Half a World Away

Authors note:

This may be my one and only submission. I have an idea for an essay on writers' foibles but there doesn't seem to be a category for it.

You may see the end coming but remember the destination is only a small part. The journey is the thing.

There is a medical description of what may have caused a death that some may find tedious but I feel that If you are going to kill a character in your story, at least have a good cause for the death.

There is a song by "Secret Garden" that has two variations. As an instrumental it is "Sometimes When it Rains" and as a vocal it is "Half a World Away". It has several possible interpretations. One interpretation of the first verse is the basis for this tale. Who knows? Maybe I'll get the inspiration for a different interpretation.

I hope you enjoy the journey.

Now on to Half A World Away

I'm John Davis and I'm 65 years old and I'm standing here waiting with my son by my side as I wonder "what brought me back to this place at this time in my life? A place I never expected to ever be again." But here I am and I wonder back to the events that led me here as I watch my oldest daughter, Carol, walk up to the lectern.

Approx two years earlier:

I was 63 and my wife, Diane was 62 and we very much in love and happily married.

Diane was close to her sister, Sandi. And Sandi's husband Bill and I were great friends. As a result we traveled together a lot. I retired at 62 and bought an F350 and a Fifth wheel RV. My wife insisted on getting a bunk house so Sandi and Bill could travel with us and we would have some privacy. Because of the location of the second bath room, Bill and I were able to make some structural changes and eliminated the bunks and added a queen size bed.

We took several short trips together to get used to traveling with the RV. However, before we could start any serious traveling, Bill had a heart attack and died. It was very sudden and unexpected. He had been in good health and there were no warning signs.

The Doctor asked if Bill had had any serious illnesses. Sandi said that he had always been in good health. The Doctor than turned to Bill's older sister, who Sandi had called and had arrived shortly after we did, and asked if he had any serious illnesses as a child, like rheumatic fever. Karen said Bill was very sick when he was in Junior High and he had been treated with IV medication. She remembered it was some type of Syndrome with a Japanese name. Otherwise he only had the usual childhood illnesses.

The Doctor theorized that it was probably Kawasaki Syndrome since it required IV treatment and that was probably what led to the heart attack.

We all wondered what Kawasaki Syndrome was and he explained that is was an inflammation of all the major arteries in the body including the coronary arteries. Children usually recover without complications but occasionally one develops a narrowing of the coronary artery in this case it probably was the left anterior descending coronary artery, one of the two main arteries in the front of the heart, which can be a time bomb waiting to go off. This is known as "The Widow Maker". They could verify with an autopsy but Sandi felt that was unnecessary and would take the Doctor s word for the cause of death. An autopsy wouldn't change anything. Since Bill never complained of chest pain, there was no reason to look for any coronary blockage. An angiogram of the coronary arteries would have found the problem and a stent would have solved it. In the extreme, a bypass would have as well.

Following Bill s death, Sandi became an empty shell. She seemed to have lost the will to go on. Diane wanted her to travel with us, to try to bring back the spark of life in her. Sandi was a year younger than Diane and they had always been close. Diane could not stand to see her sister just sitting alone in her grief that seemed to go on and on. I agreed and began helping Diane to convince Sandi to move on with living. It took some arguing and weeks of talking. She would never forget Bill or stop loving him but he would want her to be happy and enjoy life. Finally we convinced her that we really wanted her to go with us.

The bunk house gave us privacy with Sandi sleeping at the rear with her own bathroom there, and Diane and I in the master bedroom at the front. We did have to share the shower but that was not a problem.

Our first few trips were to a casino to get used to traveling together. We had lots of fun. Breaking even was considered a win. Sandi began to smile again. Finally we planned a big trip. It was three months long. I had bought a Nikon SLR bundled package that had a 28mm to 50 mm standard lens and a 55mm-300mm telephoto lens for our trips. Bill had bought the same bundle and Sandi was having a ball shooting pictured and then deleting the bad ones. We traveled to Gettysburg and Brandywine Battle Fields. We also stopped at several other small battlefields of the Civil War and hit some tourist destinations. Then it was on to Yellowstone, where we really needed the telephoto lens, Arches national park, Bryce Canyon, Zion, and finally The Grand Canyon before going home. Thank God for digital cameras. Between us we took over 4000 pictures. Slides would have cost a fortune for film and processing.

