God-Blooded: The Sword of Fate 00-02

"That doesn't matter. He-"

"Let it go, Motoki. Just let it go and be free of it."

I opened my mouth, ready to unleash a sharp retort.

"As your daimyo I command you: Let. It. Go."

I glared past Shiori at Father. He was still on the ground. His face was locked in shock. It seemed that it was only at that moment that Father had finally fully fathomed the depth of my hatred. Now he knew that as long as I lived I would seek to end his life.

"My daimyo." I said sadly. "Will you interfere the next time I challenge him?"

"Did you not understand Motoki? You will not duel him ever again." She said in a firm tone of finality.

I sighed sadly and looked around. I made a point of memorizing every face that I saw. I sniffed the air, memorizing the smell of home. I took a deep breath, savoring the taste. I reached out my hand to feel the cold pure mountain air on my skin one last time.

I called out to the one person who I trusted most in the world. "Nene!"

She appeared, jittery and sniffling with nerves. "Motoki.."

"Hold this." I said as I handed her Meiyo. I pulled my new daisho from my side and held it out before me. I stepped forward until I stood beside Shiori. Our shadows blended together over Father in the dying light of the setting sun between the mountains.

"As long as he is Lion, I am not!" I proclaimed to her in my own tone of finality and heard those words echoing in the courtyard all around me. I handed her my daisho and spat on him. I turned my back on Father and Shiori and moved towards Nene, disrobing as I went. Yes, even my loin cloth. I would carry only one thing with me from the Lion.

I took Meiyo from Nene's shaking hands. I smiled at her and then glanced momentarily over my shoulder at the daimyo that I had served for all of 10 minutes. "I have earned this."

Thus, did I walk naked out of my own gempukku.

Mind you, I was not a total fool. I had feared it might come to this. I went to that tiny grove of pine trees that I had played in as a child with Tamiki and Nene. There I had left stowed away in the hollow of a tree a travelling pack with a few days worth of food and a spare kimono and sandals the night before.

As I finished dressing I heard a rustling behind me. I turned to find teary eyed Nene clutching my haori.

"Please don't do this Motoki. Please just put this on and come back. Shiori-sama will understand. Please."

I shook my head. "This is how it must be. I am sorry, Nene."

"Will you ever come back?" She asked miserably.

Would I? I closed my eyes and waited to see if anything came... It was undecided. But I owed Nene something more. I took the haori from her hands and tied it around the nearest tree. "I will. And when I do, I will stop here first."

I walked away, leaving her staring at the tree. Behind me I heard Nene tearfully say, "I will wait for you! I know you will come back!"

And then I was gone.

***

I was awoken by shaking. I saw a single tear-filled amber eye in a sea of black. I coughed and tried to move and think. A small pale hand came up and parted the blackness so that I could see her soft features. I had always thought she was cute as a child. Why she always used her hair as a mask was beyond me. In 16 years her features had only filled out to a less soft more womanly version of that cuteness.

Streams of tears were flowing from both amber eyes down her heart-shaped chin. She sniffled and got out, "Motoki is it really you?"

"I'm always making you cry, Nene..." is all I managed to croak out before the darkness took me once again.

***

Consciousness came and went. Flickering sensations.

Something thick and sludgey being poured down my throat.

A cold wet cloth running over my chest.

Lights then no lights. Sounds then no sounds.

I noticed a constant. Something soft touching my hand. Another hand, I realized. So I touched it back. That seemed simple enough.

Sounds again. But now they were voices. There were 2 of them.

"... On their way. The snow will delay them by a few days." An energetic young female voice.

"How long?" A more flat, weary-sounding female voice that rang somehow familiar in my mind.

"Lady Shiori should have the message in her hand within a month."

Shiori? ... My family!

I fought my body. I had to get up! What was I even doing on my back? I mustered my rage, battering at my weak body from the inside.

"We still don't know how much he knows. Until Shiori gets here we have to be very careful you two." That had to be Tamiki. It had been so long but it did sound sort of like her. I heard 2 sets of footsteps move away from me. One continuing on, the other pausing.

What I knew about what?

"Nene.."

