tagHumor & SatireG is for Golf

G is for Golf

byMany Feathers©

Jack was an avid golfer, loved playing the game though he was far from being a pro. Even his lovely wife Jill loved playing the game, though not nearly as frequently as he did. Though Jack played nearly every Sunday with his buddies, and whenever else he could sneak away from work to get in nine wholes, once a month he and Jill went out onto the links together.

He'd become well known around the clubhouse, a private course where he and Jill were members. As such, they had a standing early morning tee-time, first out which they both loved. And since it was only the two of them, they could play without worry of having to wait on anyone, as well as playing fast enough that no one else stood behind pushing them either.

They stood on the practice putting green waiting for their names to be called.

"Care to make any wagers today honey?" she asked.

It was something they usually did just to keep the game interesting and competitive between them. Besides keeping track of the number of strokes different between them playing their handicaps, they'd included their own little variation of awarding points based on number of fairways safely reached, closest to the pin on greens, as well as the number of putts taken to put the ball in the hole.

"Of course!" Jack grinned feeling pretty good this morning. He'd been putting really well on the practice green, something his wife wasn't nearly as good at doing. Even with the number of strokes/points he'd have to spot her, he was confident he'd certainly win today, as he had done ninety percent of the time. "So, what do you want to wager today? A back rub? Foot massage?"

"I was thinking something a little more valuable this time."

"Oh yeah? What?"

"Like that tennis bracelet I've had my eye on."

"Shit Jill, that's a little steep don't you think?'

"What? You actually worried I just might beat you this time? Chicken!"

"I don't know honey, it's just that..."

Jill interrupted him. "I'll even make it a little more interesting for you as a little side game. However many strokes or points I'm behind, I'll give you the same number of strokes with my hand. How's that sound?"

"Right here? On the course?"

"Why not? We're the first one's out, we should have plenty of privacy between holes with all the trees and such. Still chicken?"

Jack thought for a moment. "Ok, but if I win, then I want that new set of clubs I've been looking at," he threw at her, figuring upon hearing that Jill would back down.

"Deal!" she said holding out her hand just as their names were called.

"Meoff?" Mr. And Mrs. Jack Meoff to the first tee please!"

"That's us!" Jill grinned heading over to the women's tee-box.


Playing from the blue tees was a bit of an additional handicap for Jack. Jill really was an excellent golfer in her own right. She hadn't exactly "crunched" the ball as Jack called it, but she'd hit it reasonably straight out into the middle of the fairway. Jack tee'd off driving his ball far with just the perfect fade, landing it a good forty yards further than where his wife's ball lay.

"Nice drive," she told him as he caught up to her.

"You sure you want to keep this wager?" he questioned haughtily.

"A bets a bet," she told him simply as she began to address her ball.

Once again Jill hit a fairly decent shot, though still well short of the green. Jack hit straight and true nearly reaching it in two, leaving himself an easy chip-shot on, and more than likely a very possible birdie attempt. Unless Jill got lucky, Jack was going to score several points on their very first hole!

"You're going to take a bath on this one baby!" he told her as he had indeed put it close enough for a simple tap-in for his bird. Jill made bogie, or one over par putting her behind the eight-ball. As they strode over towards the second hole, Jill spotted a small copse of trees overhanging the 'on-deck' bench.

"This seems private enough," she stated. "Let's see, three points, three strokes." Fishing inside his pants, Jill gave her husbands prick three nice, but almost too short strokes of the hand before removing it.

"Seems hardly worth the effort," Jack commented tucking himself away once again.

"Oh did I forget to mention? I'll make them cumulative," she stated.


"Yeah, three for the first hole added to any more you might score on me as well."

Jack was beginning to like the idea of that. Getting a nice little 'reward' between holes for what was turning out to look like a very good day for him was as good as it gets. "Oh yeah, golf and a hand job!" he laughed pridefully. "It can't get any better than this. Oh wait! Yes it can! That...and a brand new set of clubs!"

Jill smiled. "You're up."

It was a short part three. And though they both reached the green, Jack had easily placed his ball inside his wife's effectively giving him yet another point. "That's four," he told her smiling.

"You still have to put it in," she told him gamely.

