Grieving Step-Father

A Step-Daughter's Perspective of Her Heart Broken Step-Dad

This is a story about a step-father and his step-daughter and their lives together from the daughter's point of view.

It was just another day.

A little about me.

My name is Sandra, I'm 19 years old and I finished high school at the end of my junior year a few months prior to my 18th birthday.

I finished earlier than normal due to my 4.0 grade level and college prep courses.

With my mom, we lived not too far away from lake Keowee in South Carolina.

I was born and raised by my mom alone and had a very nice childhood life growing up with her until I reached 10 years old.

Mom had me when she was 16 and raised me by herself until she met my step-dad.

Being that my mom had no other family this seems a little strange, although life has a funny way of working out.

She never talked much about my real father, only saying his family were very rich and paid her off to keep her mouth shut about the whole ordeal.

They assumed legal guardianship of my mother until she reached her 18th birthday.

At 18 years old my mother agreed to sign some documents stating they had no legal obligation to her or me after the payment of one million dollars was made.

Furthermore, she or I were never allowed to contact them in any way.

Kind of makes you wonder how truly shitty some people really are.

Yes, a million dollars seems like a lot, although if you span it out over 14 years it is more like a normal income if you conserve your spending properly.

Mom had her tubes tied after she reached 18 years old, saying one child was enough for her.

When I turned 10 years old my step-dad came into our lives and everything changed in the best way.

My mom and step-dad had a wonderful life together.

Although only for a few years, it was very apparent how loving and devoted they were to each other.

Seeing the love between them brought the three of us that much closer together.

As a litter girl I could not have asked for a better father figure role model.

In the beginning being only 10 years old, it was hard for me to believe at first just how much my mom truly loved him.

It seemed like every time their eyes met both of their hearts just melted.

As I grew up the more it reinforced my feelings of my wanting to find a man this perfect.

Yes, at times his over-protective nature was a bit extreme at times.

As I matured past 16 years old, I started having boyfriends come over.

And yes, as a typical modern teenage girl I snuck around a few times having sex with only one of my boyfriends when I turned 18 years old.

Every time any of them would come over my step-dad would always be doing something like sharpening the kitchen knives or cleaning some of his guns.

He never said anything out of place, although the look in his eyes toward my boyfriends was like:

'Touch My Daughter and You Won't Live Long'.

Several of my to be boyfriends never came around a second time.

I guess you could say he has kind of a yesteryear days old-school kind of soul.

He never mixed words, and was always very blunt and straight-forward to the point on anything.

Being politically correct does not exist in my step-dad's mind, he is the epitome of traditional male masculinity.

His total loving respect for my mom and I was always very apparent letting my mom run things about 80 percent of the time.

Only putting his foot down on a decision when he felt mom was not thinking clearly.

Jim, my step-dad was the perfect father figure.

I never ever heard a foul or condescending word out of his mouth toward my mother or I.

On the other hand, if someone outside the family pissed him off or said the wrong thing, he would quickly tell them just what he thought about them and where they could go.

Some people outside of our family always felt he was very obnoxious and arrogant always stating the truth about anything no matter if it hurt someone's feelings or not.

No one ever stood up to this monster of a man, a couple of times I saw the fear in men's eyes that tried confronting him.

His love for the two of us had not bounds, and he would have gladly given up his life at any time to protect us.

Even when we walked down a sidewalk anywhere, he would never let either of us walk on the outside next to the street.

His inherent love and protection over my mom and I held us in a perpetual state of safety and happiness that never ended.

When I turned 14 years old my mother died instantly in a head-on car collision from a drunk driver.

This destroyed mine and my step-dad's lives.

Immediately my step-dad stopped traveling for work as a computer consultant and would not leave my side for a moment, other than to visit mom's grave at the cemetery.

You have no idea how much this meant to me, and how supportive he actual was.

Yes, it hit me very hard losing my mother, although it was easy to see how much my step-father was truly grieving.

My step-dad tried his best to put on a good show of things, although the total sadness in his eyes was always there.

He went to the cemetery every day; Many times, I even caught him sitting in the pouring rain.

Every time I went up to him in the cemetery, he had tears rolling down his face.

It showed very clearly that since his soul-mate was gone his life was over.

This never changed;

His devotion to my mom even after her passing never faltered.

Over the next five years this was the new normal and never developed into anything healthier.

My step-dad never ever looked at another woman, never dated, never even spoke to another woman ever.

It was like he had become a total hermit and could never get over the heartache of losing his one true love.

He was always there for me, helping out in any way he could being not just the perfect father but the best loving mentor in life lessons ever.

Like I mentioned before, I was 10 years old when mom and my step-dad were married.

My mom was 26 years old when they married, and my step-dad was 22 years old.

They met one day while mom and I were out driving on a back-country road and had a flat tire.

My mom was a little confused not knowing just what to do, so she called for a tow truck and they said it would be at least 45 minutes to an hour before they could get out to where we were.

Just then Jim, my step-dad to be was driving by and pulled over and stepped out of his truck.

