Vulnerability, then Closeness

This is the fourth episode in my story series, Years Before.

In the last part, Eva, Cass and I ended up sharing a very intimate evening together. This time finds Ruthie joining the conversation which does take a difficult turn but prompts a alternative proposal that leads to an erotic middle ground between friends and lovers for 3 people.

Thank you for reading

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Eva, Cass and I were great friends and that special evening didn't diminish or change our friendship at all, save for us all feeling just a little bit more comfortable with being tactile with each other. The fleeting touch of a hand on a body during a conversation, a kiss would be on the lips rather than the cheek.

Cass was feeling compromised, though, by just how much she found herself into me and that, really, she had to, at least, try and make things work with David, partly because she'd devoted so much time to the relationship and did, at heart, still love him. That's why, by the next time we all met up for a drink at her house, Cass was attempting to "redraw her line", as she put it, on anything erotically charged with me. I was still slightly mesmerised by how much she found this a struggle, although it was, of course, gratifying to receive such intimate attention.

So to another Saturday evening, just after Christmas, and it turned out that Ruthie was around too and had plenty to contribute. Ruthie had become more of a feature of us meeting up but I wouldn't have said I knew more of her than what Cass had told me.

That changed tonight. Ruthie wasn't holding back...although she had her eyes opened too as she found out a few things about us that she didn't know. Ruthie wasn't aware of how close things had become. She had no idea on what had transpired before she walked in on me in the nude that Sunday morning, let alone how things had developed between Eva, Cass and myself. As the drink flowed, the conversation predictably loosened up...but, ultimately, not without cost.

Anyway, there we are, patio doors open even though it was cool outside -- this time mainly to let the cigarette smoke out as all four of us were working hard to keep the tobacco industry in business. Eva had turned up with a bottle of white wine amid calls of "the Cinzano not good enough for you then!" to which she gave her poshest mock-affronted response

"I felt I had to move on, dear!".

She was back on the Cinz and Lemonade after she cleared the bottle -- remarkably swiftly.

It was never an issue but I was slightly apart from my friends here on two counts 1) owning a penis and 2) owning my virginity (just about). However, that only seemed to add some frivolity to the conversation.

It was impossible to avoid elephant in the room - the subject of David. Ruthie quick to ask Cass. "How come you're free so many Saturdays? Surely that's full-on boyfriend/girlfriend night?"

Cass looked a little resigned. "Well, he's over at least two nights in the week and, to be honest, I rather be with you guys as much as him."

Ruthie was quick to retort "Wasn't he sorry at all, even after what he caused that time before Andy stayed?"

Cass shot me a quick glance and a smile but Ruthie was sharp "or maybe that didn't matter in the end?" inquisitorially looking to both Cass and me.

Time for Eva to chip in. "Goodbye time again was it then?" accompanied by a smirk and more looks. Eva was doing her best "I don't know about this" act.

Ruthie was quick to pick up on it "What do you mean "goodbye time"?".

Cass saved me the job of trying to explain it.

"Ruthie, a while ago now, I wanted to catch Andy as he was going out the door. I wanted to kiss him goodnight. We went a little further but stopped ourselves. When you found him naked upstairs last week, and me greeting you with my boobs out, we were about to finish that thing off."

"What "thing"?" Ruthie was quick to interrupt.

"OK, so, we were heading towards..."

"You fucking weren't, were you?" Ruthie responded, astounded by the news. "What. Cass, did you fuck Andy?"

Ruthie's question sounded like the subject wasn't completely alien to her. I stayed silent.

Cass continued. "As it turned out, we didn't. You arrived at just at the point of no return."

"You did...Andy, did you...fuck, should I apologise. Cass, that's what you..."

"I know and, yes, maybe one push away and Andy would not be a virgin now. BUT...he is still very much so and, certainly from my point of view, I won't be aiming to change that while I'm still with David. It was two friends enjoying each other carefully following a distressing time the day before."

I chipped in "It could possibly be the longest goodbye in history because it looks like we'll never consummate it!" Knowing nods, glances and smiles until Ruthie popped a banger.

"Well, Andy, from what I saw you weren't exactly ready to go."

Eva did a good "Eva is shocked" moment and exhibited her voyeuristic side

"So you saw Andy naked? Seems I'm missing out now doesn't it?" flicking me an amused, knowing smile.

