Happy Hollowdays Pt. 02

I thought I saw the situation for what it was. I waded in, "Do you still love him, your husband?"

Jill couldn't help herself, she nodded slowly, pulled out her phone, swept across the screen a couple of times with her fingertip, and turned the screen towards me. There was a picture of a nice-looking man in his late thirties. He had a big smile on his face. I imagined this was Jill's husband from an earlier happier time.

Suddenly Jill took the phone down, a quick swipe banished the picture. She recomposed herself and tried to get back to business. I felt I could read her now. She was trying to head off thinking of her ex-husband, and to not fail at her first outing as a prostitute. She obviously knew she was lucky to get a nice guy, though meeting a nice guy was messing with her desire to be punished. She hadn't yet realized she had triggered my recently latent desire to protect women.

That particular desire was not what I had hoped would crawl out of my emotional crypt first. I thought I wanted surrogate revenge on my cheating love interest, not a latent sense of duty. I was never going to be cruel, sadistic, or harmful, but damn it I had to steam off some of the after-effects of those I loved being cruel sadistic and harmful towards me. I didn't like having things go sidewards on me again. I mused that I never got what I expected. That didn't make me a wimp, though I wasn't sure what it did say about me. I certainly wasn't the victor. Life seemed unnecessarily complicated.

Jill's trembling voice broke my thoughts, "D-Don't you worry. I'll be good! I know I deserve this! I will I'll go through with it. I'll be very enthusiastic: I'm highly motivated."

I forced a smile answering flatly, "Jill, please don't worry yourself. Together we are a sexual and emotional imbroglio super group. Yeah, I want a little revenge against the cheating fiancé that left me, and you want self-flagellation for cheating on a man you love. We are the punishment dream team!"

Jill smiled broadly at my description as I asked, "But you still love him, your husband that is."

With moist eyes she answered clearly, "I do, sir."

"Sir?" I wondered about our age difference. She ignored my inquiry already explaining her situation.

"I'll always love Gary. I'll love him the rest of my life. He is truly my better half." She stared deeply into my eyes as hers welled with tears that refused to drop, "I did something so stupid. I was at that convention; my whole extended regional work group was at that convention. That man always came to the regionals and always flirted with me. I drank too much. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized what I'd done. I swear that I never made a conscious decision about being with him. I never I thought about my husband and concluded this was something I could do and get away with. That sort of thought just never happened. I had too much to drink, the guy was there, I ended up doing it. I didn't think at all. I don't even remember all of it."

Her eyes implored me to believe her. I had no reason not to. She certainly seemed earnest enough.

I sat back hoping my smile was as reassuring as intended, "I know this is going to sound crazy coming from a man who hired you to let him fuck your ass, but I need you to trust me here for a bit. I can't guarantee things will be better, but I don't see where they can get any more screwed up.

I added softly, "I get the over thinking, I really do. You do all sorts of things to fill the time when you are desperately lonely."

Jill nodded glumly.

I continued, "I noticed that when I went to several of the more reputable escort sites, that there were a lot of new folks on the sites seeking employment, er, engagement. Ooh, engagement, that's the wrong word for me to use, isn't it? Your profile didn't seem to have been on the site for long. You just admitted you are a newbie. I guess you came on board with a good number of other newbies. I guess escorts are popular this week on both sides of the customer counter, so to speak."

Jill nodded as she answered, "As you can imagine from your own history, there are a number of us that are lost souls. You have to lose your soul little bit to get into this business. But I'm hoping this endeavor will help me reform my soul, or refine it, or re-find it, most of all. I have felt disconnected from my soul since the divorce."

I stood making her nervous. I could read her emotions like an open book. She was wondering if she had she made a mess of this too? Could she do anything right? I gave her a truly happy smile. I nodded my head to the side inviting her to follow. She swallowed hard, wondering if we were going to the bedroom. She noted her knees were a bit wobbly. Instead of heading for the bed, I ducked into the kitchen. Jill was not relieved but perplexed. She'd been warned some guys were just a little weird.

