, of finding a home for the two of them, of holding her close and never having to let go.

When their lips parted they clutched each other and panted, little kisses followed their kiss. Wedge was so happy and so much in love with Roxie that he wanted to climb to the roof and shout, but he was still in the friend zone, so he enjoyed those feelings privately. Roxie was just as passionate about her feelings for Wedge, but she wanted to hold back, she had far too many relationships fall apart because of her past. "That was the greatest Christmas present ever," gasped Wedge when he got his voice back. "What's the matter? You're shaking all over."

"I need to sit down," she said weakly. She sounded scared but she looked happy and maybe a bit shocked. Wedge led her to an easy chair, and she sat down. "I didn't expect that... whooo! Look, my hands are shaking!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing, a very good thing."

"You relax, I'll get dishes," and he cleaned up while Roxie wondered if she was going to be able to tell him the truth.

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They spent Monday wandering the streets of Gunsan-si (Kunsan) in the oeguk jiyeok (foreigner area) through the blustery snow. Normally the shops would have been closed on Monday but being a week from Christmas they remained open, and the shopkeepers were happy to see Roxie and her "shopping cart." Both Roxie and Wedge picked up a few packages from shops where they had ordered items for Christmas and the shopkeepers gift wrapped their purchases for free.

It was getting late when they ended up in a shopping district that didn't cater to the American service men, and it was an entirely different world. There were street vendors that were selling all kinds of foods, generally meat on a stick grilled and eaten steaming hot, but there were a few that had huge pots of Beondegi, huge pots of bugs that were served in a paper cup with toothpicks (they later found out they were silkworm pupae) and it smelled like dog food to Wedge. "I'm going to try that before we leave."

"Why would you want to eat that?" asked Roxie.

"You see a lot of Koreans eating it," insisted Wedge.

"They also eat dog, are you ready to give Labrador Retriever a try?"

"We eat a lot of things they would find weird," he insisted.

"Name three," she demanded. He never found three. Actually, he never found one. In the first half of the twentieth century Korea had been so maltreated by Japan then by China that famine lasted for generations. Koreans learned never to turn their noses up at anything.

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At role call on Tuesday morning, Senior Master Sergeant Sammy Johns congratulated the weapons flight for their hard work, and he presented his predecessor Dan Baker with a plaque for his tour of duty and Dan got a hearty round of applause from the weapons flight, then Sammy turned it over to Wedge. "The lieutenant wants to talk when you're done. He wants to brief about holiday safety."

Wedge just nodded. It was easiest if he didn't say anything when the lieutenant was mentioned. "Ok, easy day today," said Wedge as he briefed his load teams at Role Call. "The thirty fifth has End of Runway for the rest of the year," which brought a lot of cheering. End of runway was thrilling and exciting, but it was also dangerous to work around running aircraft and arming the weapons as they took off. "Today we're going to fly eight, turn four, turn two... that's it?" He looked at his schedule, only fourteen missions total. That's almost nothing! "Ok, everyone have your tools ready? Davis you're my truck bitch, Prescott you're with Sergeant Harkness on Juvat five. Any questions?"

"Yeah," demanded Heidi. "What happened to Roopy? No one has seen him for over a week."

Wedge paused for a long moment, he was sure they all heard the rumors, they want to hear it officially from their management. "I will defer that question to Lieutenant Kenosha who knows much more than I do about personnel management," and he turned on his heel and said, "they're all yours sir." He left the arrogant lieutenant to face a suspicious and angry group of weapons loaders.

After the lieutenant was done, Wedge and Bill Harkness were heading out to get in their trucks and the loaders were still lined up in roll call formation. When the lieutenant dismissed them, they didn't move, and the lieutenant didn't notice. "What's the deal? Let's go," Wedge told the teams.

"What happened to Roopy?" Heidi demanded.

"The lieutenant didn't mention...?"

"No, and when we asked him he just walked away."

Wedge looked at these young faces, who was going to be the next one to end their life? These were kids! Lord knows that the Air Force has it easy compared to other branches of the service, but the USAF is also more emotionally isolated than other branches, the teams weren't as well defined, far too many men and women were emotionally isolated, even in the thick of battle. This wasn't the time for dress and cover formations, one of their own is missing. They needed a dad, and it looked like they elected Wedge to fill that position.

"Come here guys, huddle up, close in so I don't' have to repeat this." When everyone closed in, Wedge said, "Roopy had some problems, and he somehow didn't see a way out of them, and he took his own life... I don't know how, or when or where; I just know that he's gone and I'm going to miss the little guy. Now look, this place can suck, this base has the highest rate of suicide in the Air Force, and I don't ever want to do this ever again, so I want you all to take a vow, if you need to talk to someone, you turn to whoever is standing next to you right now and say, 'can I talk?' Can we do that? Can we vow to turn to each other if we have problems, or if someone turns to us we can listen?"

When there was some murmuring about dealing with suicide, Bill Harkness said, "You don't have to be an expert on shit, just listen to your brother, that's all it takes sometimes, and if you have a problem and you can't find someone to talk to, you come to me or Wedge any time, day or night."

"Then we get to talk to Roxie!" said Nate Prescott, which caused nervous laughter.

"Fuck you Nay-than," said Wedge, which cause more relaxed laughter. "I'm going to hold you guys to this pledge, we have to watch out for each other, because ain't no one else going to do it. Also, I want everyone here to call home this weekend..."

His remark was met with groans and complaints. In 1993 there was no high-speed internet and calling stateside cost a fortune. "I can't afford that!" gasped Nate Prescott.

"No one can," said Wedge, "that's why you can place one free five-minute call to anyone back stateside every Saturday and Sunday night through the Military Affiliate Radio System. Sunday is Christmas, wouldn't momma be happy to hear from her kid ten thousand miles away? I want every swinging dick here to call the MARS station Saturday and Sunday and talk to someone who gives a fuck about you. Be it momma, be it dad, wife and kids, Uncle Ralph, Mary Jane Rottencrotch, anyone. You have no idea how good it feels to hear from home."

"What about Heidi?" asked Nate.

"What ABOUT Heidi?" asked Wedge suspiciously.

"You said every swinging dick," started Nate who was actively taking over Roopy's position as Wedge's #1 pain in the ass.

"Heidi has more balls than the rest of you girls put together."

"YEAH!" cried Heidi and she gave Nate a hip shot that nearly knocked him over.

Wedge glanced at his watch; it was time to set out fire guards. "Got me? Let's go protect the free world from communist aggression. Break on three, one, two, three!"

"BREAK!" and the mob, now a team, headed for the door to get their tools.

"What was all that?" Sammy asked Wedge and Bill Harkness as the mob broke up and went to sign out their tools.

"They wanted to know about Roopy," said Bill as Wedge collected his paperwork for the days flying.

"That's none of their business," said Lieutenant Kenosha from his desk in the corner.

Wedge tried to dive over a desk to get at the smug little bastard, but Josh and Sammy held him back. "Let me go, I'll pop his fucking head off."

Sammy got right into Wedge's face. "Sergeant, get to work. You take care of the airplanes; I will take care of the children."