Full Circle

"Looking good," I called.

Katie wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. "It's coming along."

I turned to Sandra. "I'm making spaghetti for dinner. You two hungry? I'll throw in extra."

Katie's eyes darted to her mother. Sandra shook her head. "Thanks, but no. Feeding us wasn't part of the deal." She gestured toward the cooler under the shade of the tree. "We brought our own dinner."

I shrugged. "Suit yourself. But at least come inside and wash up."

Sandra cleaned up first, then squatted to pet Luna while she waited for her daughter. Katie emerged from the bathroom smiling. "The sketch in there. Your wife drew that too?"

I nodded. "Her favorite tree. It's on the far side of the field. I'll show you sometime, if you want."

They ate sandwiches outside at the picnic table. I watched from the kitchen window while I stirred a pot of store-bought sauce on the stove. Their mouths moved in silence as they talked. I couldn't hear their words, but even through the glass I could feel the warmth of their conversation. I smiled as I watched Sandra's head tip backward in a silent laugh at something Katie had said.

Luna pawed at my leg. I cupped her head in my hands and stroked her cheeks. "You want dinner too, don't you, girl?"

By the time I'd fed Luna and refilled her water bowl, Katie was back at work on the porch and Sandra was reading at the picnic table.

Luna and I took our evening walk after dinner, then I puttered around the garage organizing tools. Sandra and Katie stopped in shortly before sunset to let me know they were headed out. I thanked Katie for her work and told them I'd see them on Thursday.

As I watched their car wind its way along the long gravel path leading to the main road, I took stock of the day. I typically judged each day by how much I'd accomplished compared to what I'd set out to do.

For instance, I preferred to fuel up the combine and grease the heads in the evening. It allowed me to spend some extra time at the cattle pen in the morning before the grain cart driver showed up. I hadn't made it out to the field this evening to take care of those tasks, which meant that tomorrow morning would be rushed and hectic.

By those measures, this day had been a colossal failure.

For some reason, though, it felt like a success.

*******

I didn't spend much time with Sandra and Katie on Thursday. The weather had been good, and I had to take advantage of it while it lasted. We were averaging almost sixty-one bushels per acre, which was terrific, especially considering how miserable the yield had been the last few seasons in Kansas.

I dropped by the house just long enough to show Katie how to strip and clean the porch balusters. The balusters were in much better shape than the floorboards and didn't really need new stain, but I wanted to keep Katie working on the porch as long as possible. It was a perfect project because I could get her started and leave her unsupervised. I'd originally considered having her help with some harvest work—maybe using the grain vac to help unload some of the bins—but that would mean keeping a constant eye on her, and I couldn't afford the lost time.

By the time I finished up in the field and got back to the house, the sun was setting. Brillant streaks of red, apricot, and lavender filled the sky.

I was too tired and hungry to appreciate it. Katie and her mother sat at the picnic table, eating food from the cooler they'd brought. My stomach rumbled with jealousy. Luna sat bolt upright beside them, eyes fixed on the table, hoping to snag any scraps that made their way to the grass.

"Hey. I'm paying you to work, not eat," I teased.

"I know," Katie called back. "All finished."

"No way."

"Yep," she said, stuffing a fork full of food into her mouth. "Check it out."

She stood and led me up the steps to the porch, then made a dramatic sweeping gesture with her arms. "Tah-dah!"

"Not bad. But you forgot to do the balusters."

"What do you mean? I did them."

"You did?" I swiped my hand down the wood's surface and rubbed my fingers together. "Hmm ... you must've added too much water to the cleaning concentrate."

"Really?"

I nodded. "It happens. You can go over them again next week."

Her face fell. "Yeah. Okay."

I grinned.

"Wait," she said. "Are you fucking with me?"

"¡Te he dicho que no jures!" Sandra shouted.

"I thought you were serious," Katie said. "That's mean!"

"Serves you right for messing with his wheat," Sandra said, laughing.

"Whatever," Katie groaned, but a smile played at the corner of her lips.

"Oh, I fed Luna," Sandra said. "Hope you don't mind. She looked so hungry."

"That dog is always hungry," I said. "But thank you. I'm going to grab some food myself, before I pass out on this perfectly clean porch."

Sandra raised a Tupperware container above her head. "Here. I brought plenty."