At this point I finally managed to crack open my eyes. As they started to focus I made out Nene knelt over me. She was between my bedridden body and Tamiki, who was a shadow in the doorway. Nene stared down into my eyes with a smile and lied, "I'll let you know as soon as he wakes up, Tamiki."

"Thank you, Nene." Then Tamiki was gone.

Nene leaned in and whispered, "Rest a little while, Motoki. I'll be back."

She got up and left the room for a time and I snuck a look around. It was my old room in my family's manor. There wasn't much here. My old clothes chest in the corner. A shelf filled with scrolls that I had already read. A long mural across the wall depicting Akodo and Matsu fighting side by side against the shadowlands armies. A writing table with a small statue of Bishamon, the Fortune of Strength on it. With relief I saw my weapons neatly piled atop the box of Misa items against the far wall near the door.

No matter Nene's request, it just felt wrong to be even 8 feet away from Meiyo. I struggled and with agonizing effort managed to sit up. Which is how I discovered I was naked, except for my warding pendant, beneath the sheets. I thought back to the last time I was home. It really didn't matter. Everyone had already seen it all anyway. I crawled to Meiyo. I pulled it to me and with maximum effort managed to silently pull myself up to a standing position. My travel clothes were gone so I had to ever so silently make my way to my old clothing chest.

I had just managed to get an under robe on when Nene soundlessly re-entered. It was only when she was right beside me that I realized how tiny she still was. The top of her head barely came up to the middle of my chest. I couldn't make out much of her body shape beneath her over-sized plain brown servant's robe. I got the impression of extreme thinness. Then there was her face. Her long black hair covered all of it except one amber eye where her hair parted on the left side. Occasionally her tiny nose and small pink lips would become visible. Those and her thin black eyebrow were the only things of color atop her pale skin. We had given up on getting her to show her face at all by the time she was 4. It was still strange for me to think that she was only a few months younger than me.

I caught a glimpse of tiny pink smile as she whispered, "We need to talk but not here."

I mumbled through a dry throat and mouth, "I.. need food. Water. You lead."

"We must be silent."

What proceeded was an interesting journey. Nene had always taken the servant's role of unobtrusive aid to the furthest extreme. I had developed a sixth sense over the years of our childhood of where she would be hiding (most of the time). It was a game that Nene and I were always playing. Now I slowly walked Nene's path weaving in and out of rooms, dodging other servants at every turn. I was delirious and still half dead. At some point without realizing it I shifted from leaning on Meiyo to silently holding it. I leaned on Nene instead.

We emerged into the frigid snow-covered night in the daimyo's private garden on the far north of the castle grounds. Lord Moon gave very little light in the misty winter sky. The darkness of his ever-consuming madness had left him as a thin sliver of crescent. Nene led us in a bizarre circuitous path that at first baffled me until I realized that we were stepping in spots where we would leave no tracks. Soon we arrived at our destination: the castle's northern watch tower.

It was, like most of the castle's defenses, entirely abandoned. Centuries ago my family's castle had held the province's garrison. At the time it had made sense. The castle was the most defensible position in the province. A single long steep road led up to the 20 foot high outer wall, with sheer 100 plus foot drops on all sides. When the mine was established near the single narrow pass leading into Katei, however, priorities shifted. The province's defenses were then built into the pass itself, where the garrison was moved to. Only a tiny contingent of guards were permanently stationed at the castle. The post has been laughingly referred to as 'being the daimyo's doormen' by the rest of the province's soldiers ever since. Despite all this, my family has always kept the castle's ancient defenses well maintained and every possible supply needed for a prolonged siege well-stocked. The logic being that one simply never knew what tomorrow might bring.

Inside the tower, I was led to a thick rug in front of the irori, the square stone-lined sunken firepit, where Nene quickly got a small fire going. I noted that the wood and ashes inside had the look of being freshly used. Nene whispered, "As long as we keep the fire small, we will not be noticed. Not even when it is light outside."

"This is one of your hiding places?" I asked.

"One of my favorite ones, yes. No one else ever comes here. I will get you food and then.. You'll see." She stood and walked back to the entrance.

A few minutes later I sat feasting on fresh trout with rice and leeks. My chopsticks could not fill my mouth fast enough. Nene apparently kept the northern watch tower well-stocked with sake (which made me wonder what she actually did here alone, where no one could see). There were quite a few small kegs in here. The sight of her vigilantly watching it cook made me think of my ronin sensei, Ichibei, whose love of drink had exceeded his love for his (former) Phoenix Clan.