Traveling to the far side of the room where I kept the booze, I made her a drink, making a point of drinking some of the same concoction from a second glass for myself. I wanted her to know I hadn't slipped her a mickey. I then showed her the kitchen, the bathroom, and headed back to the living room. I wanted her to know the lay of the land. I made sure she was comfortable on the couch in the living room, telling her to make herself at home.

"Jill, trust me. I know that has to be hard in your line of work, but I can't imagine I come off as nefarious. I need a few minutes to finish up some business I just remembered. I won't be able to concentrate on anything else until I try to wrap this up. I'm just going to excuse myself to the bedroom for a few phone calls. I promise I'm not going to come out in a satyr suit. You know where everything is now. Help yourself to anything you like. I know women are curious, feel free to check the bathroom cabinets, knock yourself out. You are welcome here; put yourself at ease and I will be back as quickly as I can. I'm sorry to be so rude."

Jill normally would have been wary as she had never been in this situation before. For some reason she trusted me. I think I seemed like a gentle soul and a good man. More than that, she "got" me.

I closed the door to my bedroom and sat down on my bed, fiddling with my phone looking up the information I needed. I dialed in a number. I had picked up interesting bits of information from the picture Jill had shown me.

I waited for the message machine as no one answered my call. I began at the beep, "Hello. You don't know me, but I seem to have found something you've lost. It's something that is extremely valuable, especially to you, whether you know it or not. It's a lot to ask a stranger, but I need you to be a hero. The good news is I think you are exactly the hero needed.

"I understand there has been a divorce. I have met your ex and she is about to do things to punish herself for harming you that will do irreparable damage to her. I need you to call me back and talk to me. I have been through something very similar lately, so I really do understand what I'm asking.

"I know this will be a huge step for you, but you need to save her life. This is the beginning of the end for her. You can get to her before the absolutely crippled psyche, the gang rapes, the drugs, the heroine chic, the collapsed veins, lost teeth, and receding gums. And maybe instead of dying at seventy pounds in a year, you can save a woman who is still extremely in love with you, and beside herself at her one-time drunken misadventure. Christ, she doesn't even remember what happened. She only knows how much she hurt you.

"To make cosmic recompense Jill has decided on a form of suicide that will strip her of everything, especially what little is left of her dignity after failing you, before it painfully kills her.

"As a bonus, if you do this for her and become her true-life hero, as a man who has lost the love of my own life and sees these things for what they tragically are, I guarantee you that she will save your now miserable life in return."

I left my contact information and went back to Jill. That was it. I had taken a torch to my own plans. For my new plan to work I had to keep Jill from figuring that out for a while yet.

I joked around with Jill, thank goodness she responded. I sat close to her, yet in another chair, giving Jill her own space yet letting her know I felt friendly, even warmly, towards her. Now she read my actions like a book. She wanted to kiss me for not being physical too quickly, which summed up our awkward arrangement perfectly.

I could tell Jill was conflicted. It was like I could read her thoughts now. On one hand she wanted to kiss me for not pressing "pressing-the-flesh". On the other she had agreed to let me screw her in the ass instead. She guessed the one act would not preclude the other. Jill's head swam when she thought about how she ended up at my place. Despite that odd circumstance, we had a genuinely great time enjoying each other's company simply talking. The rapport between us grew quickly.

In time I made us a weak second drink. Jill hesitated and said something nervously, "My radar keeps going on and off. It's so silly, I keep waiting for you to slip me a micky or something, so you can have sex with me. Then I realize that you hired me to have sex with you, so there is no need for subterfuge." She gave a lovely if sardonic smile.

Pensive I spoke, "I called you, Jill. I hired someone who looked intelligent and sweet, not someone who would be watching the clock trying to turn their trick and leave as soon as possible. From my standpoint the evening has progressed better than I ever dreamed."

She could not keep a wide genuine smile from stretching across her lips. Her eyes actually misted with gratefulness.

"We know each other's misfortune, Jill. That's something tangible we've shared."

I shrugged my shoulders trying to downplay the rising emotion; however, she saw there was a lot of emotion in what I was about to say next. She reached out and took my hand holding it gently, reassuringly. It was not the touch of a seducer rather someone who cared.

