From Darker Places than I Want to Feel Ch. 06

"Hey, what classes do you have on Monday?"

Sarah looked up from her homework. "Just a criminal justice course late in the morning, why?"

"The Wizard of Oz is playing that afternoon at the Bijou, how about a date?"

Her eyes twinkled with joy. "Going off to see the wizard sounds like fun."

Ryan twisted his mouth into a smirk. "Oh, and that Huxley book I lent you? There are penalty fees amassing on it even as we speak."

She wrapped her arms around him sending her homework flying. "I'll pay, I'll pay. What is it you demand?"

"Your body and soul of course!"

"You already have it, my darling." She giggled as he swept her up into his arms and kissed her passionately. Then she slipped off his lap and gathered up her books and papers. She stopped picking her books and turned to gaze at him with a curious smile.

He looked into her eyes. "What?"

"You have changed my life, I never knew I could be so happy. I saw so many other girls like me destroy themselves because they lost hope. Their lives were shattered, and I was just a step away from that." She held up her hand with her finger and thumb an inch apart. "I was this close. But you...you gave me hope, something I almost lost. Thank you, my darling, for giving me back my life."

=FOUR=

That night, on a quiet neighborhood street in an affluent gated community, the tranquility of sameness was suddenly broken as dogs began to bark at loud voices heard down the quiet street.

Mini-blinds on living room windows suddenly fluttered open as neighbors peered out into the night. Bleary eyes searched back and forth frantically looking for the cause. Then, turning the corner and down the sidewalk, the neighbors watched as a man marched up the sidewalk dragging a young boy followed by a wildly barking dog. The whole scene was somewhat Dickensian.

Porch lights were ablaze; motion-sensor lights were firing off in rapid succession as one neighbor after another launched themselves onto their porch to discover the commotion. The man pulled the young boy up and pushed him towards the immaculately tailored lawn of an immense home. The dog continued to bark and whine nervously as the man drug the crying boy through the decorative iron gate.

The man hauled the boy up the sidewalk to the front door, unlocked it, and shoved the boy into the house. He tumbled across the marbled foyer floor and fell against the staircase.

"Go to your room faggot and get out of my sight!" The young boy began to scramble up the stairs as the man drew his belt from his pants and whipped it at him narrowly missing the young boy's head.

Melissa Cavanaugh raced down the hallway that led from the kitchen followed closely by her mother. "What's going on, Dad?"

Melissa's mother pushed by her and stood near the bottom of the stairs. "Arthur, what are you doing?" She turned to look out the door. "Close the doors or the neighbors will see."

The boy stood at turned at the top of the stairs a minute, tears were streaking down his face. Then he disappeared up the next flight. A moment later a bedroom door slammed on the second floor.

"Imagine my surprise! I was just out taking the dog to the dog park when I happened to see our son sitting on a park bench kissing another boy!"

"What?"

"You heard me! He was kissing another boy! And it wasn't some little peck on the cheek either! The faggot!

"Dad!" Melissa tried to push past her mother. "What did you do? Did you hit him?"

"Of course I hit him. I wanted to beat some sense into him! I wanted to knock him into next week! How dare he shame us? In public no less! God knows what else they would have done if I hadn't stopped them. It was sickening to watch." He stood there with his belt swinging in his hands. "I'm going to beat that perversion right out of him."

"No Dad, you can't! He's your son!" Melissa pleaded with her father as she blocked his way to the stairs. "You love him. Why are you acting like this? Isn't this the same boy you said you loved just last night at dinner?"

"Arthur, calm down. You can't fix this by beating him. What would the neighbors think? They might even call the police! It won't do. We need professionals...people who are trained in this sort of counseling. I heard just last week, at bible study, about a halfway house in Springfield. It's run by the church and helps wayward boys who've succumbed to the sin of Sodom. We can send him there. It's called Wandering Star Home. They can fix him. It's a disease. They can cure him!"

Melissa turned to plead with her mother. "Mom, you can't, you just can't send Ricky there!"

"I'm an elder of the church Martha, I can't have them knowing I have a faggot living under my roof! What would pastor say? You know what? I know exactly what he would say. He'd say it's disgusting!"

