Head Above Water Pt. 02

"I miss you. Just wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach flopped. God, I felt like a little girl having her first schoolyard crush.

"It's nice to hear your voice, too," I said. I didn't know if I was capable of telling him that I missed him. I'd never said that to a guy before, even though I really did miss Wes. It'd be stupid to lie and say that I didn't like this guy. I did. Probably more than I should, but whatever.

"About Saturday—"

"I'll come over," I said, pulling some lunatic courage out from under my ass. "I mean, you have to be on your best behavior so don't take this as an invitation for, you know, whatever."

"Duly noted. No invitation for 'whatever'. Best behavior, Scout's Honor," he said quickly. I could hear from the tone of his voice that I'd surprised him.

"What time should I come over?"

"About that," he said, and I could tell he was working up to saying something.

"I was wondering if you'll let me push my luck a little more. I have a proposition."

"I'm listening."

"I have to be back at hospital Saturday night so we don't actually have the full day together. So I was thinking you could—"

"Hell no."

"Come on, just think about it. I'll take the couch."

"If you expect me to spend the night Friday and not know that there'll be some 'whatever' planned then you're seriously insulting my intelligence right now."

"You know I'm going to be a zombie Friday," he said, and I heard him sigh. "I won't even have the energy to try 'whatever'. I just want to be around you."

I'd already come up with my argument, already figured out ways to make him feel ashamed for even bringing up such a crazy idea, but after those words...I paused.

I knew how it felt to be needed to run an entire department. I knew how it felt to be needed to make sure that things were all in order, that all the numbers were being hit, that all the agents were upholding themselves to company standard; so yeah, I knew what it felt like to be needed; but Jesus Christ, I've never been wanted.

Wes wanted me.

And I wanted him.

"One condition."

"Name it. Anything."

"I'm taking the couch."

"Anything but that."

"Those are my terms."

"No."'

"Fine then. I'll see you Saturday."

"Slow down, Celine. I have an alternate solution. You don't have to take the couch. I have three rooms. One of them is a guest room."

"Is this where I find out about the wife and the kids? And why the hell did you say you were going to take the couch if you had another room?"

"It's just an expression. I wanted to make sure you'd end up in my bed instead of the one in the guest room."

"Your bed without you in it."

"Of course. No 'whatever' planned. Scout's Honor, remember? That's sacred."

"Right. No wife and kids then?"

"Not yet. Still working on getting the girl to agree to sleeping over at my place. One step at a time. I'll let you know how it goes. Pretty sure I'm gonna marry her."

"Wes."

He laughed.

"I miss you. Please?"

"Let me think about it. What time would you want me to drop by?"

"Actually, I don't know. I have my set shift hours, but I'm always going over. It's hard to say. I don't want you waiting around all night for me though. My neighbor has a spare key. She can let you in."

"You want me to go into your apartment and stay there alone until you come home?"

"Don't make a big deal out of this. Just shut up and come over whenever you want Friday. The fridge is stocked. You can watch TV, shower, relax; make yourself at home."

"Wes."

"I'll be home before nine if I'm lucky."

"Wes, you can't be serious."

"Does it make you feel weird?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"I've never been in someone's home without them in it."

"Another one for the bucket list."

"Wes."

"Relax. It'll be okay. Are you scared of being alone?"

"I live alone. That's not the problem."

"If that's not the problem then there isn't any real problem. Suck it up. This is what people in relationships do."

"We're not in a relationship."

"Consider it a trial run."

I had to laugh. Jesus fucking Christ. This guy was so pushy.

"Do you ever take 'no' for an answer? To anything?"

"You already know that I don't."

There was a knock on my office door, and it was opening before I could say anything. Two full cardboard takeout trays of iced drinks came into view, held up by Addie who had a huge paper bag of pastries between her teeth. She was holding the door open with her ankle.

"Helf fe," she was saying.

"Oh, shit, Addie," I said, getting up. "Wes, can you hold on for a minute?"

"Sure."

I helped Addie carry the trays to my desk. She reached up and took the pastry bag out from her mouth and let out a sigh of relief.

"Did you go to 7 Leaves by yourself?" I asked.

"Yup."

"There are like twenty people in the department that usually order these."

"This was my second trip. I'm beat," she said, plopping down on one of the leather armchairs in front of my desk. "Can you radio in the rest of the supervisors? And the secretary channel. I don't think I can survive delivering these around the Floor."