"The perfect woman, Motoki? The perfect woman is the woman who understands how sake must be heated. If she heats it too much then it loses all flavor and leaves your tongue burned and unable to taste. But if she does not heat it enough then it has none of its power and leaves you only longing for more. The perfect woman knows how to give you just what you need and only that."

Obviously, he had been drunk at the time. He was always drunk.

I finished my food and a large jug of water, as Nene expertly pulled the decanter from its boiling kettle. She filled 2 cups and served me first, waiting for me to drink before she did.

"Kanpai," I said, raising my cup and touching it to hers.

"Kanpai," she repeated, making certain that the rim of her cup touched the middle of mine out of respect and deference.

I took the clear vaporous drink into my mouth. I savored the warmth and myriad flavors of it as it crawled slowly across my tongue into my throat. By Ichibei's standard, Nene would have been the perfect woman. She had made the sake a bit on the warmer side, which made it more enjoyable on this icy cold night. With my beloved Misa, the only other woman I had ever drank alone with, I had always had to be the one to heat the sake. Lest my tongue get burned every single cup.

"How much do you trust me, Motoki?" Asked Nene, breaking me out of my reverie, as she refilled the decanter.

I stared into the small flame before us, then turned and caught its reflection in her eyes. She had her hair completely parted. Nene's mask was off. "You're the only person besides my fiancé that I have ever let hold Meiyo."

She glanced at it just behind where I sat. Then her eyes returned to mine. They seemed brighter. She was smiling. "It took four soldiers to carry you up to the manor. Everyone tried to take it out of your hand. You wouldn't let it go until I told you that I would carry it for you."

"After ...What happened to me on The Wall... I was drunk for a few weeks. The Crab had a Kuni priest watch over me who was well versed in dealing with samurai who had experienced too much like me. He was the only other person I've ever told about my ...other sense. I never even told Misa. Come to think of it, I guess he was the one who blabbed about it to that Ikoma girl."

"..." Nene's mouth hung open. Then her face took on an intense look that I couldn't read. She turned back to the sake and refilled our cups.

"That was the first thing I can remember sensing, you know. Kanpai," I took my sake in a quick swallow without touching cups. "I knew that you would always be loyal to me no matter what."

"Kanpai," Nene whispered. Then, as if weary of my answer, mumbled, "Do you still.. I mean.."

I locked eyes with her and felt it, that familiar sense. "Yes. And it's exactly the same as it ever was. It's as if your loyalty sits outside of time, perfect and never changing. I think.. I think we feed each other. I've always known that you will never lie to me, so I've never lied to you."

Perhaps I was saying too much. Perhaps it was just the sake. But ronin or not I was still Matsu at my core. Bluntness would always naturally be my way.

Nene closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if steeling herself for some impossible task. When they opened I saw apprehension in them. She looked away for a moment, took another deep breath, then met my gaze. "We'll begin with this. What secrets do you know of this place and your family?"

I felt something overwhelming then. For a moment I glimpsed something like a living mist that writhed and covered everything around me, even Nene. I had sensed it before. As a child it had terrified me. But I had faced demons and twisted bloodspeakers who commanded armies of rotting corpses since then. Whatever this was I would face it as I had faced every other dark thing in my path: with honor.

"Don't you mean our family, Nene? I know that you are my half-sister. It was always obvious."

She nodded. "What else?"

"I know that there is a hidden cave entrance beyond the daimyo's quarters that is protected by magic."

"Anything else?"

"Akodo Shoken was not my mother. No matter what lies are written in the official genealogy her only child that lived was Tamiki." I still remembered that awful day when the only woman I had ever thought of as my mother lay dying after giving birth. When it was clear that she would not live through the night she had called me to her side.

"Though none of my blood runs in your veins I have loved you in this world as I will in the next. You will always be my son."

She died near midnight. My newborn half-brother, Kazuaki, made it to 3 days before joining her. I was only a few months from my 6th birthday then.

Looking back years later, I could clearly see that Father's cruelty began the night that Shoken died.

"Do you know who your mother is?"

