Guilty, an Alternate Version

xx

On one of my trips into town, one of my new friends stopped me and told me that someone had been asking about me around town. They described them as two women, one older and one younger. I was also told to check with the owner of the local grocery store since they talked to her the most. I didn't have a good feeling about this, but knew I needed to find out more. I did find the owner of the grocery story to find out more. She said that she had talked to the two women and that they were mother and daughter. They were looking for a John Smith and showed her a picture of the man they were looking for. The store owner looked at the picture and told them that the person in the picture didn't look like the John Smith living in the area. The local John Smith was much thinner and had a beard and longer hair. Both women started grinning and the older one said that sounded like you. The store owner apologized to me for saying too much. I asked for a description and the store owner described someone who looked like my ex wife and daughter. The store owner said the women were still around but didn't know where they were staying.

Damn. I was just moving on in life and they show up, upsetting everything. To the best of my knowledge, that restraining order was still in effect and this town was too small for me to live here without crossing paths. As I headed back home, a new plan was starting to develop.

xx

I had dreamed of traveling and had been working on a specially designed RV. It was based on an old Peterbilt 351 refrigerated box truck. The back 10 feet of the box had been converted to hold up to three motorcycles but I only planned on carrying two bikes. The entire back dropped down to be the ramp up into the box. The rest of the box was converted into living space using the components out of an old travel trailer. I installed windows on both sides and a door on the passenger side, but when traveling, the awnings I had designed closed down and locked in place to cover the windows and doors. Additional compartments were added under the box for storage and utility hookups. I cut out part of the back of the truck cab and front of the box and installed a boot between them so that a person could move freely between them without having to worry about what the weather was like outside. It wasn't fancy, but it was nice and livable. At first glance, the outside looked like an ordinary box truck. It was finished except for painting, but that wasn't critical.

I had acquired an old Harley Davidson Electra Glide for touring and an old Norton Atlas Ranger for off road use. I was licensed to ride the bikes and drive the RV and had taken all of them on short test runs, but hadn't make plans for a longer trip. I think it was time for a long shake down run. I grabbed the perishable food from the house and loaded it in the RV. I loaded the bikes, checked fluid levels in the truck, and cranked up that old Cummins engine. In spite of the reason for making this run, the thrill of something new ran through me.

I was ready to travel, but need to make one stop before I hit the road. I picked up some necessary paperwork from the house, then locked it up. Stepping up into the cab of the truck, I took one last look at my home, then headed to Karen's.

xx

I filled Karen in on what was happening. She didn't like it, but she understood that I couldn't stay, and she wasn't willing to travel with me because she would have to quit her job. I promised to stay in contact while I was out on the road. As a final matter, I handed her my power of attorney naming her as my attorney in fact and a written, notarized statement giving her absolute authority over my home without worrying about me. I told her to do whatever she wanted with my home, and if it looked like I wasn't coming back any time soon, she had my permission to sell it, rent it, move into it, deed it to herself or deed it to someone else. I hoped to come back, but had no idea what the future held. I also handed her the keys to my SUV, telling her to use it. I would keep it insured but didn't want it to sit unused. We said some tearful good-byes, then I climbed back into the cab and was off on my next adventure.

xx

I had been on the road a few weeks, stopping in places that I thought were interesting. I did keep in touch with Karen and she told me that my ex wife and daughter were still hanging around trying to find me. She let me know that everyone in town was missing me and that, when questioned, people were letting my ex wife and daughter know that I had left with no plans on returning. They all hoped that those two women from my former life would leave and I would come back.

xx

On another phone call, Karen let me know that someone was moving into town and was looking for a place to stay. She met the people and decided to rent my home to them since I wasn't planning on coming back soon. She had cleared all my personal items out of the house and was storing them at her place. She did leave the furniture and appliances for the new tenants to use. Everyone was still missing me, hoping I would come back. She didn't give me any information about my ex wife or daughter. I was holding out hope that they had moved on.

xx

I had been out on the road for several months and was really enjoying myself, although I did get twinges of homesickness every now and then.