"Hold on, just let me finish this call," I said.

Addie did a rather dramatic motion of showing that she was zipping her lips and reached for one of the drinks. She sat back on the chair, sipped her iced coffee and pulled out her phone to get lost in the exciting world of her Instagram feed.

"Wes?"

"I'm here. Sounds like all the people you work with are just as addicted to their morning drinks as you are."

"You heard all that?"

"I'm nosy."

I laughed.

"So. Come over Friday."

Addie was now looking up at me curiously, a sly grin on her face. Ugh. I needed to get off this call as soon as possible.

"Fine," I said, lowering my voice "Text me the—the everything."

Wes laughed.

"Is someone there with you?"

"Yes."

"I'll text you 'the everything'."

"Okay," I said, trying to avoid looking at Addie.

"I'll see you Friday then."

"Okay."

He laughed.

"You're beautiful. Bye, Celine."

"Bye," I practically squeaked.

I reached for my iced coffee, already recognizing it because nobody else in the office could wrap their minds around a sea cream black coffee. It was incredibly bitter black coffee that had just a little foam of sea salt sweet cream at the top, but I was the only one who liked that too. 7 Leaves was technically a boba tea cafe, but they did brew some damn good coffee. There were plenty of pink and green and yellow drinks on the trays. Too much sugar. Yuck.

I stuck a straw in my coffee, moved it a round a little in the ice, and then took a deep, refreshing sip.

"Sooo," Addie said. "Tell me what that was all about."

"I'll radio the sups," I said, ignoring her. I sent out the message, getting a few responses back like "finally" and "thank god" and "hell yeah". I had to half-seriously remind Rita not to use "hell" on my Floor again. My office, the conference rooms and the break rooms were all acceptable places to curse, but Rita was always getting away with shit I shouldn't be letting her get away with. Whatever. I guess that's what I get for fraternizing with my employees.

Within moments they were shuffling into my office, reaching for their drinks, patting Addie on the back for a job well done. They were all digging through their wallets.

"Hold on," I said, reaching for my purse. "This one's on me. And don't any of you thank me or I'll fire you."

I passed Addie a hundred dollars, knowing that the drinks and pastries had cost her just a little over ninety. The rest was to compensate her for the gas for her two trips. I technically could put this on my expense report, but I wasn't going to. This one really was coming from me. Plus, what the hell else was I supposed to spend my money on? I didn't really shop for anything but avocados (joke, in case you missed it. I can joke sometimes).

Some of the supervisors giggled into their straws. I let them hang around a little bit to use my office as a temporary break room. They were only half my sups with the rest out on the Floor so I figured they could take a few minutes. I did this from time to time, just to let them have an actual place to take a break; somewhere private where their agents couldn't bother them. They helped themselves to pastries, chatted with each other and were overall having a great time until someone pointed out something that I really wished they hadn't.

"Hey Celine, I don't think I've ever seen you with your hair down before. It looks so nice! Why don't you let it down more often?"

Ugh. Fuck off Bethany.

I just shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee to avoid having to answer. But everyone was staring at me, expecting the very answer I was avoiding to give. Jesus fucking Christ.

I had to remind myself that most of these people were good friends of mine. I didn't have any friends outside of work, and although I didn't exactly call these people up to cry on their shoulders, some did cry on mine. I needed to 'let my hair down', in the non-literal sense this time.

"I'm just used to having it up. I feel weird with it down at work."

"Your hair is gorgeous," said Rita. "I've been telling you for years. Put it down at work."

"You could be in a Pantene commercial," Bethany said.

"Alright," I said, opening my door. "Go earn your bonuses. Get the hell out of my office."

They knew me well enough to know when I was saying things out of harmless fun and when it was out of genuine rage. They smiled on their way out, several of them covering their mouths to keep from accidentally thanking me. Rita flipped her hair, winking like the smug little brat I knew she was. The only person who didn't leave my office was Addie.

I rolled my eyes.

"Get back to work."

"I'm on the early bird shift this quarter, remember? Most of my agents are on the lunch rotation by now. The other sups are nearby if they have any questions."

"Fine. What do you want?"

Ugh. I hated shit-eating grins.

"Who's the guy?"

