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Click here"What are you doing?" Mom asked.
"Balancing the load like you said."
"Aw, Honey! Don't you know sex on the washer is better with load out of balance?"
The smoking didn't add to the story at all. Kept looking for it to have a part of the story. Did not happen. Author must have a smoking fetish.
Not a bad story, but the ending was weak. I'm a smoker,so I didn't mind them smoking. But the habit doesn't need to be emphasized so much.
Please write some more. Especially along those lines. I liked it a lot.
Aw, this was trash. Aw, he's retarded. Aw, why do I say that? Aw, he put his dirty underwear in the dryer! Aw, she's retarded too. Aw, so is the author. Aw, the only solution is to eat more chicken fat. Aw, send me some lock washers please.
with some better grammar, spelling, and a longer buildup.
Am I the only one who wondered how a house full of chain smokers could ever be clean?
I enjoyed the read. There were a few little errors in grammar and spelling, a proofreader would have caught. Drop the 'aw' every time she opens her mouth.
Grammar, a few spelling errors, repeated phrases, over-emphasis on the smoking (which, since my own wife is a heavy smoker I have no overall objection to) and more made this into a fairly average read. The story is fine in principle - but to be honest, us readers nowadays want more - a real adventure - a proper tale and this left me sadly unaroused. Nice try, but...
So he magically got dressed between waking up nude and going downstairs.
Yes, by all means, listen to the "person" who can't stand it when others dare have a different opinion.
PLEASE !!!!!! keep going, most of us can figure it out. Iam not saying you don't need help, but some people will take it to heart, and stop writting. Look at me I can't spell for shit, but I keep going,, remember mom and son sex is the best. ..GOOD LUCK
"Aw, Honey, come here," is four words, dip shit. How'd you fuck that up?
I liked the use of "Aw honey". It's a great reminder of her maternal love juxtaposed against her carnal lust. Perfect for a mother to express her love to her new lover.
My only pick has to do with the cigarettes. I don't find smoking attractive or sexy. Still gets a 5.
A great sequel would be if mom and son went to a nudist resort for a weekend and have nudist fun outside and sexy naked fun inside.
Out of five because I liked the premise. I encourage you to get a reliable editor, because in all three of your posted works there are some grammatical and spelling issues. Your efforts lose some impact with repetitive phrases. However, as you master your craft, continue being inventive and creative. Keep writing as you get better with each story. All three could be multiple tales! Good luck!
The 'Aw, Honey" was very annoying. I was enjoying the story, but the constant use of "Aw, Honey" ruined the flow. I never finished reading.
"Aw, honey, think about not using it for the remaining chapters.
Also, there's no need for the smoking. It does not improve the story, or character development. It's just another distraction.
It's a good story, but the repeated use of "Aw, Honey" is distracting. It doesn't seem to serve a thematic purpose, and doesn't tell us much about the character. I'm curious as to why you resorted to it so frequently.