When he stepped down out of his truck my first feeling was that of overwhelming TERROR seeing a man that looked like a TANK walk back to our car.

He stands a little over 6 feet tall with short wavy dark brown hair and a very short beard.

His whole appearance was Ominous As Hell, just being a little 10-year-old girl, I thought his shoulders looked to be at least 3 feet wide.

Looking at him, he had very enormous cannon ball shoulders and massive arms that looked like they could very easily rip anything apart.

He was wearing a black tank top tee shirt and blue jeans with black military style boots.

The tank top had a picture of the Rolling Stones tongue logo on it.

On his left upper arm was a tattoo of the United States Marine Corps - Eagle Globe and Anchor.

On his right upper arm was a Harley Davidson - Eagle and Shield logo tattoo.

I was TERRIFIED, although when he got to the car, he didn't say anything right away just staring down at my mom with the warmest brown eyes ever.

There was something in this very handsome man's eyes that made my heart just melt.

In the softest most pleasant manly tone, he asked:

"Ma'am, may I be of assistance?"

My mother was also staring back up at him and then after several moments of silence muttered:

"Oh no it's all right, I called a tow truck although it may be quite a while before they get here."

"Your car looks fairly new; It should have a spare tire in the back.

It would be my honor to assist a couple of damsels in distress."

My mom studied him for a few more seconds and then agreed to let him help out.

Mom opened her car door and stepped out of the car and I heard him Gasp rather loudly as he looked down at her.

"Oh My -- You Are Lovely"; He stated rather bluntly.

She stuck out her hand saying her name was Rebeka.

He grasped her hand like it was the most delicate thing he had ever held saying his name was Jim.

I could see some kind of sparkle in both of their eyes as their hands touched.

Being a young girl of 10 years old at the time I didn't understand what had just happened.

As I grew up, recalling the event it was very apparent that there was an instant connection between them that would never be broken.

IF, I had been 18 years old at the time, you would have sworn my mom and I were identical twins.

What I'm saying is, if you look at some of my mom's old high school pictures and at me now, we look like the exact same person.

My mom as am I now, was about 5 ft. 4 in. tall.

Long naturally wavy somewhat ring-curled fiery bright orange/red hair that hangs down almost to our waist.

Big totally bright emerald green eyes, a turned-up pixie like nose, and lips that begged to be kissed.

A petite very hard body just like hers exercising and running every day.

Mom was wearing a pair of skin tight white short shorts that clearly showed off a well-defined and very engorged protruding camel toe due to the both of us having rather very, very large lips down there.

She was wearing a light blue halter top that displayed her perky but not too big of breasts and ribbed abs and high heeled sandals.

They went to the back of the car and looked in the trunk, Jim pulling out the spare tire and jack.

It seemed like it only took about 10 minutes and he was finished.

After putting the flat tire and jack back in the trunk they walked back to the driver's door.

Jim told her that these little doughnut spare tires won't last very long and she should have her flat tire fixed as soon as possible.

Mom thanked him very much for the help sticking her hand out to shake his again saying:

"You have been so kind and helpful I wish I could repay you in some way.

Oh, by the way this is my daughter Sandra."

We looked at each other exchanging hellos and my seeing the total warmth in his eyes.

I don't know what it was, although this strange mountain of a man had the warmest most gentle personality I had ever seen.

It was as if God had openly said to me. 'This Is Truly A Good Man'

He lightly reached out grasping my mom's hand and leaned over and kissed the top of her hand.

"Rebeka, knowing you and Sandra are safe now is all the thanks that I need.

Although now that we know each other;If I may as to be as so bold.

Would you and Sandra like to have dinner with me some time?"

I could very clearly see my mom's whole-body shiver quite hard when he asked, and almost immediately she responded:

"YES, we would love to have dinner with a nice gentleman like yourself."

That is how they met and I swear it must have been true (Love At First Sight).

As the few months went by, it was like the three of us were meant to be together.

About two months after they met, Jim got down on one knee at dinner and proposed to my mom.

Just being a little 10-year-old girl, all I could think of at the time was

'I going to have a father now'.

They married not to long after that, moving into Jim's lake front home in the Cliffs at Keowee in South Carolina.

For the next four years our lives together were absolutely perfect.

Now after mom had passed, he had disintegrated into just a shell of his former self.

I tried so very hard to make him feel better to no avail.

Since mom passed the only time I ever saw him smile was when I graduated high school.

I had decided to attend college online as much as possible and not move away to a brick-and-mortar college unless it was required.

I just had to do anything I could to help my father not to just fade away.

Even having to scold him regularly to exercise.

Although with his size and overwhelming strength I could only watch as he lifted weights that were two to three times my body weight over and over again like it was nothing to him.

I lovingly fell into a routine of taking care of him, cooking and cleaning and doing anything I could to try to heal him from his anguish.

After about five years of this, I sat him down and told him he had to get over this and mom would be so unhappy to see him like this.

With tears rolling down his face he told me:

"Your so much like your mother, only caring about others and nothing for yourself.

You need to move on with your life and let this old man go."

"Dad you're not old, your only 31.