He gave her a wicked look, "I'd like to," he leered placing his hand over the obvious bulge in his crotch giving it a quick caress.

"Tell you what honey, remember how you once told me you'd love to actually fuck me on a golf course?"

"Yeah," he said grinning even bigger now.

"Well, if you reach ten points on me before we finish the front nine, I'll let you do just that on that secluded little par 3 on the back nine. Though you can only use whatever number of points/strokes your up on me by then. How's that sound?"

To Jack, it sounded like heaven!

Jill led him off to one side, once again giving him four longer, though slower strokes with her hand. His prick was hard, stiff and aching. "Oh fuck!" he moaned pleasurably, then groaned sadly as she finally released him stepping away.

"Sorry honey, that's only four!" she reminded him.

He didn't mind though. He was four up now, with seven holes yet to play. The odds of him reaching his ten before making the turn were well within his favor. In fact, he had been a bit surprised Jill hadn't asked for twelve, even fifteen points by then as he'd beaten her by ten or more on several occasions.

The next hole was a long par five. Forth hardest hole on the course, and though he'd be giving up a stroke to her on this one because of their handicaps, he was still confident he'd take the hole anyway with his edge on distance. This was definitely a driving hole.

Jack hit it hard, long and straight right down the middle of the fairway, just as he was confident he would do, even though he had done so with a bit of an erection.

"You're up," he said leaning over somewhat awkwardly to retrieve his tee.

"Little uncomfortable are we?" Jill asked snickering.

He merely grinned. "Not as uncomfortable as you might be with that sweet little ass of yours pressed against the short green on number eleven," he reminded her.

She laughed. "Fairly certain you're going to fuck me are we?" she challenged. "Guess we'll see!"

Jill addressed the ball, driving it. It wasn't one of her better attempts. They both stood watching as it began to fade slightly, and though hitting the fairway, it rolled at an angle once doing so into the second cut.

"I do believe that's another point," he whistled happily grabbing his cart and began heading down the fairway towards his ball.

By the time they had finished the hole, he'd picked up another two points. He was already leaning against the backside of a nearby tree, cock out all nice hard and stiff, waiting for her as she strolled up next to him. "I believe that's now six...with six still to play," he said victoriously. "Sure you'd just not rather give in now? Might save you the embarrassment of losing, not to mention getting fucked on a golf course," he teased her.

Jill didn't respond, as she stood beside him giving Jack's hard aching cock six very firm, though pleasurably soft slow strokes.

They tied the next hole, which wasn't too much of a surprise however as it was an easy par 3. Thus Jack remained up only six points as he headed for the small outdoor bathroom adjacent to the next tee box.

"Don't you dare do anything but pee!" she informed him. "Anything more than that will be considered a violation of rules, and automatic forfeit," she threatened. Admittedly, the thought had crossed his mind. He returned several minutes later having found it very difficult to even pee as Jill caught up to him on the backside of the restroom. Immediately she unzipped him, fishing his semi-erect member out of his pants.

"We tied that last one," he stated.

"I know...but zero's still a number. And like I said, cumulative!" So once again Jack stood as Jill lovingly gave his now reawakened prick another six slow strokes.

He gained yet another point on the next hole but was now growing a bit nervous. With three holes left to play, he still needed three points for his ten. He grew even more nervous when his drive, not nearly as straight and as true as he'd been doing all day rolled into the high grass off the fairway. He had noticed the ever-growing wet spot on the front of his beige slacks, distracting him as he'd addressed the ball. Had it not been for the fact that Jill failed to stay in the fairway herself, he'd have actually lost a point instead of staying even with her. He gained one of his three by landing his ball once again inside of hers on the green. Then stood expectantly holding on to the 'on-deck' bench as Jill approached him, the smile on her face looking almost determined.

"What's say we forgo the hand jobs?" she asked him.

He laughed. "What? You giving in? Figured out there's no way you're going to keep me from reaching my ten on this side?"

"No...just thought I'd make it a little more interesting," she responded as she dropped down on her knees.