He pushed past his daughter and wife and stormed up the stairs. A moment later a door slammed open and Melissa could hear more shouting. Suddenly, her brother Ricky fell against the railing on the landing.

Her father stood above him and shouted. "Out! I want you out now!"

Melissa's brother scrambled, nearly tumbling down the stairs in barefoot. He ran to the front door and opened it. He was crying as he looked to his sister. He looked back at his father and gestured defiantly then he walked through the door and slammed it shut.

"Never come back! I no longer have a son!" Melissa's father turned and walked up the stairs from the landing and disappeared into her brother's bedroom leaving his devastated daughter crumpled on the floor by the front door sobbing.

Her mother looked at her daughter disapprovingly. "Stand up Melissa, we have dishes to clean and the kitchen to finish."

Melissa stood up slowly and opened the hall closet door. She pulled out her brother's coat along with her own and then opened the front door. She glanced back at her mother then turned and slammed the door.

"Melissa! Come back here!"

Outside she found her brother sitting on the steps in front of the gate near the sidewalk. "I've brought you a coat, it's freezing out here."

"Aren't you afraid of what he might say? You might get kicked out too, you know?"

Melissa sat down next to her brother and sighed. Her world was completely tossed upside down. In an instant her loving family home became a battleground, her father, who just the day before swore his love for his family now, in a fit of rage, has thrown his only son out into the cold. What kind of family is this? Does a Christian family act this way? Didn't Jesus say we all should be loved and forgiven?

Melissa handed his coat to him. "Who was your friend?"

Ricky pulled on his coat and glanced at his sister. "His name is Alan. I've known him since we were in the sixth grade. We only started going out together now for a couple of months."

"Is he gay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you gay?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Melissa pulled her arms around her knees, buried her face, and began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Sis."

She sniffled and wiped her nose on her gloved hand. "I know. It's okay."

"I didn't mean it to happen this way."

Melissa nodded and looked off down the street at nothing in particular.

"I love him, Sis, he means everything to me." Her brother sighed and pulled his gloves out of the pockets of his coat. "What am I going to do now?"

"Can you stay with Alan?"

"No. His parents are almost as bad as Dad. He told me that he's staying with his grandmother while they get a divorce. They beat him last week when they caught us walking home hand in hand from the bus. I'm surprised they didn't tell Dad but I guess not."

"What about Grandma?"

"No, she's worse than Dad, you know that. She'll take a switch and try to beat it out of me."

Melissa nodded her head. She knew her grandmother was fanatical but she was hoping she didn't know about her brother yet. "Any other friends?"

"No. All the kids at school think that Alan and I are freaks; it's a Christian school. There's no where to go."

"Well, you can't stay here, you'll die out here in this cold." Melissa stood up and offered her brother her hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"You can sleep in the shed tonight until we figure out something. I'll sneak a heater out, and a sleeping bag. Where's your camping mattress from your Boy Scout kit?"

"In my closet."

"Okay, I'll get that too. It'll have to do until tomorrow."

They closed the gate behind them and followed the path around the house to the backyard. The garden shed wasn't much but at least it was out of the cold and the wind.

"Stay here Ricky, I'll be right back." She turned and walked to the French doors on the terrace and quietly slipped inside.

She walked through the family room and through her father's study to the foyer. As she started to ascend the stairs her father appeared on the landing. He stood there glaring down at her.

She stopped and glared at him. "How can a father who professed to love his son yesterday, disown him the next day? Jesus forgave, Father."

"That boy has the sin of Sodom in his heart and I will not have a faggot living under my roof."

=FIVE=

Melissa Cavanaugh walked into the Sociology building looking anything but like the cool collected little rich bitch she usually portrayed. Something had happened. Anyone could see that she was distraught and people began to whisper as she walked down the hallway without her usual entourage. Melissa even passed Sarah silently in the hallway.

Sarah was on her way to Ryan's office when she spotted Melissa. It was apparent that Melissa had been crying because she looked like a mess.

Melissa walked several more steps down the hallway and then stopped. She dropped her head and began to cry. Huge tears traced down her cheeks to drop like rain onto the tiled hallway floor.