I'm 19 years old now and I intend to stay with you for the rest of my life if need be until you get better."

He reached over and gave me a big long hug.

Having those big rock-hard arms hold me so tight just made me QUIVER for some reason.

The overwhelming feeling of being in thesafest place in the world made my heart just sigh with love.

Pulling away and looking at each other eye to eye with tears streaming down both our faces I gave him a very quick daughter like peck on the lips saying:

"I Love You Daddy"

Things started very slightly getting a little better as time went on with my pushing him constantly to do more and telling him to please smile and be happy.

One day I was going through some of my mom's old stuff in the attic and found her journal.

It was quite full of many things that had happened during our lives together. I took it back to my bedroom to read later.

I fixed a nice (home-made from scratch) spaghetti and meatballs dinner with garlic bread and salad.

My step-dad came home from work just about when I was finished.

I poured both of us a nice glass of pinot noir and we ate.

Dad seemed to be in a little better than somber mode with us talking and joking just a little.

After cleaning up the dishes I went to my bedroom and plopped down on my bed.

Noticing my mom's journal, I opened it and started reading.

She had captured more than I could even remember about our lives together, her, me, my step-dad, she wrote about anything and everything.

Thumbing through the pages toward the back an envelope fell out, it had my name on it.

Opening the envelope seeing a hand written letter inside, I started reading it.

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My Darling Sandra:

My hopes are you never have to read this, although it must be said.

You and your father have made me the happiest woman in the entire world.

Our lives together could never be more perfect.

Saying that, I want you to know your father is without a doubt the best man that has everwalked the face of this earth.

His total loving and caring nature for the both of us makes my heart scream with joy every time I look at him.

He is; The Perfect Man.

This next thing is very difficult for me to write, although please read it slowly and think about your mother, your step-father, and yourself.

The both of us are like two peas in a pod, we both love and enjoy all of the same things in life, almost like two bodies and one soul.

You being just 14 years old while I'm writing this means I can see how mature you are quickly becoming.

If anything, ever happened to me I know your father would lose the will to live, (he's just that way).

This may be the most selfish thing I have ever written but please bear with me.

If I ever leave this world in any way your father needs you.

He will need your heart, your soul, and your love or he will truly perish from grief.

We are the same you and I, if you would try, I know you could love him just as much as I do.

He is only 12 years older than you and the two of you would have a wonderful life together.

If you are willing to do this it would be the answer to my final prayer.

Till the end of time, I will always love both of you with all my heart and soul.

So, I want you to take my place and be there for your father. If you don't, I know he will surely die being alone without someone to love.

Love Forever and Always

Mom

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I read her letter over and over again crying the whole time and crying myself to sleep that night.

The next morning reading the letter several more times again I kept thinking.

'Did she know ahead of time that something would happen to her?'

Several days passed with my reading the letter more and more and all I could think about was my mom's last prayer/wish.

How could I do something like this,'He Is My Father!'

Yes, I knew he was not my real father, he was my step-dad, no blood relation at all.

Then my mind wandered back to that day when we both cried together and he hugged me so tight.

That feeling of being in thesafest place in the world, within his arms made my heart swell with love.

It then hit me; I knew right then what my mom's letter truly meant.

I knew then I had to at least try to make my mom, my step-dad, and myself happy again.

I thought for a long time about how to make this happen.

Then I had an epiphany that just might be possible.

I started going through my mom's old clothes, my step-dad never threw anything away.

Since mom and I were the same in every way I found just what I was looking for.

The same outfit she wore when the two of them first met.

I put on those white short shorts leaving my panties off so my very engorged protruding camel toe and meaty lips would push out just like moms did.

Her light blue halter top fit perfect leaving my bra off and finding her high heeled sandals.

It was a very pleasant evening and knowing at this time-of-day my step-dad would be at the cemetery I headed out walking since it was only a few blocks away.

Several years before this; My step-dad had paid to have the cemetery install a concrete bench in front of mom's grave and yes, he was there.

I was so nervous I could hardly walk.

'Would he be upset?

Would he reject me?

Would he know I wanted to be his Rebeka?

Would he love me as much as he loved mom?'

I walked up next to him and just stood there until he finally looked up at me.

His eyes glazed over and I could see the memories flowing through his mind.

"Oh My -- You Look Lovely"

He stood up and wrapped me in those rock-hard loving arms and my heart just melted.

If he hadn't had been holding me, I think I might have fainted.

He pulled back and looked deep into my bright emerald green eyes and a tear rolled down his face.

Looking back up at him I spoke:

"If I may as to be so bold as to ask;

Would it be possible for a gentleman like yourself to take this famished old woman out to dinner tonight?"

A smile came across his face.

"It would be my honor to assist a damsel in distress."

We went home and dressed up nicely and went out to a very stylish upscale restaurant having a wonderful dinner.

My step-dad wore one of his best custom tailored suits that he never wore to work.

When I saw him, I gasped, he looked like the Roman God Hercules in a suit.

He even shaved his beard off, I just moaned at just how young and handsome he looked.

I wore one of mom's full length black evening gowns that was split on both sides all the way up far above the waist.