"Well, I was in a rather deflated state by that time." Cass nearly spat her drink out stifling a laugh.

"I've seen more excited ones, Andy." Ruthie said, laughing away.

More amusing, and sometimes rude chat, continued. Eventually, I got to find out a bit more about what Ruthie was doing. Cass asked her about last Wednesday as she said she'd met someone she hadn't seen for a while.

"Oh yeah, I saw Pete. You know him I think, Andy."

"Yes, Not seen him in a good while. Did it go OK?"

"Ah, not really. He seemed like the rest of them. Thinking I'm a pair of tits and a quick fuck. They never change."

"I'm sorry, Ruthie."

"You don't have to be, but I am fed up of the twats I end up with."

Cass decided to find a moment to say something that would bring Ruthie closer into our group.

"Ruthie, I want to say just now that Eva, Andy and I have shared some quite personal things, which we would like to keep between us. We've become close enough that we trust each other implicitly. You know some of this now. Will you keep what you hear between us...and only us?"

To her credit, Ruthie thought for a moment and then responded

"My life is full of twits and shits or people that want to get their leg over with me. You guys have been very open with me. You have my word. I can be a loudmouth and a bit rough sometimes but I know who my friends are. What's here, stays here between us, always."

"And Andy." Ruthie continued, "while we're at it, I'm sorry I walked in when I did. David's a selfish shit and even I could see Cass was happier after a night with you. You obviously took care of her, made her feel good. I'd like to have someone to be like that for me."

She took a moment and then continued "I might be a little jealous...in a good way."

Time for a cigarette and I went outside in the cool air. Eva came outside with me and lit up.

"Well, isn't this an eventful, revealing evening."

"Not completely revealing, Eva."

"Mmm...can we talk later?"

"Of course. Shall I walk you home?"

"Yes please, Andy. That would be nice."

Just then, Ruthie stepped down from the patio door and joined us. She looked happy and content, lighting a cigarette and taking a deep drag before carrying on the chat.

"You should know that I trust David as far as I can throw him. He ruins things for Cass. I know you made Cass feel wanted and happy. You're a lovely guy, Andy." She planted a gentle kiss on my lips and went back in.

Cass came back and we sat back down, fully charged drinks to hand. Eva moved things on, in the spirit of candid openness, which triggered a substantial change to the mood of the evening.

"OK. Confession time. I very rarely wear any underwear."

Ruthie's jaw dropped a bit "What, none?"

"No. I own about two bras. Look at these!" Eva clasped her hands to her chest. "These don't exactly need help to stay up. Now you, Andy."

"OK." I thought for a moment bearing in mind the tone. "Every woman I've ever been naked with is in this room."

"Ooh." said Cass. "We are honoured that you chose to expose yourself to us."

Eva replied. "Ah, that's just a bit of skin...and a floppy bit at that." She flicked me a quick glance.

"Cass?"

"OK, Eva. I'm not telling how or when but I've discovered I love having my clit sucked. It made my orgasm fire up my body and I actually came. You know, girl sperm, a bit." She shot me a quick glance and a mouthed "You", without Ruthie having noticed.

"Fuck, Cass." Ruthie replied "That's must have been a good day."

"If you can have deep sex without penetration, that would be it for me."

Eva moved it on. "Ruthie?"

"OK, Eva. I tried anal sex recently."

I stood up in mock outrage "That's it, Ruthie's won hands down. I can't beat that. Time to go" and went to stomp out the door to much laughter, including Ruthie.

Eva, seemingly our resident voyeur, decided to explore further.

"Well, darling, we need details."

"OK. A guy called Steve. He looked pretty hot to me and took me out a couple of times. Like other dates I had, it was clearly heading towards sex that he wanted and after Cass helped me out a while ago because I got into trouble with a guy coming in me with no rubber. I wasn't going there again."

"So, how'd it work, where?" Eva was on probing form.

"We were playing around a bit at his place and, honestly, there wasn't much standing in the way of sex. I had my tits out, pants off, pulled his trousers off and was playing with his dick."

"Did you suck him off a bit?" Cass and I stayed silent during Eva's investigation of the activities.

"Yes, but he didn't taste very nice and I'm not that into it so I suggested going up the bum."

"Did you really?"

"Yes, and forgive me Andy, I'm going to get into it here..."