The three of us enjoyed the traveling together and Sandi rejoined the living. I enjoyed the envious looks I got as I walked hand in hand or arm in arm with two beautiful women.

In the months following our return from our trip, things seemed to change for Diane and me. I had thought my marriage was sound but as I looked back over the past eight months since we returned home some things began to fit a pattern. She picked fights for no reason. She began yelling at me for imagined slights. Even began throwing things at me, cups, dishes, glasses and an occasional pan. Lucky for me she tended to telegraph her intentions and was not very good at hitting her target, and had a weak arm. I was able to dodge the missiles easily.

Then there was our love life. It had dropped from 3-4 times a week, to once every two to three weeks. And then there were the times she was out longer than she should have been. She would go shopping and return hours later without any packages. When I asked where she had been and what she had done she would just start yelling at me. Some of those times are when she threw things at me.

I never thought I would ever suspect my loving wife of having an affair but the seeds of doubt had been sown. Today she had gone shopping. She left at about two P.M. It was now seven. I had tried to call her cell phone only to hear it ringing in the kitchen. She had left it on the table. As I considered all the evidence of the past several months, I knew I had to act. Hiring a PI was out of the question. Too expensive. GPS on her phone wouldn't work because she could leave it behind as she did today. Maybe that s why she left it behind. Maybe she thought I might be getting suspicious and she knew that the security program installed on the phones that allowed me to track the phones if lost, would lead me to her little love nest.

Next trip I would have to follow her.

As I considered my alternatives, and began planning, there was a knock on the door. I had no idea who it could be at this hour. Sandi never knocked. She just walked in, calling to either Diane or me as she entered. I looked at the clock. It was 7:30. I opened the door to find a police officer standing there.

"Mr. Davis?" he asked.

"Yes" I replied nervously. My stomach beginning to knot up.

"Is your wife Diane Davis?"

"Yes." And the knot tightened even more and my heart felt like it was in my throat. A chill ran through my body as dread filled my soul.

"Sir, I can t really say much but to ease your mind I can tell you what I do know. First, your wife is fine but she is at Memorial Medical Center. If I may come in, I can fill you in on what I do know."

"Yes. Please come in and sit down."

We sat in the living room and he began to tell me what had happened. The officer was young. He said, "the hell with procedure. If our positions were reversed I know what I would feel right now. I really shouldn't say much but I can see the anxiety on your face. What I do know is we got a 911 call to go to Dillard's Department Store. When I got there, the EMTs were getting your wife ready to transport her to the ER."

"What happened to her?" I asked.

"I really don t know. What I do know I learned from the Dillard s employee that tried to help her and had another employee place the 911 call."

Dillard's Employee's report to the officer:

"I was working behind the cosmetic counter helping a customer, when I noticed a woman standing in the middle of the open area between cosmetics and the rest of the store. She seemed lost, and was glancing all around, almost in panic. Something just seemed wrong. I called to my assistant, Lois, to take over for me. I then apologized to the customer I was helping and went from behind the counter to the woman. As I approached her, she just seemed to collapse and sat on the floor. A look of total panic in her eyes.

"I asked if she was okay and if I could help her. She appeared confused and panicked as she replied, 'I don t know. Where am I? Who am I?'

"I called to my assistant, and told her to call 911 and that we needed an Ambulance.

"The EMTs got here and checked her out briefly and were getting her ready to take her to the hospital when you arrived. That is all I know."

Police Officer:

"I followed them to the ER and all they could find for identification was her driver's license. There was no phone number and no cell phone."

"She must have forgotten it. It's on the kitchen table." I responded.

"Since all we had was the driver s license, I volunteered to come here to get you. We could have found your phone number but I thought telling you in person would be better than a phone call."