Once in a while, some woman would flirt with me and ask for a ride on my motorcycle. I would have to decline and point out that the Electra Glide only had room for me and wasn't set up for passengers. While on the road, I thought, "Why not, I've got the money." So I visited Harley Davidson dealers while I traveled and ended up buying an Ultra Limited set up with comfortable touring seating for two. I had room in the RV, so kept both of the other bikes, especially since the Ultra Glide was my favorite and I did use the Norton to travel off road once in a while. I purchased an extra helmet with a visor and a couple extra sets of goggles to keep with the Ultra. Now, when they asked, I parked the Electra Glide, powered up the Ultra, told them to put on the helmet and climb on. I was having fun.

I had become somewhat of an enigma out on the road. I didn't worry about my appearance, so my beard and hair just kept getting longer and wilder. Except for the Ultra, my bikes were old with faded paint, the RV was in need of a paint job and, from the outside, looked like a poor man's conversion from truck to RV, and I dressed in worn, but clean, clothes. My boots, leathers and helmet were scuffed and looked old, but well taken care of. I would park the RV in an interesting place, then ride one of the bikes, depending on the terrain and my mood. As I traveled, people were starting to talk about the guy in the old truck/RV. People wondered what my story was, but I wasn't giving any details. Some thought I was a biker, some thought I was a throwback to the hippie era, some thought I was a retired trucker, some thought I was just running from something, some thought I was rich and some thought I was poor. No one could figure me out. I found that I really enjoyed the attempts to figure me out.

In my travels, I had visited Sturgis, South Dakota, several weeks prior to the bike rally and toured the Black Hills on my Electra Glide. I would have liked to stay for the rally, but didn't want to hang around that long. I visited Devil's Tower, the Little Bighorn monument, and Yellowstone National Park, then headed south. My timing would have been about right to attend Burning Man, something I had always thought about, but decided not to because of the heat. I had plenty to see and do anyway. I had always loved the Rocky Mountains and my old Peterbilt and my motorcycles took to those highways, roads and trails like they were designed for them. I had not felt this free is years.

xx

The old phrase "All good things must come to an end" hit me when I last talked to Karen. She told me it was time to come home. She did let me know that things weren't the same as when I left and that I would be shocked at some of the changes, but that I need to come back, at least for a while. She didn't fill me in on details, but told me that we were going to have lots of things to talk about and figure out how to handle. She also told me to let her know when I was headed back and whether or not I wanted to move back into my home. She needed time to evict the tenants if I was moving back in. Of course, I was more than welcome to park my RV at her place and live in it. I told her I would let her know what my plans were when I figured out what I was going to do.

xx

I decided to head back and would stay in the RV until I made final decisions. I was going to be ready to pack up and run if I didn't like the way things were developing. I had enjoyed my travels and decided that I was not going back to my old ways. I wanted to enjoy the rest of my life with as little stress as possible. Maybe I was becoming and old hippie.

Karen and I had several conversations as I made my way home. One big shock was that she had found someone and had fallen in love with him. They were planning on getting married but hadn't set a date. Our days as friends with benefits were over, and I let her know I had no problem with that, and in fact admired her for being faithful to her soon-to-be husband. I hoped that we could remain friends, but knew that her husband was most important to her. If he didn't get along with me, I would distance myself from Karen.

The next big shock was that Karen had met my ex wife and daughter while they were in town. Without disclosing any information about me, Karen got Megan to talking about her past. Karen got details of the divorce, then did an Internet search to find out details of the case. Apparently, Megan had the protective order set aside shortly after I had my name change. I didn't have to worry about crossing paths with her or my daughter anymore.