"Oh, I think we're already well in, Ruthie. Well, not well in but..." I stopped digging a bad sex reference hole right there. "Don't mind me."

"I've been getting myself off every night when sex isn't there anyway. I'm very good at pleasing myself. But, a little while ago, while fingering myself, my little finger touched my bumhole as I was changing position and I nearly came there and then. It took me completely by surprise because I'd never been there before."

"What did you do?"

"Well, I had some baby oil by my bed. I've got a patch of sore skin that won't go away on my calf so I use that to rub in and soften the skin. I just thought "why not" so got some on a tissue, wiped it round my finger and started playing. With the oil, I played for ages and then started pushing my finger in. I actually entered myself! Came three nights running without even touching my cunt."

"Oh" said Eva "that's sounds so tantalising."

Cass interjected "...and I thought you'd have tried that, Eva. You're the sexual adventurer here!"

Eva was quick to retort "Never done the back way. Enough fun in the fanny for me."

Ruthie continued "It is very sensitive and made me very horny. So, at Steve's, I asked him if he had any oil or lube. He did so I got a little handful, rubbed it well into his dick, rubbed some around my hole and got on top of him. It was tight. It doesn't work with anything less than a really hard dick but, eventually he was in. It was a bit tight but the lube worked. I had to guide him because I think he didn't know what to do. When he was all the way in, I felt his dick touching some places inside there. Made my head go fuzzy a bit. But he came almost straight away after that though and went soft quicky and slid out."

"Did it feel strange afterwards?"

"Actually, not too bad, except that, when I got home and went to bed, his come was dripping out of my bum for a while. I thought I'd got the runs a bit at first!"

"Would you do it again?"

"Maybe...but not with him. Typical bastard."

Ruthie went silent for a moment and bowed her head. When she lifted it, her eyes were welling up.

"Got what he fucking wanted and had the cheek to say, on the phone, that he thought it was a bit gay afterwards. Told him he could fuck off and put the phone down on him."

I felt for her "It seems my fellow males are generally being a bit useless and nasty just now aren't they?"

Ruthie became upset and angry. "Right now, Andy, fuck 'em. Pete turned out to be a tosser, he can fuck off too. I'm not a fucking fuck toy...oh no..." At which, Ruthie collapsed into tears. Cass rushed to her and held her, Ruthie's back heaving with the depth of the crying as she gave into her feelings.

"Oh, I shouldn't cry, it's my own fault"

"No, Ruthie." said Eva, now sitting behind Ruthie's back holding her waist. I sat on the arm of the sofa, laid my hand on her shoulder and gently stroked her hair. She needed comfort.

"All I want is someone to be there for me and it's like...it's like, I must be cheap, because they all want to fuck me and go. I...just...can't...do...." and the tears overwhelmed her again before any more words would come.

I think we must have held her between us for 20 minutes until she finally calmed and laid limply in Cass's arms, her head against Cass's chest. Cass whispered little comforting words to her and kissed her forehead gently.

I made everyone tea while Cass and Eva tried to repair our friend.

We ended up with Cass sitting with Ruthie laid against her, me next to Cass with Eva laying on me with her hand holding Ruthie's. I looked at Eva and she had the sign of tears in the corner of her eyes. After a while, I decided to say something.

"Ruthie, for all the chat and fun and rudeness and everything, what is most important is that you deserve to be treated as a human being, not someone to be used and be cast aside. We're here for you. All those shits don't matter, they really don't"

Ruthie had now calmed down. I got a facecloth from the bathroom doused in warm water to clean her tear-stained face.

"I think." I said, while gently wiping her face, "it's probably time to call a halt. Ruthie, do you want to go back home?"

"I think I just want to sleep, Andy."

We got ourselves sorted. Cass got Ruthie together and walked her across to her house and I walked Eva back to hers, as we had planned. Cass went in with Ruthie and, after a couple of minutes, Eva and I headed off. It was a quiet night as we walked slowly to Eva's on pavements damp from a shower earlier on. Eva was shocked by what had happened with Ruthie.

"Was it me, Had I gone too far with the questions?"

"You certainly got into it with her but no, Eva" I took her hand and she replaced that by putting her arm around my waist, I draped mine over her shoulder as we slowly walked along.