I tried once more to act like it was no big deal, "I haven't had sex in quite some while. I would love to take the edge off. More than that, I would love to make love to a pretty woman slowly, time and time again, treating her gently when she wants that, and more assertively when that is her need.

"I have told you one fib hoping to make you open up to me. While my ploy worked, I wish to put the record straight: I do not have any desire to take revenge for my fiancé... for the woman I love deciding to leave me for a man she says she loved more.

"Even though she spent years living with me professing her love for me, she made love to him and left me in as little time as it takes to drive to the nearest Chinese restaurant. They had known each other for years, they understood each other, they talked all the time." I looked at the floor, "They knew who they were drawn to. When they tried each other out, they knew they couldn't live without each other. It was a lucky strike for them, unlucky for me. It was how they handled it that hasn't healed.

"I still don't believe I would have done that to them, if our roles were reversed. If I was the outsider, I would have left so they remained a happy couple. Except as much as I want to paint it into something else the terrible truth is Brenda has more of a fit with Andy than me. They were made for each other more than Brenda was made for me. You are the only person I have vocalized that to. Frankly, I haven't been able to say it before.

"It's just, well, I still care for her extremely much, and I'm desperate to minimize it. Her loving Andy more than me doesn't mean I automatically start loving her any less. My love for her is a living thing that has to die. It was good and kind and doesn't deserve this death. And it's so ingrained in me, that it's trying to take me with it as it goes.

"I don't have guilt over doing Brenda wrong. Rather I'm incredulous she did me so wrong. I still hurt, at best I'm empty inside, I need someone to fill that void, I need it bad. So badly that for right now I could spend the night holding someone fully dressed if they like, or my solely pleasuring them instead of getting my own rocks off. Hell, to feel the touch of another person... would mean so much. Before, I was so full of warmth and happiness and positive emotion, to have it sucked out over twelve hours or so is a desolation beyond my ability to describe. I'm so hollow the warmth of another, even sitting beside me holding my hand seems positively intimate."

Jill stared into my eyes and... my cell rang. I glanced down noting the number. "Jill, I need to take this call. It's part of what I was doing earlier, could you excuse me one more moment? I am trying to take care of people. Tis the season, right? If we can't do for ourselves or those we love, we will take care of who we can."

Jill thought that was a lovely sentiment. She gave me a quick nod of approval. I rose leaving her again for the privacy of my master bedroom to take the call.

I was bemused that Jill's ex-husband was upset. Good; she had not burned his caring out of him.

I spoke to Gary, "Yes sir. She is suffering badly from a heavy broken heart for hurting the man she loves most in the all the world. She is undamaged bodily, for the moment. But she will be damaged in short order, and severely, if I send her out of here. So, I'd like to bring her over to your place."

Gary tried to hide his emotion as he acquiesced. He had clearly been rethinking their situation over the past year without her, and the holidays can be quite the accelerant.

I told him I would bring Jill over as soon as I could convince her I was not a lunatic. "You have my number now, and you still have hers. So, if you get antsy use them. I suggest hers first."

I put Gary's address in GPS while heading out into the living room.

I asked Jill, "Can I make you something to eat, or fix another drink?"

She declined, happy that I had not taken long.

I looked at her, "I want to ask you a favor, but one I think you will like. I don't think you would mind going to bed with me now that you know me, though I get the idea you aren't eager to do so either."

She said, "I don't want to hurt your feelings. I am conflicted, though I am very happy that you are my first... client."

"You don't know how happy yet."

Jill's brow's knit in confusion. She understood I was happy and liked that. She took another big breath thinking this was when she would begin to earn her wage. She was surprised when I began to speak again.

"You know my backstory, Jill. You know I'm okay, right? Am I okay enough to go on a short trip with me, just across town? We won't go to any weird areas. If you're uncomfortable with any place or my driving you tell me, and I will change it. I promise you will not be disappointed."

