Guess Who Just Got Ditched Today

'You've been away twice in a week and Kat's had him both times. Oh please don't tell me you didn't know.'

Fucking bitch!

As if I'd give her the pleasure!

'More info,' I barked.

Still smirking, Mary obliged. 'They worked over together until eight thirty, both times. Then they had two pints together in The Cricketers. And then they shagged the rest of the night away.'

'Evidence,' I said, fully aware she'd have chapter and verse.

'Ask Security if they left together . . . both times. And ask Josh about The Cricketers.'

'Josh?'

'Josh from Credit Control. He's in there every night, without fail.'

I was already accepting the inevitable when Mary added the killer blow.

'I don't have a bedroom witness,' she said, 'but Helen lives two doors away from Craig. She has seen them leaving his house together both mornings, hand in hand and all over each other.

Despising Mary as I did, I had to admit her sources were excellent.

Bang to rights or what!

'What a tart,' I said, doing my best to preserve dignity,

'So you didn't know?' Mary said eagerly . . . no, ravenously,

Unable to help myself, regretting if for evermore, I held up my middle finger.

'Go swivel on that, bitch,' I said. 'And whatever you do, don't enjoy it.'

*****

I'm a very honest person but I was unable to confront Kat straight off. Instead I went into the toilets for a quick sob.

And crazily . . . I know this is crazily . . . I never felt guilty at all. How mad is that? On the two nights in question I'd arranged a future liaison and fucked with a sex-mad B&B owner. Innocence did not come in to the equation. Not from my side, anyway.

Yet I felt aggrieved. Still riled, I went into the IT block and got two coffees.

'Hiya girlfriend,' Kat said in greeting, all tits, black hair and bright eyes, oozing sexuality.

'We need to talk,' I grunted, 'but later.'

Kat gave me a look and shrugged. 'Whatever,' she said.

Chapter Nine

No way was I going to drag my live-in lover into an IT meeting room. And no way was I going to talk to her on the Widget Company car park. Mary had spies and snoops everywhere; they'd have picked up on us in an instant and she would have immediately embellished her treacherous yarn. Hell she might even have sold it on to the tabloid press.

So I waited until we'd finished our weekly shop at ASDA and we were set to be off on our way home. 'I've heard the rumours,' I began.

Kat shrugged her (very sexy) shoulders. 'I don't do rumours,' she said, truthfully enough.

Neither did I under normal circumstances. I tended to think that I'd be the subject of a lot of same-sex gossip but, while I was out loud and proud, I didn't want to know the bullshit perverted minds created about me. I could create my own perversions, thank you very much. I didn't need to know what some frustrated girl had invented, using her imagination in weird and wonderful directions.

Well, not unless she was prepared to put her money where her mouth was and try them out with me!

'You and Craig,' I said aloud. 'Apparently you've been seen together twice while I was away.'

'Seen together? What does that mean?'

'It means you didn't work all night like you said you meant to. It means your mobile was off because you didn't want to be disturbed.'

'Sounds like hot air to me.'

'It doesn't to me. It sounds credible and is backed up by reliable witnesses.' I spelt it out for her. 'You both left the office together at eight thirty. You had a couple of drinks together in The Cricketers. Then you spent the rest of the night at Craig's.'

'And you have witnesses?'

'I don't. But that bitch Mary does. And she's very convincing. She's convinced me, anyway.'

If I'd expected a denial I would have been disappointed. 'It's a fair cop,' said Kat, shrugging again.

I gaped at her. 'You're admitting it, just like that?'

'Yeah, as I just said, it's a fair cop.'

'Excuse me, but you don't seem consumed by remorse.'

'Come on Dave; Craig's a guy. Guys don't count.' Then, noticing my eyes widen, she enlarged. 'I had this big issue to solve, right? I honestly did think I'd be at it all night. But I found the solution very soon and it worked. I'd fixed my break and ensured the new system could never be broken like that again, right? I wanted a drink to celebrate. And Craig happened to be still at his desk.'

'So he volunteered to celebrate with you,' I said bitterly.

'No, I asked him.' There was yet another sexy shrug from the Kim Kardashian lookalike. 'I owed him, didn't I? From three Christmas parties ago. I'd as good as put him on a promise when you reclaimed me.'

'I don't believe I'm listening to this.'

'Come on Dave. Far as I was concerned, you were down there in Coventry, reunited with Alice. Why on earth shouldn't I have settled up my debt with Craig?'

At that my eyes didn't just widen, I had to shove them back into their sockets.

'Perhaps the reason is because I was in Warwick,' I snarled, 'not Coventry. And because I never even thought of seeing Alice.'

'Right, Dave; as if.'

At that point I wanted to get all virtuous and say I'd been faithful while Kat strayed. But of course I had not. And to add to the craziness, I was annoyed she'd had two nights to my one.

Or had she had more?

'No,' she said when I asked. 'I first went with him on Monday. And, although you probably won't want to know, he's got a lot of skill and stamina. I asked him the first time, he asked me last night. So why not have an encore? And why make a big issue about a frigging man? It's not as if I'm going to run off with him, is it?'

I started Maxine 2's engine and drove us to East Morton in silence.