"My feeling is that Ruthie finally let out all the pent up emotion about how badly she's been treated by men...boys in for a long, long time. On top of that, she possibly struggles within her family with being the one daughter not heading for Uni. She's doing what she can with the work she picks up and wants someone to be hers. Tonight just broke the dam holding that all in. She's probably never spoken about it before like that."

"That's quite deep, Andy."

"You and I know she'd be great with the right guy. Problem is that she seems to attract dickheads like Pete who are all about the thrill of the chase and she ends up being vulnerable and hurt. I do sometimes think men gradually ejaculate the emotive side of their brain out through their penises until all they can think about is shagging. Anyway, that guy was two-faced and so hurtful to her -- after he got his way. Nasty little shit."

We got to Eva's house. I sensed relief from Eva that I thought she wasn't to blame for it all.

"Andy, you OK to come in for a chat? I can make you a tea?"

I didn't see why not. It was around midnight and I'd have nothing to do the next morning.

"Milk and two sugars then please and can we grab a ciggy with it in your back garden."

Inside Eva's house, it was an unusual design. A hallway with a staircase upstairs but enough room for a sofa underneath that. A dining room beyond that to the right but the living room straight ahead in an "L" shape which left a kitchen completing the square with a hatch leading out to the dining room and a door leading to the garden. We walked through and headed to the garden.

As we did, I took notice of what Eva was wearing. She had the white flowing shirt on from "that" night and a long flowing skirt revealing a cord around her ankle. She had a long necklace on that looked like pebbles that draped past her chest. I'd been with her for 4 hours but it was only now, somewhere different and quiet, that I noticed. "Bohemian chic" it would certainly have been.

"I know it's been a tough night with Ruthie and that, Andy, but can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, Eva." This was actually the first time it was just us two as we'd always been at Cass's.

"Do you think Cass will dump David, Andy?"

"Honestly, yes, eventually, but I think Cass has to be sure she won't go back. I mean, you know, I know Cass and I seem to have this thing between us but even I'm surprised by how open and active she's been with me."

"After what he did that weekend, and since, I'm surprised it wasn't completely finished. You and her were close enough to sleeping together which says it all, I think."

I mused on it for a moment.

"Eva, until we were both naked on that bed, I had no intention whatsoever of any sexual contact with Cass. My head was full of all kinds of thoughts as it became clear we would be intimate."

"Would you...have had sex with Cass that morning?"

"Yes, I think so. There are not many people I would want to share my first time with, or any sex for that matter."

Eva was honest. "I was surprised to find that you're a virgin, Andy. Have you really not had sex with anyone?"

"No."

"Well, for someone that's not done it, you make a superb lover, from my experience of you!"

"Oh, thank you, Eva. Do you think about "that" night?"

Eva was quiet for a little while.

"Yes. Ah...mmm...Andy, can I tell you something? I have a question too."

"Certainly, Eva? Is everything OK?"

Eva seemed a little unsettled. "Well, not really. Do you remember, a while back, I was trying to be my usual independent self, saying I was "sorting myself out" and suggesting I could get sex if I want it, etcetera, etcetera."

"You did come across as being rather confident about it all."

"The thing is, Andy, I'm not. I'm actually feeling very vulnerable. I went to a party a while ago, before you knew me, and a guy took interest."

"That's happened before?"

"Yes, all the sex I've ever had were quickies at parties. Not very sensual. Not like...you know, "that" night."

Eva again was quiet for a moment. I stayed quiet too. It wasn't the time to interrupt.

"I...I...I got to the point where he was about to enter me and I just ran off. Left my pants there and everything. Just grabbed my bag and left. It was horrible. I'd just suddenly felt that I was putting myself at too much risk for something I love doing with somebody I didn't know."

"Did he come after you? He didn't become aggressive or anything?"

"No, no, not at all. It was me. I felt horrible and suddenly really cheap."

"OK. How do you feel about it now?"

Eva was clearly nervous and, was tapping her finger against her glasses a little.

"Ah...well...that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I know I said I don't want boyfriends and I really don't. I don't want that tie. But I love sex. It makes me feel like a full, strong woman. The feeling when I have been satisfied after even the cheap sex I've had is remarkable. It makes the next day better. I think I deserve to feel as good as I can without taking drugs or anything like that and sex does that for me."

"I guess I'm not surprised you say that, Eva. Out of all of us, you love to explore people's sexual activity the most. You've done it tonight. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind telling you at all how I felt. I know Cass would have talked to you about us anyway."