Though he picked up another point on the following hole, he was still in need of one more with one hole to go as he stood leaning on his putter as Jill once again knelt before him sucking his cock gingerly, one slow mouthing suck at a time, counting each, as she drew her lips along the length of his shaft. "Seven...Eight...Nine!" she finished finally standing.

Jack's prick stood out from his pants, swollen, red and angry looking. "I know what you're up to," he told her suddenly.

"Oh? And what's that?" she smiled coquettishly.

"You're figuring you'll get me right on the edge, too excited, too close so that when I finally do get to fuck you on eleven, I'll come soon. So that you won't have to worry about it taking too long!" he informed her.

She feigned a surprised pouty look. "What ever makes you think I would do something like that?" She asked, turning away. "By the way...you're still up," she giggled suggestively.

He looked down, and realized he still was too.

He'd gotten his tenth point on the drive as Jill once again missed the fairway. But he'd lost it back to her when she'd managed for the first time to place her ball inside his on the green, though they were close enough in distance to force him to actually measure, which he had done twice until relenting, giving in that Jill's was easily a good three inches closer to the hole than his was. His only hope now was to make his put, and hope that Jill missed hers. It was a relatively easy looking put however, up hill and reasonably straight. Less than five feet away, there was a damn good chance she would make it, thus foiling his fantasy of finally getting to fuck someone on a golf course.

And worse, he had to go first as he was out, and worse still, he had to approach the hole from above, which meant that he'd have to have just the right speed on the ball, or it would no doubt trail off to the right and well beyond it. Jack was finally nervous and really worried for the first time all day.

He studied the line of the ball from all sides, finally standing to practice swinging, trying to gage the exact amount of impact he would need. He took an interminable amount of time as Jill stood beside him patiently waiting. She seemed to be fidgeting slightly as she did.

"Do you mind?" he asked irritated. But noticed that Jill quit moving. He addressed his ball, held his breath and stroked. Much to his delight, he watched it slip perfectly towards the hole, and in!

"Nice putt!" Jill responded sounding a little disappointed. "Guess I have to make this or you get your ten don't I?" she stated with a little more assuredness in her voice.

Jack walked up slope slightly though off to one side, his shadow crossing the green along the path of her ball. Jill took no notice of it however, took one or two looks towards the hole and stroked. To his delight, it stopped short a good two inches and off to the left.

"That's ten!" he screamed excitedly.

"Yes, it is! You did it!" Jill said in agreement. "Now...come here, I owe you ten," she reminded him as Jack happily retrieved his firm hard erection.


With his mind on the next hole, it didn't come to him as any major surprise that Jill actually won it with an even par as to Jack's lone bogey of the day. And though he'd lost a point, the fact that he was still up nine, but more importantly, about to enjoy his own little hole-in-one, it hardly even fazed him.

It was a particularly nasty little par 3. From the women's tees, it certainly favored Jill however as she at least could see it. Back from the blue tees, Jack couldn't even see the flag let alone the green. But at least he knew the yardage even if he'd be hitting blind down into it.

From the hill, the green sat below them a good fifty or sixty feet. It was surrounded on one side by a copse of tall fir trees, sand traps in front. The rather small green had a slight slope facing towards where a creek ran by on the exposed side. All in all, it really was a nasty little hole.

"Looks like you're it!" Jack called over to his wife. It had been the first time she had hit first ever since they'd teed off this morning. She did so safely reaching the green though she would have at least an eighteen-foot putt for birdie.

"On?" he called over to her asking. She grinned in the affirmative. "Shit!" Jack thought to himself as he prepared to hit, once again taking note of his rather uncomfortable stance as his prick pressed hard and full against his pants. Even though it was awkward, he still managed a weak smile as he envisioned fucking his lovely wife down on the green.

"Ooops!" Jill called out a moment later. "Sorry baby, you're in the sand!"


By the time Jack caught up to his wife she was already standing on the edge of the green waiting for him. He pulled his sand-wedge from his bag and walked over to where his ball sat half-buried within the soft sand. He didn't have a lot of green to work with either, but it didn't appear to be that difficult a shot. He figured he'd still be able to salvage par with a little luck and some determined concentration. He stepped down into the sand, positioned his feet, looked up to take note of where the flag was and saw his wife standing there with her breasts fully exposed.