Sarah glanced back fully expecting the usual bile from her arch nemesis but instead she watched Melissa's shoulders shudder as she collapsed in a heap onto the tile floor. Several other students walked into the hallway then balked. Spotting Melissa and Sarah, they turned to escape as quickly as possible.

Sarah stopped then took a few steps back to Melissa.

Melissa looked up and slowly shook her head, little mascara rivulets trailed across her cheek. "What kind of fucked up world do we live in where an innocent boy is shoved out into the cold of a winter's night with no coat or shoes? What kind of parents profess their love of all their children one day only to have completely disowned their son the next? This is the mother and father who pretended to be Christian and loving as they slammed the door in his face. Tell me! What kind of fucked up world is this?"

Sarah knelt down next to her on the tiled floor. She reached into her purse and handed Melissa a tissue. "What happened?"

"Ricky came out last night. That's my little brother's name, Ricky."

Sarah suspected she knew what Melissa meant but she wanted to hear her say it. "Came out?"

"Nobody knew, not even me. He must have been struggling with this for ages. He has a boyfriend, Alan; he's a boy Ricky met in the sixth grade. I guess they've been going out secretly for months. He told me last night that he was gay. I couldn't help but cry."

Melissa dried her tears on the tissue that Sarah gave her. She sniffled again then continued.

"Last night my dad saw them in a park near the house when he was out walking the dog. They were kissing, Ricky and Alan. He grabbed Ricky and dragged him down the street. Even the dog was barking madly trying to stop Dad from beating on him."

"It was madness. My dad opened the front door and slammed Ricky to the floor. We all came into the foyer wondering what was going on. All my mother seemed to care about was whether or not the neighbors could see anything!"

Sarah sat silently watching Melissa. She really didn't know what to do. Here was a girl who had been tormenting her for months and now she was living in her own personal hell. Sarah wanted to reach out to her, to hug her, and tell her it would be all right, but she hesitated.

She knew all too well the pain of absolute rejection. The cold stares of hatred as she stood outside her own parents' home years ago and felt the same anguish and fear. She wanted to give her some comfort, but Melissa would probably misunderstand the gesture. So, she sat motionless and waited for her to continue.

"He pulled his belt off and tried to strike him. He kept trying to hit him as Ricky ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. Mom asked him what happened and Dad told her he'd seen Ricky kissing another boy. Mom just began to cry. She started blubbering about taking Ricky to a Christian halfway house that specializes in reforming kids who have become wicked in the ways of Sodom as they call it."

"But Dad wouldn't have any of it, he didn't want anyone to know that Ricky was gay. He shouted at my mom, "No son of mine is a faggot. There will be no half-way house Martha, I don't want that boy to bring shame onto this family."

"My dad stormed up the stairs and pulled Ricky out of his bedroom. Then he kicked Ricky out of the house. He's just barely eighteen years old. He didn't even have a coat or shoes and it was freezing last night." She started to sob again; she turned and buried her face on Sarah's shoulder. "Tonight we were supposed to be celebrating his graduation from high school."

Sarah slowly reached around Melissa and drew her into a gentle hug. "It really will be okay Melissa, I know it's rough now, but it will get better. I've been there."

Melissa sat up and wiped her eyes. "How? How can it be any better? He's sleeping in a bag in our tool shed behind the garage. He has no place to go."

"What about Alan, his boyfriend? Can he stay with him?"

"No, Alan's staying with his grandmother while his parents get a divorce and Alan's grandmother said no."

"Do you have any other family, an aunt, or grandparents?"

"My grandmother is worse than my mother. Last week she saw Ricky after church holding Alan's hands and she cut a switch and started beating on him. She swore that she was going to beat that sin out of him or die trying."

Sarah looked into Melissa's pleading eyes. She could see that she was desperate.

"Can you help us? I don't know what to do. He has nowhere to go tonight. I snuck him a sleeping bag and a portable heater but he can't stay there forever and we don't know what else to do. I know I've been a total bitch to you and I know you may never forgive me and I can live with that. But Ricky, he's such a little boy. Can you help him?"

Sarah stood up and offered Melissa her hand. "Come on, let's go find him. I have some friends I met at work who might be able to help."