"Thanks, but I have leftovers in the fridge."

"You won't even try it?"

"I appreciate the offer, but—"

Katie kicked my foot. I glanced at her. She raised her eyebrows and tilted her head ever so slightly toward the table.

"Yeah," I said. "Of course. I'd love to try it."

I walked down the steps to the picnic table. Sandra was heaping rice onto a large paper plate. She slid it across the table and tapped the wood with her knuckles. "Sit."

I did as I was told. She handed me a plastic fork and nodded at the plate. I dug in.

"Wow," I said after the first mouthful. "So good. What is this?"

"Chaulafan de pollo," Sandra said.

"Ecuadorian chicken fried rice," Katie explained. "It's even better when it's warm."

"Don't see how that could be possible," I said, scooping another mound of food into my mouth.

Sandra and Katie watched me devour the entire plate. I ate in silence, too focused on the delicious meal to attempt conversation. When I had only a few bites left, Sandra scooped another small portion onto the plate. She didn't bother to ask, and I didn't bother pretending I didn't want more.

When I finished, I leaned back on the bench and sighed. "That," I said, placing a palm on my stomach, "was amazing."

Sandra smiled. The light from the setting sun gave her face a radiant glow. "I'm glad you liked it."

Katie stood at the far end of the table, picking up empty containers and packing them into the cooler. She never looked at me, but I could tell she was grinning.

*******

The next several days seemed to drag on forever. Part of it was the grind. Harvest days were long—one stretch of unending work flowing seamlessly into another.

But it was more than that. I felt anxious and impatient, like everything around me was moving in slow motion while I was trying to sprint ahead. I wasn't sure why. It took me some time to put my finger on it, but the reason was simple: I was looking forward to Sandra and Katie's next visit.

When they showed up on Tuesday, Sandra greeted me with a big smile. Katie managed to maintain the façade of an irritable teenager until Luna sprinted out to greet them. Then she broke into a smile too.

Sandra and Katie both dropped to their knees and showered Luna with attention. I waited until Luna had had her fill of belly rubs, then pointed to the cooler Sandra had set on the grass.

"Will whatever's in there keep 'til Thursday?"

"It should."

"Good. We're grilling out tonight."

"Steaks?" Katie asked, her voice full of hope. Sandra glared at her and smacked her arm.

I shrugged. "Depends how well you do on the porch."

Katie followed me up the steps. "Then let's get started. Where's the stain?"

"Hold your horses. You have to apply a coat of wood brightener first."

"Why?" Her tone was one of curiosity rather than irritation.

"Those chemicals you cleaned with? They're alkaline. They throw off the wood's pH balance. You have to neutralize everything before the wood will accept the stain."

She nodded. I took my time showing her how to mix it and apply it evenly across the boards. She listened attentively and stopped me now and then to ask a few questions.

After Katie got started, I joined Sandra in the front yard.

"You don't have to make us dinner," she said.

"You made me dinner."

"No, I gave you leftovers."

"Yeah. For dinner."

Sandra sighed. "Are you always this stubborn?"

"Afraid so." I nodded toward Katie. "She should finish this evening. When I get back, we'll fire up the grill."

Dinner was a hit. Katie devoured her steak. A long afternoon working in the sun does wonders for the appetite. Sandra especially loved the fresh strawberries I'd picked up.

After we'd finished, Katie played fetch in the front yard with Luna by kicking her favorite toy: a half-deflated soccer ball with most of the panels chewed off. Sandra and I watched from the picnic table.

"Katie's got a good leg," I said, watching Luna sprint after a ball that had sailed over her head.

Sandra grinned. "I taught her everything she knows."

"You played?"

"Before I came to the States, yeah."

Between kicks, Katie would sprint over to the table, grab a strawberry, then sprint back to meet Luna.

"Were you good?" I asked, watching Katie snag another strawberry.

"Would it sound arrogant if I said I was really good?"

"I don't know. Try it."

"I was really good."

I shook my head. "You are so arrogant."

"I know." She sighed. "It's my only flaw."

The next time Katie ran to the table, Sandra pulled the bowl of strawberries away from her outstretched hand. "Es hora de irse," she said.

"Five more minutes?" Katie asked.

Sandra shook her head.

"Wait," I said. "Before you leave, I have something for Katie."