Addie was kind of the closest thing I had to a best friend. I knew she had her own real best friends outside of the workplace, but for me she was it. She knew things about me that I hadn't shared with anyone. She knew about my past, knew a lot of things that I hadn't been able to say out loud in years.

"Nobody."

"Bull. Don't insult our friendship."

"Just a guy," I said with a sigh. "We met at the farmer's market."

"Is he cute?"

"Are looks everything?"

"Yes."

"If looks are everything then yes, he's the cutest."

"That good, huh? Got a picture?"

"I actually don't."

"What, he's not on your social media?"

"Addie, I barely use anything."

"Shut up, I get those middle of the night Candy Crush requests from you," she said, pulling out her phone. "I'll look him up. What's his name?"

"Um."

"Please tell me you know his last name."

"I do. It's weird."

"So you won't change your last name when you get married. Who cares? I want to see the guy."

"His whole name is weird."

She laughed.

"Just tell me."

"Westley Spenrath."

Addie burst out laughing.

"Ooh," she said wagging her finger. "This guy better be good, with a name like that. He's got a lot to make up for. Spell out his name for me."

I remembered the spelling from his badge and told her. She spent a minute scrolling through Facebook.

"Does he go by Wes by any chance? It's the only guy with that name I can even find in this state. Looks like he's in Anaheim Hills actually. This guy's gorgeous. Holy crap." She was scrolling through the pictures for a minute before she realized what she'd originally set out to do.

"Uh, right, let's get the 411 on this guy. Oh, his birthday's close. It's next month. He's a blood and organ donor. Voted in the last election. And let's see, he's got a sister tagged. Janie. A mom too, Elena. No Dad though. Maybe he just doesn't have a Facebook. Let me check this guy's work and education."

Oh god. Here it comes.

"Celine."

"What?"

"Celine."

"Jesus Christ, what?"

"Please tell me you're not dating a surgical resident of the Children's Hospital of Orange County."

"Um."

She held up her phone to show me the profile.

"This him?"

She was right. He really did look gorgeous in his profile picture. It was kind of nice to see him how I'd first met him—just a t-shirt and jeans. That stupid Hollywood smile was starting to look less and less stupid to me. His black hair was longer in the picture, looking even more wind-swept than usual. And those eyes. I didn't even want to look at his eyes. It'd be hard to look away if I did.

"Yeah, that's him," I said.

"Holy shit. I need to go down to the farmer's market more often. Which one? By the Packing House?"

"Yes."

"I know where I'm spending my weekend."

I laughed.

"I would ask if he has a brother but according to Facebook he doesn't. Ask him for me in case he's got one that doesn't use Facebook."

"I'll move that to the top of my list."

"A surgeon," she said dreamily. "At a children's hospital."

I felt uncomfortable. I knew this was exactly the kind of reaction that Wes said made it hard for him to make any friends. I was watching it happen right before my eyes. No wonder he liked that I treated him like shit half the time. Or 'human' as he'd called it. Written off as a surgeon, like there was nothing else to him, like he's just a medical degree with a scalpel in hand, not a person, not human.

My heart ached for him. This was why I'd had to push and prod to get him to tell me about his profession. This was why he hadn't wanted to talk about why he was wearing his uniform scrubs. This was why he was afraid to mention the hospital where he worked. He wanted people to know him first, but no one ever gave him the chance. Hell, I almost hadn't. I'd practically bullied it out of him. It was just lucky that I happened to be a person who didn't turn out idolizing him. I just respected him.

I got it now. I understood.

"Oh, shit," Addie said suddenly, getting up. "I have a team meeting at twelve forty-five. I'm like five minutes late already. Gotta go. I'll see you at lunch. Tell me more about him later!"

She waved and ran out of the room, practically slamming the door behind her. Addie wasn't a bad person. She hadn't done anything wrong. She was just appreciating his appearance and accomplishments. She had no idea that she was doing it all wrong. It wasn't really her fault. There would be no use trying to explain anyways.

Wes and I kind of existed in our own little bubble of understanding. We just got each other. He'd looked past my hard exterior, fighting me, cracking me wide open until he found me inside—the real me, the broken me, the drowning me. He'd been so gentle, handling me with such care, supporting me with strong arms, letting me fall back, letting me look up at the sky to see what was out there. Wes had been there to protect me when I'd let my guard down. He showed me how to trust, how to give in.