The more I talked to Karen, the more I realized that she was holding back a lot of information. I felt like she was giving me the information in small doses to keep me from turning around and running again. I confronted her about it and she did admit that I was right. She let me know that she had her reasons for giving me the information that way. She did care for me as a friend and wanted a good life for me. She let me know there was a chance I would end up hating her, but she really did have my best interest at heart. She laughed when she told me that she was being intentionally devious, but that she hoped I would like the final result. All would become clear over time.

xx

It was early Autumn and I was close to home. I didn't know what to expect, so I found a secluded campsite within 30 minutes of home. It was late in the day, so I decided to settle in without contacting Karen to let her know I was back.

The next morning, I unloaded the Electra Guide, planning on using it exclusively while I was back. I donned my leathers and helmet and cruised into my home town to get some breakfast and take a look around without people knowing I was back. I chose the restaurant that allowed me to find a seat without talking to anyone and picked a secluded booth in the back corner. People here didn't know about my RV or my bikes, so when they saw the old biker with the long beard, wild hair, darkly tanned skin and mirrored glasses, they didn't suspect it was me. Fortunately, my waitress was someone I hadn't seen before, so she wouldn't recognize my voice.

As I ate breakfast, I kept looking around and watching the door. I saw a few people I knew, but no one gave me a second glance. After I finished, I dropped enough money on the table to pay for the meal with a generous tip. I pulled my helmet on as I walked out the door. When I got to my bike and looked around, I saw Karen and a man walking toward the restaurant. Both looked really happy. I was happy for Karen but a melancholy feeling settled over me. I was in a loving relationship with Megan until Megan abandoned me, and I didn't expect to ever have that type of relationship again. Karen and I had both said we didn't want a full blown relationship, but with her having a new guy in her life, any questions or hopes about something more were gone.

I had planned on calling Karen when I finished breakfast, but decided to wait until later in the morning or sometime in the afternoon. Let her enjoy the time with her guy.

xx

I did call Karen later in the day to let her know I was back in the area. We talked for a while and set up a meeting over dinner the next day. Nothing fancy and no party, just meeting at her house to introduce her new guy and catch up. She did tell me to feel free to come early. She and her guy would be back home by 3:00, so I was welcome to show up any time after that. It would give me time to settle in and get to know Robert, her fiance.

xx

I did show up about 3:30, riding my Electra Glide. Karen ran out to greet me, with Robert following behind. Her hand flew to her mouth in surprise and she stated that she wouldn't recognize me but she remembered seeing me the day before at the restaurant. At that time, she thought I was a biker just passing through. She introduced Robert and told me how they had met. He was new to the area, looking for a place to retire, having sold his business a few months before he moved into the area.

Karen, Robert and I visited for a while, but I could tell Robert was uncomfortable, not knowing what my relationship with Karen was. When I felt the time was right and it fit into the conversation, I told Robert that Karen and I were friends, that we both knew it would never become something more, and that I was happy they found each other. Robert relaxed after that, and we had a great time talking about various matters. As the afternoon progressed, I began to feel like Robert and I could be friends and that he would be good to Karen and good for Karen. I really was happy for them.

Karen had prepared a nice, but simple, dinner. We continued to visit as we ate, but I could tell that Karen had something on her mind. I knew she needed to tell me something, but wasn't sure how to begin. We finished the dinner and cleaned up, then retired to her back deck with wine in hand.

Karen and Robert told me that they planned on traveling. Karen would not be able to look after my house like she had in the past, so I would need to take care of it myself, hire a manager, or make other plans. I told Karen and Robert that I liked my home, but also liked traveling in my RV and on my bikes. I was satisfied with the tenant staying in the house, but didn't want the burden of being a landlord.

I asked about the tenant and Karen told me she was a single mom with a teenage daughter. She did consulting work and was seldom late on the rent. She took care of the house and offered to pay a little extra whenever she paid late. I asked Karen to talk to the tenant to see if she wanted to buy my house, and if she couldn't afford it, let her buy it on installments or simply give it to her. I had enough money and it was earning more than I was spending, so I could afford to give the house away if I wanted to. As Karen and I talked about my tenant and I found out more, I thought that she could benefit from a boost in life. She and her daughter were doing okay, financially, but would not be able to afford to send the daughter to college. They drove a decent car, but it had some age on it, and it was their only vehicle. The daughter had her driver's license but they couldn't afford a vehicle for her. Even if they could afford the tuition and fees for college, the daughter would have to live on campus, which they couldn't afford, or commute, which was a problem with only one vehicle between the two of them. The more I thought about their situation, the more I wanted to simply give them the house. I told Karen to set it up and I would deed the house to the mom and her daughter.