"More strawberries?" Katie asked, reaching again for the bowl while Sandra held it aloft.

"No. I just have to grab it from the house," I said. "One sec."

I made my way up the stairs to the spare bedroom and grabbed a paper bag I'd set aside that morning. When I returned to the table, I handed the bag to Katie.

"What is it?" she asked.

"See for yourself."

The bag rustled as Katie reached inside. She pulled out each item and laid it on the picnic table: a pad of blank Strathmore cotton paper, charcoal drawing sticks, and a Masonite drawing board.

Katie looked up at me. "Were these—"

"That's very generous," Sandra interrupted, "but we can't accept these."

"Why not? I'm not going to use them."

"Even so. They belong with you."

"They belong with someone who's going to use them. I know Heather; she wouldn't want them sitting in a closet. She'd want them in someone's hands, someone who could use them to make something beautiful."

"I'm not that person," Katie said. "I don't have her talent."

"You don't need her talent. You have your own."

Katie picked up a charcoal stick and turned it in her fingers. "I don't know."

"I've seen how you look at those sketches. You have the same passion that Heather did. That's all you need. The rest comes with time and practice."

Katie shifted her eyes to her mother. Sandra gave a slight nod.

"Thanks," Katie said.

"You're welcome. Why don't you bring them on Thursday? You'll have some down time between coats of stain. Might want to try them out."

"I'll think about it."

They gathered their things and started toward the car. Katie led the way. As Sandra passed me, she placed her hand just below my shoulder and gave my arm a light squeeze.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Her hand only brushed my arm for a moment, but the feel of her skin—soft and warm against my own—lingered for much longer.

*******

They didn't come on Thursday.

Sandra apologized and explained that she had to cover for someone at work. I told her it was no problem, but I was surprised by how disappointed I felt. Given the time of year, it should have been easy to keep my mind occupied with work.

It wasn't.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I was already thinking about their upcoming visit on Tuesday. It was only a few more days, so why did it feel so far away?

I decided the best way to take my mind off the wait was to do something about it. That's how I found myself walking into Creekside Public Library at 11:30 a.m. on Saturday morning.

I didn't want Sandra to think I'd come only to see her, so I made a beeline for the mystery section and checked out two Agatha Christie novels: And Then There Were None and The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.

I made my way to the children's section and spotted Sandra arranging books on a windowsill. She turned and grabbed another book, then broke into a wide smile when she saw me approaching.

"Well, this is a nice surprise. What brings you in?"

I held up the books I'd borrowed. "Needed some new mysteries. Figured it would be rude not to say hello while I'm here."

"I'm glad you did." She frowned. "I wish I could chat, but I'm just about to lead a story time session with the kids."

"No worries. I know you're working. I just wanted to stop by."

Her eyes shifted to the book in her hand, then returned to meet my gaze. "Think you could stick around for twenty minutes? We could grab lunch after."

I hesitated. I liked Sandra, but it had taken me a long time after Heather's death to regain my sense of equilibrium. I'd learned to find comfort in solitude. I'd always been a loner by nature, and now that Heather was gone, I felt like I'd simply returned to my natural state.

I wasn't completely isolated, though. I had Luna. I had my parents and my brothers, even if they were a thousand miles away. I didn't have many friends, but I got along well enough with the seasonal workers I employed.

My life wasn't perfect, but it was familiar. I'd finally found a balance, and I was reluctant to do anything that might throw it off.

"I mean, I completely understand if you're too busy," Sandra said.

I could see the embarrassment on her face. I felt like an idiot. She wasn't asking me to marry her. She was asking if I wanted to eat lunch.

"I have plenty of time," I said. "Lunch sounds great."

I settled into a spot along the back wall and watched as children gathered in a semi-circle on the colorful polka-dotted carpeting by the window. They sat cross-legged, staring expectantly at an empty chair and talking to each other in excited whispers. When Sandra sat down, they all fell silent.

I hated being in front of an audience. Just watching her made my palms sweat. But Sandra was in her element. Her eyes sparkled. She spoke in silly voices. She made exaggerated facial expressions. She read those books not only with her mouth, but also her whole body. The kids loved every moment.

