Hard Landing Ch. 03

They started picking up instruments and bottles. Jill waited until everyone had their backs turned to her and then slipped out into the darkness.

Suzanne noticed first. "Jill's gone." She looked back at Steve and Larry. "Holy crap, is she going to go stick her head in the lion's mouth?"

Jo was standing at the high tide line about three miles north of the beach house, softly playing the guitar she'd grabbed out of Jack's hands. She'd actually walked from Maryland to Delaware. Technically she was in Fenwick Island now. After getting this far, she'd decided walking wasn't calming her down so she'd stopped and started to play. She'd been working on getting a new song down lately but couldn't seem to get it quite right. Stories of the Painted Desert was a mournful song, plaintive and seemed perfect for the moment, as she sent the notes out over the waves, like she was serenading dolphins or some shit.

She couldn't believe Vance had been drunk enough to blurt that out. And in front of Blue Girl! Jo wanted to think of herself as having a fountain of self-confidence, but sometimes she felt it was mostly a front she put on for others. Right now, she couldn't imagine facing Blue again tonight. Or tomorrow. Or any of the other band members. Or lying in bed curled around Blue with her face in Blue's neck. She finished the song, unsatisfied, and started it over again. Goddamn it.

As she finished the song the second time through, behind her she heard, "That was lovely." She spun around.

Blue Girl was standing there about ten feet away, her eyes glassy with tears. Jo gaped and swiveled her head back towards the beach house. "She followed you all the way up here?" asked Little Voice, "We're in Delaware."

"What are you doing here?" Jo said, sharper than she intended. Blue flinched a little, but didn't retreat.

"I came to apologize. I'm so sorry Jo."

"You don't need to apologize, Jack does. This is my bullshit hang-up anyway." Jo turned back to the waves.

Blue walked around in front of her. Jo looked down at the sand. She didn't want to meet Blue's eyes.

"All that's true, but it's also true that I knew it was a painful subject. You couldn't have made that clearer to me on Friday, and I forgot and blew it and I had a part in making you feel bad and ruined your beach jam and I'm so, so sorry Jo."

Jo said nothing.

"Jo. Jo, look at me." Jo finally forced her eyes up. "You never have to explain this to me. You never have to explain anything to me that you don't want to. And you never have to sing for me. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry."

Jo exhaled loudly. "I mean, it's not like you didn't hear him. I wrote a love song to propose to Amy while I was deployed. And say whatever you want about my music skills I am a shitty songwriter. I played it for Amy our first show back, and it was terrible and she laughed. Laughed right at me. Right in front of the whole bar. And afterwards told me what a dumb song it was. And we had a huge fight and we broke up. And then she came back and then she cheated on me for a year. And I haven't sung since."

Blue was just watching her, a tear rolling down one cheek.

"God dammit why do I tell you these things?!" Jo yelled. "What are you doing to me?!"

Blue just looked at her.

"What are you doing to me?" Jo whispered again. "I don't talk about this shit. I don't talk about mom. I don't talk about Amy. I don't talk about all my rules, or what a terrible dater I am or all this shit you manage to make me talk about just by standing there. What is this? What do you want from me Doran?" She could tell that using Blue's last name had cut her. Blue flinched again, but she still didn't retreat.

"Jo, I don't want anything from you that you don't want to give me. I just don't want to hurt you. I know you're a big, strong Army girl and maybe everyone back at the house seems to have bought into you being the invulnerable Carol Danvers super hero of our little universe. But I can see that you've had enough hurt for a lifetime. And I was a part of hurting you again tonight, and I just needed to say I was sorry."

Jo stood mute, looking at her.

"I will tell you that you could have sung I'm a Little Tea Pot for me and I'd have been thrilled. Singing to your girl, in front of everyone like that? That's the most romantic gesture I could imagine ever happening to me and that story firmly cements the fact that Amy was a psycho, crazy bitch lady."

Jo laughed, then choked on it.

"Now, if you want to be left alone and keep playing for Nemo and his friends, I'll understand and I'll see you tomorrow. Or, if you'd like to come back with me, I'll hold you and stroke your hair until you go to sleep, if you need it. But it's up to you. I'm not pushing you one way or the other."

She stood calmly, waiting for Jo.

"I still don't understand how you're doing this to me Blue," she whispered.

"I have no idea either Jo. I just need you to make a go/no-go call for me now," Blue answered and held out her hand.

Jo hesitated a moment longer, then took her hand. They started walking back to Maryland together.

To be continued...