=FIVE=

Ryan sat at his desk typing on his computer. He was entering grades for his Sociology 101 class when Sarah called. "Hey beautiful. Are you ready to go to see the Wizard?"

"I can't go this afternoon, sweetie, something's come up."

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw Melissa in the hallway. She's a basket case. Her father kicked her younger brother out of their house last night because he came out."

"Came out? You mean he's gay?"

"Yeah, it took everybody by surprise, including Melissa. She's a wreck. She doesn't know what to do. Her brother doesn't have anywhere to go so I called a couple of friends who said that he could stay with them until he finds a place on his own."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I can handle this sweetie, I've been there." She glanced down at Melissa who sat on a bench near the front entrance to the building wiping her eyes.

"Tom and Alex are some clients that I met at the law office. Bryan's law firm handles their legal affairs. They're not gay but they run a halfway house for young men who have been treated like Melissa's brother was last night. The rules are strict, no bed hopping, no couples, that sort of thing. It's only temporary until Ricky can find something more permanent."

Ryan closed the program on his computer and smiled. "You are a saint my love. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I think I've got everything but can I borrow your car?"

"Of course. You still have that spare set of keys don't you?"

"Yup."

"Okay, I'll be here for another couple of hours anyway. Call me when you're done, we'll do dinner out."

"Thanks, I love you."

"Love you too." Ryan hung up his phone and leaned back in his chair.

It was funny how a single phone call that came from a simple advert on Craigslist could change his life and so many others. He picked up his phone and dialed Anna. She must have been out picking up the boys at the bus stop because the phone went to voice mail.

"Hi Anna, Sarah is dealing with a friend in need right now but we're going out to eat after. Do you and the boys want to join us? Give me a call back on my cell when you get this."

He hung up and returned to his computer. He had a few things to tweak on a PowerPoint presentation for his next lecture.

That night Sarah, Ryan, Anna and her sons sat around a table sharing a huge pizza. Sarah slowly filled in the rest of the story.

"Ricky still works part time at a drug store. The bus route that goes in front of the halfway house will drop him in front of his school after a couple of route changes but for the most part he can manage. He only has a couple of weeks left of school. I talked to Ricky this afternoon when we set him up with Tom and Alex. He told me that his boyfriend, Alan, is going to help too. Together they're going to look for an apartment this summer as soon as they graduate."

"Melissa is beside herself with worry but she's getting better. We're going to drive over to her home tomorrow and retrieve all of her brother's clothes and things while her parents are at work. I guess I'll need to borrow your car again, Ryan."

"No problem."

"Ricky said he plans to go to community college with Alan in the fall. Melissa told me on the way back to the university that they both have a trust fund from their grandmother on their mother's side. She passed away a couple of years ago. Anyway, the trust fund will help him get started in school and things."

Ryan shook his head, amazed at his girlfriend's capacity for forgiveness and love. Here she was helping a woman who had verbally tormented her for months. "I said it before, I'll say it again. Sarah, you are a blessed saint. I love you so very much."

Anna smiled and reached across to gather Sarah and Ryan's hands in hers. "We all do, Sis, we all do."

Bobby looked up from the pizza slice he was wolfing down. "Yup, me too."

"And me," added Michael picking the peppers off of his slice of pizza.

The next day Sarah sat behind Ryan's desk working on his computer. The office was cluttered with files and folders. She was helping him sort through a stack of student work when there was a gentle knock on the office door.

Ryan looked up from a folder he had open in his lap. "It's open."

The door opened slowly and Melissa peeked in with a meek smile. Ryan gestured for her to come in. "Careful about the mess on the floor, we're sorting."

Melissa nodded then stood awkwardly by the door waiting until Sarah looked up from the computer. "Thank you. He's okay now. Just like you said, it's going to be better."

Sarah smiled and nodded.

"Tom and Alex are great guys, they're so understanding. Ricky has a nice little room for now until he can find an apartment with Alan." She took a step closer and reached her hands forward.

Sarah stood up and walked around Ryan's desk to pull Melissa into a hug.

Melissa sighed as she wrapped her arms around Sarah. "This has meant so much to me, Sarah. Thank you." She leaned back and looked into her eyes. "How can I ever repay you?"