I suddenly wanted to hear his voice. Badly.

So I called him.

"Celine?"

"Hey."

"Don't tell me you're calling to cancel."

"I'm calling to tell you that I miss you."

He paused, registering my words. I'd probably surprised him.

"I miss you, too. So much," he said, recovering. I could hear that warmth again. It took me until now to figure out that it was a tone of adoration. God, was my heart going to burst?

"I've never told a guy that I missed him before."

"Another one off the bucket list. Glad to be of service."

I laughed.

"Will you take a nap?" I asked.

"I'll try if you ask me to."

"I'm asking you to. Get some sleep so you can prepare for that shift."

"Nothing can prepare me for that shift. Except you."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You already did it. You told me you missed me."

Oh, yes. This was what it meant to melt. Melt.

"Friday," I said breathily.

"I can't wait."

"Me neither."

"I'm glad you called."

"Me too. Go take your nap."

"I'll dream of you."

"Nothing perverted."

"Can't make any promises."

I laughed.

"Bye, Wes."

"Bye, Celine."

—

"Can we, just this once, not take your fucking car, Celine? It freaks me out," Addie said, pulling her purse close to her side as the wind gusted outside of the main entrance.

"Seriously," Rita said, smoothing down her curly black hair. "It's fucking scary."

These girls really had no filter outside of the office. Sailor mouths just like me. That's probably why I liked them so much. They were both just a little older than me, in their late-twenties. Neither of them were married, but Rita did have a boyfriend she's been dating for the past eight years. Don't even get me started on having to agree that her boyfriend was a jackass every Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary, and whatever, that passed without a proposal.

"No," I said. "The supervisor lot is too far and I hate your cars."

Addie rolled her eyes.

"Not everyone can afford a fancy new Tesla."

"Keep that attitude up and I'll use the autonomous feature on the way to In N Out."

"Oh hell no," Addie said. "I'll jump out at forty miles an hour. I'd rather die."

"Stop being such a baby," I said, fishing my keys out of my bag.

"Don't do that summon thing," Rita said. "I hate seeing a car driving without a person in it."

"Just get in," I said, approaching my car.

They both fought over who shouldn't take shotgun.

"You can both sit in the back, fucking babies."

Addie ended up feeling bad enough to sit up front with me. I'd started the AC from the app on my phone upstairs so it was pleasantly chilly in the car.

"You should live in Antarctica," Rita said. "Everything's always cold. Your car, your office, your apartment."

"And her heart," Addie added, laughing.

"Thanks," I said, pulling out of my spot.

"No wait," Addie said suddenly. "Her heart ain't so cold no more. Celine's got a boyfriend."

Rita leaned forward, her head appearing between the two front headrests.

"Come again?"

"He's not my boyfriend," I said, setting the self-driving feature as I drove to In N Out. I hoped they wouldn't notice. My feet were killing me. I slipped my feet out of my heels and rubbed them together to ease some of the soreness.

"Keep telling yourself that. Rita, he's fucking perfect," Addie said, like this was the most delicious gossip she'd ever had the pleasure of sharing. "And he's a surgeon. At CHOC. And gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous. Like cream in your pants gorgeous."

I rolled my eyes.

"Let me see!"

Addie was already on her phone, pulling up Wes's Facebook.

"You guys are such stalkers."

"Everyone does this, Celine. Welcome to the future," Addie said, passing her phone back to Rita.

"Holy shit fuck son of Zeus."

I laughed. Rita. Glorious Rita.

"This is the boyfriend?" Rita asked, her eyes glowing from the phone.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Girl, lock him down," she said, tapping through his pictures. "He's got a total runner's body. I'm lucky if I can get Brian to eat a stick of celery."

"Just give him a blowjob. He'll eat anything you want. Even you," Addie said, pulling out a compact mirror from her bag. She blotted around her nose and temples with a tissue.

"Why don't things like this ever happen to me?" Rita asked, going back years in his pictures. I had only barely glanced at his display picture and these girls had probably seen what he'd looked like in college.

"It's easily achievable. Step one: have a body like Celine. Step two: have a face like Celine. Step three: have an attitude like Celine. And step four: be Celine," Addie said, smacking her lips after applying a new layer of lipstick. I didn't know why she bothered. She was about to eat a fucking sloppy, greasy burger.