"I greatly appreciate that, officer."

The officer continued. "I can drive you to the hospital if you want."

"That may be a good idea. I'm not exactly steady right now. Officer, I greatly appreciate what you told me and won t tell anyone you told me," I told him with a conspiratorial wink. "Let me call Diane's sister first so she can meet us there."

I called Sandi and told her what I knew. She said she would meet me at the ER.

When I arrived at the ER, I gave the receptionist my name. She sent word to the treatment area and a nurse came out and guided me in to where I met the doctor that was taking care of Diane.

"Mr. Davis, I'm Dr. Lewis. Your wife is fine and is down at Radiology at the moment. She should be back shortly. When she arrived in the ER she did not know where she was, where she had been, what she was doing or who she was. Initially we suspected some type of stroke but everything cleared and she remembered who she was and her memory returned. Now we suspect a TIA."

"TIA?"

"I m sorry. A Transient Ischemic Attack. For some reason blood flow to the brain is interrupted and mimics a stroke then the symptoms resolve. But it usually takes several days for all the symptoms to resolve. So I doubt that is what happened. We are doing an MRI and a carotid ultrasound to see if there was some type of stroke or if there is any blockage in the carotid arteries that would cause problems with blood flow to the brain. If the results are normal, I'll release her to go home tonight though I'm inclined to admit her for observation. Tell me, has your wife been acting strange lately?"

"Well, she has been having bouts of anger for no reason and throwing things at me. Missing me, thankfully."

The nurses were wheeling Diane back to the treatment room as we talked. So I immediately went to her.

"Diane, what happened?" I asked.

"I don t know. One minute I was shopping in Dillard s then I found my self being poked, prodded and stuck with needles by doctors and nurses. I m sorry I scared you. How did you know I was here."

"The police came to the house to tell me."

"That must have really shook you up."

"Especially since you were gone for over five hours and I hadn't heard from you."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I did. But you left your phone on the kitchen table."

"Wait! You said I was gone for over five hours? My God. Last thing I remember is looking at my watch as I entered Dillard's at four-thirty. John, I m scared."

The Dr. joined us after getting the test results from the on-call radiologist. He had a somber expression. "There is no sign of a stroke and the carotids are clear. However . . ."

I waited for the other shoe to drop. The one with the bad news.

He continued . . . "the MRI shows some changes consistent with Alzheimer 's. The behavior you told me about as well as this episode can fit the diagnosis."

I took the doctor aside. "She has been going out and staying out longer than I would have expected and not doing what she set out to do. On her return, when I asked her where she had been or why she had been gone so long, she would get angry. Could those times have been more incidents like this, but not as severe?"

"Yes. The anger could be from the frustration in not being able to explain her actions. How long has this been going on?"

"I thing it began about eight months ago and gradually increased in severity over the last three to four months. I began to notice small changes after we returned from a long trip."

"The increase in severity over so short a period could also indicate a fairly rapid progression of the disease. We still don t know enough about Alzheimer s to be able to predict the progress of the disease time wise. You may want to consider nursing care for her."

"No. I'll take care of her."

"I will give you a referral to a specialist who treats Alzheimer patients. You will need to call to set up an appointment. I'll have a copy of the referral faxed over to his office so they will be expecting your call."

"Thank you. I'll call in the morning."

Sandi arrived and I filled her in on the situation. "John, you know you can count on my help for as long as necessary."

"You have your own life to live, Sandi. I can't ask you to give it up."

"First, she's my sister and she needs my help. And second, you didn't ask. I volunteered. You were both there for me when I needed you. End of discussion."

"Thank you."

We took Diane home. I took her to the specialist and after examining her he confirmed the diagnosis. The months that followed were a mixture of good and bad times. There were lucid moments when everything seemed fine and then there were times when we were not able to reach out to her. She seemed far away, lost in her disease.

You re half a world away

Standing next to me.

It seems like every day

I m losing you, almost invisibly.

We settled into a pattern. Sandi would come over in the afternoon and give me a chance to run errands. She did more then help with Diane. She was a pillar of strength and helped save my sanity.