I shook my head and looked away as I bitterly rasped, "Father answered with his fist the 2 times I dared to ask. After that I just didn't care."

The old hatred threatened to come back. I was tired of carrying it. As I had been since the day of my gempukku. I moved to right beside Nene and refilled the decanter myself. It was a strange feeling, my weak body becoming stronger from the food even as I felt the sake begin to touch my senses.

"Is that all of it, Motoki? Are there.."

"I know that no matter what anyone in our family says, we're the only Matsu who have naturally blond hair. Everyone else bleaches theirs'. No one at Matsu Dojo ever believed me when I told them. They thought it was some ridiculous joke I wouldn't let go. I'm certain that Shiori and I are the tallest living Matsu. Those two things always felt connected." The sake looked just right. I refilled our cups and drank, not bothering with the customary toast.

My heart raced. I felt the mist closing in on me. I looked within, searching out inconsistencies and oddities. There was only one other thing about myself and my family that had ever felt off to me. But it almost seemed stupid to mention it.

Nene nodded. "You pieced so much of it together. You might have figured it out completely just being around Tamiki and Chiumi for a few days."

"There was one other thing but.." Did I even want to say this?

"What is it?"

"We... We're too smart. Or ...Just smart in a different way. We don't think like Matsu. Matsu only think with their weapons. We think like Akodo." I looked back up from my sake cup into her eyes. "Does that make any sense Nene?"

She smiled as if I had just said something brilliant. "That would be because you're equal parts both. Your's is the blood of both. The forbidden blood born of dishonor. Your bloodline came from the one night that Akodo and Matsu forsook their honor and surrendered to their passion for eachother."

The very idea.. It was unimaginable blasphemy! That Akodo, a god fallen to the earth would dishonor himself by cheating on his mortal bride.. Akodo, who created Bushido and taught the world the arts of war. And Matsu who, under Akodo's instruction, had gone from a feared force of anarchy and chaos to a champion of virtue and justice. That she would forsake her honor for even a moment..

And yet I felt the truth of it. And knew that there was far more.

"I can see it in your eyes. You know my words are true. Your other sense?"

I nodded weakly.

Nene took a turn at the sake. "You're going to need more of this. Probably lots more. I think I will too. You should know before I continue that I swore an oath to our father on his deathbed that I would be the one to tell you. And that I would give you this."

She reached into her baggy robe and produced a small wax sealed scroll. "His words that he made me repeat were: 'If my son is ever ready for my apology it will be waiting here. I only ask that he keeps this scroll intact even if he never opens it'. If you wish Motoki, I will hide it somewhere for you. In order for my oath to be fulfilled you only have to hold it once."

"Nene..." I shut my eyes tight as the blade of this act of love from beyond the grave pierced my heart. I will not be this weak!

I reached out with a shaking hand. "Thank you but no. It is mine to carry."

I set the scroll beside Meiyo and with a tremble took my freshly filled sake cup. Which I downed without tasting.

"Here, take mine as well." Nene offered and went to refill the decanter.

I downed her cup too. Then something she had just said came back to me. "Why did it have to be you to tell me?"

"Father didn't think you would believe the next part of it all if it came from anyone else."

We drank the next 2 rounds in companionable silence. The crackling of the fire and the cruel howling winter wind outside were the only sounds. I felt the sake having it's intended effect on my broken nerves. Fatigue began to slither back in at the edge of my senses.

Finally, I could take the waiting no more. "Alright Nene, out with it."

"I'm not certain that you're drunk enough yet." She said with a smile.

"We are Lion. We are born to face far worse than words without fear." Where had that come from? I looked deep within. The answer was simple: On some level the very act of returning home was acceptance that I was Lion. No, more than that. I wanted to be a Lion.

She stared at me for a very long moment, then broke out into an uncharacteristically loud peel of laughter that echoed upwards into the tower.

"What Nene?"

She calmed but struggled to hold an ongoing snickering fit in. "I'm sorry.. Sorry Motoki.. It's just now I think that you might actually stay."

She was clenching at her sides, nearly falling over. "I'm just so happy. And maybe drunk."

"Nene."

She breathed hard and locked gazes with me. "It is worse than words. How about the knowledge that you hold the power of a god within your blood?"