'Wait in the pub,' I said as I parked up. 'I need to bob home. I'll take the provisions with me.'

Kat seemed dubious. 'Are you okay?' she wondered.

'Everything's fine,' I lied. 'Get me the usual and I'll see you in five.'

*****

Back in my dream cottage I stuck the perishables in the appropriate fridge of freezer (I hope) and then pulled out my phone like a gunslinger pulling a six-shooter. Logical Dave was still safely incarcerated and I was only thinking fervent thoughts.

Or maybe they were devilish thoughts . . .

Utter madness, I know, but I'd persuaded myself Kat was a night of sex ahead of me. And that it was imperative I caught up. Don't ask me to explain the ins and outs; maybe I desperately needed to lash out, or maybe I just desperately needed a revenge fuck.

Joyce immediate sprang to mind. But this time on a Friday she'd be in The Busfeild. In fact she might well be talking to Kat at that very moment. We often bumped into each other in there and ended up in a crowd, putting the world to rights.

Then I remembered Karen the barmaid. Except she wasn't a barmaid anymore, she had got a "proper job". I'd (allegedly) taken Karen's girl-on-girl virginity and on numerous occasions, not just once. And I suddenly wanted to take her again.

Aware it was Friday and she might possibly be out already, I rang. And rang and rang. And as I was on the verge of giving up, she answered.

'Sorry,' she said breathlessly, 'I was doing press-ups.'

'Would that be press-ups on some lucky guy?' I wondered.

She laughed. 'No, that's tomorrow night. Tonight I'm due a quiet one in.'

'Can I come share it with you? I've got wine?'

It was well over a year since we'd slept together, I'd been quite shamefully ignoring her but Karen did not hesitate.

'Red or white?' she asked perkily.

'Either; take your pick.'

'Bring both. And bring your toothbrush as well. It's been far too long.'

*****

I won't elaborate on the sexual contortions we put our bodies through that night. Let's just say that we were toy-free but absolutely everything else was allowed. And let's also say Kat never got mentioned at all.

As an aside, Karen knew about Kat but Kat didn't know about Karen. That was another factor against revenge-fucking with Joyce, you see. Kat knew about me and Joyce. She could easily have turned up on Joyce's doorstep. Karen's house was further away and, as far as Kat was concerned, anonymous. We could have stayed there a month and she wouldn't have found us.

Not that a month came into the frame. During my idyll with Alice I'd switched to working on Sundays rather than Saturday s, swapping shifts with my male Trekkie-techie mates (for some reason none of them liked working Sundays). Nowadays, back in the real world, I was following the roster again. That meant I worked three Saturdays out of four and every second Sunday.

(Think of the overtime!)

Apologizing for running out on her before lunchtime, I asked Karen for a date.

'What about your girlfriend?'

'She's out of the picture in three weeks. Come to that, after last night she's probably out of the picture already.'

'She's very beautiful,' Karen offered, obviously having seen us together in the pub.

'So are you,' I countered. 'And you are much more reliable. Do I get a date or what?'

We agreed on Tuesday. I kissed her a temporary farewell and, showered and already in my workday clothes, took a circuitous route to the pub car park.

Not that such a subterfuge worked. Kat was waiting for me, leaning her slinky ass on Maxine 2. She'd used that clever brain of hers and deduced that, as I was working, that's where and when I'd show up.

'I don't need a fight,' I said by way of welcome.

'Me neither,' she replied. 'I need a lift in.'

'What, you working on a Saturday!'

'I need to be done as soon as possible.' She smiled at me sadly. 'You clearly want rid.'

*****

The next few weeks were, to say the least, uncomfortable. Without telling Kat what I was up to, I slept at Karen's several times. I also had a weekend away hiking, sharing a tent with three lesbian buddies and having a whale of a time. Not to be outdone . . . and sleeping I know not where . . . Kat played her part and kept me guessing.

Then it was departure day and I drove her to the airport.

'Coming to wave me off?' she asked as we pulled up on the short stay.

'No,' I replied, but I got out of the car with her anyway.

'We're too alike to be together,' I murmured, badly rehashing a prepared speech. 'I'll look after all your things while you're gone, but there's no coming back from this. Next time you live somewhere else.'

'Are you banning me from the Widget Company too?'

'No I am not. We're grown adults. And I'm not ruling out the occasional roll in the hay. All I'm saying is that living together again isn't going to be an option.'

Kat hugged me for maybe five minutes before briefly kissing my mouth. 'I do truly love you,' she said as we broke lip contact. 'Nobody else will ever love you the way I do.'

Gulping back tears, I reiterated the awful truth: this was the end of the road for us.

'I'm going to get a tattoo while I'm away,' Kat replied, 'inside a red love heart down here, right besides my kitty-kitty. It's going to say ME TOO YOU in swirly, gothic letters.'

I did cry at that. "Me too you" was what I'd said to her years ago, the very first time she'd admitted she loved me.

Yes, I cried but didn't soften my heart. 'Don't expect weekly phone calls,' the hard bitch inside me told her, 'because they won't be happening.'

Kat kissed me more lingeringly then let go.

'Me too you,' she said, picking up her backpack.

And then she was gone.