xx

A few days later, Karen contacted me and told me the tenants broke down and cried when she told them I wanted to deed the house to them. But, they wouldn't accept the house until they met with me. If I still wanted to deed the house to them after I met with them, they would be happy to accept. I didn't really want to meet with them since I enjoyed my privacy and anonymity, but told Karen to go ahead and set something up anyway.

xx

Karen set up a cookout for the next weekend. It would be small and exclusive, with her and Robert, me, and the tenants. I started to get the feeling that Karen might be playing the role of matchmaker, but I wasn't going to confront her about it. At least, not yet.

xx

I arrived for the cookout on the designated day, and Karen met me before I got to her house. She was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and kept looking away when I would look at her.

"Okay, Karen. What's going on?"

"I've been meddling in your affairs. I'm afraid that you will hate me for what I've done and I'll never see you again. But, I also know you and feel like this is something I have to try. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do what I'm doing." Karen was being cryptic and I didn't understand what she was doing, but I knew she had thought about it a lot, whatever it was, and didn't meddle lightly.

"Okay, Karen. Let's get this over with."

Karen let me know that the tenants were already here and were looking forward to seeing me, but that they were extremely nervous, also. They were all afraid this could be a disaster, but needed to follow through. Karen led me through her home into the back yard, where everyone was gathered. Robert had the grill fired up as was starting to cook. Also standing there were my ex-wife Megan, and my ex-daughter Lara. Nobody said a word. I was too stunned for even a rational thought, let alone a spoken word. Lara was busy watching my feet, Megan looked pleadingly, with tears in her eyes. I just stared at them. I didn't know whether to scream, shout, cry, run away, drown myself, drown them, hit something, hit someone, or simply walk away, so I just stood there, looking between them, Karen, and Robert. No one was saying anything. Damn! My ex-wife Megan, my ex-daughter Lara, were my tenants.

I turned to walk out of the house, but Robert caught up with me and asked me to listen for a moment.

"John," he said, "I don't know much about what happened in your past and don't need to know. I do know that you've run twice now, and I don't blame you for that. But from what I'm seeing, Megan is going to keep chasing you as long as you run. If you want to have a chance to have a life without worrying when Megan will find you again, you need to face Megan and get this resolved. It may be painful, but once it's over, you'll have your own life, whether its with or without Megan and Lara."

I knew Robert was right, so I agreed and followed him back out. He really was a great guy. I would do this for him and Karen, if nothing else.

Karen grabbed my arm and asked me to sit. She also asked Megan and Lara to sit. The following silence lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. I didn't really have anything I wanted to tell these people. I wasn't interested in their current lives. Or how they felt. Or in their justifications.

We all pretended to watch other things for a while to avoid the need to talk, no one had the guts the make the first step. This is ridiculous, I thought.

"Okay, Megan, so why are you here, I mean, why did you stay in this town?"

"You're here. We never had a chance to talk to you after the charges were dropped. We were looking for you, but had no idea where you were living. When you started the lawsuits against the media companies and the city, we showed up at your attorney's office to find you, but he wouldn't give us any information. We showed up for your name change hearing but couldn't talk to you. We lost track of you after that. We never had a chance to tell you how sorry we were. I kept trying to find you. I started with Internet searches, looking for any one named John Smith who moved into an area and possibly bought a home about the time you changed your name. I looked for anyone about the right age, regardless of where they lived. It was tedious, but I kept looking from town to town, city to city, county to county and state to state. I skipped anyone with a middle name or initial or anyone showing the wrong age or any other information that didn't fit. I tried to follow up on every possible person I found, but there were still hundreds of possibilities.