I hadn't exactly worried her, but her radar was clearly up. I wanted to put her at ease, "We are lost souls, remember? This is an errand of mercy. There is someone else that has come to my attention in the same shape as us. I need to go talk to them; it will only take a few minutes. I think it could make the two of us feel a lot better, and really make a huge difference for him. You can stay in the car. You can keep your phone out and be ready to call 911 if you don't trust me. I just think the two of us would feel better trying to help someone like us than, well, becoming intimate with each other this early in the night. It's up to you."

I could see Jill thought it odd the way I looked at her. She spoke gently, "Tim, you can sense my reticence at fulfilling my obligation with you, and you keep giving me reprieve. I know the course I have set. I know I have been given a gift starting with you. I know my path will be harrowing. I know it will not get better, it is my due, yet I am still reluctant. I thank you for these gifts of time, your wonderful company, and mostly your understanding. I liked what you said about taking care of someone else if we can't help those we most wish to. I would love to accompany you to help someone. Thank you."

I know I flashed a large genuine smile, "Jill, we've both lost the people we loved. I need you to trust that I would never hurt you."

She thought about it, "You chose to hurt yourself instead of those you loved, even though they chose to benefit themselves at cost of your destruction. That shows who you are. That you still care about them after being devastated by their acts, simply gives proof. I'm willing to have a little faith in something again. I'll go."

Jill watched me more than road. She seemed to grow more enamored of me but also drew some strength or direction from me. The environment in the car grew warmer and more comfortable until it was blasted by a cold arctic breeze.

"Tim what are you doing? Do you know where we are?!" Jill was suddenly alarmed.

"Yes, I do, Jill. Please trust me."

A panic was setting in quickly, "Tim, Tim, I trusted you. Please if this is what I think, I-I beg you don't destroy his holiday. He loves Christmas. Please don't put me in a position to take anything else from him! Please not Christmas, you don't know what it means to him."

We pulled up to Jill's former house where she had lived with her husband and where he still resided. Jill was beside herself, she began to shake, she began to cry, she began to unravel.

"No. No, you can't make me face him. It will hurt him. Please Tim, don't do this. Please."

I looked at her and put my hand on her cheek the way I so longed for someone to do to me. "It's going to be alright now. If you can have a little bit more faith, you can have what you want. This is more about him tonight than you. Can you make that your focus? Can you do that?"

Jill became very still then nodded quietly yet emphatically. I looked at her, "Jill, you haven't known me for long, but more than long enough to know I would never misuse this situation, having lived it so poignantly myself."

Jill was so still she was a virtual statue. I got out of the car, but looked back in. "You may not believe it, but he wants to save your life! And you may not know it, but you are on the precipice; you need to be saved. Let him save you, Jill. You hurt him, but this is what he needs: to save you. Got it?"

Once again, the rapid bob of the head as her eyes grew wide with both recognition and, for the first time in a long time, hope.

I was opening her door when the door to the house swung open suddenly, a silhouette was illuminated from the bright inside, a silhouetted figure was instantly in motion. Almost before Jill was standing as she exited the car, she was swept into a man's arms.

I heard them engaged in furtive words attempting to keep them from me, "He's a very nice man, Gary. He did this: brought me back. H-He got us back together. He understands all this, our messed-up lives, my stupidity, our pain. All he ever did was hold my hand and tell me to have faith to let this unfold."

Gary shifted so that Jill was protectively nestled under one arm instead of being wrapped in both. The man's free arm extended. Jill's ex-husband was extremely thankful as he motioned to shake my hand. He asked Jill, "How did you meet him?"

The two of them were extremely natural around each other. Her words flowed out of her without worry, "Oh Gary. I had lost everything. I was so down I wanted to be absolutely crushed and done in and over with. It's what you thought of me, because it's what I made myself in your eyes. So, I decided that was what I should become. Tonight was going to be my first night as a whore. I wanted life over with, and this seemed the most appropriate way to take my exit. Tim rented me so he could fuck my ass."

The next thing I knew was feeling cold soft snow along the back of my head. My head swam and my face hurt. It took a while to realize Jill's ex-husband had punched me. As Gary stood over me Jill was all over him, restraining him, "Stop! Don't, he's a good guy! He didn't touch me, Gary! He didn't even kiss me."