She read four books in total. The last was my favorite. It was about two friends, an elephant and a raccoon, trying to teach a snake how to juggle. With each new page, the children would erupt in giggles or burst into fits of laughter.

After the parents had rounded up their kids, Sandra and I walked to a small diner just a few blocks from the library and dropped into a corner booth.

"That was quite a performance," I said, smiling. "You make a great snake."

"Thankssss," she hissed. "You know, you should read with me next time! You could be Horace, the elephant. You'd be perfect."

"You're saying I'm a big, dumb elephant?"

"I'm saying you have a deep voice. And Horace is not big and dumb. He's clever, funny, and kind. Most of all, he's a great friend. So, like I said, you'd be perfect."

The waitress stopped over to get our orders. Sandra decided on grilled cheese. I ordered meatloaf.

We made small talk for a bit, then I asked the question that had been on my mind for a long time. "So how's a girl from Ecuador end up as a children's librarian in Kansas?"

"It's a long story."

"I've heard you tell stories. You're pretty good."

She sighed. "I was a smart kid, just like Katie. Smart enough to get scholarships to study abroad. I would have been just as happy studying in Ecuador, but my parents insisted."

I smiled. "Parents can be stubborn like that."

"My mom taught English in Milagro. Until he injured his leg, my dad worked construction an hour west in Guayaquil. They both worked really hard for what we had. They thought studying in the U.S. could open up all kinds of opportunities for me, opportunities they'd never had. So, I accepted a scholarship offer from Kansas State University."

"To study library science?" I asked, surprised.

She shook her head. "Business management. I wasn't confident about the choice, but I figured I could always switch majors. My first year went well. Then I met a guy, and everything fell apart."

I shifted in my seat.

"Brad and I dated for four months. I didn't love him, but he made me feel special, and that meant a lot to someone who was lonely and thousands of miles from home. I knew he didn't love me either, but I thought he cared for me. When I got pregnant, I realized just how naïve I'd been."

Our waitress stopped back and slid our plates across the table. Sandra took a long sip of her water.

"He pretended to be sympathetic until I told him I was thinking of keeping the baby. Then he lost it. Accused me of tricking him. Said I got pregnant on purpose because I wanted an anchor baby to help me get citizenship. Told me I was selfish and trying to ruin his life. Said if I decided to have the baby, then he wanted nothing to do with me or it. It, he called her."

She balled up her napkin in her first and squeezed it until her knuckles whitened. Then her hand relaxed.

"I'm not going to tell you what else he said. He's not worth it. Other than monthly child support payments, I never hear from him. As far as he's concerned, we don't exist."

I reached across the table and rested my hand atop hers. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Katie is the best thing that's ever happened to me." She slid her hand from mine and pointed to my plate. "Your meatloaf is getting cold."

We ate together in silence. I didn't speak again until she'd finished her grilled cheese.

"Did you think about moving back home?" I asked. "After Katie was born?"

"Every day. But I couldn't face my parents. They'd sacrificed so much to get me here. To go back home felt like, I don't know, a betrayal somehow. I decided I was going to stay right here and make a life. No matter what."

"You dropped out of school?"

She nodded. "I moved here to live with my dad's cousin. Maria was a godsend. She took me in and helped with Katie while I worked part-time as a circulation assistant at Creekside Public."

She glanced out the window. It had started to drizzle. Raindrops beaded and swelled on the window before breaking loose and racing down the glass.

"I borrowed books every night and read them to Katie. The same books, over and over. She didn't care. She loved them all. The characters in those books became like our family. They made us feel less alone. I decided I wanted to share that feeling with other kids. No one should ever feel alone."

"So you became a librarian," I said.

"It took years. I got my degree through the community college. Earned my citizenship, too. Creekside hired me full time, and I've been there ever since. When Maria's company transferred her to Illinois two years ago, Katie and I moved into our own apartment."

"I'm sure your parents—and your daughter—are very proud."

She gave a halfhearted smile. "Katie and I have always been close, but these last few years have been hard. She's angry. At me, some of the time. But mostly at her dad. His leaving ... it made her feel unwanted. It pisses me off. It pisses me off so much that he has the power to hurt her, even after all these years."

"She's tough," I said. "She'll work through it."

"Will she? She's never said it, but I think she feels like a burden to me. That, if she hadn't come into the picture, maybe I could have had a different life. A better life."