"What the fuck?" he asked. As he did, he lowered his club.

"Ah honey? I believe that's a two-stroke penalty there. You just grounded your club!"

Almost immediately he realized his mistake. Even so, he glanced back up towards her. "Just what the hell are you doing?" he questioned.

"What? I thought I'd get ready for you! I don't want to waste a lot of time here you know, somebody might come!"

He looked at her curiously, but the way she stood there, her magnificent breasts exposed, her half-worried look, he couldn't help but wonder if she'd been right.

"Fuck!" he said chastising himself. "Two fucking strokes!" Then calmed remembering that though he'd already lost the hole, he had another one waiting for him, and one in which he hoped would be his 'finishing' hole.

It was a major swing in more ways than one. Where he'd been up nine just prior, he now found himself up by only five having lost four full points. But still, the thought of finally fucking his wife in the middle of the day, in the middle of the golf course was something he had dreamed of for a very, very long time.

Jill had in fact by now removed her clothing all together. Seeing her naked as the day she was born, spread out like a picnic on the perfectly manicured grass had his heart racing and his cock aching like there was no tomorrow!

He scrambled over towards her, thrust his cock deep inside her in one massive plunge and heard, "One!"


"I said one!"

"I know what you said, but why did you say that?"

"Two!" she now said.


"Yeah two. You moved, that counts as another ONE!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? He said rising up.

"And I believe that's three," she stated again.

Then it dawned on him. "NO WAY! NO FUCKING WAY! That doesn't count!"

"Sure it does," she replied easily. I told you...you get the same strokes here as you've won...cumulative. And I believe at the moment, you're down to five. So you get two more strokes. I'd suggest you make them count."

"To hell with that!" he threatened. "I'm gonna fuck you with as many strokes as it takes!"

"You do...and you forfeit the match. Rules are rules."

"What rules?"

"Well, having one too many balls in play for one!" she giggled wickedly. "Now, hurry up, take your two awarded strokes, and let's move on to number twelve!"

By the time they had teed off Jack was fuming. Frustrated, horny as hell, and more than just a little bit angry with his wife. She had teased him unmercifully, and then held on to the damn fucking rules of their match play. Which is what he was thinking when he sliced his ball horribly out of bounds.

"I think that's two more," she half whispered.

Gathering himself together, they played the next two holes even, but he was now up only three with four holes remaining to play. It had gotten a bit too close for his comfort, but he was beginning to feel like he'd regained enough of his confidence and skill, to hold off this sudden charge.

They were still even coming into the next hole. He'd gained back a point on the drive, but Jill had negated that by dropping her ball inside of his on the green. He sat, eyeing the hole for about a ten footer, certainly make-able with hardly any break in it. The only real danger was in over shooting the hole where the green began to slant down towards water hazard surrounding it. He'd have to really hit it hard for that to happen, and with only ten feet to worry about, he was fairly confident that really wasn't a factor.

As he stood, lining up his putt, he could see a tell-tail sign of movement just out of the corner of his eye. He realized that Jill was swinging her own putter, though just barely, as though she was trying to gage the critical speed and distance of her own upcoming putt.

"Do you mind?" he asked glancing up towards her quickly as the putter ceased moving, then lowered his head, pulled the club back and began his follow-through. Which is when he realized, Jill wasn't holding it within her hands! He jerked, but it was too late, the ball shot across the green as though he'd decided to use his driver. He watched helplessly as it careened down the side of the hill, and with a swift "plop" jumped into the water.

"Lost ball?" she asked. She was holding her putter in her hands, so maybe he hadn't seen what he thought he'd seen. Though to be perfectly honest now, he still wasn't sure.

"Two strokes with three holes to go," she said grinning at him.

By the time Jack and Jill had begun walking up the hill towards the final hole, they were dead even. Where Jill still looked calm and collected, Jack looked as though he'd recently gone through a meat-grinder.

He'd had a decent drive, though not one of his best, still it was at least in the fairway as unfortunately was Jill's. But to make things worse, she'd out driven him on this last hole by a few yards. Not much, but it was enough to further irritate him more than he was already.

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byMany Feathers© 10 comments/ 41529 views/ 1 favorites

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