The worse part of being a care giver for an ailing loved one is the tendency to get angry with them and I would become very angry with Diane. This would be followed by guilt for getting angry with her. Sandi helped me get past that. She helped me see it was the disease I was angry with and not Diane.

Though you are near

I can't reach that far

Across to where you are

And so you stay

Just half a world away.

Eventually, Sandi put her house up for sale and moved in with us, into the guest room, to be able to help care for Diane. And we settled into a routine. Diane would go up to our room every day after lunch, between one and two, to take a nap and come back down at between four and four thirty.

Diane s doctor told me I should consider getting away for a while if I could, "to recharge my batteries" as he put it. He also started me on antidepressants. At this point, Sandi and Diane insisted I take the RV to a local RV Park about 10 miles from home and leave it there. I got a monthly rate and I kept the frig and cupboards stocked so that when things got bad and I was really stressed, I could getaway and spend a few days in the RV. Sandi also took time away in the RV. Whenever one of us needed time away, Carol would come over to help out so that two people were always there to help to care for Diane.

I never felt right being away but Sandi insisted and she was right. I needed the time. Usually all I did at the RV was sleep.

Over the ensuing months I began to count on Sandi for her assistance with Diane. Being pushed together like this made us even closer than we had been. Sandi and I had always been friends even when I was dating Diane. We had a friendship that neither of us would ever endanger.

Often you hear of a situation like ours where the husband starts an affair with the other care giver. That wasn't going to happen between Sandi and me. We cared too much for each other to ruin that relationship and we both loved Diane too much to betray her like that.

Then came the day I went shopping and got a panicked call from Sandi on my cell phone. She was crying as she told me "John, Diane is gone."

"I'll be right there." I left the cart of groceries in the aisle telling a store employee I had an emergency, and ran to my car. All the way home I kept wondering how could she have gotten out of the house. I had installed an alarm system on all doors and windows to prevent this from happening.

When I got home, I ran in and saw Sandi sitting in the living room crying. "How did she get out? Did you notify the police?" I asked.

"She didn't get out."

"But you said she was gone . . ." And my heart sank.

"She went up to take a nap at about one fifteen as usual. When she didn't come down by four thirty, I went up to check on her. I knocked on the door but there was no answer. I opened the door and saw her lying on the bed. I went in to wake her but her hand was cold. Then I saw the empty pill bottles on the bedside table along with the bottle of peach brandy she loved and three envelopes. One addressed to you, one to me and one to Carol. I haven't opened any of them not even mine." She showed me the three envelopes, handing me the ones addressed to me and our oldest daughter Carol.

I went up to check on Diane. I found her as Sandi had said. I sat on the side of the bed then kissed her one last time then called 911.

Later that night I opened the envelope addressed to me and read:

"Dear Jack:"

She never called me Jack.

"I said Dear Jack because I couldn't bring myself to write Dear John. Too much of a cliché."

I had to smile at her humor.

"I m so sorry to have done this to you, but I know where this is heading and I don't want to go there. I have thought about this during the times when I knew what was going on and I have planned this for months. I have been writing these letters over the past several months as well so if you are reading this, I have carried out my plan. I hid the letters on the computer so you would never find them even if you thought to look.

"I have been doing all this during my lucid moments which I know have become less and less. The brandy, I smuggled up to the room months ago. It was the spare bottle we kept so we wouldn't run out. You probably remember the time you swore we had a full bottle and had to go out to get more for me so I could have my glass of brandy in the evening after dinner.

"The pills I have been hoarding for months as well, palming the Xanax I was supposed to be taking and stealing some of your Lortab as well. That is why you have been running out faster than usual. I researched the LD50 (lethal Dose 50 - the amount of a substance required to be lethal to 50% of people, usually based on body weight) on each of the medications and made sure I have more than enough when combined with the brandy. I didn't want to err because this would be my one and only chance. You would insure that I would never have another opportunity. Not to mention that the amount of tylenol in the amount of lortab I took would destroy my liver.